In business with Fidel

My fellow conservative bloggers hate Communist Cuba with a passion. When they want to destroy a Frenchman's credibility, they charge that he or she is supportive of Castro.

At the same time, they're capitalists. They understand that there is nothing wrong with helping Fidel make a little money as long as a few patriots get a piece of the action. That's why Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs is peddling Castro's wares on his website.

There will be those who call Johnson a hypocrite for shilling for those he calls America's enemies, but they'll make these charges only because they, themselves, hate capitalism and, by extension, America.

Update: Charles has removed the ad. I blame the French.

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Graphic by Mike Tidmus.

Video camera catches Florida's finest

Awhile back, I wrote a letter to the First Sibling deploring Florida's coddling of kindergarten criminals. I wrote that letter in response to an incident in which a five year old little girl was handcuffed and arrested by police for throwing a tantrum. To me, it appeared as if Florida had become a bit too touchy-feely. Last year, they would have tasered the tiny delinquent.

The child's lawyer recently released a video of the arrest. Although, as a Confederate Christian American, I still think the three white cops should have used a taser, you've got to give them credit for the efficient way in which they captured the dangerous little brown girl. You can watch it here.

Leaks from the conclave

The General caught some kind of bug. Maybe God is punishing me for the thoughts I had when I visited the XXXChurch.

I'll post something more substantial tomorrow after I've had little rest.

Until then, here's something reader Chris Cardinal Moorehead snuck out of the conclave. I'm sure it helped the Lord make up his mind.

Another chapter in the story of the sad, sorry plight of the white, Christian male

Joe Scarborough
MSNBC

Dear Mr. Scarborough,

Your immigration expert, Jared Taylor, is under attack. Earlier this week, the University of Mississippi's Daily Mississippian ran an advertisement (see below) for Mr Taylor's organization, American Renaissance. As you can certainly imagine, the ad's politically incorrect message of racialist pride provoked outrage from the leftist academic elite on campus. The cowardly newspaper editor responded by disavowing the ad and rebuking Mr. Taylor.

I guess we shouldn't be surprised by this. It's just another attack on our traditional conservative Christian values by those who worship the false Gods of tolerance and inclusiveness.

You've been a good friend to Mr. Taylor in the past. By offering him access to your audience as an immigration expert, you provided him with a degree of credibility that most white supremacists can only dream of achieving. He needs your help again to expose these politically correct academics for the wicked egalitarians they surely are.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A tip of the old helment to reader Don Coates for alerting the General to this.

Celibate in Cellblock C

Rep. Tom Delay
United States House of Representatives

Dear Rep. DeLay,

I don't know how closely you watch the California Legislature, but an important battle over moral values is underway there now. Wicked, French-minded legislators have introduced a bill that would provide condoms to convicts. A single man of God, Benjamin Lopez of The Traditional Values Coalition, stands between them and rampant prison immorality. He argues that such a program would lead to a rampage of rogering so furious it'll prompt Jeff Gannon to apply for a California Penal System contract.

You need to do something about it. I know that it's a state issue, but that didn't stop you and your party from attempting to intervene in the Schiavo, 2000 election, Oregon euthanasia, and Massachusetts homosexual marriage issues.

More importantly, you have a personal stake in this. I suspect that discouraging sex in our prisons is becoming a very important issue to you--one that grows in importance more each day. Who knows how long it will be before you're caucusing with the Aryan Brotherhood.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The General is infallible (and heterosexual)

Two weeks ago, I sort of predicted that the Panzer Kardinal would become Pope Panzerfaust I. I am now convinced that, like His Holiness and Our Leader, I am infallible.



Thanks to commenter SJS for "Pope Panzerfaust I"

Time is so pre-Schiavo

Jim Kelly
Managing Editor
TIME Magazine

Dear Mr. Kelly,

I see that you've finally gotten the message. You understand that we control the government and that the seditious liberal "journalism," so valued by the French, will no longer be tolerated. That's why you chose Ann Coulter to grace the cover of your current edition.

The cover would have been enough for most magazines, but you're Time Magazine--you have a tradition of achievement that must be maintained. If you're going to be a sycophant to the powerful, you're going to do it better than anyone else. That's why you raided Tiger Beat's talent pool to hire the perfect writer to author your tribute to Miss Coulter. It's a masterpiece in the art of puffery. A piece so devoid of truth, an antiquated liberal value, it honors Miss Coulter's contribution to public discourse by its very mendacity.

Unfortunately for you, your attempt to curry favor will not succeed. It only demonstrates your ignorance of the current state of American conservatism. Miss Coulter is so pre-Schiavo. We're long past her angry, incendiary rhetoric. We've moved onto worshipping men of action, true Christian warriors like Tom DeLay and James Dobson who are ready to lead us into battle against the black-robed demons who sit on our courts. It's with them, the conservative heart now resides, not with the blond, smirking, brown people hating, adams appled bombshell of our youth.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

From Ashes to Glory

A personal note to reader From Ashes to Glory (no email address available).

As much as my fellow conservatives complain about your links to Jesus' General, they still click on them. I get quite a few hits from Herd Nation. Thanks for keeping the faith.

Homosexual marriage claims another victim

Sen. Jeff Miller
Tennessee State Senate

Dear Sen. Miller,

I guess it was only a matter of time until you were destroyed by homosexuals. They targeted you from the moment you introduced your Defense of Marriage Act in the Tennessee Senate. First, they tried destroy you by recruiting your brother into the homosexual lifestyle, but you thwarted them by growing a beard. Now, they've torn your marriage apart by forcing you to have carnal relations with a legislative aide.

I must admit that I have little sympathy for you. You knew it was coming. You championed the Defense of Marriage Act by asserting that granting human rights to homosexuals would destroy the institution of marriage. After Massachusetts legalized homosexual marriage, you should have prepared for an assault on your own marriage by taking measures to ensure your fidelity.

That's what I did. I haven't showered since the moment I heard the news out of Massachusetts. No woman would have me now except my wife, Ofjoshua--that is she'd have me if she wasn't spending so much time over at Mr. Hernandez's place helping him get over his divorce. He's another casualty of homosexual marriage.

I don't know what advice I can offer you now. Have you thought about shaving your beard and going with Elvis sideburns? That might help.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

The official Ratzinger photo

I see that Cardinal Ratzinger is in the news again. I think the picture I used in a post a couple of weeks ago should become his official blog photo.

Good luck mein Panzer Kardinal.

Credit where credit is due.

I could not remember who had directed me to the Minnesota GOP site when I wrote about it yesterday. I now recall that it was Mr. Serious from the French blog, Hell Nation.

Gabriel wields a wicked knee

Derek Packard
Light on the Hill TV

Dear Mr. Packard,

I just signed up to receive your Justice Sunday webcast. I want to thank you for working with Sen. Frist, Dr. Dobson, and Mrs. LeHaye to make it so readily available to those of us who are unable to attend.

That said, I wonder if Justice Sunday is really the best way to begin the great judicial purge. You, more than anyone else, know the importance of erecting a prayer shield before undertaking something this important. It can mean the difference between winning or losing a battle. As you note on your Call to War website, a good prayer shield can be employed offensively as well as defensively. That's what you said happened in World War II when an American prayer shield caused Hitler to invade the Soviet Union.

Perhaps we can use Justice Sunday to erect a prayer shield against the judges. We could pray for the holy spirit to intervene anytime a judge is about to deliver an ungodly opinion. Picture this: an angel of God, dispatched by our prayers, kicks a judge in the nuts every time he reaches for a pen to sign a decision requiring that homosexuals be treated like human beings. Do you think that judge will ever actually sign it? I don't think so.

Some might say that prayer can't be used to instruct angels to kick judges in the nuts. Such people simply lack faith. If prayer can be used to cause the invasion of the Soviet Union, it can be used to bring about a little miraculous nut slapping.

By God, that'd bring the judges around, wouldn't it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Little Green Republicans

Corey Miltimore
Executive Director
Minnesota Republican Party

Dear Mr. Miltimore,

I congratulate you for linking to the blog, Little Green Footballs, on the official Minnesota Republican Party website. A lot of state parties wouldn't take such a risk. They'd shy away from a blog that so frequently publishes such blatantly racist rhetoric as this:

"Since the media?s barrage of images of Corrie looking Caucasian and saintly has not abated, every time I cover a story about her I?m going to repost one of these photographs, unmasking the hidden face of Rachel Corrie [a young American woman who was crushed by an Israeli bulldozer]."
http://snipurl.com/e29r

"How can these vermin [Arabs] have a country? How can these vermin be allowed to live?"
http://snipurl.com/e29t

"Our superiority, militarily and morally, to these vermin is so overwhelming that it would go without saying, were it not for the daily shreiking [sic] of the America-hating press."
http://snipurl.com/e29v

"I really don't consider it killing. It's simply extermination of vermin, diseased vermin at that."
http://snipurl.com/e29x

"These subhumans [Palestinians] have shown for long enough that they don't deserve a state."
http://snipurl.com/e2a0

"I've been fond of transfer of these subhuman sarcens for a while. Perhaps something more like targetted [sic] genocide at the religious muslims will become necesary [sic]."
http://snipurl.com/e29z

"If every subhuman piece of excrement in the rafah non refugee camp dies slowly and painfully of starvation, I'll have a great Passover!!"
http://snipurl.com/e2a1

"They don't need statehood; they need sterilization."
http://snipurl.com/e2a2

"Elimination is the only solution; I know that sounds bad, but that's the way it is. Forced sterilization, and full occupation to keep them under control until the problem solves itself in about 50 years."
http://snipurl.com/e2a3

Again, I salute you for having the courage to stand up for true Republican values by linking to Little Green Footballs.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Note: Mr Johnson must to be the bashful type. He doesn't seem to want good Christian warriors like myself to link to his blog. He redirects my links to the Israeli Defense Forces website. You'll need to cut and paste the links I've provided if you want to view their source.

Thanks to drmenlo.com for all but the first quote.