Posterboy

Rush Limbaugh
EIB Network

Dear Rush,

The silent majority has become the disloyal majority. They no longer believe in our glorious crusade to bring freedom to Iraq and are beginning to look upon those of us who promoted this magnificent adventure with skepticism. They wonder aloud why the privileged fight the war with yellow ribbons while the working class risk their lives for our dreams of empire.

Worse yet, they are now asking us to share the sacrifice. Yellow ribbons and "Support our Troops" barbecues are no longer seen as selfless acts of extreme courage. We're now expected to pick up rifles and fight in the infantry like so many dirty little proles.

We need to put an end to this kind of talk before we're left with no alternative but to call the recruiters. I think you can help us do that.

You used a pilonidal cyst (basically an ingrown hair on your butt) to avoid going to Vietnam. More importantly, you did so without damaging your prospects for becoming conservatism's brightest superstar.

There are many young conservatives who could benefit from the same thing. Good young men like Ben Shapiro, Paul Gourley, and Nathan Tabor could avoid the taunts of the rabble by following your example. Unfortunately, however, a boil on the butt just doesn't conjure up the same visions of disability it did in your day.

That's why I'm asking Our Leader to declare the month of September to be National Pilonidal Cyst Awareness Month. I hope you will consider becoming our spokesman. We need you to provide visibility for the cause, so that young conservatives can proudly answer their critics by declaring that they wanted to join the military butt were barred from doing so because they had pimply asses.

September is but a few weeks away. Please consider my request and respond promptly.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

The best blogger on all the internets

THE BAD MAGICIAN VISITS A TREE TWO MILES FROM A PARTICULAR RANCH IN CRAWFORD, TEXAS.

Fighting for freedom in the outfield bleachers.

The Dentiste de Rotation witnesses to a flock of Young Republicans.

The most dangerous woman in America...

...arrogantly refuses to show the required respect for America's Royal Family.

Soldiers in the field

Col. Squarefeatures poses for a picture with God's own gubernatorial candidate, Betty Montgomery of the Ohio GOP.

Stop Dem Cloning Now!

Col. Crooks and Liars gets his Brownback on:

Sam Brownback
Senator of Kansas

Dear Sam,

I have to say that I was a little skeptical of your opposition to stem cell research. I mean Edison didn't invent the light bulb overnight right? Then when that RINO Arlen Specter told you that he wanted "to live" on Face the Nation, I almost fell for his ruse.

After reading that South Korea has cloned a dog (much to the chagrin of Rick Santorum ), I realized the big picture in all of this. The only reason the democrats are backing this research is so they can clone themselves! Can you imagine what would happen to the culture of life if Ted Kennedy was able to replenish his body parts? He could prowl the halls of the Senate for generations to come! What about if there were fifteen Michael Moore's running around with cameras, exposing the truths that we so carefully try to hide about our President?

So I've changed my mind and whole-heartedly endorse your position. Please go to my new website called Stop Dem Cell Cloning Now. All of us pro-lifer's must stick together and defeat this legislation before enough good Senator's and House Members become seduced and make it impossible for our President to veto the bill.

Yours Truly,

Col. Crooks and Liars

Pastor Bill cites chapter and verse

It looks like Pastor Bill O'Reilly's sermon on the sins of Cindy Sheehan was a big hit. Using Republican Jesus 29, "No Greater Love," as his text, he preached that it does not matter if a soldier dies for nothing more than to further Our Leader's political goals. The death itself is enough--it is a sacrifice that should be celebrated rather than mourned.

Republican Jesus mugs and shirts available here

Republican Jesus Archives.

Blogging the freeway to hell

The Frenchman of the Freeways is spreading sedition at about a hundred signs a month.

Blue moons

Jim Gilchrist
The Minuteman Project
Save Our State

Dear Mr. Gilchrist,

I was surfing around the internets the other day when I stumbled upon a photo of one of your recent rallies. It was a great picture. My hear swelled with patriotic pride when I saw all those young men with shaved heads saluting the flag in the traditional way, right arms held straight at a 45 degree angle from the body. Then I read the text.

The author, David Neiwert (it's not a surprise that his surname is French), doesn't share our traditional values. He seems to think that only the tolerant should participate in such gatherings. Of course, that's preposterous--we both know that the tolerant don't hate Mexicans enough to be good Minutemen.

Unfortunately, most Americans share Mr. Neiwert's bigotry toward the bigoted and are, therefore less likely to participate in organizations that attract racialists. We need to soften the Minutemen's image if we are to ever become a mass movement.

One way we could do that is to cover our skinhead member's heads during rallies. That way, no one will be able to identify them for what they are. All we'd need to do is fashion a few hoods with cut-out eye holes out of sheets and bring them to our rallies for the skinheads to wear. Bingo, no more skinheads.

Another option would be to revive one of the ancient practices of our Celtic warrior forefathers. As you may recall from your history studies, they entered into battle naked and painted blue. We could do the same. I think this would be particularly effective during maneuvers. Imagine the fear it would inspire in a group of illegals when a horde of naked blue patriots descended upon them.

It would take more preparation than the hood thing. We'd need to get together early to paint each other. But that extra preparation time would also bring us closer together. There is no better way to build a bond between warriors than to have them rub pigment onto each other's little soldiers.

Let me know when you're having your next rally, and I'll bring a couple of gallons of paint.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

See Guerilla News for more photos.

A scare

Everyone was gone when I returned home from my aluminum can collection business tonight, so I sat down at the kitchen table and waited for Ofjoshua to return and make me dinner. After about 15 minutes, Ofjoshua called and said that she was at the hospital with our grandson. He had a terrible headache, a fever, and he'd been throwing up.

He was a mess when I arrived. He was dehydrated. He was pale and listless. His appearance scared the hell out of me.

All that changed after the doctors put two liters of IV solution into his little six-year old body. He's almost his old self again.

I'm not. I'm drained. It was horrible.

I don't think I'm up to posting anything original tonight, so I'll leave you with something reader Brad sent me. The author of this letter to the Corvallis Gazette-Times is obviously a god-fearing soldier in The General's militia.

GOP is doing its bit for recruitment

With all the good things our leader is doing, it's no wonder that our country is awash with miracles: Rep. Tom DeLay, along with Karl Rove, remains unindicted.

Mr. Bolton has been given his rightful place at the table of our leader, and national security-minded conservatives Â? such as the Clemens Foundation Â? continue to defend our shores by protecting our youth from the weed of Communism at Oregon State University.

I, for one, am happy that the Clemens Foundation is doing its part in the Glorious Conservative Cultural Revolution. With the armed forces likely to miss even its reduced recruiting targets for the fiscal year ending Sept. 30, the Army raising the age of enlistment to 42 and its lowering of enlistment standards, steps must be made to entice enlistments.

It is the hard work of such groups and people as House Speaker Karen Minnis, R-Wood Village, the Clemens Foundation and the College Republicans, who are doing their part to encourage heterosexual American youth of Oregon to consider the military. By cutting off funds, raising college costs and fighting liberal bias on campus, they are only aiding our working class in making those sacrifices during war. After all, who wants a draft?

Allen J. Burton, Corvallis

An umlaut short of glory

Doug Hänks
Proud White Republican

Dear Mr. Hänks

I was disappointed to hear that you've dropped out of the Charlotte City Council race. Four thousand posts to Stormfront.org and other like forums shouldn't disqualify anyone from campaigning for office, especially a Republican running in the Heartland. Rather than acting as if you're ashamed of your commitment to traditional Heartland values, perhaps you should have made them a central feature of your campaign. After all, isn't that what the Southern Strategy is all about? If it worked for every Republican president since Nixon, surely it would have worked for you.

For instance, I noticed that you put an umlaut over the letter "a" in your name at your Patriot Publications web site and at the Nationalist Party site where your book, Patriot Act, is excerpted, but you failed to do the same at your campaign site. That was a mistake. It would have complemented the work you're doing preserving our Confederate heritage. Without the umlaut, some might have been assumed that you defend the flying of Stars and Bars because you're a believer in states rights rather than slavery.

Well, I guess you have some time on your hands now. Have you considered becoming more involved in the defense of Blastocyst-Americans? The thing you might find appealing about Blastocyst-Americans is that they are all white.

The National Association for the Advancement of Preborn Children is suing the University of California, San Diego on the behalf of Blastocyst-American named Mary Doe, who is currently freezing her trophoblast off in a fertility clinic somewhere in The Golden State. More needs to be done.

I'm thinking that you could become the new John Brown White. I've developed a very tiny assault rifle that I believe could be used by Blastocyst-Americans. I need you to conduct a raid on a stem cell research facility, free the little aryans, and then train and arm them for future raids against even bigger labs. By doing so, we can eventually build a true army of Blastocyst-Americans. Once they've emancipated themselves, they can help us free white men from the oppression of multi-culturalism and feminism.

It's a good plan. Can I count on your help?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

At the movies with the General

This Divided State
August 20, time TBA
The Grand Illusion Cinema
Seattle, WA

We'll meet at The Grand Illusion Cafe beforehand and go for drinks somewhere afterward.

College Republicans values

Crooks and Liars has more on College Republican Chair and party animal for Christ, Paul Gourley.

The General ♥ Michael from Doc Hasting's district...

As always, in the most heterosexual of ways, of course. Thanks for sending me Pink Floyd's The Wall. It brings back a lot of memories, or at least it would if I could remember them. Seriously, thank you.

There's nothing wrong with a man being happy

Conservative Bloggers Who Support The Gay Judge Roberts

Helmet tip to blogActive.

Update: I've received a few emails from people telling me that "gay" is code for homosexual. I don't believe it.

Jesus, the original party animal

According to Paul Gourley's official CR bio (from when he served as treasurer), the new chairman of the College Republicans is a good, godfearing, Christian boy:

Paul has served on his student government, hall government, student ambassadors, and remains active with Campus Crusade for Christ.

Here are a few shots of him taking communion (see more at Truth Caucus):



Helmet tip to Jamato of Crooks and Liars who posted about this on OYE earlier.

Let my white people go

Jason Mattera, Spokesman
Young Americans for Freedom

Dear Mr. Mattera,

Your recent appearance on Hardball was great. I was particularly impressed by your answer to the question about why you aren't serving in the military. While others, consumed by guilt for not coming to their nation's assistance in its time of need, would have stumbled, you declared that you had a more important war to fight, a war of ideas.

Sure, we conservatives have characterized the war in Iraq as being a life and death struggle between good and evil. We've even gone as far as to compare its importance to that of World War Two and the Civil War. We also understand that our military will fall far short of its recruiting goals this year. But you and I volunteered to fight a greater enemy, an internal foe that counts half the American public among it ranks.

Your valor has not gone unnoticed. You became a conservative superstar when you created a "whites only scholarship" at Roger Williams University. More people know your name than the names of those who were killed in Iraq that very same day, Michael M. Merila, Christopher M. Taylor, and Nichole M. Frye. If you'd had gone to Iraq, you'd be as forgotten as they are.

Yes, you could sign up for the war you demanded that your peers fight, but instead, you choose to stand and fight to end the oppression of white people. It is a noble calling. If young men like you failed to heed its call, white people everywhere would continue to languish under the heavy boot of diversity. Thank God you chose the more difficult path.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Crossposted to Operation Yellow Elephant