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Bringing balance to the Blogtopia*

The Frenchman, TBogg, has flaunted his Bassett Blogging superiority long enough. It's time for a patriot to step forward and close the gap. Meet the newest addition to our compound, Rosie.

*Never forget that Skippy coined the word "blogtopia."

Thanks Vern

Vern at Vern's Blog is now hosting the video showing Mr. Hannity's bodyguard assaulting a cameraman.

Now, I have enough storage space to bring back my Seuss Promotes Sodomy expose. It's an important piece. It shows the world how our children are being subverted into accepting the homosexual agenda.

I originally posted it in the first few months of this blogs existence. I'm republishing it below for those of you who missed it.

Does Dr. Seuss promote sodomy?

Let's take a look at Hop on Pop and find out



The introduction of Mr. and Mrs Brown starts out fine. They seem like a nice couple, but why are they standing so far apart?



Next, we learn that Mr. Brown goes out of town. Where does he go? We don't know, but we do see a city in the background. Could it be that Mr. Brown is going to one of those Sodoms or Gomorrahs on the coasts like San Francisco, New York, or Wheeling?



Mr. Brown is gone for awhile living the bachelor life in the city. When he finally comes back. He's not alone. He's walking arm in arm with the mysterious Mr Black. Mrs. Brown is never mentioned again.



So what happened? I think it's pretty obvious. Mr. Brown went off to the big city where he was recruited into homosexuality by the crafty Mr. Black. All this becomes clear when we learn that "Mr. Brown is upside down". His life's been changed. It's topsy turvy.



Who is the mysterious Mr. Black who recruited Mr. Brown into a life of sin. The clothes give us a clue. He's a member of the most powerful group in the world. They secretly control the media. They secretly control the banking system and the global economy. They secretly control our government. They are the power behind the New World Order. Yes, Mr. Black is Amish.

Update:

Julie O. points us to a more faith promoting series of children's books, The Berenstain Bears.

In the Prize Pumpkin, Papa Bear's sense of self-esteem and security is an example for my boys. "My patch may be small, but the Giant is big," says Papa, even though his wasn't the biggest in town.

Read the rest of her post, where she shares the titles of some of other favorites like The Berenstain Bears and Race Mixing is Bad.

God doubles up at the crap table

Bill Bennett
Arbiter of Virtues

Sen. Hank Erwin
Alabama State Senate

Dear Mr. Bennett and Sen. Erwin,

Have you considered working together? You share similar values, and recent statements you've made suggest that you might be able to help us get through the greatest problem Congress will face over the next decade.

Think about it. Mr. Bennett believes that we could put a big dent in crime if only we were allowed to abort all the brown babies. And Sen. Erwin is certain that our Heavenly Father killed thousands of Christian men, women and children, because gambling offended him. Now, if we could only convince God to bring his mighty wrath down upon brown people for the same reason, we might be able to make a enough room in our crowded prisons to be able to hold sessions of Congress in them and, thereby, resolve the problem of absenteeism in the Republican caucuses we're facing for the next five to ten years.

You are the perfect pair to lead such an endeavor. Mr. Bennett can pull slot levers while Sen. Erwin asks the Lord to punish brown people for his partner's sins.

What do you think? Are you with me on this?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Helmet tips to readers kingweasel, Allen, Nick, John, Eric and a bunch of others I missed.

Update: Sen. Erwin defends his comments on Scarborough.

Magnificent obsession

Brian Maloney
Radioequalizer

Dear Mr. Maloney,

I'm worried about you. This thing you have for Al Franken is getting a bit out of hand. I know it's hard to stop thinking about the curve of his thigh and the way he forms his velvety lips when he utters the first syllable of O'Reilly's name, but you refer to him over forty times on you're front page alone. That's kind of creepy if you think about it.

Look, you have a lot going for you. As you note in your blog profile, Time Magazine compared you to Rush Limbaugh. And it's not simply because Time thinks you might share his love for torture and injectable opiates. I know, because I looked it up. Here's the quote:

Austin Nevada: Conspiracy USA, in the middle of nowhere where the highway is empty it all fits together.

"The drive-time talk jock (out here it's always drive time) is the inflammatory Brian Maloney, who makes Rush Limbaugh sound like Alan Alda.

You should be proud of that. I doubt there are many other unemployed talk jocks who've been blessed with such a comparison. You should take it to heart and use it to build your self esteem. Once you do that, the fact that Franken is actually working in radio while you're just blogging won't bother you so much.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to Rapport De Majorité.

Roy Cohn's cold, dead woody

Rep. David David Dreier,
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. David Dreier,

My friends at church always snicker a little whenever I bring your name up in a conversation about politics. You don't fit their image of what a good, god-fearing conservative should be. They say your clothes are too fancy; your bearing's too "coastal;" and that there's just something funny about you.

I always respond by pointing to your record. You supported the Defense of Marriage and Marriage Protection Acts and opposed the Hate Crimes Prevention and Employment Non-Discrimination Acts. That's about as good a record of homosexual hating as you'll find anywhere in Congress. You should be proud of that.

That said, voting to deny basic human rights to homosexuals isn't the same thing as personally denying them, and the lack of evidence for the latter in your record has always made me wonder if you were truly committed to the cause of heterosexual supremacy. Fortunately, any reservations I had about you ended yesterday when you rejected your own request to be promoted to the position of Majority Leader on the basis of your sexual orientation. Anyone can discriminate against others, but it takes a special kind of man to discriminate against himself. I salute you for that.

I imagine it wasn't an easy thing for you to do. You probably went straight to a bar afterward and drank yourself into a stupor. Hopefully, you also beat the shit out of yourself when you noticed that you were leaving a homosexual bar. After all, you may have voted against the Hate Crimes Prevention Act, but have you ever committed a hate crime?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

What would Republican Jesus do?

Ann Coulter
Columnist

Dear Mr. Coulter,

I worry that we'll never see another Spring like that of 2005. The media was still attributing Our Leader's victory to the two or three points we conservative Christians chipped in. We were treated like superstars. The networks ran serious news specials about miracles and the resurrection of Our Lord. Cable news outlets treated every sighting of Mary, whether it be on a grilled cheese sandwich or under an overpass, with the reverence it deserved.

It all seemed to culminate in April when a young Christian woman named Ashley Smith convinced an escaped convict to surrender by washing him in the blood of the Lamb. It sent the media into full Church Lady mode. Everyone from the New York Times to Paul Harvey jumped on it. CNN became All Jesus All The Time, a never ending series of Ashley Smith interviews interrupted only by brief newsvertisements for The Purpose Driven Life.

You joined in as well, writing:

Smith knew all about Nichols' violent depredations from TV. Yet she saw him not as a monster, but as one of God's creatures. Most Christians -- most people -- have trouble seeing the humanity of people who take our parking spots. Smith could see God's hand in a multiple murderer holding her hostage. By showing him genuine Christian love, Smith turned Nichols from a beast to a brother in Christ.

Now, it's Autumn and the truth about Ashley has been revealed. She showed him more than simple Christian love; she showed him where she kept her stash of crystal meth and invited him to partake of it.

There will be those who will criticize her for this. They may even call the act, "unchristian." I can understand that. After all, meth is the Heartland's drug. It's not supposed to be shared with brown people. That said, we should ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do." I'd like to think that the answer would be, "He'd lay out a few lines for the strange brown man." But then, like the conservative Christ he was, he'd have enslaved him until he paid for it.

Perhaps you could address this in your next column. You could even use it to praise the compassionate nature of our modern Messiah, the President. God knows that given the way he's clenching his jaw lately, he's sharing a few lines with someone.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christan patriot

6+1 degrees of separation

My inner Frenchman responds to Rep. Stacey X's latest incredibly well-reasoned post--a post so good, it earned Kevin Bacon another degree.

The General will write Rep. Campfield later this week.

Update: Femmes De Guérillero Du Tennessee updates us with the latest on Campfield including a nice article in the Post.

Horses Ass

Femmes De Guérillero Du Tennessee rats out that rotten French bastard, Goldy, for destroying FEMA.

Bodyguard tackles cameraman, saves Hannity's soul

Last year, during the presidential campaign, Sean Hannity flew into Orem, Utah on a private jet paid for by the students of Utah Valley Community College. He was on a mission, a mission to hannitize the citizenry in order to inoculate them against a visit by Michael Moore, who, according to local patriot Kay Anderson, was plotting to lead the city's children into wickedness.

As Mr. Hannity prepared to take the stage, a young filmmaker, Steven Greenstreet, asked him why he was charging the working class students of the small state college $48,851.62 in travel expenses. His question was a ploy, a distraction meant to divert Mr. Hannity's attention while a camera stole his soul.

Luckily, the Fox News star wasn't fooled. He quickly signaled his bodyguard and made his escape into an elevator while the cameraman was wrestled to the floor.

It's all documented in this video clip (housed in this mirrored post) from the film, This Divided State.

Note from my Inner Frenchman: The This Divided State DVD goes on sale today. I've seen it twice and loved it. It's the perfect companion to Fahrenheit 911. Young, progressive filmmakers like Steven need our support. It's one of the ways in which we can help to build a progressive infrastructure so that we may effectively compete with the conservatives and their servants, the DC Democratic consultant class (apologies to my old friend, David Dixon).

Smoking PUCs with the Mengeles of Freedom

John Hinderaker
Powerline Blog

Dear Mr. Hinderaker,

Your work turning the Gitmo atrocities into a rallying point for those of us who support the use of torture and abuse in the defense of freedom was admirable. I particularly enjoyed your "I ♥ Gitmo" tees--it must be very satisfying to earn a little extra money turning the misery of others into comedy fodder.

We need you to do it again. Human Rights Watch released a report on Friday which documents more incidents of abuse and torture, this time by the 82nd Airborne in Iraq. According to one 82nd Airborne officer, it's now official US policy to beat "PUCs," or Persons Under Control with baseball bats and to apply caustic chemicals to their eyes and other body parts. The practitioners of these freedom-building activities, or as I like to call them, the Mengeles of Freedom, call it "Fucking the PUC." They also starve the prisoners and force them to hold stress positions for hours on end--they call that "Smoking the PUC."

Fucking PUCs. Smoking PUCs. I love our new military argot. It brings a little extra enjoyment to those of us who fight the War for Iraqi Freedom with a mouse and a cheeto-stained keyboard.

It won't be long before the domestic enemies of freedom begin to decry PUC fucking in the same way they attacked the democracy-building activities at Gitmo. We need to seize the meme quickly to prevent that from happening. I'm thinking that tees with something like "I ♥ to fuck PUCs" or "Fuck a PUC for Freedom" would do the trick. We could also do a "Fuck a PUC for Jesus" for the Dobson crowd, although they already dig torture and may not need encouragement.

Please give my idea your consideration. I'd be glad to assist you in any way I can.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Call Mr. Rove and Mr. Drudge

It's time to start trashing Pat Tillman:

Baer, who served with Tillman for more than a year in Iraq and Afghanistan, told one anecdote that took place during the March 2003 invasion as the Rangers moved up through southern Iraq.

"I can see it like a movie screen," Baer said. "We were outside of (a city in southern Iraq) watching as bombs were dropping on the town. We were at an old air base, me, Kevin and Pat, we weren't in the fight right then. We were talking. And Pat said, 'You know, this war is so f— illegal.' And we all said, 'Yeah.' That’s who he was. He totally was against Bush."

Another soldier in the platoon, who asked not to be identified, said Pat urged him to vote for Bush's Democratic opponent in the 2004 election, Sen. John Kerry.

A commendation

The General hereby awards Rep. Stacey Campfield (R-Funky Town) the Black Bar of Redaction with Crossed Sharpies and an Incontinence Device for Pusillanimity in the Face of Embarrassment. I award this medal to honor Rep. Campfield's bold actions in censoring the following comment from his blog for the second time:

Political Riddles said...

Seems there's been some kind of mistake. My post was mysteriously removed. '??' Well, here...I'll go ahead and repost those links. Wouldn't want anyone to miss out. Like I said, you just can't make this stuff up!

http://dailybeacon.utk.edu/showarticle.php?articleid=16753

http://web.utk.edu/~jfish/campfield

http://www.wbir.com/news/search_article.aspx?storyid=9493

Enjoy.

Here's a screen cap I made before the comment's removal:

On the air

EvolveTV has been a great supporter of the General's work. Their first program is up. Watch it. It'll help you keep up on the French's latest doings.

Welcome to the GOP

A fine soon-to-be-former Democrat has this to say in Rep. Campfield's comments:

tn sad said...

You people are living under a rock. This just might be the wind that blows me into the republican party.

I reply:

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot said...

TN Sad, we welcome you into our Grand Old Party. We have a long history of taking in proud white conservatives who've been left behind by the Democrats. Good men like Strom and other Dixiecrats became great Republican Leaders after the liberal wing of Democratic alienated them by killing Jim Crow.

I'm surprised that it's taken you this long to see the light. We began pursuing our Southern Strategy in 1972. You've had over 30 years to follow your more racially-minded conservative Democrat peers in making the switch.

Please do it now. The Democrats don't want you, and we need you to help us suppress the black vote in 2006.

Heterosexually yours

The company you keep

Rep. Stacey Campfield
Tennessee House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Campfield,

I decided to check out your blog after writing you yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised when I followed the new links you added. I wouldn't have thought that a black man like yourself would have appreciated Staghounds Sept. 13th post. But apparently you did, because you added Staghounds to your blogroll the very next day.

It was a very gutsy move on your part. I doubt there are many elected black legislators who'd enjoy something like this:

No black American would DARE

say this publicly, and no American medium would air it. Even though millions of Americans, white and black, are thinking it.

"Desperation? Yeah, right. I am beginning to believe that black people, no matter where in the world they are, are cursed with a genetic predisposition to steal, murder, and create mayhem."

Of course, I'm assuming that it was this post that convinced you to link to Staghounds. It was at the top of their page on the day you updated your blogroll.

It is possible, however, that Staghounds was already on your blogroll before then. I assume that's not the case because the links are not listed in alphabetical order and Staghounds is listed last, the position one would most likely put the newest link if you were adding them in no particular order.

Still, even if you added the link before the 14th, you had to know that Staghounds often promotes traditional Confederate values after reading earlier posts like this:

It's not looting...

It's just self assigned welfare benefits!

this:

The trash in New Orleans know that soon people with degrees and skills will drain the water, turn the power on, clean the streets, and replace the houses provided for them.

So why not tear things up? Why shouldn't the zoo animals run wild when the fence breaks?

this:

There never would have been affirmative action if...
I wonder what would have happened if back in 1960 or so, Lester Maddox and George Wallace had started policies along the lines of,

"The Supreme Court has ordered that our schools may no longer separate negro from white. Since we all know that negroes are inferior, we will now implement programs to insure that negroes are accepted to selective institutions.

and finally this:

Why do they need to read? They eat, watch television, drink, fight, and breed. Their needs are met by social workers, police officers, court appointed lawyers, subsidised housing, and taxpayer paid health care providers. If they have a problem they can't manage themselves, a degreed person in the employ of the state will sort it out, even to reading them the forms.

Even the most basic of educational skills is entirely superfluous. What a world we have built.

So I salute you, a black man who's willing to stand up for our traditional values.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Screen caps from both sites.