Banning Gurley Men

The last 24 hours have been an affront to manly men everywhere, when the blogosphere now resembles an Armistead Maupin novel. Another day like today will lead to heterosexuals everywhere cowering in their locked houses, frightened of the threat to their families more ubiquitous than typewriter font experts. Hurricane Jeanne didn't have nothing on this news cycle.

Let's review.

David Dreier, recently outed as a Homersexual, is running for re-election, against a woman who says she's Lebanese. So which one can a good Christian vote for? I'm going to write in Lorenzo Sadun.

Alan Keyes is as heterosexual as a man can be. In a close race against terrorist Osama Bar-Ack, operatives from shadowy 527 blogs posted links to diaries that suggest Keyes' daughter is also Lebanese. This is only a problem for Keyes because he told The Regent that his Lebanese daughter is a selfish hedonist.

Who on earth hired an RNC National Field Director named Gurley? That one was a gimmie. And the RNC CFO's behavior needs Banning. Yes, both these sworn liegemen are Homogenized as a quart of Berkeley Farms. This is a bit of a pickle, because they did such good work with that recent manly mailing. (Both The General and Jezebel were mighty impressed.)

Speaking of girly-men, the governor of California is behaving badly. Like a Demoncrat. Didn't he get the memo from the Faith-Based Campaign Department which said Our Leader and his vassals now take their orders from Jerry Fallwell? They're doing such a terrific job of it in Illinois! Why, just ask Alan Keyes.