They'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands

The Huguenot, Currie, reports on the RNC's efforts to warn Christians about the liberals' plans to steal our bibles.

The Republican National Committee has sent out mailers to voters in West Virginia warning that liberals will take away their Bibles if democrats win the election. The AP reports:

They're running radio ads as well:

"There is a line drawn in America today," one ad says. "On one side are the radicals trying to uproot our traditional values and our culture. They're fighting to hijack the institution of marriage, plotting to legalize partial birth abortion, and working to take God out of the pledge of allegiance and force the worst of Hollywood on the rest of America."

Hmmm. I did hear some talk about a film tentatively titled, "Eightball in my Cockpit: W's War in Alabama," a Mel Gibson, M. Night Shyamalan, and Vincent Gallo collaboration featuring Britney Spears and Toby Keith, but that couldn't be what they mean.

Our Leader is a war hero

Reader Tom Raworth provides the evidence.

A Beatitude for David Dreier

Republican Jesus mugs and shirts available here

Republican Jesus Archive.

OK, 56Kers

Download time is down to about 30 seconds at 56k. We have a lot of photos up now, so that will probably decrease in the future. I've put a lot of time into this. Don't ever say that the General doesn't love you (in a heterosexual kind of way of course).

Frenchmen on the freeways (a contest)

The Freeway Blogger asked me if I thought my readers would like to participate in a contest to have their words put up on a freeway. I said, "Hell no, my readers are patriots." But after thinking about it awhile, I thought, "What the heck. I can show that gallic propagandist just how intelligent my readers are by asking them to write better treasonous slogans than the Frenchmen at Hoffmania did--that Hoffmania is sure a purdy site, but I bet Billy Jim Joe Bob hates it like he hated my last template.

Prizes

You will receive immortal fame as your slogan appears on the freeways of Los Angeles. A photo of the sign will be featured here and at freewayblogger.com. If you give us your address, I'll try to get a gang of Young Republicans to personally come to your house to beat you up.

I'll also help the winner set up a free cafepress account and design one shirt and one bumpersticker. I'll also throw in a week of free advertising when/if my blogads fall below four ads. Of course as a conservative, this goes against everything in which I believe. I should just steal your slogan and sell it to the military for 3.7 million dollars.

Guidelines

Short is good. Hoffmania suggested seven words or less. The Freeway Blogger says it can be more, but the longer the slogan is, the smaller the font will be.

Rules (I'm a conservative and order is very important to us.)

1. Contest ends Monday, September 20, 2004 at 11 pm PDT. Weekends are slow and I want to give as many readers as possible a chance to participate.
2. Submit your entries in this post's comments.
3. The winner will be selected by me and the Freeway Blogger.

There and back again

Man, I didn't realize how much you all liked the old template. I've tweaked it a bit so that it loads slightly faster than the the blue template I had up yesterday. It may seem like it takes longer, because the text loaded first on Old Blue and everything seems to load up at once on Good Old Comfort. I'll tweak it some more and Jezebel's Genius and I will promise to optimize our graphics to the hilt. That way, we might get a little more speed out of the tired nag.

I was going to stay with Old Blue, but some guy named Jim Bob said it crashed his computer. I have a lot of respect for guys named Jim Bob. I couldn't let it happen again.

Update: I see that a lot of the photos in the posts need to be optimized. I'll do that today, but it may take me awhile. First, I want to post about a contest I'm doing with that damned Frenchman, the Freeway Blogger.

Only Criminals Defy Our Leader

Yet another update from the All-American city of Decatur, Alabama! You would think that The Pretender would get a clue about hiring troublemakers! God Himself sent a big ol' hurricane into 'Bam after Lynne Gobbel so ungratefully refused to take her job back and then pledged fealty to a stated opponent of The Emperor (and during wartime, no less!).

Today's edition of the Decatur Daily has yet another message for Lynne even if she isn't mentioned by name. See who else gets their addresses printed in that patriotic paper? Criminals! Here's hoping that Lynne is quick enough to figure it out: only criminals have street addresses when they make this paper. Be sure to let these loyalists know we appreciate their support of Our Leader.

Profiling St. Paddy

Last week, agents of the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force launched a manhunt for Ari Cowan. After struggling for many long minutes with the Seattle phone book, they found his telephone number and gave him a call.

They had three questions:

Was Cowan Irish? Was he connected to the Irish Republican Army? And why did his business card have a rented mailbox for an address?

Cowan answered yes to the first question and no to the second. He said his card had a mailbox because his office was moving.

The FBI became suspicious of Cowan when San Juan County sheriff's deputies reported that he had been seen using a video camera on a Washington State Ferry.

Cowan says he was told a detective had been watching him, had been concerned about suspicious pictures he was taking of the ferry and the dock. Not that the any of the officers could really know what was on the video. They never asked to see the tape, says Cowan, who offered it to them -- to no avail.

Cowan wasn't arrested. He says the deputies were courteous when they took down his name, license info and noted the Irish sticker on the back of his Subaru.

FBI spokesman, Ray Lauer, a no-nonsense kind of agent who harkens back to the glory days of law enforcement when J. Edgar Hoover and Joe Friday were kings, explained the task force's concerns:

When the sheriff's deputies approached Cowan on the ferry, he [Cowan] says, they lightheartedly asked him why he was taking pictures.

Not realizing the gravity of the situation -- the officers, after all, were jocular and not in uniform -- Cowan said, "They are for my long-lost relatives in Ireland, so they can come and take over America."

Uh-oh.

"Was this guy joking? How would we know unless we talk to him?" asks FBI spokesman Ray Lauer.

Yes, it seems that Mr. Cowan was unaware of the IRA's first rule, "When approached by law enforcement officers, immediately tell them that you're a terrorist."

Cowan's response to all this:

"Don't you know," Cowan jokes, tongue in cheek, "I'm a white guy. They can't do this to me."

Yes, Mr. Cowan, you may be white, but you are also of Irish descent. There are terrorists in Ireland, and we can't take any chances. September 11 changed everything. Irish-Americans cannot be trusted in these times.

You are not alone, Cowan. My uncle hired Basque sheepherders exclusively for many years. After 9/11, I turned him into the FBI because his hiring practices were obviously directed by the ETA. Furthermore, his father and mother were Greek immigrants. It's possible that he is a sleeper agent for the November 17 terrorist organization.

We must all be vigilant these days. Irish-American videographers and Basque sheepherder hiring Greek-American sheep farmers are everywhere. You never know when they'll strike next.

Someone should warn Dreier

Now that Rep Dreier has been outed, will Jimmy Swaggart try to kill him?

Update Central

Seems The General has tidied up in my absence, and also beat me to the punch (oooh, I mean kicked goat!) on the RNC kicker story. At least I can report the latest installment in the strange goings on in Decatur, AL. Seems the seditionist who disrupted employee morale with the incorrect bumpersticker is in the news for the third day in a row. Alas, they failed to print her address this time, but identified her husband. Maybe now we can find out why he did such a poor job keeping her in line. Also it would be interesting to see what section of the online paper is removed today as patriots from this site examine it for French tendencies.

But this does return us to the face of Republican future after all. Turns out that this very blog had a link to a photo of his soccer team when confirmation wasn't coming on the I am my mom's kid angle. And that leads to the quick action of the fun folks at the National Taxpayer's Union. When all the French websites began identifying this brave young man, NTU quickly cropped his picture out of their intern promotional page. Clearly this NTU must be one of those shadowy 527 groups or they would never distance themselves from a patriot. Apparantly so is this site, where the versatile young man wrote a column deriding mob violence.

If you don't support Our Leader, then the terrorists have won. And if you don't support Scott Robinson's right to kick a dangerous female activist who was restrained by only three Secret Service officers, you might as well hand over the Lincoln Memorial to Saddam. Or Osama. Do you want Scott to become the next Paul Kelly Tripplehorn?

Does this load faster?

After a number of complaints, I simplified the template to speed things up. Does it help with the load time?

Update:

Yes, it looks like shit. I liked the old template better.

Tomorrow I'll see if I can figure out CSS enough to combine the two. I think it was the clucky way the sidebar was put together on the old template that slowed it down.

Update II:

New template. I think it has a purdy mouth. How does it load.

A fine example of conservative values

The alleged convention kicker allegedly blogs here. I'm going to give him my support by posting in his comments.

The kicker

It looks like Julian Sanchez may have identified the fine example of conservative manhood who kicked the woman at the convention.

Nightmare at the Raceway

I saw Psychedelic W and the Goat Squadron at Bonneville Raceway Park in SLC. It was one of those mega-band fundraising events. They called it Calleyfest. The profits were supposed to go to Lt. William Calley's legal fund.

To save money, psychedelic W's road manager, Grover Norquist, asked the Osmond Brothers to provide security for free. It was a mistake. The Osmonds were in their rebellious years and had taken to drinking coffee. They were hyped up on java that night and mean, as mean as a Young Republican at Lilith Fair.

Halfway through Anita Bryant's set, Wayne Osmond got into a fight in front of the stage. Merrill, coming to his brother's aid, lost his temper and slashed several people with a broken coffee cup. Upon seeing this, Anita Bryant stopped singing and asked the Osmonds to calm down. Jay then jumped up on stage and tackled her as Donny delivered a series of kicks to her mid section.

Seeing that a full blown Osmond riot was underway, the crowd stampeded to the gates. It was terrifying. I knew that if I fell down, I'd be trampled, so I just did my best to stay on my feet and eventually made it out alive.

Hours later, bruised and bleeding, I realized that the event signaled an end to a era. That week in August, a time when young conservatives were finally hip, was gone. We'd never see it again.

Will Swaggart kill Crouch?

Paul Crouch
Trinity Broadcasting Network

Dear Paul,

I'm worried that Jimmy Swaggart might try to kill you. Recently, he told the world on one of his broadcasts that if a homosexual ever looked at him, he'd "kill him and tell God he died."

Now I don't believe those stories about you being a homosexual, because I, too, have breathed the breath of Jesus onto many a sinner's little soldier, and I'm as heterosexual as they come. As a digital deacon, I understand that tossing a salad here and there is just another part of the ministry in our highly competitive world of electronic evangelism. Sometimes, that's the only way we can land the most charismatic sinners to promote our partnership programs.

That said, Jimmy might not be as understanding as I am. He might very well believe that you are a friend of Dorthy's. What if he's been wondering about a glance you gave him at some long ago NARB convention? Now, in his mind, that innocent glance may have grown into a lustful leer, an invitation as obvious as a glory hole in a confessional.

You don't have to cower behind Jan, waiting for Jimmy to take you down. You must defend yourself. You must strike first.

Remember Jimmy's own problems a few years back? He nearly lost his ministry when it was learned that he paid people to watch him fondle his little preacher. As Brother Jed teaches us, having sex with one's self is having sex with the same gender--it's a homosexual act! You need to start hitting this message hard in your sermons. He'll be watching, trying to learn your habits before he clips you. When he hears that message, he'll have no choice but to commit suicide. Then, you can tell God, "he died."

It's either you or him. Good luck.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

PS. After watching the cycling competition in the Olympics, I began working on an idea I have to deemphasize our athletes' bulges. If I send you one of my camouflage bicycle shorts, could you get me a photo of Benny Hinn wearing them and a second one of him naked so that I can make a comparison? It would really help me with my research.

Thanks to Sal and Darren for the tips.

A manly blog

Enough of the French weblogs. I've found an acceptably patriotic one that Our Leader would give his three Purple Hearts to.


What I really like about them is how many Frenchmen thought they weren't French.

Lose One but Win it Anyway

The French bloggers have been having a jour de champs with this tale of a rotten employee who sassed her liege lord and was taken up by The Pretender. Head on over to any of their sites of sedition and see them crow about how compassionate and caring they are.

Well, here's the GOOD news. An update by the disloyalist's newspaper ran something by that none of those French sites caught. Remember, we might refer to them as "liberal media," but be clear, they are owned by the right people.

The article provided the little troublemaker's address! Now any jackbooted thug, excuse me, loyalists to the Emperor, can find their way to Lynne Gobbell's house and let her know personally what they think of her actions.

We thank the Decatur Daily for staying on message. The founder of that paper believed "man should have a job" but never said anything about women. Lynne Gobbel should stay at home, and if she needs to feed her family, then she should wait for some compassionate conservatives to take care of her.

Update: Quite a hullaballoo in Reports to the General on this story, with celebrity appearances. The Decatur Daily removed their history page today (their online forum was removed for other unrelated problems, but the "L" word was mentioned). The former was referenced by this very article (and is still in Google). Maybe some of their readers wanted to know why Phil Geddes' address was not also provided for their convenience. You never know, some loyalist might be organizing a fundraiser for Phil and needs to deliver a check to the right house. And perhaps their readers want to share their love with the Publisher, the General Manager, or the Editor who made the decision to release full street addresses against their own policy. Shouldn't their homes be listed in case Our Leader wants to bestow a few awards personally?

Absent W, Out Leaving

There have been a number of unpleasant comments made about Our Leader's military service. Fortunately, many of those scurrilous supporting memos appear to be fakes. We congratulate our FUD unit for a job well-done, turning the message into typography instead of responsibility. But more clean-up work remains; so many old memos are turning up that we can't tell which ones might be genuine. (Doesn't anyone know how to operate a shredder down in Texas?) And someone find a way to shut this dame up. And this one, too.

Can anyone get this egghead a job far, far away? Admittedly, we've removed our supporters from Blue York City, but they have working telephones there. How about sending him to Poland with Victor Ashe?

Need a more positive way for the media to cover Our Leader's campaign visits. For some reason, they're noticing that he's staying away from the castle. And keep hammering on those expensive "solutions" The Pretender pretends will work.

That's it for today. Stay on message!

-- Karl & Karen

Jan Crouch's makeup secrets

One of my readers recently asked me about my evil twin, Antichrist Bob. Bob ran a web site called "Antichrist Bob's Family Fun Pages" where he discussed how hard it is for a young, ambitious antichrist to find time to be with his family.

Although I've stopped communicating with my twin because he's Jesus' sworn enemy, I still have some of his letters. In one, he included a note from Trinity Broadcasting Network's Jan Crouch in which she discusses one of her makeup secrets. Our love for Jan is the only thing we can both agree upon--Bob, because he thinks she's basically evil, and me, because I'm certain that her husband, Paul, speaks for Jesus.

Anyway, here's her makeup secret:

The first step in becoming beautiful is plastic surgery. After that, comes makeup. Here's my secret recipe for the foundation I use.

Take 56 lbs. of pure coarse sand, 42 lbs. of pure fine sand; mix them together, and moisten them thoroughly with lime-water.

Add 14 lbs. of pure freshburnt lime to the wetted sand, and while beating it up together add, in successive portions, 14 lbs. of bone-ash.

The quicker and more perfectly these materials are beaten together, and the sooner they are used, the better will be the foundation.

Sometimes, depending on your pores, you might want to just use fine sand or course sand, exclusively. When doing so remember that you need to add more lime to finer sand.

Lucky Ducky Lynne

Lynne Gobbell is now sitting on her keister drawing unemployment checks (or she will in three weeks, the lucky ducky!), funded by hardworking capitalist Philip Alexander Geddes. Geddes, who has an appointed position as a Chapter 13 trustee as well as a law practice, fired Gobbell from her job at EnviroMate for having a Kerry sticker on her car (assuming it hasn't been impounded by the authorities). Now that Gobbell is jobless, she gets to pay higher prices. And Geddes has unleashed an outpouring of compassionate conservatism: a fundraiser for Gobbell. And best of all, what Geddes did is completely legal! And who would know better than a bankruptcy expert?

Many forward-looking nations prohibit jobholders from criticizing their rulers. Support Our Leader as he builds that bridge to the eighth century! (As if you have any choice in the matter.)

Big Update: Per Salon, Slate, AmericaBlog, DailyKos, Atrios, and everyone else following this seditious single mom, The Pretender has taken Gobbell's bumper sticker as a oath of fealty and turned her into a salaried vassal. Now who says the Bush Administration isn't creating jobs?

Rooting Out Treason in our Schools

Another Teresa Treasonette discovered: A Madison, Wisconsin eighth-grader named Rachel Morris repeatedly refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance! Despite the kindly intervention of both her teacher and her principal, the little traitor would not honor her country or its flag by standing at attention and reciting the loyalty oath. The Red Diaper Baby rebuffed her homeroom teacher, Brian Chesick, when he asked her to stand, and when he asked her why, she cheekily told him she didn't have to give a reason! Additional reporting now shows that Miss Morris has been at odds with proper patriotic behavior since kindergarten.

Principal Cindy Guell said that Rachel, who is new to the district (and no doubt to our American way of life!) took quick action. First she publicly summoned Rachel to her office over the intercom for an assessment of her patriotic levels and religious beliefs. It was quickly established that Morris had none of the latter (and by definition, was lacking in the former). Guell had the next day's pledge preceded by a reminder that "The reason we stand is to honor our country." Oddly, Guell denied this was an attempt to coerce Rachel into complying, even though any red-blooded school administrator would do exactly that! Guell claimed the statement was to "clarify the issue for other students," who quickly singled out the little Communist. Said Rachel: "It was embarrassing because people kept looking at me like I didn't honor my country."

The atheistic Freedom From Religion Foundation has now stuck its snout into this clearcut case of disloyalty. Morris' refusal to submit to her country and its symbol, the flag, is based in rejection of Our God, His Son and Our Leader! Furthermore, her family asked the atheists to harass the school district, demanding that their lack of religion be equated to True Beliefs! And the FFRF have named Morris its 2004 "Student Activist of the Year," which includes a $1,000 cash scholarship. Pledge opponent Michael Newdow fittingly will also appear at this convention of cozenage.

As happens all too often in stories like these, Principal Guell was forced by West Bend Superintendent Randal Eckart to back down. All schools in the district are now required to announce that ""America stands for freedom, and students have the right to rise or stay seated and participate or not participate as they wish." Fortunately Eckart refuses to accede to the Morris family's preposterous demand for an apology.

A bizarre note to this tale: in 2001 a state law required all public schools to impress either the pledge or the national anthem daily. Yet the law (which must have been written by Demoncrats) says students cannot be forced to participate. This atrocious legal compromise then triggered an uproar in the Madison School District when the School Board directed schools to use only the anthem to comply. Board members were concerned that the "under God" clause and other aspects of the pledge would offend some students. The board reversed itself after a justifiable backlash in support of the pledge.

We salute Principal Guell for recognizing that "participation is not required" is just a open door to sedition and for upholding Silverbrook Middle School's philosophy.

via Les Jenkins and John Hoke

Blame it on the Clenis™

The General and his inner Frenchman had tightness accompanied by pain in his chest all weekend. Yesterday, with thoughts of Klinton's recent problems in my mind, I checked into a hospital. I'm OK; it looks like it may be something other than my heart.

I was just released, so that's why I haven't posted anything today. It looks like the incomparable Maddi picked up the slack. Thanks Maddi.

I'm still feeling rather badly. I'll try to post something later. For now, I'm going to take a nap and then go out and vote on those newfangled computers--I left my absentee ballit at work yesterday, and I don't feel like making the hour and a half drive to get it.

For those in Washington who are interested, my inner Frenchman will vote for Gregoire, Sidran, and Billings in the most contested races.

I, on the other hand, will punch out a poll worker when I learn that I have to choose either a Republican, Democratic, Libertarian, or non-partisan ballot. It just doesn't make sense to me why the Democrats wouldn't want a good, God-fearing conservative like myself picking their candidate.

One last thing. I can't figure out if this guy is serious or if he's parodying the stereotypical supporter of my inner Frenchman's first choice.

He Knows When You're Awake

Our Leader and his sworn oathsmen never stop thinking about how to keep The Empire stable and strong. Homeland Security was chartered to ensure that loose lips are locked up lest they sink ships, or open relays reveal revolution rather than relay openly. All leaks must be stopped. Dangerous messages should not be allowed to alarm the people, lest they turn to mob action.

This is something that cannot be emphasized enough: please read approved communications and only on fine Christian sites such as this one. Remember, one of the biggest dangers of the Internet is just about anyone can publish. In the months ahead, Our Leader will take steps to deal with that problem. For now, be assured that a close watch is being kept.

Treason in 'Bam

A woman from Moulton, Alabama brazenly drove to her place of employment with a cheaply produced statement of support for The Pretender on her car. She did this despite her liege lord's enthusiastic support of Our Leader, which he distributed in a written communication to all his serfs:

Just so you will know, because of the Bush tax (cut):

I was able to buy the new Hammer Mill
I was able to finance our receivables
I was able to get the new CAT skid steer
I was able to get the wire cutter
I was able to give you a job"
...

You got the benefit of the Bush tax cut. Everyone did.

Not Lynne Gobbell. For refusing to remove the fatuous fealty pledge from her Lumina, she was cut asunder from service that same day. Note: Moulton is 173 miles via Interstate 65 from Montgomery, where Our Leader served the nation bravely. Another Teresa Treasonette removed from the community of Patriots, thanks to the support of Phil Gaddis and EnviroMate.

And Lynne, you're no American. Be grateful your American car wasn't impounded.
via dailykos

Updates Galore! This story is taking wing as many thrill to the benefits of unbridled capitalism. Alert reader sukabi caught a link to Counterspin Central (Hesiod) with all the contact information for EnviroMate's owner, a website and a web contact for Phil Geddes (not Gaddis, the Decatur newspaper doesn't place a high value on accuracy) and his serfs at the law offices. Yes, the law offices, Geddes is a bankruptcy attorney. Clearly he is the moral sort.

Story also on Digby, who saw it on Salon's War Room. Also check out how this story plays among Our Leader's staunchest supporters.

Very Important Update: Manly man John Aravosis is taking up a collection for the traitor. Visit his AmericaBlog and let him know what the price of disloyalty is.

I'm voting for the "fucking crazies"

According to a new book by BBC broadcaster James Naughtie, Secretary of State and Official Black Man of the Bush Administration, Colin Powell, described the neo-conservatives in the Administration as being a bunch of "fucking crazies." The Guardian has more:

A furious row has broken out over claims in a new book by BBC broadcaster James Naughtie that US Secretary of State Colin Powell described neo-conservatives in the Bush administration as 'fucking crazies' during the build-up to war in Iraq.

Powell's extraordinary outburst is alleged to have taken place during a telephone conversation with Foreign Secretary Jack Straw. The two became close friends during the intense negotiations in the summer of 2002 to build an international coalition for intervention via the United Nations. The 'crazies' are said to be Vice-President Dick Cheney, Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy, Paul Wolfowitz.

Of course they're fucking crazy. That's why I like them. Anybody who's ever seen an episode of OZ knows that no one messes with a crazy man. The same is true for governments. The rest of the world looks at Our Leader's administration and says, "Hey these guys invaded Iraq to punish a bunch of Saudis, betrayed one of their own agents because her husband embarrassed the president, and paid Chalabi to lie to them. They're fucking nuts. Don't mess with them."

You know, I think it would make a great slogan for Our Leader's campaign: "Vote Bush/Cheney 2004 because we're fucking crazy." Our Leader could then start talking about the invisible rabbit who drew up the plan for the post-war occupation of Iraq. Deputy Leader Dick could videotape one of the frequent arguments he has with his ficus tree and run it as an ad.

Sure, it's an unconventional strategy, but, hey, would you vote against a crazy man who'll have his finger on the button on election night? I think it's a winner. I've even created a bumpersticker to get the meme going.

Big day for Congress today

They're working on a lot of important legislation.

It's about more than just going blind

Brother Jed Smock
Campus Ministry USA

Mary Mostert
Banner of Liberty

Dear Brother Jed and Mrs. Mostert,

Are you familiar with each other's work? It seems to me that you're both talking about different aspects of the same problem, the dangers of homosexuality, and that you might have a solution to this problem if you combined your messages.

In a column posted yesterday on Alan Keyes' web site, Mrs. Mostert wrote:

So, what WAS it that Jesus recommended that we DO when this time came? He said:, "When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand.)" How do 21st century Americans stand in the holy place? I suggest it probably isn't by watching football on Sunday.

With 28 million people already dead worldwide from AIDS, caused almost entirely by being sexually promiscuous, and with almost every state in the Union talking about whether or not the practice of sodomy, as recently as last year still a felony in Texas, should now be given society's approval by issuing marriage licenses to people who practice it, are we staring the abomination of desolation in the face and not recognizing it?

I suspect we are. And, based on the e-mails I've gotten this week from Bush-haters, many of them lesbians and homosexuals who didn't like what I wrote last week about Alan Keyes' Sex Education Lesson to a Homosexual Interviewer, I don't think we can save most of those who are headed towards their own personal abomination of desolation.

According to Scripture, survivors will be those who are "ready in such an hour" having paid attention to the signs of the times. Practically speaking that probably means, for November 2nd, we need to chose leaders who are "ready" to lead and are not espousing acceptance of policies that are leading towards the abomination of desolation the Prophet Daniel warned us about.

Just the day before, Brother Jed warned students at Colorado College that they were contributing to bringing about this abomination of desolation by engaging in homosexual acts. Here's how the Colorado Springs Gazette described it:

"When you masturbate, you're already sort of a homosexual," he [Brother Jed] said, because by nature, self-gratification is a same-sex act.

Now it seems to me that masturbation is probably the most frequently occurring homosexual act. Some people engage in this self-same-sex act three, four, and even five times a day. If we could somehow let them know that their fifteen seconds of pleasure is endangering the world, I think we could get many of them to stop. It's a message that's worked very well for the environmental communists. Isn't it time to put it to work for our nation's salvation?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

Self evident

My inner Frenchman posted that damned ani difranco poem about 9/11 again. Why does he hate America?