Honoring the bomb

In 1945, the people of Richland, Washington finally learned what their fathers, husbands, brothers and sons had been working on for the last two years. It wasn't poison gas or jellied gasoline bombs after all. It was something better, it was Fat Man, the bomb that destroyed Nagasaki, or more accurately, the plutonium which gave Fat Man the power to vaporize thousands.

The people were so proud of what their labor accomplished that they changed the name of their high school mascot. No longer would they be known as the Beavers, they were now the Richland Bombers. Their new logo featured a mushroom cloud, the new symbol of American potency.

Over the years, liberals tried to dishonor the bomb. They said that maybe the mascot should be changed. Perhaps nuclear weapons production wasn't something to celebrate. There were the cancers, the birth defects, and the chronic illness suffered by many in the community. There were the
experiments where radionuclides were released from the processing stacks to learn how far away processing plants could be detected. And, there were the tens of thousands of Nagasaki dead. Of course these Soviet enablers never mentioned that all of this was the price we must pay for freedom. It was the bomb that made our nation great, It was the bomb that suckled the community. It provided bread and beer and pickup trucks and hegemony. It is what gives us meaning.

Liberal school administrators try to limit guns in school

Earlier this year, the God-fearing legislators of the State of Utah passed a law allowing people to carry concealed weapons inside schools. This made the liberals who run the schools very very angry, because they hate America. The Granite School District went so far as to threaten disciplinary action against any teacher who left his or her gun unattended. Fortunately, the Attorney General is stepping in to tell the liberals that the good people who pack heat to school can leave their guns laying anywhere they want.

I just don't get it. Don't we want order in our schools? What's more orderly than a .44 magnum revolver? Say it out loud....44 magnum revolver. Heck even the words sound orderly, don't they. Order is very important to me. I need order and by God I'll have it! Especially if I'm packing heat. Nobody is going to call me "denial boy" or "closet dude" then, are they? NO, THEY WOULDN'T DARE! The same goes for our schools. Teachers would no longer have to put up with some frizzy haired kid yelling "oh oh Mr. Kotter." They'd just fire a warning shot and shut the little bastard up.

Just look at Iraqistan and Afghanistan. We brought in our guns and established order, damn it. We waved our huge powerful weapons in their faces and ended terrorism. That's the power of an armed society. Order and armament go hand in hand. That's why we need guns in our schools.

Clenis™ impersonates Ari Fleischer

I'm sure many of you were as surprised as I was to see Ari Fleisher resign. Why would anyone want to leave the employ of a great man like Our Leader? It's bothered me since it was announced.

This afternoon, while I was watching "Ben Hur"--I have an extensive collection of gladiator movies--it occurred to me that perhaps it wasn't really Mr. Fleischer who had resigned after all. Maybe it was an impostor. That made sense. Satan surely wants to break Our Leader's team apart.

Well, I went straight to the net and downloaded pictures taken during the announcement, but I couldn't find anything that suggested that it wasn't really him. Then I remembered that I had read at the Free Republic that the Clenis™ had a birthmark. According to freeper poster "Rosie Joe," it's a very tiny birthmark shaped like Che Guevara. I immediately enlarged one of the pictures fifty times actual size and checked it out. It's there, right on the fake Ari's forehead. I've published the photo and the enlargement below.

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Thanks again to Eschaton commentor Jennifer for letting me use the Clenis™.

Dr. Laura and the wickedness if women

Anyone who listens to Dr. Laura knows that one of the recurring themes of the show is the knowledge that women are responsible for nearly everything that is wrong in this world. They pick the wrong men to marry. They gossip and they backstab and they do not properly submit to their husbands. Worst of all, as illustrated in this letter Dr Laura chose to showcase on her site, they cause men to rape them:

Dear Dr. Laura,

This is a response letter to the call that came from a woman whose son is being charged by the parents and his school for sexual harassment of their daughter by way of a probably rude and lude [sp] song. Perhaps it might be mentioned that the revealing way that young women dress these days, with their bellies bared almost down to their pubic line, and their breasts flapping in everyone’s faces is ALSO provocation and another form of sexual harassment.

This is a subject that is strangely neglected, and I am always confused why it is ignored. It has always been understood that men are biologically strung out on testosterone. Mother Nature intended that males become aggressive when aroused and girls can affect that quite well. While self-control is the desired hallmark of young men of character, it is naïve to assume that all boys and men will resist when girls fling their bodies at them. The saddest part of this evolutionary drift is that our young women are losing the one most desirable aspect of being female: mystery.

Can you tell I’m the mother of a 16 year old son in a public high school?

Thank you,

Karen

The sad thing is that feminism has taken such a strong hold in this country that many people want to now blame rape on the men who commit it. Can you imagine that? How can a man resist assaulting a woman who's flaunting her body by wearing shorts, a tank top, or even a nun's habit? It's almost as bad as seeing a bulge in a man's jeans. We have no ability to restrain ourselves. The Lord made us that way.

How Sen. Santorum and Bill Bennett helped me rip sinning buzzards from Satan's grasp

There is nothing Satan likes better than to use the siren song of homosexuality to tempt those of us who do his work. His most recent victims were two griffin vultures at the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo. Satan planted homosexual thoughts into these poor birds' brains causing them to start nesting and, yes, even mating. My guess is that he made them think about bulges in male buzzards crotchal area. There is nothing more destructive to a man's salvation than thoughts of another man's bulge. My neighbor Mike taunts me with his all the time. The thoughts his bulge plants into my mind causes me to have unnatural relationships with the produce I harvest from my garden. That's how Satan works.

Anyway, Satan seduced these birds -- birds in a biblical zoo, mind you-- into homosexuality. The servants of Satan who tend to the animals there even allowed these two vultures to raise young chicks up in their wicked lifestyle, thus condemning generations of buzzards into a life of hot and wicked homosexual sex.

I wrote Sen. Santorum the minute I heard about it and asked for his help. He said that the birds' problem was that they suffered from Same Sex Attraction Syndrome (SSAS), and they needed to undergo reparative therapy. He said that they had probably never had an opportunity to bond properly with men and that's why they suffer from SSAS. All we needed to do to fix them was to teach them how to bond properly. We could do that by teaching them baseball.

Sen. Santorum pulled all of his Senator strings and got the birds transported to my compound. Once there, we proceeded to teach them baseball. Unfortunately, it didn't work well. Buzzards just can't catch a ball to save their lives. I'd throw and the ball would drill them. Feathers would fly everywhere and they'd just lie on the ground and twitch and jerk for awhile. I became very worried that I'd kill them before we were able to save them.

Fortunately, Sen. Santorum had a backup plan. Some of his best friends had a weekly card game, and what's more manly than a poker game with the boys. There's no better way for males to bond outside of naked belt fights. The Senator suggested that we also invite Bill Bennett because he's good at playing poker. It was a great idea, because I lost all my clothes immediately in the first game and Sen Santorum spent all his time rubbing a collie's belly.

The work continues. We play poker every Wednesday night. I think it's working. The vultures are not mating and they only go into gay bars to use the bathroom.