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Saturday, October 30, 2004

He Didn't Forget Sweden

The October Surprise was a huge success! Special Guest Villian Osama bin Laden made his scary speech right in time for Satan's Night. This is powerful stuff, guaranteed to have those security moms pulling the lever for Our Leader (not that the other levers do anything). Initial results show that OBL continues to earn every rocket-launcher he's been paid.

Coming in on the heels of our powerful Wolves ad, and with the support of our operatives in Ohio and Florida, supporters of Our Leader have nothing to fear from The Pretender.

So what made bin Laden's speech so effective, beyond the shock value of seeing him at all? There are a few messages to the faithful that help.

To begin: Peace be upon he who follow the Guidance.

This is a clear reference to our new missile defense system. All praise to Lockeed Martin!

People of United States, this talk of mine is for you and concerns the ideal way to prevent another Manhattan and deals with the war and its causes and results.

We have not found it difficult to deal with the Bush administration in light of the resemblance it bears to the regimes in our countries, half of which are ruled by the military and the other half of which are ruled by the sons of kings and presidents.

Just give the man what he wants: Four more years of Our Leader! He's been a terrific recruitment tool!

Before I begin, I say to you that security is an indispensable pillar in human life and that free men do not forfeit their security contrary to Bush's claims that we hate freedom.

Read past OBL's brazen disagreement with Our Leader and focus on the key message: security is more important than anything, more important than freedom, truth, or life itself. Vote security!


If so, then let him explain why did not strike - for example - Sweden.

Remember Sweden! As Our Leader notes, they don't have an army! Al Qaeda struck Our Nation rather than Sweden because ours needed the practice. We can become like Sweden and disband our military forces, or we can Support Our Leader and increase our military's strength!

Also, Sweden hates us because of our freedome. Our medical care system is free from socialism, and is the finest in the world.

... Our experience with them is lengthy and both types are replete with those who are characterised by pride, arrogance, greed and misappropriation of wealth.

Does he know Our Leader or what? No wonder the Saudi Ambassador is such a pal that he's called "Bandar Bush."

This resemblance began after the visits of Bush Senior to the region at a time when some of our compatriots were dazzled by America and hoping that these visits would have an effect on our countries. All of a sudden he was affected by these monarchies and military regimes and became jealous of their remaining decades in their position to embezzle the public wealth of the Nation without supervision or accounting.

So he took dictatorship and suppression of freedoms to his son and they named it the Patriot Act under the pretences of fighting terrorism.

No! He named it the USA PATRIOT Act! You have to put it in CAPITAL LETTERS so the typical supporter of Our Leader can UNDERSTAND IT BETTER.

In addition, Bush sanctioned the installing of sons as state governors and did not forget to import expertise in election fraud from the regions presidents to Florida to be made use of in moments of difficulty.

Someone has been giving OBL plenty of American political news.

All that we have mentioned has made it easy for us to provoke and bait this administration.

And for rallying our faithful against your surprise, you will be richly rewarded with another cargo plane full of munitions.

... But because it seemed to him that occupying himself by talking to the little girl about the goat and its butting was more important than occupying himself with the planes and their butting of the skyscrapers we were given three times the period required to execute the operations. All praise is due to Allah.

And his handmaidens, Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine Bruner, who wrote a book so compelling that Our Leader could not tear himself away from it.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.