Mrs. Malkin's Fantasy Camp

Carlos M. Gutierrez
Secretary of Commerce

Dear Sec. Gutierrez,

Although, like Our Leader, I'm a big fan of outsourcing jobs to foreigners, I believe that there are some things that can be done more efficiently here at home. One of those things is interrogation by boiling. Don't get me wrong. President Karimov's doing a bang up job boiling people for us (graphic photos); I just think we can do it more cleaply.

It can't be cheap to fly our kidnapped prisoners to Uzbekistan on chartered flights, and although Uzbek people-boilers are likely paid Wal-Mart janitorial level wages, it's still more than we need to pay. I don't think we'd have to compensate American people-boilers at all. In fact, many of my fellow patriots would pay for an opportunity to cook a few brown people.

I'm thinking along the lines of a people-boiling fantasy camp. We charge a few thousand dollars for a camper to work at the boiling center for a week. For an extra fee, we could give them an actual bronzed foot to take home as a souvenir.

I bet Michelle Malkin would pay for the opportunity to run it--she's a big fan of concentration camps. That would cut the overhead even more.

I'll need a little start-up money for Pajama Media ads to reach our target audience. Maybe you could help me get one of those Hurricane Katrina small business loans.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Drudge readers hail from the Heartland

Or at least they support traditional Heartland values. Cathy from Canada, a place where everyone is a foreigner, provides proof via an E&P story.

From E&P:

After reviewing the number of hits top local stories at his newspaper's Web site got in 2005, Seattle Times columnist Danny Westneat concludes today, "As I look back at the year in news, it's clear I should have focused more on people having sex with horses."

[...]

E&P also ran a Web story on the horse incident last summer, focusing, of course, on how the local press handled this seamy story, and it, too, proved to be massively popular. But as with the Seattle Times' No. 1 piece -- and unmentioned in Westneat's column -- the major reason for the traffic spike was a link on the outrageously popular Drudge Report Web site.

In other words, this was not our core audience -- and in the case of the Seattle paper, not their core audience either.

By their works...

Republican Jesus mugs and shirts available here

Republican Jesus Archives (However, I'm way behind in my archiving).

Our Leader is really smart

David Milch, the man behind HBO's Deadwood, said so on IFC's Dinner for Five (mp3 file).

Our Leader is really smart (part II)

American Blog Party quotes Our Leader:

I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.

Enemy of the State

The mother of the man who was boiled for our freedom (graphic photos) complained. Now, she's doing time for that crime.

A prosecutor in Uzbekistan demanded a six-year prison sentence on Wednesday for the mother of a Muslim dissident killed in jail in a case her lawyer says is an attempt by the authorities to silence her protests. Fatima Mukadyrova, a 62-year-old former grocery vendor, has spent more than a year demanding punishment for the killers of her son, who she said was murdered during torture in prison.

[...]

Last year, Mukadyrova displayed post-mortem photographs of her son. His teeth were smashed, his fingers were stripped of nails and his body had been cut, bruised and scalded. Prison officials at the Jaslik jail in the west of the former Soviet republic said Avazov had died in a fight with other inmates who threw hot tea on him.

The judge says Mukadyrova is accused of "setting up an underground cell of women propagating Hizb ut-Tahrir ideas". Hizb ut-Tahrir aims to set up a pan-Islamic state run by religious law.

Proud to be an American

The story.

What Our Leader hath wrought (caution: graphic photos of the result of our outsourced interrogation work).

Karimov, Our Leader, His manservant Colin, and that old, curmudgeonly exterminator at DOD hanging out at the Memory Hole.

The Documents (mirrored)

Telegrams

Legal Advice to the British Foreign Office.

He wears red for a reason

Roger Ailes
Fox News Channel

Dear Mr. Ailes,

Although Brian Kilmeade's interview with the White House Santa was very enlightening, he failed to take advantage of all the opportunities the interview presented. Mr. Kilmeade started out right by asking about White House Santa's political affiliation, but he failed to follow up when the stern old administration elf replied that he was a Republican and then pointed to his medals for courage as proof of his GOP bona fides.

That's one heck of a bomb for Santa, the White House variety or otherwise, to drop without any further probing. I can think of hundreds of followup questions that Mr. Kilmeade should have asked, questions like: isn't it time to do something to change the traditional Santa's socialistic presents-for-all-good-children giving model? Will the White House Santa promote an ownership society by taking toys from middle-class and poor children and giving them to the more deserving children of the wealthy. Is he willing to plant listening devices for the State Security Apparatus while he's delivering his gifts? Has he ever used his sleigh to conduct an extraordinary rendition?

Mr. Kilmeade's interview raised many more questions than it answered. Perhaps you should consider a airing a series of hour long specials so that the public can hear what White House Santa is planning now that he's decided to be political.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The General ♥ Allison from Oakland...

...but not in the same way OfJoshua loves the milkman, the plumber, or Mr. Garcia.

Wow, that's timing. I write about Ali G and his first season CD arrives the next day. Thank you Allison! You now have the key to my command vehicle.

And thank you John from the Cowboy State too.

I finally received the second half of your order, The Slackers' International War Criminal. I've wanted that CD since I saw the video of their song, Propaganda, on one of the This Divided State DVD bonus tracks.

BTW, the first 26 minutes of the award-winning documentary, This Divided State, are available for viewing here.

He guarded Jenna's chastity; now let him guard Route Irish

Henry Hager
Office of the Secretary
U.S. Department of Commerce

Dear Mr. Hager,

From what I've read, you're a fine young man, the kind of young man that our nation's children should look to as a role model. Your life hasn't been easy. With all the road blocks erected by political correctness and affirmative action programs, it's become very difficult for a white, upper class, conservative Christian man like yourself to make your mark on the world. A look at all of the trials through which you've suffered is proof of that, yet you've prevailed.

I can't imagine how humiliating it must have been for you, a tobacco heir and the son of a lieutenant governor, to, upon graduation from college, be forced to first work as a White House intern before being given the job of representing the Secretary of Commerce at important inter-agency meetings. It's almost like class doesn't matter anymore.

Still, you took it all in stride and performed your lowly White House duties with dignity. Now you're in a position to do even greater things, and I'm not only referring to your vigilant guardianship of the first daughter's virginity. I believe that there is something even more important that you can do for your country--you can serve it as a military officer in Iraq.

Certainly, as a true, patriotic conservative and a man whose loyalty to Our Leader is without question--after all He trusts you with His greatest treasure, Jenna's chastity--you understand the importance of our struggle in Iraq. You may also be aware that our military is suffering from a recruitment crisis. They need bright, educated men like yourself.

Your country is calling you. Hear its pleas and volunteer for military duty in Iraq.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Crossposted to Operation Yellow Elephant.

The valueless French

I see that the Frenchman of the Freeways is going after Our Leader again. This time he's hanging signs saying "impeach." Doesn't he understand that Our Leader has taken the authority he needs to spy on us, deny us habeas corpus, propagandize us, and use torture as an investigative tool. Screw the Fourth Amendment, the Torture Convention, and the FISA, propaganda, and torture laws. He's a Republican President, dammit, and he can do what he pleases. It's not like he received oral sex from some bimbo in the Oval Office.

And I won't even mention his heretical Christmas card.

As long as I'm mentioning Ali G

A few weeks back, one of Ali G's partners made the front page of the International Herald Tribune. It seems that Borat Sagdiyev, the sixth most famous person in Kazakhstan, has fallen out of favor with his government. His problems with Kazakh authorities began in November when he hosted the MTV Europe Awards. After accusing Madonna of being a drag queen, insulting Uzbekistan, and bringing a drunken Kazakh Airlines pilot onto the stage, Borat angered his nation's president by touting his country's recent civil rights progress:

Women can now travel on inside of bus, homosexuals no longer have to wear blue hat and age of consent has been raised to 8 years old.

President Nursultan A. Nazarbayev, demonstrating the same respect for democratic values that prompted him to sign Kazakhstan on as a member of the Coalition of the Willing, responded by ordering the Association of IT Companies of Kazakhstan to revoke Borat's website license.

The Kazakh government is also threatening to sue Sasha Baron Cohen, an actor who they claim plays the part of Borat. Borat disputes the charge saying, "In response to Mr. Ashikbayev's comments, I like to state I have no connection with Mr. Cohen. I support my government's decision to sue this Jew."

Borat is perhaps best know in the US for his reports on American culture in which he shares photos with couple of Mississippi gentlemen showing him having sex with his sister, leads a group of enthusiastic Nashville patriots in a rousing chorus of an old Kazakh classic, "Throw the Jew Down the Well*," and campaigns with Republican congressional candidate James Broadwater, sparking exchanges like this:

Broadwater: I'm running for United States Congress in District 2.

Borat: He is a strong man. He will crush his opponents and he will be powerful like Stalin and not tolerate people who are bad.

Broadwater: Well, actually, I wouldn't compare myself to Stalin ...

Borat: Will you vote for my friend?

Woman: Well, I probably will, but I don't ever tell people who I vote for before I vote.

Borat: If you do not vote for him, he will take power!

Woman: Well, it depends on whether he gets enough votes or not.

Borat: I will not leave until you swear on the eyes of your child that you will vote for him

See the complete video at One Good Move.

A recent rodeo appearance may have changed the way patriots think about Borat. The crowd was with him when he praised the Iraq Phase of the Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People saying:

I hope you kill every man, woman and child in Iraq, down to the lizards. And may George W. Bush drink the blood of every man, woman and child in Iraq.

But he lost them when he sang the national anthem, changing the final words to "home of the grave." Witnesses report that mobs of cowboys nearly killed him.

*I couldn't get the video to work in my Firefox client, but it works in IE. I encourage you to load up IE so you can see it. It's unbelievable. The patriotic bar patrons really get into singing the chorus.

The General ♥ Andre from San Diego...

...in a very heterosexual and slightly suspicious way because his name sounds French.

Thanks for the Curb Your Enthusiasm 3rd Season DVD. I love it.

Some of the greatest television ever aired appears on Sunday nights on HBO and Curb Your Enthusiasm does its part in making it so. Now if they'd add Arrested Development and air a new season of Ali G, I'd be a pretty damned happy General as far as comedy goes.

I don't know what's up with HBO right now. No new episodes of their Sunday comedy or dramatic series have aired since November and none are scheduled for January. Isn't it time for The Wire? Do we have to wait until March when the final Sopranos season begins?

Thanks again, Andre.

The Post and Senator Miller

The Washington Post picked up the Jeff Miller story that the General and Femmes De Guérillero Du Tennessee wrote about last week.

Intelligent Denial (or Defeating marriage's greatest enemy, Louis Pasteur)

William A. Dembski
Director, The International Society for Complexity, Information, and Design

Dear Mr. Dembski,

One of the biggest hurdles we face in selling Intelligent Design to a more rational public is its remoteness to their everyday lives. Although the Book of Genesis provides all the proof our base needs to embrace ID, it's just not enough for our reality-based brethren and non-brethren. I believe that your recent work with Lubavitcher ID proponents may provide us with what we need to change that.

How many times has your wife angrily confronted you for exposing her to a certain species of louse that is commonly associated with unclean persons of rather dubious moral character? I think we've all been there, haven't we. Well, your Lubavitcher colleagues provide us with the perfect response:

The issue with spontaneously generated worms is very simple. True, experiments do allow for following the process through which a worm [larva] develops from an egg. And, when there are also explanations for the process of how these eggs were laid, that allows for the conclusion that these specific worms were created through a reproductive process. However, when eggs found in rot are identified as belonging to a specific species of worm, and the worms found there also bear signs of belonging to that species, that in no way proves that it is impossible for these worms to have appeared without the eggs, through spontaneous generation.

Thus we have an answer that will instantly end our wives' angry queries. If the Intelligent Designer can cause worms to spontaneously generate, surely He can do the same for the lowly crab louse.

That, my friend, is how we make ID relevant to everyone.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: I think we can all agree with Catholic Jackson's attached report to the General even if he or non-he is a papist.

Three ex-wives, seven kids, and a letterman jacket

Herc Palmquist
Head Administrator, Principal, and Head Football Coach
Texas Christian High School

Dear Coach Palmquist,

I guess I can't blame the Texas Association of Private and Parochial Schools for suspending you from participating in their State Six Man Football Playoffs. After all, telling your players that their game had been canceled and then replacing them with bearded and tattooed adults was bad enough, but to then lose the game 28-18 is simply unforgivable.

Perhaps the next time you're tempted to do something like this, you should ask yourself, "what would Jesus do?" I think the answer would be that he'd find a better way to game the system. He might contact Nightlight Christian Adoptions and offer to enroll a few of their snowflake embryos into Texas Christian High. Then when football season came around, he'd suit the little blastocyst-Americans up.

Think about it. You'd never lose another game. There isn't a Christian or Parochial High School anywhere that would allow their football team to play against a bunch of frozen fetuses. That'd be worse than stem cell research.

TAPPS couldn't do anything about it. The little blastocyst-Americans would be legally enrolled and below the maximum age requirements. Certainly, no one would dare say they weren't really children.

I hope you'll consider it. Like I said, I bet it's what Jesus would do, and I'm sure Karl Rove would do it too.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Merry Christmas

Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Be, Happy Solstice, and have a joyous Kwanzaa.

Thank you readers for allowing me to share something I enjoy doing with you, and thank you commenters for being the best there is in all of Bloganistan. Those who don't read the comments are missing the best part of this blog.

Less painful than a crucifix

Confederate Yankee
Free Republic Poster

Dear Mr. Yankee,

My reaction was similar to yours when I saw what Google returns for the phrase "baby Jesus [probably not work safe]." "Certainly," I thought, "those rotten bastards at Google intentionally designed their algorithms to mock our Lord." But after thinking and praying about it for awhile, I've come to the conclusion that we're seeing God's hand at work here.

Think about it. If Jesus blesses us by appearing on shower doors and grilled cheese sandwiches, why shouldn't He place His visage on a butt plug? And shouldn't we feel blessed that our Savior loves his children so much that he wants to get intimately close to us?

And how many times have you watched someone like Bill O'Reilly defending Our Leader for one of his many non-mistakes, non-lies, or non-criminal acts when suddenly he brings our Lord into the argument? After seeing him do it, haven't you ever thought, "O'Reilly sure pulled Jesus out of his ass for that one." Well, maybe that's exactly what he did.

I don't know about you, but I'm ordering one of these. It certainly looks a lot less painful than my crucifix.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A tip of the ole helmet to Lambert of Corrente Wire.

Update: I don't think Confederate Yankee truely loves the Confederacy. He removed Earl's comment about his love for his Robert E Lee butt plug, an appliance so good, it made his south rise again.

Meme of Four

Escrocs et Menteurs sent me this here Four Meme thing. He caught it from LacDogDuFeu.

Four jobs you've had in your life: street preacher**, arm rest assembler for the La-Z-Boy chair company*, silo cleaner for U&I Sugar* (you undermine columns of solid sugar with a pick axe, and then quickly escape through a small hatchway when the column begins to collapse); chicken sexer.

Four movies you could watch over and over: I was a Communist for the FBI, The Fountainhead (The greatest comedy ever), I Married a Communist, The Green Berets.

Four places you've lived: Elwood, UT; Tremonton, UT; Deweyville, UT; Garland, UT.

Four TV shows you love to watch: Dragnet, The Englebert Humperdink Show, Hee Haw, Benny Hinn.

Four places you've been on vacation: Wellsville, UT where they unashamedly celebrate the "Battle of the Bear River" on Founders Day; the Box Elder County Jail*; Malad, ID; Manti, UT.

Four websites you visit daily: Escrocs et Menteurs, Lafayette, L'Homme De Calmar, L'ÂneDuCheval

Four of your favorite foods: Frito Pie, Meat, Pork Rinds, Cheetos.

Four places you'd rather be: Wrestling Dick Cheney Spartan-style at a Promisekeepers rally, giving firearms training to Blastocyst-Americans, Double dating with Bill O'Reilly, a speaker phone, and two women we randomly choose by shooting a phone book, standing at a urinal next to Ann Coulter.

I'm passing off to Tristement Non.

*I really did this.
**I was going to put lamb castrater--another job I really had--here, but I couldn't find a link that accurately described how we did it (using our teeth.) It's the fastest, safest, most humane way to castrate a lamb, and the only way to do it if you're castrating hundreds of them in a day. Sometime, I'll have to write about how my uncle made a couple of dirt bikers puke when they stumbled across our operation.

Lessons from Iraq

While much has been written about the lessons in freedom we're teaching the people of Iraq, the liberal media ignores the other half of the story, Christian conservatives are picking up witnessing tips from the Islamic fundamentalists we've put into power.

Brian Flemming, the director of the film, The God Who Wasn't There, received an email the other day from a god-fearing patriot who's mastered these new witnessing techniques:

You've definitely got some nerve. I'd love to take a knife, gut you fools, and scream with joy as your insides spill out in front of you. You are attempting to ignite a holy war in which some day I, and others like me, may have the pleasure of taking action like the above mentioned.

Read the whole email.

War On Christmas Canteen #7

Have a Very Values Christmas

Previous War on Christmas Canteen Carols

WOCC #1: Santa's Got That Ole TB

WOCC #2: Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas

WOCC #3: Billionaires for Bush carols and Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope

WOCC #4: Mr. Mojo's Christmas

WOCC #5: Santa's Got A Mullet

WOCC #6: Christmas With the Devil

Our new man in Iraq

Sen. Jeff Miller
Tennessee State Senate

Dear Sen. Miller,

You're a fighter. You didn't hide out in your office when your brother came out as a homosexual. Instead, you fought back by growing a beard, having an extra-marital affair, and sponsoring legislation to institutionalize discrimination against homosexuals. It was a smart move--no one would ever expect a bearded, homophobic, philanderer of being anything other than heterosexual.

I'm glad to hear that you haven't stopped fighting. You aren't letting the Bradley News Weekly get away with publishing an article that embarrassed you. While it may have upset your wife when you brought your girlfriend (the other woman) with you to sign your divorce settlement papers, the newspaper was wrong to point out the irony of an activist Christian politician doing such a thing. Your bullying of their advertisers is completely justified. They deserve to be threatened by a public official. It will teach them to respect the power of the state.

You showed a lot of character by the way you handled these situations. You also demonstrated a skill set that would be very useful in the Iraq Phase of the Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People.

You've probably read some of the stories about how we're teaching the Iraqis about freedom by bribing their press. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out very well. Iyad Allawi's humiliating defeat in the recent elections is proof of that. Bribing the press was a huge waste of money.

We need to do something different. We need to start threatening the journalists rather than bribing them, and with your recent experience, I think you're the perfect man for the job.

You will like it in Iraq. You'll feel right at home now that the Shia religious parties are in control. After all, they too grew beards and persecuted homosexuals to prove their heterosexuality.

Now that you're free, you might also consider marrying that girlfriend of yours. You can have sex then. I think you'll like that too.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Pass your values onto Jr.

War On Christmas Canteen #6

Here's another carol that serves as a warning for what might befall our nation if we don't succeed against the Christmas Commies. I hope I never live to see a Spinal Tap...

Christmas With The Devil

Short Clip

Extended Version (Available for a short time only)

Previous War on Christmas Canteen Carols

WOCC #1: Santa's Got That Ole TB

WOCC #2: Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas

WOCC #3: Billionaires for Bush carols and Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope

WOCC #4: Mr. Mojo's Christmas

WOCC #5: Santa's Got A Mullet

The General ♥ JP

Thank you JP for the Walmart documentary. It's fantastic. I love it.

Be it Resolved. Jesus was a Republican

Rep. Eric Crafton
Nashville Metro Council

Dear Mr. Crafton,

Although I'm sure you meant well, I'm very disappointed with your resolution declaring Jesus to be "an actual man." You could have done so much more. You could have declared him to be a Republican.

Is it possible under your charter to amend such resolutions once they've passed? If so, you still have an opportunity to make it all that it can be by adding the following language after the second "whereas:"

WHEREAS, The Prince of Peace was always the first to yell "traitor" whenever someone questioned whether Samaria really had weapons of mass destruction;

WHEREAS, The Redeemer supported the Pharisees' domestic spying and torture programs;

WHEREAS, the Son of God's faith in crucifixion's value as a deterrent never wavered;

WHEREAS, Jehovah taught that the best way to help the poor was to provide handouts to the rich;

WHEREAS, Our Savior exercised his Second Amendment rights as a lifetime member of the Judea Slingshot Association;

WHEREAS, The Lord was 110% heterosexual regardless of all of the remarks about his batchelorhood;

WHEREAS, Emmanuel patrolled the Assyrian border to keep the Mexicans out;

WHEREAS, Jesus Christ worked tirelessly for the passage of Proposition IX, the "Tax the Lepers" measure, in the election of 29 AD;

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED...

That's about all I can come up with right now, but you get the idea. Please let me know if I can be of further help.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Rep. Crafton Replies

From: "Eric Crafton"
To: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
Subject: RE: Christmas resolution
Date: Thu, 22 Dec 2005 08:38:01 -0700

Have a Merry Christmas.

The General Responds

From: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
To: "Eric Crafton"

And a Merry Christmas to you as well.

Hopefully, this will be the Christmas where we come up with a final solution to the Hanukkah problem.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

War On Christmas Canteen #5

The greatest challenge Yuletide Warriors face is that it's hard for the average God-fearing Christian to identify with our most sacred Christmas icon, Santa Clause. Think about it. How many of your peers dress like the pope and prefer the company of little people? Santa is just way too Catholic for the Heartland.

We need to change that image, and tonight's hymn is a good start.

Santa's Got a Mullet

Short Clip

Extended Version (Available for a short time only)

Previous War on Christmas Canteen Carols

WOCC #1: Santa's Got That Ole TB

WOCC #2: Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas (Last day to hear the extended version)

WOCC #3: Billionaires for Bush carols and Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope

WOCC #4: Mr. Mojo's Christmas

Going to CIFA's boss

Stephen A. Cambone
Undersecretary of Defense for Intelligence

Dear Mr. Cambone,

I had hoped that I could resolve the following problem without involving you, but unfortunately, the Counter Intelligence Field Activity (CIFA) has chosen to ignore my correspondence. Now it's time to take my issues up with their boss.

CIFA has been reading my blog, Jesus' General, for at least a year and a half. Although, I don't usually ask readers to compensate me--their kind words, prayers, comments, and patronage are payment enough--CIFA presents a special case. As a part of the Department of Defense, they have all kinds of funding available to spread around to Our Leader's supporters--heck, they gave MZM millions, and from what I can tell, that company does little more than buy houses at super-inflated rates from congressmen.

I didn't ask CIFA for much, just a Zenith P60W26P 60" Plasma Flat-Panel HDTV and a Sony DAV-FX100W Wireless Home Theater Dream System with all of the accessories for each. I even put both items on my Amazon Wish List for CIFA's convenience. Now, it's three weeks later, the TV and sound system are still sitting there unpurchased, and I haven't heard a thing from CIFA.

This is no way to run a war against internal dissent. You certainly won't have many people championing your domestic spying initiatives if you treat all of your supporters like this. George Will has already jumped ship. Have you considered the possibility that Will's defection might have been avoided had someone sent him a Zenith P60W26P 60" Plasma Flat-Panel HDTV and a Sony DAV-FX100W Wireless Home Theater Dream System with all of the accessories for each?

I'm not there yet, but I'm close. CIFA owes me, dammit, and I'm ready to collect.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian

War on Christmas Canteen #4

Today, I present a cautionary tale I heard from a filthy old vagrant by the name of Mr. Mojo Risin who was playing songs for quarters at a Paris subway station. The story he told me that day still sends shivers up my spine.

Take warning my friends. This is what Christmas will become should our sacred cause fail.

Mr. Mojo's Christmas

Short Clip

Extended Version (Available for a short time only)

Previous War on Christmas Canteen Carols

WOCC #1: Santa's Got That Ole TB (Last day to hear the extended version)

WOCC #2: Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas (May be the last day to hear the extended version)

WOCC #3: Billionaires for Bush carols and Santa Doesn't Cop Out On Dope

The General ♥ John from Casper...

...in a way so heterosexual, I'm picturing you as looking like Jan Crouch without the mustache.

Thanks for the Foo Fighters CD and the other unidentified thing that is on backorder. I know it seems like I'm always responding to these things in the same way, but that's because my reaction to receiving these gifts never changes. It amazes and touches me that someone would like my stuff enough to send me cool things.

Thanks again, and Happy Holidays.

Fox Carolina: News that Right and White

Paul Karpowicz
President, Meredith Broadcasting Group

Dear Mr. Karpowicz,

I want to be the first to congratulate you for what I assume was your decision to embrace white supremacy as an editorial perspective. Your first effort, a WHNS "Fox Carolina" piece (Commenter Dayv made a screencap before Fox Carolina removed the story) on Stormfront.org, was fantastic. It certainly convinced me that Stormfront is as mainstream as Young Americans for Freedom, the College Republicans, or GOPUSA.

I don't think Stormfront has ever had more positive coverage. Fox Carolina was right to forgo any discussion of Jamie Kelso's close ties to David Duke. The "Charles Lindbergh fan" angle works much better.

The same is true for how they profiled Bob Whitaker. Certainly, his brief career in the Reagan Administration is more important to viewers than the many years he's worked to end the sin of race mixing.

I can't wait to see what you come up with next. Will it be a sweeps week series on the lust brown people have for white women? Or will you tackle the problem of Jewish control of the banking industry first?

Hey, I've got it. Why not a nightly segment providing do-it-yourself tips for white Americans. Subjects could range from "lynching on a budget" to "restoring that snow white glow to your hand-me-down klan robes." You could call it "Happy Hints with Helmut and Helga." Think about the synergy you could generate for your company's magazines, Better Homes and Gardens and Ladies Home Journal.

I'd be glad to help you develop this idea further. Please send me an email if you're interested.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

cc:
KyAnn Lewis, News Director, Fox Carolina
Art Slusark, Corporate Communications
Linda Eggerss, Broadcast Group Communications
Meredith Corporation, Ethics Office

A tip of the old helmet to commenter Tom of Daai Tou Laam Diary.

Update: Commenter quarsan of Blairwatch found this post by Mr. Kelso at Stormfront:

Thumbs up Re: Bob Whitaker & Jamie Kelso in Fox TV Show About Stormfront.org Nov. 9, 2005
Thanks to all for the positive assessments of this Stormfront.org interview with Fox TV. The Fox TV Carolina staff was very professional and made it easy for Bob and me.

One detail that I forgot (until just yesterday) was to unmoderate our new Stormfront Member, FOXSC, so that Fox could post more easily on Stormfront. We've also got Fox5News and Fox-News as Stormfront Members.

We have met the enemy...

Blessed are the Chekists

Republican Jesus mugs and shirts available here

Republican Jesus Archives (However, I'm way behind in my archiving).

My grandson's first cartoon

My six year old grandson, JC3, saw my inner Frenchman working on his Republican Jesus cartoon tonight and asked him what he was doing. "I'm making a cartoon about the President," IF replied. "Can I make a cartoon about the president too?," JC3 asked. "Sure," IF responded, "what do you want it to look like?"

The cartoon below was created exactly to his specifications, without any prompting from anyone.


Now, do I report both my inner Frenchman and my grandson to the State Security Apparatus?

War on Christmas Canteen #3

Ivana Moore-Enmoore of the Billionaires for Bush, Boston Chapter sends her best to our Christmas commandos with these B4B classics. Be sure to check out her personal favorite, Toys For The World.

And here's one The General likes to sing when he holds "Support Our Christmas Soldiers" rallies in the schools:

Santa Doesn't Cop Out on Dope

Short Clip

Extended Version (Available for a short time only)

Previous War on Christmas Canteen hymns

WOCC #1: Santa's Got That Ole TB

WOCC #2: Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas

Fox's Fifth Column

It looks like Mr. O'Reilly needs to fire-up his Terrible Falafel of Discipline and root out the disloyal bastard in Fox's publicity department who's sending out these Christmas cards.

Defending our values, brutally

President George W. Bush
United States of America

Dear President Bush,

Back in the mid eighties, I attended a lecture by Vladimir Posner, a Soviet journalist/KGB agent who was making appearances all across the country touting Mikhail Gorbachev's new policy of openness. Americans looked upon Glasnost suspiciously at that time. Many patriots thought it might be a trick to lull us into dropping our guard. I certainly thought so then and continue to believe so today.

I decided that I'd try to trip him up during the Q&A, so I asked him to comment on a report that Gorbachev had denounced Khrushchev and praised Stalin during a speech to the Communist Party Central Committee. Posner replied that Americans were too hard on Stalin. He said, "How do you turn an agricultural society into an industrial one in less than twenty years? You do it brutally."

I was reminded of that today as I thought about how you've set yourself free from the constraints of the Constitution and federal law so that you could wiretap and spy on American citizens. You seem to understand Stalin. You know how important harmony is to society and you'll go to any length, including placing yourself above the law, to achieve it.

As you know, one of the greatest threats America faces is the deterioration of our commitment to traditional family values. It's every bit as great a threat to our national security as the distribution of Mao's Little Red Book to college students. We need to oppose it with every means at our disposal.

My neighborhood is currently under assault by those who are trying to undermine our nation by attacking our traditional family values. I hope we can use your new extra-legal power to provide us with cover as we do what must be done to defend our community.

You see, Mr Garcia, the neighbor across the street, often stands in front of his large picture window wearing nothing but a pair of extremely tight bicycling shorts. Nothing is left to the imagination. His unnaturally large manly bulge of glory draws every eye in the neighborhood, tempting its beholders with demonic invitations to engage in acts of unspeakable depravity.

We've tried everything we can think of to put an end to it. Even my wife, Ofjoshua, spends much of her day over there unsuccessfully trying to convince Mr. Garcia to end this practice. Nothing's worked.

It's time to take it up a level by beating Mr. Garcia and burning down his house. I'm hoping that we can get your support to do so. Inasmuch as you are not bound by any constitutional or legal restraints, you could grant us the authority to commit this assault and arson on your behalf in the name of national security.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

War on Christmas Canteen #2

As we enter into the final week of battle, let us pause for a moment and reflect upon the importance of our struggle. I chose today's War on Christmas Canteen hymn specifically for that purpose. It praises the very values for which we are so desperately fighting.

Let's Put Christ Back Into Christmas

Short Clip

Extended Version
(Due to limited storage space, the extended version will be available only for a few days.)

Presidential Prerogative

As much as I'm always going on about patriotism, one might think that I'd be upset by this report from MJS, but if it comes to making a choice between the Constitution and Our Leader, I'll smile and give the Annointed One a heartfelt straight-armed salute. That's what it means to be a conservative in today's faith-based America.

The War To End Dissent goes Hollywood

Disgusted in St Louis has the poster and My Left Wing brings us The Wizard of Oil.

War on Christmas Canteen #1

While the General wholeheartedly supports both the Iraq Phase of the Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People and the War Against Internal Dissent, I sometimes worry that these great conflicts distract us from another struggle of equal importance--the War on Christmas.

Sure, we do our part. We send Christmas newsletters to our friends. We erect nativity scenes in our yards, carefully replacing the brown wiseman, Balthazar, with Santa so that we don't encourage the celebration of Kwanzaa. But seldom do we do anything for those who are actually fighting the war, the thousands of men and not men who are taking the battle to school boards and shopping malls across this great land.

The Christmas War Canteen is for them.

From now until Christmas, we'll post a new Christmas hymn here each day to lift the spirits of these valiant yuletide warriors and to remind us what they're fighting for.

We'll post two versions of each hymn, a short one for those with dial-up connections and an extended version for the rest of us. Given, my limited storage space, the extended versions will be removed a few days after they're posted, so listen to them early.

Now, please allow me to present our first hymn, that tubercular honky tonk standard, Santa's Got That Ole TB.

Complete Song

Short Clip

She is a hottie, dammit

Pensez Le Progrès and Escrocs et Menteurs seem to think there's something wrong about Rep Jean Schmidt saying, "It's amazing. There have been three marriage proposals and lots of dates. They think I'm a hottie."

As a matter of fact, I think she's a hottie too. I'd respond to this Google personal ad if Ofjoshua hadn't threatened to decapitate my little soldier the last time I told her I wanted her to have a sister-wife.

Correction

Apparently, I was incorrect when I wrote that Zell Miller is the author of the blog, WuzzaDem:

This will be the third time I've told you I'm not "Zell Miller".

If you've just decided you want to say I am, then go ahead, but you said you wanted to make a correction and I took you at your word.

John from WuzzaDem
john@wuzzadem.com
http://www.wuzzadem.com

I apologize to John Bolton for confusing him with Zell Miller. In my defense, I should say that it's an easy mistake to make. They look alike when you're watching them voraciously feast on the corpse of a long-dead wildebeest.

For your next Little Green Meet-up

Liz from BlondeSense helped GOP-Mart out with their latest ad.

Thank you readers

Thanks to all of you for voting for me in the Weblog Awards. I pumped the heck out of it, but I'm still amazed by the response. You are incredible.

I also want to give a shout out to Fafblog. It was by far the funniest blog in the race.

Our Leader celebrates another success

Let's hope we do better in the mid-terms

It was a bad night for patriots. The French kicked our asses.

Escrocs et Menteurs slaughtered the competition for Best Video Blog.

Loi Dorque smacked the Volokhs in the Best Law Blog category.

Kos Quotidien and Lafayette whipped Our Lady of the Concentration Camps in the Best Blog race.

Chien Jaune Blog spanked our Pamela and Zell Miller for the Best New Blog Award.

Mélange De la Chambre De la Pam beat out some of our finest future Duke Cunninghams and Ken Mehlmans in the Best LGBT Blog (is that a kind of sandwich).

LacDogDuFeu and Chez Digby overcame Belmont Club and the Proud Wino as the two Top 250 Blogs.

Tristement Non and Michael Berube En Ligne took the premier spots in the Best of the Top 251 - 500 Blogs.

Pas Le Mauvais and Nez D'Aiguille won the Best of the Top 501 - 1000 Blogs honors.

Congratulations to them all.

I should have listened to Kenneth Blackwell and bought some of Tom Noe's rare coins

Update: I guess I was too quick to praise our budding young Katherine Harris. He or she was caught.

Here are the final results:

Jesus' General 32.16 % (17617)
The Dilbert Blog 14.97 % (8200)

Kevin Aylward seems like a nice guy. My inner Frenchman feels bad for all the rotten things he's written about Wizbang. But then again, he still thinks Jay Tea is a dick.

***

Wednesday night, when I was 4000 votes ahead of everyone in the Weblog Awards voting, I told you that it would be close.

By midnight, I led Dilbert by a mere 70 or so votes.

By 12:20, when the polls actually closed, I was up by 15 votes.

Jesus' General 27.45 % (17615)
The Dilbert Blog 27.42 % (17600)

About 3 minutes later, the results looked like this:



By 1:00 AM, it looked like this:



As one of Our Leader's strongest supporters, I have a lot of respect for whoever is responsible for this. He or she is going places in this man's grand old party.

Thanks to pseudonymous in NY for the first screen cap.

Down to a 700 vote difference!

Get out and vote.

Dilbert is making his move

My 4000 vote lead has shrunk to a thousand vote lead in the last 6 hours. At this rate, he'll overtake me by the end of the day. Don't forget to vote.

GOP-Mart Science Sale

Strike a blow against godless socialism

One of my commenters pointed the General to the Best Photo Blog Weblogs Award. Right now, a patriotic blog called Zombie Time is winning. It's like something Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, and the late Sen. Joe McCarthy would put together after a good, old fashioned, three-day meth binge in the Heartland. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this blog is called Zombie Time because it's published by a zombie Sen. Joe McCarthy. That would explain why every post provides proof that the French are nothing but a bunch of godless Marxists.

Here are a few examples:

Death penalty opponents are a bunch of godless socialists.

War protesters are a bunch of godless communists.

War protesters are a bunch of godless Viet Cong communists.

Those who oppose Our Leader are godless socialists.

Casey Kasem, Ed Asner, and Ricky Lee Jones are godless communists.

Zombie Time's closest rival is Japan Window, a blog about foreigners.

You know what to do. You have a choice between a blog published by a very patriotic, zombie senator or one that posts pictures of foreigners who don't even have the decency to make English their official language. We'll need every vote on this one. Please cast yours here.

Of course there are the other important races we've been touting all week. Law Dork, a lawyer so French he doesn't laugh when he hears someone shout "Oyez," is still in a tight race for Best Law Blog with Volokh boys.

Today's the last day of voting. We could double my vote totals if everyone reading this post casts a vote for the General in the Best Humor/Comics category. Or, if no one is closing in, you could actually vote for the funniest blog in the race, Fafblog.

The Generals holiday Christmas gift advisor

I have a new sponsor, GOP-MART. Don't you think your friends deserve the gift of graft for Christmas?

Who will tell the Volokhs?

Law Dork has overtaken the Volokh Klan in the race for Best Law Blog (vote here)! The legal blogosphere is in turmoil.

Will it spill over into the Best Humor/Comics blog race? I have a good lead now, but I'm betting it will be close when polling ends. Vote here.

Bill O'Reilly™ Distance Dating Kit

The General ♥ Roger from Langley and Luba from Michigan

In a 110% purely heterosexual kind of way, of course.

Thanks, Roger, for the Arrested Development Season 2 DVDs.

And thank you Luba for the Leaving the Saints and The Tender Bar books.

I'm still amazed that you all send me this stuff. Thanks.

Anatomically correct Ann Coulter Action Figure

I love the smell of testosterone in the morning

Tom Crouse
Holland Congregational Church

Dear Pastor Tom,

Your Mr. Heterosexual contest is--dare I say it--an act of pure genius. Finally, heterosexual men have a venue where they can flaunt their heterosexuality without guilt or fear of reproach. My only regret is that I do not live in Massachusetts and am therefore ineligible to compete.

That said, I'd like to contribute a few ideas to make it even better. Manly events like tearing up Oprah magazines and delivering short dissertations on the glory of duct tape sound like a lot of fun, but I'm thinking that by adding a few other events, we can make this thing as big as a Promise Keepers rally.

How about adding a cowboy movie? I hear Brokeback Mountain is very good--everyone down at the cafe tells me I should see it. They laugh and say it'll give me a whole new outlook on bulldogging and the meaning of being saddlesore. It's in its first run right now, so we'd be able to show it's while it still fresh.

We should also consider adding wrestling. Rob Adonis runs a wrestling ministry that gets rave reviews at Christian events. I've tried to engage him in the past, but we got hung up on whether he'd allow my men to wrestle his men, naked, in honor of our ancient Spartan warrior forefathers. I think we could get around that this time by alternating Spartan-style matches between Mr. Heterosexual contestants with his bouts.

Of course, we could just have an old fashioned Spartan-style cage spanker without his wrestlers, but his show would add a spiritual dimension that might be hard for us to match. You see he has this one guy who wears tight black shorts with white lips pasted on what I like to call his Mighty Bulge of Irresistible Temptation. It entrances his opponents just like the siren song of sodomy casts its spell over regular guys like you and me. Opponent after opponent is seduced by it magic until finally, a man of great spiritual strength is able to resist its spell and pin the bulge's wielder. Once he's down, all of the other wrestlers jump in and beat the shit out of the damned sodomite with loving Christian fury.

Then it's time for Frito pie.

I'd like to get together with you soon to work out the details. You name the time.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Operation Yellow Elephant's Karl

Last Throes

Yesterday, I asked the men and not men of my militia to defend Our Mistress of The Concentration Camps from being overtaken by Lafayette in the silver medal race for Best Blog. Although those who hate freedom might say we lost that battle, I prefer to characterize it as a decisive victory. Certainly, Lafayette's trouncing of Mrs. Malkin signals that his Weblog Awards bid is in its last throes.

The same holds true for Law Dork in the Best Law Blog category. He may have thwarted our efforts to prevent him from passing Stop the ACLU and threatening the Volokh Klan's supremacy, but yesterday's victories are certain to hasten his ignominious defeat.

Today, I ask you to take the battle to them again. Do not allow Lafayette to heap more humiliation onto our sweet Countess of Kristelnacht. And watch out for Note De Points De Parler as well. Mr. Marshall is eying Mrs. Malkin's third place spot like Ralph Reed eyes a casino operator's checkbook.

Vote in the Best Blog race.

We must also increase our efforts in the Best Law Blog Race. The Volokh boys are being dogged by Law Dork, a man who reeks of snails and baguettes. We cannot allow him to take the lead.

Vote in the Best Law Blog race.

And finally, I still have hellish Dilberts on my trail. That little cubicle dweeb commands the loyalties of many comics section afficionados. I'll need a big lead to hold his legions at bay.

Vote for Best Humor/Comics blog.

Correction

The other day, I said that I suspected Wuzzadem of being both Zell Miller and the commenter who calls itself Veritas. He assures me that he's not Veritas. Interestingly, he did not deny being Zell Miller.

French Cinema Tonight (Tues)

Steven Greenstreet is bringing his documentary, This Divided State, to Seattle:

7:00PM
Tuesday, December 13
Seattle Art Museum
100 University Street, Seattle
Q&A with Greenstreet afterward
Free admission

My inner Frenchman loves this film. The General admires one of its stars, Kay Anderson, a god-fearing man who left his four-whorehouse hometown to become the Ayatollah of Family City USA.

Video
Trailer and clips.
Mr. Hannity's bodyguards discipline Greenstreet.

Ungrateful brown people

Richard Hunter
Hong Kong Media Contact
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (The Mormons)

Dear Mr. Hunter,

I'll never understand why brown people are so ungrateful. We provide them with death squads, ayatollahs to write their constitutions, air fare to the finest interrogation centers in Syria, Egypt, and the Eastern Bloc, and at Gitmo, indefinite detention and pain slightly less than that which accompanies organ failure and they return our generosity by shooting at our troops (none of whom are College Republicans, thank God).

I see the Church is experiencing much the same thing in your part of the world. You sent the Chinese soiled bedding, used surgical scrubs, and outdated medical equipment and they bitched about it. What did they expect? Clean bedding, sterile scrubs, and modern medical equipment costs money. They're in no position to complain. If God wanted them to have these things, he'd have made them American.

So a few people get infected by the items you sent them. What's the worse that can happen? They could die? Well, that just gives us an opportunity to baptize, marry, and provide them with their endowments* by proxy. They'll thank us when they're ruling over their own universes in the Celestial Kingdom.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*Secret handshakes that will get you into heaven.

Pajama Games

It seems that Pajamas Media is influencing some of its more Euro-minded boardmembers for the better. I understand that no less than two of these quasi-Frenchman are emailing their critics with threats of utter ruination.

It's good to see the duo taking cues from the White House on how to handle dissenters. It's even better that they're doing so surreptitiously by email rather than in their blogs--it's so much more Rovian that way. The Nation certainly needs more people like them.

Must see

The LA Times interviewed John Amato of Crooks and Liars for their Magazine section. Of course, it's in French.

Patriots in trouble

Things are looking grave for our Mrs. Malkin, the mother of America's concentration camp movement. Lafayette, or "Atrios" as he is known among his people, is poised to overtake her for the second place spot in the Weblog Awards Best Blog category.

Stop the ACLU faces the same threat in the Best Law Blog category as the überfrench Law Dork nips at his heels.

Don't forget to cast your daily vote for the General in the "Best Humor/Comics" category

Support Stand-Up Economics

Fellow Washington blogger* Yoram Bauman, the Stand-Up Economist, will be doing his comedy routine in NYC this week. His friend, Nato, will be doing the same in San Francisco. Check them out if you can.

I've met Yorum. He's a very funny guy.

Here's the email I recieved from Yorum (unfortunately, he seems to hate Christmas):

Happy holidays all around!

For those of you in---or with emailable friends in---New York City (where I'll be performing this week... if I can get enough people to come support me :) and/or San Francisco (where my friend and fellow comic Nato Green is hosting a show that he's developed called Iron Comic), here are some fun events:

Info about Nato's show in SF (which, sadly, I won't be able to attend):

In the joke arena, there can be only one gladiator of gag, only one paladin of punchlines, only one true Iron Comic. Here's the format: The iron comics will be given 20 minutes to write 2 minutes of material about a secret topic that they'll be given at the beginning of the show.And we'll have three secret topics. We'll have featured performers while the Iron Comics are writing. Oh, and it's free. Featuring comedians Ross Turner, Sam Arno, Chantal Carrere, Ali Wong, Nora Lavelle, and Nico Santos, with Iron Comics Chris Garcia, Yayne Ababa, Ian Jensen, Lisa Myers, and Sean Keane; hosted by Nato Green. Monday, December 12, 2005, 9pm, Gold Cane at 1569 Haight St., SF. For more information, email natogreen [at] rcn [dot] com.


Info about my shows in New York City that you can forward to friends:

You are invited to come see the world's first and only "stand-up economist" in his debut shows in New York City: December 12th, 13th, and 18th!

Okay, here's the deal: I recently got my PhD in economics (University of Washington, 2003) and have been performing stand-up comedy for almost two years. That means that I'm pretty good--especially for an economist--but not famous (yet :). I live in Seattle, but I've booked three shows during an upcoming visit to New York City, and I'd be thrilled to have you and your friends in the crowd. If you're interested, read on for more info. (And if you want to be on my email list for future NYC shows, drop me a line at [yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org].)

SHOW INFORMATION

* All shows last about 2 hours. Shows can be great, they can be disasters, but they're always great human drama and I'm confident that you'll have a good time. Be prepared for varying degrees of funniness and varying degrees of filthiness. All the clubs have bar menus in case you get the munchies.

* Show #1 (Monday Dec 12, "bringer" show and Aspen Comedy Fesival audition night at Stand-Up New York): Show starts at 9pm, but you need to get there by 8:30 to keep your reservation. Show costs $12 plus 2 drinks at $4+ each, so you're looking at $20 to support my comedy habit. If you're interested, here's what to do: (1) Call 212-595-0850 to make a reservation. (2) Tell them you're coming to see me (Yoram Bauman): this is important because if I don't get reservations for 5 people I don't get to perform. (3) It would be _great_ if you could call me [redacted] or email me [yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org] to let me know that you're coming to the show and that you've made reservations for x people; that way I will know how much to stress out about filling my quota, which can be tough when you're from out-of-town. (4) Show up by 8:30 and have a great night!
[Directions: Stand-Up New York is located at 236 West 78th Street, right off Broadway. Subway: 1 or 9 to 79th Street Stop.]


* Show #2: (Tuesday Dec 13, Air America presents "Satire for Sanity" political comedy with Barry Crimmins and friends at Rocky Sullivan's Irish pub): Show starts at 8pm; $10 cover.
Directions: Rocky Sullivan's is located at 129 Lexington Ave. (btwn 28th & 29th Sts.), 212-725-3871. Subway: Take the 6 to 28th St, walk one block east from Park to Lexington.


* Show #3 (Sunday Dec 18, "bringer" show at the New York Improv): Show starts at 7pm, but you need to get there by 6:45 to keep your reservations. Show costs $15 ($3 off for advance reservation) plus 2 drinks at $4+ each, so you're looking at $20 to support my comedy habit. If you're interested, here's what to do: (1) Call the "VIP line" (yes, that's what it's called :) at 212-631-1159 to make a reservation, preferably by 7pm on Thursday 12/15. (2) Leave a message saying that your party of x people is coming to see me (Yoram Bauman): this is important, because if I don't get reservations for 10 people by 7pm on Thursday 12/15 then I don't get to perform. (3) It would be _great_ if you could call me [redacted]) or email me (yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org) to let me know that you're coming to the show and that you've made reservations for x people; that way I will know how much to stress out about filling my quota, which can be tough when you're from out-of-town.

(4) Show up by 6:45 and have a great night! [Directions: The New York Improv is located at 318 W. 53rd St., right off the corner of Eighth Avenue. Take the C or E train to 50th St. andwalk three blocks north to 53rd St. Turn west on 53rd and look for our sign. OR take the 1 or 9 train to 50th St. and walk three blocks north to 53rd St. Turn west on 53rd St. and walk to Eighth Ave. and look for our sign. OR take the N , R , W , or Q train to 57th St., exit at the 55th St. exit, walk two blocks south to 53rd St., then go west until you hit Eighth Ave. and see our sign. OR (sheesh!) take the B or D train to Seventh Ave. and walk west on 53rd St. until you see our sign right after Eighth Ave.]

* Future shows in NYC: Email me at yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org to get on my email list. I promise not to misuse your email or otherwise be a pain in your neck.

Thanks!
yoram bauman
yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org
[Website]

*He blogs anonymously, so I can't direct you to his blog (no, he is not me).