God Cures Hypertension

I don’t know why it is that every time I’m given a chance to speak to The General’s choir, I become completely pre-occupied with religion. Perhaps it’s a function of my atheism acting as the equal and opposite reaction to his unassailable religiosity. Whatever it is, I just had to share my thoughts on this new study that suggests a strong religious faith keeps your blood pressure down. I know, my first thought was “duh” too.

Now that all of the research about salt contributing to high blood pressure is being run asunder, it makes sense that the scientific community would be looking for other factors that might play a role, and after salt, God is the next logical step. Unlike so many studies that attempt to make connections between the strangest things, this study makes perfect sense, even to a Godless heathen like me.

If you are a person that believes at your core that God has a plan for you, what is there to worry about? Everything horrible can be explained away with a few simple words, “it must be God’s will.” That’s a pretty powerful stress reducer if I’ve ever heard one. There’s no sleepless nights trying to figure out what to do about the horrible things happening around you, if it’s God’s will, it will take care of itself, no need for you to get involved. Might as well get a good night sleep.

Now, certainly I am making this much simpler than it is (and I’ll make some sweeping generalizations too), but I can see how having a hands-off approach to life would make living it a lot less stressful. And unlike the whole salt issue, stress is still thought to contribute to high blood pressure as well as a slew of other ailments. I guess we haven’t evolved enough as a species to allow our bodies to function at the optimum capacity without God. You’ve got to admit, that’s a pretty interesting admission coming from an atheist.

I’d be interested to see a study that compared different types of religious beliefs though. This particular study looked specifically at African Americans, a good idea considering that high blood pressure is reaching epidemic proportions in the black community, and for the most part, they aren’t the stressed out religious believers that their white Fundamentalist brethren are. Those folks spend far too much time worrying about stem cell research, abortion and what gay men are doing in the dark to ever really find any real comfort in their beliefs. But religion in the black community seems to be more about finding solace and peace in a world that offers too little of both.

Black folks don’t take a passive approach to religion, as in, here are your marching orders, don’t forget to cross every “T” and dot every “I” if you want to make it to heaven. No, if you’ve ever been to a black Baptist gathering of any kind, you know that they give as good as they get, even from the best preacher. While those crazed Fundamentalists spend their time stalking abortion doctors and hounding the families of dead gay soldiers, religious African Americans seem content to live their lives (the key being “their” lives) according to God’s teachings, and instead of being preoccupied with stamping out sin in every nook and cranny, they simply derive a sense of peace from knowing they’re living a good life. It’s a whole other way of approaching, receiving and understanding God. I’m not surprised they derive some physical benefit from that kind of faith.

But what do you want to bet those Fundamentalists are popping blood pressure meds like there’s no tomorrow (and if the Rapture happens today, there won’t be). I don’t have any scientific evidence to back this up, let’s just call it a hunch.


(Cross-posted at The (liberal)Girl Next Door)

The Gore Movie

So, that most Anti-American of all people, the guy who got the most votes in the 2000 election, is making a movie. And it's based on a powerpoint presentation about global warming. Look, if God had wanted Al Gore to have any influence, He wouldn't have made the vote close enough for George W. Bush to steal it. Or had His handlers in the media make stuff up about Gore for a decade. More if you want to go back to the '88 campaign.

Anyway he's got people pledging to see it when it opens in their neck of the woods. So far only 123,696 people have pledged to see the movie. As we all know, that isn't very much for a wonky documentary about a slide show. And it proves that not many people care about this issue. Look, if our Glorious Vice Leader lost an election (and stop citing facts to say how that would happen if he ran), and he made a movie about shooting people in the face, more than 123,696 people would say they would see it.

Anyway, what you should do is click here, and see when the film is opening near you. You should know, so you can protest it. Like the pro war protests, maybe it will get half a dozen people, now that's a real show of force! Then go here and look at how few people have promised to see the movie. Whatever you do, don't see the movie. I know I won't.

My Inner British Person Goes Old Testament

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Verily, I gaineth inspiration by listening to my Inner British Person as he recites Deuteronomy 21:15-17.

Where is Colonel Pickering when you need him? Ah, yes. Quite.

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Image of a British Person from here.

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Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

I'm off to the wilderness with Ofjoshua, who just turned 29 for the XX time, JC II, who just turned 7 for the first time--he was born on his bubbe's birthday--Ofsomeluckyfutureguy, and maybe even Ofsongwriter and her crew.

It looks like there may be one wifi hotspot a few miles away, so I may or may not be able to get my posting in. If not I'll see you all on Monday.

A lot of folks still have guestposting privileges. You're welcome to post while I'm away.

Bob Ney's opponent conversed with a know lesbian*

It's true. I heard it on the telephone.

* I still don't believe that it's possible for women to have sex with each other. As I've pointed out many times before, ladies don't have little soldiers.

No shots at the Capital

Thank God!

Deputy Leader Dick looks like he's been on edge lately. I was worried that he had taken up hunting humans again.

So I beat their asses and sent them to jail.

I've had a couple of requests to turn Republican Jesus' salute to the Ginsberg poem Howl into a tee shirt. I finally got around to it. You can get it in a varity of styles here.

More Republican Jesus tees available here

Republican Jesus Archives.

Professor Feith and the huge, fat, orange weapon of mass destruction

I checked into a report at Note Parlante de Point that Douglas Feith had been hired to teach at Georgetown. Apparently it's true.

Here's part of the syllabus for the class he's teaching.

POLI SCI 430

Fiction Driven Foreign Policy
(Fall 2006)


Douglas J. Feith
An undisclosed Location


COURSE DESCRIPTION
This course introduces students to the use of fiction to promote foreign policy initiatives. Students will study the latest methods for undermining reality-based analysis using fantasy, fiction, treachery, torture and ad hominem argumentation.

COURSE REQUIREMENTS
1. General Requirements

Students are expected to:

# make outrageous claims and defend them by viciously attacking anyone who tries to refute them by employing logic.

# Convince the rest of the class that the instructor is not the stupidest fucking person they've ever met.

# Convince the dean of the School of Foreign Service that the instructor deserves tenure as a reward for establishing that ties exist between the Women's Studies Program and the heretofore unknown Islamunist Revolutionary Front.

# Demonstrate that the Syracuse mascot, a huge fat orange, is in fact a mobile biological weapons lab and a contributor to Move On.

# Be prepared to inflict pain slightly less agonizing that which is associated with organ failure to randomly selected classmates.

# Successfully defend one of the following claims:
A) Ronald Reagan invented television
B) Ann Coulter is a woman
C) Intelligent Design is Science
D) We've turned the corner in Iraq

GRADE COMPILATIONS
Students' final grades will be compiled based upon:

* Inflicting pain slightly less than that experienced during organ failure (10%)
* Convincing student Senate to pass a resolution calling for the death or enslavement of The George Washington University studentbody (20%)
* Betraying a CIA Agent (30%)
* Getting tenure for the instructor (50%)
* Assassinating that shifty looking professor of French Studies(10 %)
* Convincing the Washington Post to print an article declaring that the above grade compilations total 100% (1%--it's too easy)

REQUIRED READINGS- Bookstore
Students are expected to make up an academic sounding title and convince the dean that they read it and that it confirms whatever the instructor claims during lectures.

Treachery on the Freeways

The Freeway Frenchman has gone too far with his treason this time.

And Andrew takes his to a new level with his relaunch of the Pacific Northwest Portal.

The General ♥ a damned foreigner and Jill from Jersey

With all of the usual disclaimers about the heterosexual nature of my love and, in the case of Jill, the Ofjoshua-approved kind of Christian love much like that shared by Ofjoshua and Mr. Garcia (or maybe not).

Thanks to Ian from London (that's a whole 'nother country) for the Ali G DVD. The General loves him some Borat. I really appreciate it.

And a big thank you to Jill for Tom Tomorrow's latest. Back in the days when I lived in Tremonton, UT, I couldn't wait for my next trip to the big city where I could pick up the latest issue of the Private Eye alt-weekly. The first thing I'd do is hunt down This Modern World and Ernie Pook's Comeek back in the personals section and devour them whole. Thanks again. I love it.

I want a serious Senator

Mike McGavick
Candidate for US Senate

Dear Mr. McGavick,

A lot of people are under the mistaken impression that I support Sen. Maria Cantwell's re-election effort. They think that I must support her because she houses my uterus. That simply isn't the case. I'm a McGavick man, and I mean that in the most heterosexual kind of way.

We can't afford to keep Democrats like Cantwell in the Senate. When they aren't bitching about how Our Leader protects us from terrorists by listening to our phone calls and creating dossiers on us, they're whining about how he wants to jail the press or how he looks the other way when Deputy Leader Dick shoots someone in the face or betrays intelligence agents. Cantwell takes it even further by taunting Sen Ted Stevens about the ANWAR until he cries.

By doing so, she mocks our founding fathers, all of whom firmly believed that the Senate should act as a rubber stamp for a monarchial-minded executive.

Worse yet, she's always promoting silly legislation about things like energy independence and global warming. I think this kind of silliness is what I hate most about her.

You're her exact opposite. You look at a problem our nation faces and respond with a serious plan to correct it. Nothing illustrates this better than your approach to thwarting Iran's nuclear ambitions by kicking Iran out of the World Cup. It's a brilliant plan. Soccer is where these brown people live. Take that away from them and before you know it, they'll be pounding their nuclear ambitions into Wal-Mart shares.

Your plan will also help our standing in the community of nations. God knows the World Soccer Federation is just begging for an opportunity to do our bidding. Commanding them to do so will earn us a tremendous amount of international respect.

I can't wait for your next brilliant idea. Have you considered ending the Iraq insurgency by denying exports of Twister to Muslim countries?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Carl has the inside scoop on Sen. Steven's upcoming anti-Cantwell ad.

Note: My inner Frenchman thinks you should read all of thehim's post. He says it's the best description of the Israeli/Palestinian problem he's read anywhere. My inner Frenchman is wrong, of course, because we know it's all about end-times prophecy.

Motivational Posters for real men, GOP men

"He was the Senate majority leader of the gorillas, who negotiated disputes, back-slapped the ape boys and owned exclusive mating rights with the females."

--Laura Blumenfeld in the Washington Post

On the road again

I had a late meeting last night. I meant to post this morning, but making the world safe for all that is good and holy intervened. I'll be switching cities and hotels for the next few hours, but after that, I'll put up a new post.

Oh, and don't believe a god damned word Cletis says.

All the news that titillates

The French bastards at the Times removed my comment about their article on the Klintons:

Although I enjoyed the Time's piece on the Klintons, I was very disappointed that you were unable to nail down how often they do the wild thing. I was also hoping that you'd provide a detailed description of the former president's thingy. Does it really curve to the left?

Still, even without these things, it was the kind of important journalism we've come to expect from the Time. You should be proud.

Hopefully, you'll continue to do stories like this. I'd be very interested in learning how often John Bolton gets him some without having to pay for it.

Well, at least this one remains:

She's unstoppable now

Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-Inbred), a tireless ally in our war against homosexuals, finally lands that coveted Klan endorsement.

Betrayed!

I'm devastated. Our little green Pamela gave aid and comfort to the enemy.



A helmet tip to lapsed commenter Jackie O.

Elmhurst Undercover

Peter J. LaBarbera
Illinois Family Institute

Dear Mr. LaBarbera,

I was surprised when I learned today that Elmhurst, Illinois is number one in the nation when it comes to Google searches for the words: "sex," "porn," "gay porn," "anal sex" and "vibrators." After all, Elmhurst is not the first place you think of when you're listing the top ten candidates for New Sodom.

Then I remembered that Elmhurst is in your office's back yard. In fact,your office is so close to Elmhurst, a couple of miles at most, it might even be considered to be a part of that city in regard to internet coverage.

That would certainly explain Elmhurst's high anal sex search rank. Indeed, given your legendary interest in homosexual sex--by all appearances, you think about it every waking minute--I'd be surprised if any other city topped the list. That would also explain why Norfolk, Virginia is your biggest rival for number one--it's in Pat Robertson's backyard.

Unfortunately, most of the rest of America will not make this connection. Elmhurst and Norfolk will forever be branded as the new Sodom and Gomorrah in their minds unless you and Pastor Robertson step up and take responsibility for the rankings. I hope you do so soon.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: Elmhust is also number one in "lesbian porn" searches.

The Sermon on the Hill

Republican Jesus brings his borscht-belt best to a joint session of Congress.

A helmet tip to The (Liberal) Girl Next Door, whose father serves as Our Lord's agent.

Donald Wildmon blasphemes Our Lord

Donald Wildmon
American Family Association

Dear Pastor Wildmon,

The conflict makes the hero. Great conflicts give birth to great heroes. As far as conflicts go, the Glorious Conservative Cultural Revolution is perhaps the greatest our nation has ever faced--beating even WWII and our current war against Meskins--, and, until today, I considered you to be the greatest hero of the revolution. I no longer believe that. Indeed, I've come to the conclusion that you are nothing less than an agent of Satan.

That's the only explanation I can think of to explain your latest action alert, or more specifically, the graphic to which it linked, the one which depicted our Lord and Savior naked with his little redeemer hidden behind an unnaturally large censor's dot.

In Genesis 1:27 it is written: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him..." Yet, the size of your censor's dot implies that Jesus' immaculate thingy is incomprehensibly large. It is not a johnson belonging to a god whose image we share; it is a monster's member, a demonic dong that may measure as much as 6 or seven inches in length. That's more than twice as big as a normal mortal's.

Obviously, your censor's dot is a subtle piece of propaganda designed to make godly men like me feel inadequate. The feminislamists have used the same tactic by promoting the myth of the humongous member for many years. Now it appears you've joined them.

You might think you're clever, but your not fooling me. I take comfort in the certainty that this is your ticket to burn in Hell for all eternity.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot