Pensez Le Progrès and Escrocs et Menteurs seem to think there's something wrong about Rep Jean Schmidt saying, "It's amazing. There have been three marriage proposals and lots of dates. They think I'm a hottie."
As a matter of fact, I think she's a hottie too. I'd respond to this Google personal ad if Ofjoshua hadn't threatened to decapitate my little soldier the last time I told her I wanted her to have a sister-wife.
Apparently, I was incorrect when I wrote that Zell Miller is the author of the blog, WuzzaDem:
This will be the third time I've told you I'm not "Zell Miller".
If you've just decided you want to say I am, then go ahead, but you said you wanted to make a correction and I took you at your word.
John from WuzzaDem
john@wuzzadem.com
http://www.wuzzadem.com
Thanks to all of you for voting for me in the Weblog Awards. I pumped the heck out of it, but I'm still amazed by the response. You are incredible.
I also want to give a shout out to Fafblog. It was by far the funniest blog in the race.
It was a bad night for patriots. The French kicked our asses.
Escrocs et Menteurs slaughtered the competition for Best Video Blog.
Loi Dorque smacked the Volokhs in the Best Law Blog category.
Kos Quotidien and Lafayette whipped Our Lady of the Concentration Camps in the Best Blog race.
Chien Jaune Blog spanked our Pamela and Zell Miller for the Best New Blog Award.
Mélange De la Chambre De la Pam beat out some of our finest future Duke Cunninghams and Ken Mehlmans in the Best LGBT Blog (is that a kind of sandwich).
LacDogDuFeu and Chez Digby overcame Belmont Club and the Proud Wino as the two Top 250 Blogs.
Tristement Non and Michael Berube En Ligne took the premier spots in the Best of the Top 251 - 500 Blogs.
Pas Le Mauvais and Nez D'Aiguille won the Best of the Top 501 - 1000 Blogs honors.
Congratulations to them all.
Update: I guess I was too quick to praise our budding young Katherine Harris. He or she was caught.
Here are the final results:
Jesus' General 32.16 % (17617)
The Dilbert Blog 14.97 % (8200)
Kevin Aylward seems like a nice guy. My inner Frenchman feels bad for all the rotten things he's written about Wizbang. But then again, he still thinks Jay Tea is a dick.
***
Wednesday night, when I was 4000 votes ahead of everyone in the Weblog Awards voting, I told you that it would be close.
By midnight, I led Dilbert by a mere 70 or so votes.
By 12:20, when the polls actually closed, I was up by 15 votes.
Jesus' General 27.45 % (17615)
The Dilbert Blog 27.42 % (17600)
About 3 minutes later, the results looked like this:
By 1:00 AM, it looked like this:
As one of Our Leader's strongest supporters, I have a lot of respect for whoever is responsible for this. He or she is going places in this man's grand old party.
Thanks to pseudonymous in NY for the first screen cap.
My 4000 vote lead has shrunk to a thousand vote lead in the last 6 hours. At this rate, he'll overtake me by the end of the day. Don't forget to vote.
One of my commenters pointed the General to the Best Photo Blog Weblogs Award. Right now, a patriotic blog called Zombie Time is winning. It's like something Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, and the late Sen. Joe McCarthy would put together after a good, old fashioned, three-day meth binge in the Heartland. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this blog is called Zombie Time because it's published by a zombie Sen. Joe McCarthy. That would explain why every post provides proof that the French are nothing but a bunch of godless Marxists.
Here are a few examples:
Death penalty opponents are a bunch of godless socialists.
War protesters are a bunch of godless communists.
War protesters are a bunch of godless Viet Cong communists.
Those who oppose Our Leader are godless socialists.
Casey Kasem, Ed Asner, and Ricky Lee Jones are godless communists.
Zombie Time's closest rival is Japan Window, a blog about foreigners.
You know what to do. You have a choice between a blog published by a very patriotic, zombie senator or one that posts pictures of foreigners who don't even have the decency to make English their official language. We'll need every vote on this one. Please cast yours here.
Of course there are the other important races we've been touting all week. Law Dork, a lawyer so French he doesn't laugh when he hears someone shout "Oyez," is still in a tight race for Best Law Blog with Volokh boys.
Today's the last day of voting. We could double my vote totals if everyone reading this post casts a vote for the General in the Best Humor/Comics category. Or, if no one is closing in, you could actually vote for the funniest blog in the race, Fafblog.
Law Dork has overtaken the Volokh Klan in the race for Best Law Blog (vote here)! The legal blogosphere is in turmoil.
Will it spill over into the Best Humor/Comics blog race? I have a good lead now, but I'm betting it will be close when polling ends. Vote here.
In a 110% purely heterosexual kind of way, of course.
Thanks, Roger, for the Arrested Development Season 2 DVDs.
And thank you Luba for the Leaving the Saints and The Tender Bar books.
I'm still amazed that you all send me this stuff. Thanks.
Tom Crouse
Holland Congregational Church
Dear Pastor Tom,
Your Mr. Heterosexual contest is--dare I say it--an act of pure genius. Finally, heterosexual men have a venue where they can flaunt their heterosexuality without guilt or fear of reproach. My only regret is that I do not live in Massachusetts and am therefore ineligible to compete.
That said, I'd like to contribute a few ideas to make it even better. Manly events like tearing up Oprah magazines and delivering short dissertations on the glory of duct tape sound like a lot of fun, but I'm thinking that by adding a few other events, we can make this thing as big as a Promise Keepers rally.
How about adding a cowboy movie? I hear Brokeback Mountain is very good--everyone down at the cafe tells me I should see it. They laugh and say it'll give me a whole new outlook on bulldogging and the meaning of being saddlesore. It's in its first run right now, so we'd be able to show it's while it still fresh.
We should also consider adding wrestling. Rob Adonis runs a wrestling ministry that gets rave reviews at Christian events. I've tried to engage him in the past, but we got hung up on whether he'd allow my men to wrestle his men, naked, in honor of our ancient Spartan warrior forefathers. I think we could get around that this time by alternating Spartan-style matches between Mr. Heterosexual contestants with his bouts.
Of course, we could just have an old fashioned Spartan-style cage spanker without his wrestlers, but his show would add a spiritual dimension that might be hard for us to match. You see he has this one guy who wears tight black shorts with white lips pasted on what I like to call his Mighty Bulge of Irresistible Temptation. It entrances his opponents just like the siren song of sodomy casts its spell over regular guys like you and me. Opponent after opponent is seduced by it magic until finally, a man of great spiritual strength is able to resist its spell and pin the bulge's wielder. Once he's down, all of the other wrestlers jump in and beat the shit out of the damned sodomite with loving Christian fury.
Then it's time for Frito pie.
I'd like to get together with you soon to work out the details. You name the time.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
A helmet tip to Operation Yellow Elephant's Karl
Yesterday, I asked the men and not men of my militia to defend Our Mistress of The Concentration Camps from being overtaken by Lafayette in the silver medal race for Best Blog. Although those who hate freedom might say we lost that battle, I prefer to characterize it as a decisive victory. Certainly, Lafayette's trouncing of Mrs. Malkin signals that his Weblog Awards bid is in its last throes.
The same holds true for Law Dork in the Best Law Blog category. He may have thwarted our efforts to prevent him from passing Stop the ACLU and threatening the Volokh Klan's supremacy, but yesterday's victories are certain to hasten his ignominious defeat.
Today, I ask you to take the battle to them again. Do not allow Lafayette to heap more humiliation onto our sweet Countess of Kristelnacht. And watch out for Note De Points De Parler as well. Mr. Marshall is eying Mrs. Malkin's third place spot like Ralph Reed eyes a casino operator's checkbook.
Vote in the Best Blog race.
We must also increase our efforts in the Best Law Blog Race. The Volokh boys are being dogged by Law Dork, a man who reeks of snails and baguettes. We cannot allow him to take the lead.
Vote in the Best Law Blog race.
And finally, I still have hellish Dilberts on my trail. That little cubicle dweeb commands the loyalties of many comics section afficionados. I'll need a big lead to hold his legions at bay.
Vote for Best Humor/Comics blog.
Correction
The other day, I said that I suspected Wuzzadem of being both Zell Miller and the commenter who calls itself Veritas. He assures me that he's not Veritas. Interestingly, he did not deny being Zell Miller.
Steven Greenstreet is bringing his documentary, This Divided State, to Seattle:
7:00PM
Tuesday, December 13
Seattle Art Museum
100 University Street, Seattle
Q&A with Greenstreet afterward
Free admission
My inner Frenchman loves this film. The General admires one of its stars, Kay Anderson, a god-fearing man who left his four-whorehouse hometown to become the Ayatollah of Family City USA.
Video
Trailer and clips.
Mr. Hannity's bodyguards discipline Greenstreet.
Richard Hunter
Hong Kong Media Contact
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (The Mormons)
Dear Mr. Hunter,
I'll never understand why brown people are so ungrateful. We provide them with death squads, ayatollahs to write their constitutions, air fare to the finest interrogation centers in Syria, Egypt, and the Eastern Bloc, and at Gitmo, indefinite detention and pain slightly less than that which accompanies organ failure and they return our generosity by shooting at our troops (none of whom are College Republicans, thank God).
I see the Church is experiencing much the same thing in your part of the world. You sent the Chinese soiled bedding, used surgical scrubs, and outdated medical equipment and they bitched about it. What did they expect? Clean bedding, sterile scrubs, and modern medical equipment costs money. They're in no position to complain. If God wanted them to have these things, he'd have made them American.
So a few people get infected by the items you sent them. What's the worse that can happen? They could die? Well, that just gives us an opportunity to baptize, marry, and provide them with their endowments* by proxy. They'll thank us when they're ruling over their own universes in the Celestial Kingdom.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
*Secret handshakes that will get you into heaven.
It seems that Pajamas Media is influencing some of its more Euro-minded boardmembers for the better. I understand that no less than two of these quasi-Frenchman are emailing their critics with threats of utter ruination.
It's good to see the duo taking cues from the White House on how to handle dissenters. It's even better that they're doing so surreptitiously by email rather than in their blogs--it's so much more Rovian that way. The Nation certainly needs more people like them.
The LA Times interviewed John Amato of Crooks and Liars for their Magazine section. Of course, it's in French.
Things are looking grave for our Mrs. Malkin, the mother of America's concentration camp movement. Lafayette, or "Atrios" as he is known among his people, is poised to overtake her for the second place spot in the Weblog Awards Best Blog category.
Stop the ACLU faces the same threat in the Best Law Blog category as the überfrench Law Dork nips at his heels.
Don't forget to cast your daily vote for the General in the "Best Humor/Comics" category
Fellow Washington blogger* Yoram Bauman, the Stand-Up Economist, will be doing his comedy routine in NYC this week. His friend, Nato, will be doing the same in San Francisco. Check them out if you can.
I've met Yorum. He's a very funny guy.
Here's the email I recieved from Yorum (unfortunately, he seems to hate Christmas):
Happy holidays all around!
For those of you in---or with emailable friends in---New York City (where I'll be performing this week... if I can get enough people to come support me :) and/or San Francisco (where my friend and fellow comic Nato Green is hosting a show that he's developed called Iron Comic), here are some fun events:
Info about Nato's show in SF (which, sadly, I won't be able to attend):
In the joke arena, there can be only one gladiator of gag, only one paladin of punchlines, only one true Iron Comic. Here's the format: The iron comics will be given 20 minutes to write 2 minutes of material about a secret topic that they'll be given at the beginning of the show.And we'll have three secret topics. We'll have featured performers while the Iron Comics are writing. Oh, and it's free. Featuring comedians Ross Turner, Sam Arno, Chantal Carrere, Ali Wong, Nora Lavelle, and Nico Santos, with Iron Comics Chris Garcia, Yayne Ababa, Ian Jensen, Lisa Myers, and Sean Keane; hosted by Nato Green. Monday, December 12, 2005, 9pm, Gold Cane at 1569 Haight St., SF. For more information, email natogreen [at] rcn [dot] com.
Info about my shows in New York City that you can forward to friends:
You are invited to come see the world's first and only "stand-up economist" in his debut shows in New York City: December 12th, 13th, and 18th!
Okay, here's the deal: I recently got my PhD in economics (University of Washington, 2003) and have been performing stand-up comedy for almost two years. That means that I'm pretty good--especially for an economist--but not famous (yet :). I live in Seattle, but I've booked three shows during an upcoming visit to New York City, and I'd be thrilled to have you and your friends in the crowd. If you're interested, read on for more info. (And if you want to be on my email list for future NYC shows, drop me a line at [yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org].)
SHOW INFORMATION
* All shows last about 2 hours. Shows can be great, they can be disasters, but they're always great human drama and I'm confident that you'll have a good time. Be prepared for varying degrees of funniness and varying degrees of filthiness. All the clubs have bar menus in case you get the munchies.
* Show #1 (Monday Dec 12, "bringer" show and Aspen Comedy Fesival audition night at Stand-Up New York): Show starts at 9pm, but you need to get there by 8:30 to keep your reservation. Show costs $12 plus 2 drinks at $4+ each, so you're looking at $20 to support my comedy habit. If you're interested, here's what to do: (1) Call 212-595-0850 to make a reservation. (2) Tell them you're coming to see me (Yoram Bauman): this is important because if I don't get reservations for 5 people I don't get to perform. (3) It would be _great_ if you could call me [redacted] or email me [yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org] to let me know that you're coming to the show and that you've made reservations for x people; that way I will know how much to stress out about filling my quota, which can be tough when you're from out-of-town. (4) Show up by 8:30 and have a great night!
[Directions: Stand-Up New York is located at 236 West 78th Street, right off Broadway. Subway: 1 or 9 to 79th Street Stop.]
* Show #2: (Tuesday Dec 13, Air America presents "Satire for Sanity" political comedy with Barry Crimmins and friends at Rocky Sullivan's Irish pub): Show starts at 8pm; $10 cover.
Directions: Rocky Sullivan's is located at 129 Lexington Ave. (btwn 28th & 29th Sts.), 212-725-3871. Subway: Take the 6 to 28th St, walk one block east from Park to Lexington.
* Show #3 (Sunday Dec 18, "bringer" show at the New York Improv): Show starts at 7pm, but you need to get there by 6:45 to keep your reservations. Show costs $15 ($3 off for advance reservation) plus 2 drinks at $4+ each, so you're looking at $20 to support my comedy habit. If you're interested, here's what to do: (1) Call the "VIP line" (yes, that's what it's called :) at 212-631-1159 to make a reservation, preferably by 7pm on Thursday 12/15. (2) Leave a message saying that your party of x people is coming to see me (Yoram Bauman): this is important, because if I don't get reservations for 10 people by 7pm on Thursday 12/15 then I don't get to perform. (3) It would be _great_ if you could call me [redacted]) or email me (yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org) to let me know that you're coming to the show and that you've made reservations for x people; that way I will know how much to stress out about filling my quota, which can be tough when you're from out-of-town.
(4) Show up by 6:45 and have a great night! [Directions: The New York Improv is located at 318 W. 53rd St., right off the corner of Eighth Avenue. Take the C or E train to 50th St. andwalk three blocks north to 53rd St. Turn west on 53rd and look for our sign. OR take the 1 or 9 train to 50th St. and walk three blocks north to 53rd St. Turn west on 53rd St. and walk to Eighth Ave. and look for our sign. OR take the N , R , W , or Q train to 57th St., exit at the 55th St. exit, walk two blocks south to 53rd St., then go west until you hit Eighth Ave. and see our sign. OR (sheesh!) take the B or D train to Seventh Ave. and walk west on 53rd St. until you see our sign right after Eighth Ave.]
* Future shows in NYC: Email me at yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org to get on my email list. I promise not to misuse your email or otherwise be a pain in your neck.
Thanks!
yoram bauman
yoram [at] smallparty [dot] org
[Website]
Iraq had WsMD, was behind 9/11, the insurgents are in their last throes, and we're behind a plot to steal an award:
Jesus General has a campaign to pad the vote. Their sending e-mails to people through orginizers to slant the vote so they can then draw national attention to their yellow elephant campaign. Your being duped.
--The Troll
they log the IP address. the other day Jesus' General lost 2,000 votes because of cheating. happens every year. there's cheating going on everywhere.
-- MacStansbury
