The deadline is Monday

The Kenosha Kid posted the following in my comments:

How much does it cost to advertise in the YRNC 2005 program?
Advertisement are priced the following way:

* FULL-PAGE AD: $150.00
* HALF-PAGE AD: $75.00
* QUARTER-PAGE AD: $50.00

What is the deadline for submission to the program?
The deadline to submit an advertisement into the YRNC 2005 program is June 20, 2005.

This is for the Young Republican Convention being held in Vegas, July 6-7. Go here to learn more about placing an ad in their program.

Name revised again

As you may recall, I changed the name of Strike Force Bravo to Strike Force Bareback because the word, "Bravo," sounded kind of homosexual. I've since learned that the word, "Bareback," is homosexual slang for unprotected anal sex. Therefore, I'm changing Strike Force Bareback's name to Strike Force Bottom. I apologize for any confusion this may cause, but it's important to ensure that OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT is as heterosexual as a Republican Party Chair.

A soldier does his duty

Mark posts a letter he wrote to the College Republican National Committee asking them to put links to recruiters on their site. Funny, it's been a few days and their site remains adless. I'm certain those fine young patriots will correct that soon.

Read the letter. It's so good I might need to steal his keyboard.

Update: Oh, he's posted a follow-up letter as well.


Update II:And another.

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT stickers, buttons, tees, etc.

I created the graphic on the right so that you could print your own sticker using Avery 5294 round labels. I haven't tried it because I don't have a printer, but I've used those labels before and they look ok.

You can also get OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT stickers, buttons, tees, sweats, bags, mugs, cards, etc here (various designs).

Goose T Blog created a very patriotic OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT blog tag that you can place on your blog.

The Kenosha Kid is responsible for this recruiting poster and this one too.

Sometime this weekend, I'll create a few posters that'll look nice hanging in the Crystal City Mariott's bathrooms.

What is OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT?

Name Revision

Upon reading my last post, it occured to me that the name "Strike Team Bravo" sounds kind of homosexual. Bravo's a word used by blue state dandies at an operas and other cultural events. Therefore, I've decided to change the team's name to "Strike Team Bareback."

Red Team Special Op

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT -- Special Op "Video Ninja"

Required Equipment: Video camera, recruiting brochures.

Personnel: At least two, two-person strike teams (one camera person and one interviewer)

Description: Strike team(s) will set up base at the Crystal City Metro Stop, which is located under the Crystal Gateway Marriott, and at various DuPont Circle area clubs and videotape interactions with College Republicans. Completed videos will be posted on the web (either your site, my site, or at Crooks and Liars if he's willing).

Strike Team Alpha will report to the Metro Stop on the evening of Thursday, June 23 to catch College Republicans arriving from Butcher of Salvador National Airport or leaving the Marriott to engage in some good, godfearing drinking and harlotry at the clubs downtown. Alpha will then attempt to convince the CRs to enlist in the infantry. The discussion will be videotaped. They will repeat this exercise on Saturday evening when the CRs official agenda calls for a night on the town.

Strike Team Bravo Bareback Bottom Browneye will be stationed in the Dupont Circle area on Saturday, June 25 in the evening. Bravo Bareback Bottom Browneye will conduct a recon of the Dupont Circle Metro Station and the clubs on 17th and P streets looking for CRs participating in the Night on the Town activities. Once a CR is located, Bravo Bareback Bottom Browneye will interview him about the reasons he chose to fight in the war against homosexuals rather than the Iraq Phase of the Eternal War to Resubjugate Brown People.

The General is law-abiding. Please do not conduct these activities in violation of the law.

French attack the College Republicans

I'm outraged at Le Pundit Rude's lack of respect for the College Republicans. Doesn't he realize that he's writing about tomorrow's Karl Roves?

It's important to remember that the purpose of OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT is to provoke the College Republicans into doing more to tell the world about the patriotic work they're doing holding bake sales, harassing brown people, providing speaking gigs to over-rated propagandists, and punching out Joan Jett. Deep down, we understand their war hypocrisy. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's much safer to convince others to fight your wars for you.

Readiness Alert: I'll be posting a few more OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT ops later tonight.

Star Wars Cantina

Reader Bart's latest report from Iraq.

Blue Team Special Op

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT -- Special Op "First Strike"

Task: Ask the College Republican leadership to pass the following resolution at their convention:

WHEREAS, the College Republican membership has always fully supported the war in Iraq;

WHEREAS, we have encouraged the notion that the degree of one's patriotism is directly proportional to their support for the war;

WHEREAS, by word, by deed and by support of Ann Coulter, David Horowitz, and Michelle Malkin we have decreed that dissent against the war is the equivalent of treason;

WHEREAS, the military continually falls far short of meeting its recruitment needs resulting in a manpower crisis;

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED THAT:

The College Republicans organization is officially disbanded until the end of the war;

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED THAT:

The College Republicans membership immediately volunteer for military service as infantrymen.

Delivery: Mail to the following people:

Eric Hoplin
Co-Chair, College Republican National Committee
c/o Crystal Gateway Marriott
1700 Jefferson Davis Highway
Arlington, Virginia 22202

Corinne Schwarz
Co-Chair, College Republican National Committee
(same address as above)

Manny Espinoza
First Vice Chairman, College Republican National Committee
(same address as above)

Kris Hart
Second Vice Chairman, College Republican National Committee
(same address as above)

Secretary Chuck Efstration
Second Vice Chairman, College Republican National Committee
(same address as above)

Paul Gourley
Treasurer, College Republican National Committee
(same address as above)

Jake Grassel
Chair, Minnesota College Republicans
(same address as above)

Stephen Puetz
Chair, California College Republicans
(same address as above)

A helmet tip to commentor Tommy for the additional names.

Timing: Estimate delivery time to arrive June 24-26, 2005.

Alternatives: white feathers, recruitment brochures.

The General does not advocate harrasment. Please, simply ask them to support the resolution.

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT Briefing

Objective: To motivate the College Republicans to vigorously defend the vital work they're doing defending the homefront by holding affirmative action bake sales, immigrant hunts, and subsidizing the Scaife funding of Ann Coulter, David Horowitz, and Michelle Malkin (see post below for more detail).

Method: Challenge the College Republicans to volunteer to fight in the war they demanded.

Mode: Nonviolent Leaderless Creative Expression

Target: 56th College Republican Biennial Convention
June 24-26, 2005
Crystal Gateway Marriott
Arlington, Virginia

Deployment: Red team, Metro Washington DC; Blue Team, nation-wide.

Weaponry: Flyers, posters, stickers, video cameras, video cameras, still cameras, digital communications, humor, irony, creativity.

Idea clearinghouse: http://patriotboy.blogspot.com

The rationale behind OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT

I suppose that a number of you are wondering if I've been co-opted by the French. After all, one could reasonably assume that OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT is designed to embarrass College Republicans. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm actually trying to help them.

I learned in the last presidential election the importance of turning a weakness into a strength. I think we were all amazed to see a man who had gone AWOL from an undeployable National Guard unit defeat a decorated war hero because he was perceived to have more credibility as a military commander. We can do the same for the College Republicans.

Their greatest weakness is their almost pathological reluctance to fight in the war they demanded. It makes them look cowardly and hypocritical. That's especially true now that our military is suffering a manpower crisis. It'll take bold action on their part to change that perception. That's a tall order. Boldness is an alien trait to Hawks who are too timid to fight. We'll need to provoke them into defending their honor.

College Republicans have a lot to be proud about. Their courageous affirmative action bake sales and immigrant hunts are important elements of the internal phase of our Glorious War to Resubjugate Brown People. Just as important is the role they play in subsidizing our greatest conservative thinkers. People like Ann Coulter, David Horowitz, and Michelle Malkin would never get a speaking gig if College Republicans weren't demanding that universities book them. By doing so, the College Republicans free up Scaife money for more important character assassination operations like the Arkansas Project and the Swiftboat Vets.

By attacking them for their war hypocrisy, we are prodding them to stand up and defend themselves. Our assault will provide them with a need to speak publicly about their acts of bravery on the home front, and before long, they'll be seen as the real heroes in this war.

Branding Operation Yellow Elephant

The courageous Serephin created a graphic to honor Operation Yellow Elephant. Creativity plays an important role in this operation (Yes, I understand that art is a French thing, but we'll take satisfaction from it to undermine them).

So please create graphics, leaflets, stickers and posters. Post them on your blogs and I'll give you a link. Members of our Blue Team can then post or distribute them around the convention area.

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT

Rep. Mike Pence
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Pence,

As one of Congress' boldest defenders of our holy crusade in the Middle East, you understand the enormity of the problem our armed services now face. As recruiting goals go unmet for months on end, our military becomes less and less able to meet the threats we face in Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, Ecuador, and Brazil.

On Friday, June 24th, you will have an opportunity to do something about it. That's the day you speak at the 56th College Republican Biennial Convention. You'll have an audience of hundreds of enthusiastic, hyper-patriotic, war supporting, military age men and women, each listening closely to the words you speak. Those words should be, "Your nation needs you in Iraq. It's time for you to trade your business management books for body armor and head out to the nearest recruiting office."

Think of the impact you'll have. These young men and women are the cream of young conservatism. The example they set will encourage thousands of their peers to follow suit.

Please don't squander this opportunity to turn our recruiting woes around.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Note to men and not men of my militia and Ladies Auxiliary Corps. Don't let down these fine Republican children of privilege. I expect all of you in the DC area to be at the convention carrying signs and handing out recruitment brochures. I've set up a special comment thread to help you get organized for OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT, below.

If you're not in the DC area, you can still help by spreading this message by email and comment to other blogs in our great nation.

A helmet tip to reader Randy for the lead.

Now is the time for all good men and not men to come to the aid of Our Leader's Crusade

Thread for organizing OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT.

I'm serious. I want pictures for my blog. I want to see you in the newspapers and on television. That's an order.

Sen. Crapo

A C&L heretic makes a call you have to hear.

The Beehive Confederacy

Sen. Orrin Hatch
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Hatch,

I want to thank you for upholding traditional conservative Utah values by refusing to sign on as a co-sponsor of the anti-lynching resolution. The fact that many people wonder why both of Utah's senators would stand with those from the old Confederacy on this issue illustrates just how much of our state's heritage has been lost.

As you may recall from your history classes, Utah became a US territory as part of the Compromise of 1850. The Senate could not agree on the issue of slavery in the territories, so to save the compromise, they left the question to the people of Utah. Two years later, the territorial legislature passed a bill legalizing slavery and the territorial governor, the prophet Brigham Young, signed it into law. Utah remained a slave territory by choice until the practice was ended by an arrogant federal government a decade later.

Although Confederate culture lived on for many years after slavery ended (the state's official church enforced it's own Jim Crow laws until 1978) many have forgotten this part of our proud conservative heritage. I think that's a shame. That's why I'm so grateful to you and Sen. Bennett for standing with our white robed brethren from the Old Confederacy in opposition to the humiliating anti-lynching resolution.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Bowling for Jesus

Chapter Three of the Jivester's new testament, DETECTIVE NEPTUNE IN "CHRIST, THE SCREAMING AVENGER." is up.

He ain't crazy; he's just bothered

Another fine letter from Crooks and Liars. He suggests that you view this video before you read it.

Duncan Hunter
Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee

Dear Rep. Hunter,

I always thought of Guantanamo Bay as a place of disgrace. A hideous example of what the United States of America stands for. But after hearing your heartfelt press conference yesterday, I realized that the many reports disseminated by the liberal elite media were nothing more than an attempt to demoralize our fine troops and condemn that great detention facility. It's just like those panty wipes to manipulate the American people into thinking that Gitmo is not the most noble institution it surely is. With a need for better public relations around the world, I have a great idea that we can spread throughout the Arab world.

Guantanamo Bay Holiday Vacations Resort

We can advertise it thusly:

Have you felt like your life has been empty and unfulfilled? Or are you working so hard at those three jobs just to pay the rent that you need a little R&R?

Then come to Guantanamo Bay Holiday Vacations Resort.

It's a wondrous, exotic paradise filled with all the excitement a family could want. The lavish prison is situated right on the beachfront of Guantanamo Cuba. It's built on a fabulous sandy knoll that is located just south of the bay.

Be the first family on your block to experience a weekend in the most glorious barbed wire fences and velvety concrete we have to offer. With our super sized cells, you can fit a family of four on two of our king-size cots.

If you don't have any pets, don't worry. We can supply you with the cutest little pit bulls available anywhere in the world.

You'll also find your very own personal waterboarding instructor handy at any time. For daily activities we have a new game called "put this bag on your head"." Its very popular with the kids. We have plenty of neon colored leashes that glow in the dark, so if you just want to drag each other around in the soot, be our guest. For your music enjoyment we also feature a sound system the blasts the latest from Weezer and Cold Play to Beyonce and Mariah Carey twenty-four hours a day. Sometimes we do forget to turn it off, but that could happen to anybody.

But the best part of all is the cooking from our fine French chef, monsieur Duncan Hunter the fourteenth. His specialties are two kinds of chicken; fried or lemon, with elegant side dishes of broccoli, sauteed peas and mushrooms. You'll also have access to a full line of rugs, beads, Bibles, Korans, oils, incense and much, much more for your religious pleasure. So come on down and be the first to enjoy a weekend at Guantanamo Bay Holiday Vacations Resort.

Metrosexually Yours

The Colonel Crooks and Liars

.

Top 10 secrets revealed in Furhman's new book

The patriotic press is buzzing with excitement about former LA Police Detective Mark Furhman's new book, Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death. Early reports indicate that it'll be even more popular than such Heartland favorites as Legacy: Paying the Price for the Clinton Years, Hell to Pay: The Unfolding Story of Hillary Rodham Clinton, Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House, and Final Days: A Behind the Scenes Look at the Last, Desperate Abuses of Power by the Clinton White House. I won't argue with that. It'll certainly be a great read if this list of the book's top ten revelations is accurate.

10. Schiavo lost the will to live when Howard Dean described her as being a white woman.

9. Tom Delay offered to give Terri half of his brain but was told that he couldn't because greedy brown people had already offered theirs.

8. Michael Moore, Jeanine Garofalo, Tim Robbins, and Susan Sarandon pitched in to pay a hit man to murder Schiavo when they learned that she could pinpoint the location of Saddam's WsMD.

7. Michael Schiavo was nowhere near Cambodia on Christmas Eve in 1968.

6. Hillary Klinton beat Vince Foster to death with Terri's comatose body.

5. Jimmy Carter ordered Schiavo to be silenced because she knew about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez' plan to destroy Galveston Texas with his fleet of Vorgon battle cruisers.

4. Zell Miller's bite was meant to heal not to kill.

3. How phone calls originating from a Fox News studio fueled Schiavo's secret love for Bill O'Reilly.

2. Jeff Gannon performed a medical examination on Schiavo and determined that she could be saved if the ANWR was opened up for oil exploration.

1. Detective Fuhrman reveals that Schiavo was murdered "by her husband, who is secretly a brown person!"

Target audience

People who bought Silent Witness: The Untold Story of Terri Schiavo's Death by Mark Fuhrman also bought:

• The Truth About Hillary : What She Knew, When She Knew It, and How Far She'll Go to Become President by Edward Klein
• Men In Black: How the Supreme Court Is Destroying America by Mark R. Levin
• Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans Speak Out Against John Kerry by John E. O'Neill
• Blood Brother: 33 Reasons My Brother Scott Peterson Is Guilty by Anne Bird
• A Deadly Game: The Untold Story of the Scott Peterson Investigation by Catherine Crier
• Because He Could by Dick Morris

Fellowshipping Jim

I know Carl's a dirty Frenchman, but I have faith that he'll see the light now that he's fellowshipping Mayor West.

GOP shows King County how elections should be run

After over six months of hearing WA State Republican Chair Chris Vance spread his faith-based allegations of election fraud in King County (Seattle area), the French are chuckling over this bit of news from the King County GOP Convention:

In the 9th District, 436 voting delegates were seated-- but tellers counted 444 ballots, including one abstention, in the contest between Steve Hammond and Reagan Dunn to become the party's official choice for the King County Council in the fall elections.

How did they reconcile the difference? They didn't.

What the Frenchmen don't understand is that the Holy Ghost and a group of angels were responsible for the eight extra votes. They wanted to ensure that their candidate, Steve Hammond, won.

Baghdad rocks

Bart's latest:

THE ROCK OF BAGHDAD

107.7 is the U.S. military's FM station here. Part of the Armed Forces Network. It broadcasts a dizzying mixture of rock and country. Sometimes they will do a 4 hour block of country, sometimes 4 hours of classic rock. You get some hip hop too. I've heard R. Kelly, immediately followed by that redneck lady who's all the country rage now (I can't recall her name, the song they were playing was the one where she's gonna get even with the mini-skirted hussy). I've also heard Toby Keith, immediately followed by Ozzy Osbourne doing "Mississippi Queen." They takes requests. Some of these guys have a sense of humor/irony, because I heard a request for Ozzy's "War Pigs" the other day.

The thing that makes the station really distinctive are it's non-commercial commercials. "Remember, wear your kevlar when you're out in those humvees," one of the enlisted dj's implores "because those humvees don't have those soft bags that pop out and cushion your impact."

Some chaplin has his own commercial. He implores us to "secure our spiritual perimeter." He has a bunch of other military/religious cliches in the commercial, but I never remember them because I'm laughing my ass off at the spiritual perimeter thing.

They also have some commercials that aren't so funny. In particular, theres one on suicide prevention. They have their own "hot-line" for that here. There is a lot of pressure on our folks here.

Doing his duty?

John Hinderaker
Powerline Blog

Dear John,

Please pass on my congratulations to your son for graduating high school. When is he scheduled to leave for boot camp?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thanks to reader cloak104 for the tip.

The Satanic trinity

Simon Leis
Hamilton County Sheriff

Dear Sheriff Leis,

Ohio is under siege. The enemies of all that is good and decent are trying to bring the state's elected Republican leadership down by attacking their bold and innovative program to use state funds to reward those who finance Republican candidates. They call it Coingate and describe it as a "wholesale looting of the state treasury," but we see it for what it is, an opportunity for Ohio's taxpayers to contribute to the only party that's willing to take a stand for morality.

While others condemn Gov. Taft, Sec. of State Blackwell, and the candidate you've endorsed for governer, State Auditor Betty Montgomery, for turning the treasury over to campaign contributors, you remind us that there's a greater evil out there, a Satanic trinity if you will, doing much more to harm this nation. Your Police Memorial Day speech outlining the treachery of homosexuals, feminists, and the ACLU should be mandatory reading in our schools along with the Gettysburg Address and the Books of Genesis and Leviticus.

I was particularly moved by these passages:

Our country is in great peril, not from an approaching army but from a satanic pestilence that has already invaded our nation with a drug-infested culture, littering our country and neighborhoods with untold corpses and its collateral family damage.

[...]

The gay and lesbian coalitions, rabid feminist groups and the American Civil Liberties Union (are) all competing for power. Many use their political action committee funds to influence elected officials, to represent these parasitic groups who proselytize and force us, under the protection of law, to tolerate and accept their despicable conduct and agenda.

Of course, there will be those who wil try to discredit you for speaking up for rightousness. They'll condemn you for stealing this speech because they don't understand that the truth cannot be owned; it can only be shared. I'm sure that you won't let their attacks deter you. You faced many of these same critics when you prosecuted Larry Flynt and the Contemporary Arts Center. They also attacked you when you failed to find the body of a missing person in the trunk of a car parked in your impound lot and questioned your use of terrorism warnings to scare people prior to the last election. I'm sure you'll be able to defend yourself against them again.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen JC Christian, patriot

Thanks to reader Beth for the tip.

Christian site compromised

Ed Vitagliano
Editor, AFA (American Family Association) Journal

Dear Mr. Vitagliano,

As you know, I'm a big fan of the work you do in rooting out homosexuals in the media. If it wasn't for your efforts, we wouldn't know the sad truth about Vinnie the Shark, Dora the Explorer, Bob the Builder, Spongebob Squarepants, or Lavern and Shirley.

Unfortunately, I have to report that I suspect that your own website has been infiltrated by homosexuals. I could be wrong-- I'm nowhere near as adept at homosexual spotting as you, although I did discover Dr. Seuss' wicked agenda--but I suspect that the young men pictured on this page may be friends on Dorothy. One in particular--the young man with the words "Horny Boy" written on his chest--sets off all kinds of alarms with me.

This is very upsetting to committed heterosexual Christian Americans like myself. We've always considered the American Family Association's web site to be a safe harbor in a sea of sexual depravity. That's no longer the case. It's not simply a matter of a single page. Just take a look at the Donald Wildmon photo that is featured throughout the site. He's giving readers a homosexual look. I feel like he's staring right at my little soldier and mentally licking his lips. It makes me feel funny. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: Commenter Preznit Give Me Turkee wonders what this image from the AFA site is all about.

Other letters to Ed and his responses.

A tip of the helmet to reader Mark for the lead.

Wal-Mart's business is America's business

I think Col. Crooks and Liars might have something here:

James D. Miller
Smith College
TCS

Dear Mr. Miller,

I always thought of Wal-Mart as a "whorifying" sweat shop that sucks the life out of a town ala Salem's Lot, leaving every small business closed and their employees starving. Your logic about unskilled labor though really caught my eye. I thought there simply weren't any jobs left since most of them have gone overseas leaving a whole class of people not really unskilled, just de-jobbed. But when you said in your latest article:

Worst of all, forcing Wal-Mart to pay higher wages might French-ify retail America. American shoppers are accustomed to having others bag their groceries. Do we really want to force Wal-Mart to pay higher wages, thereby causing them to make their customers bag their own groceries?

That really got my goat. I can't stand bagging my own groceries. I think I have figured out a way to save Wal-Mart, and keep cheap, unskilled labor available.

We need to turn to our good friend the Capuchin Monkey. Or as I like to call them "animal helpers" The Capuchin Monkey is a devoted helpmate who knows the difference between paper and plastic. They eat mostly nuts, are smart and cost very little if we compare them to the average worker at Wal-Mart. Plus with just a few vaccine shots there will be no more health care, or in Wal-Marts case Medicare applications.

I'm sure you will agree that by hiring these cute little monkey's to become baggers, Wal-Mart can afford to pay their employees more w/o raising the low-low-low prices and still rake in millions. The shoppers will have a much more pleasant experience and Medicare will be solvent for a little while longer. Case solved.

Metrosexually yours,

Crooks and Liars