Compassionate Conservatism

How did my fellow warriors of Our Leader's Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution react to the following story?

ELEVEN children and seven adults were killed overnight in southern Lebanon, their bodies consumed by flames when an Israeli warplane opened fire on the convoy they were in, UN peacekeepers and hospital sources said. Their charred remains were extracted from the wreckage of the minibus and car they were travelling in and taken to hospital.

A doctor, Ali Zeineddine, said they were burned alive.

"It is very difficult to identify the bodies or to distinguish between girls or boys, as the 18 victims perished from the fire triggered by incendiary shells. They grilled," he said.

They had been among residents fleeing villages close to the Israeli border and were killed when missiles struck a car and a minibus near Shamaa, hospital sources said. The children were aged between 7 and 12.

An officer with the United Nations Interim Force in Lebanon (UNIFIL), who was involved in the evacuation operation, told AFP that his team removed most of the burnt bodies.

"Some of them were thrown on olive trees and even on haystacks," said the officer, who declined to be named.

An AFP correspondent saw the blackened bodies of five of those killed, a father and his four children, at the hospital in Tyre.

The father of two of the other children killed, Mahmoud Ghannam, 55, who was not with the targeted convoy, broke down when he arrived at the hospital.

"My God, my God. I can't make out the faces of my children. They are burnt black... Which ones are my children?" he cried, repeatedly hitting his head with his hands.

Well, like this, of course:

4 posted on 07/15/2006 2:26:07 PM PDT by thoughtomator (Famous last words: "what does Ibtz mean?")

[...]

To: yankeedame

kill'em all. let God sort'em out.

10 posted on 07/15/2006 2:31:49 PM PDT by pipecorp (Al Lahsucks coxswain hell)

[...]

To: nikos1121

Yeah, they died, must have not read the leaflets.

13 posted on 07/15/2006 2:33:31 PM PDT by bybybill (`IF THE RATS WIN, WE LOSE)

[...]

To: yankeedame

I also have this super secret intelligence. Israel plans to attack all the puppy dog shelters in round 2 of the bombings.

15 posted on 07/15/2006 2:34:23 PM PDT by TheRedSoxWinThePennant

[...]

To: LibFreeUSA
War is hell for the civilian population. Especially those on the enemy side.

Yep! Sure is. I'll bet just yesterday these "grilled" civilians were cheering on their Hezbollah buddies as Katyusha rockets were fired into Israel.

16 posted on 07/15/2006 2:35:33 PM PDT by Drew68

[...]

To: yankeedame

GOOD.

26 posted on 07/15/2006 2:43:31 PM PDT by pleikumud

[...]







37 posted on 07/15/2006 2:48:42 PM PDT by raygun (Give the Dog a Timmy.)

Update: Here's more love for the children from Raptureland:

To: raygun
We need to make the bomblets that are packed into standard Cluster bombs smaller. No need to be wasteful. The environment and all that.

57 posted on 07/15/2006 3:41:07 PM PDT by Leisler (Not all Muslims are terrorists, but all terrorists are Muslim.)

[...]

To: yankeedame

Didn't take these Jihadi cowards long to go from "open war" to crying for the cameras. Don't stop untill there's nothing left but vapors.

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_oct2001/Jihad.jpg

63 posted on 07/15/2006 3:57:35 PM PDT by RasterMaster

[...]

To: grey_whiskers
Hold up those babies up.....and cry to the sky!......(but remember to take the suicide trainng belt off first!)
71 posted on 07/15/2006 4:27:45 PM PDT by Dallas59

[...]

To: mother22wife21
To quote Tom Quick, Avenger of the Delaware, following dashing the head of an Indian baby on a rock, "From nits come lice".

74 posted on 07/15/2006 4:30:30 PM PDT by Mogger

[...]

To: yankeedame
How can they shoot women and children?

You don't lead they as much. (Full Metal Jacket 1987)
79 posted on 07/15/2006 5:28:42 PM PDT by bmwcyle

[...]

To: yankeedame

boo friggin hoo.

just eliminating future terrorists IMO.

83 posted on 07/15/2006 5:40:34 PM PDT by Hammerhead

[...]

"ELEVEN children and seven adults were killed"

eleven kids and seven wives... must be the family of the imam.

111 posted on 07/15/2006 9:49:13 PM PDT by SunkenCiv

Self-fulfilling prophecy

They're celebrating in Raptureland.

Republican Jesus mugs and shirts available here

Republican Jesus Archives.

The week in Armageddon

Soundtrack to the Apocalypse

I thought The The's Armageddon Days are Here (Again) from their Mind Bomb album was spot on during the reign of Our Leader's sire, but now it seems more relevant than ever.

Dr. Dino is a survivor

I'm not worried about Kent Hovind's arrest. He'll beat back all 59 federal charges just like he beat back the charges Ali G made against him in this video:

The GOP Fetus-American Exercise Program

Van Hilleary
Candidate, US Senate

Dear Mr. Hilleary,

I was worried when I learned that Sen. Dr. Frist, MD had decided end his political career with a run for the presidency. How do you replace a guy whose greatest accomplishments were the near passage of bills and resolutions to reform Social Security out of existence, criminalize disrespect for the flag, and make discrimination a constitutional right. His exit will leave a tremendous void in the legislative branch, the likes of which we haven't seen since Bob Livingston resigned his speakership to spend more time with his leather mistress.

Although I respect your commitment to traditional family values, I wasn't sure that you were the right man to replace Sen. Dr. Frist. That is, I wasn't sure until today, when I read about the good work you're doing encouraging fetus-Americans to exercise. How could anyone not respect a man who forces his wife, eight months pregnant with a little fetus-American, to go door to door campaigning in ninety degree heat.

Yeah, I think you'll fill Sen. Dr. Frist's shoes very well.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

OPERATION YELLOW ELEPHANT SPECIAL OP

It's been about a year since our last mission. I sense that the troops are edgy and eager to rejoin the fray.

Target: "The Brian [Kilm*ade of Fox] and the Judge Radio Show"

Objective: Convince Brian to transfer from the 101st Fighting Newsreaders to the regular army.

Mission: Call his show at 1 866 408 7669 between 9 and noon Eastern. Those who complete the mission successfully will have recordings of their calls posted on Calling All Wingnuts.

Previous Actions: Mike Stark of Calling All Wingnuts made it on the air three times (first call, second, third).

Recon:

Brian Kilm[*]ade, cohost, who also does "Fox and Fri[*]nds" in the morning, is 42 years old. Guess what? That put's him in recruiting age territory. He can join the Army and fight the war he believes is necessary for the defense of America.

So I asked him what he thought the Marines think of a guy that wears $2,000 suits, pays hundreds for haircuts and puts on make-up every day telling them that they need to sleep in dirt, not take showers for weeks at a time and dodge IEDs and live fire... what do those Marines think of a guy that won't put his own ass in the game?

Kilmea[*]e has mocked my calls. I'm one person. He can do that.

But he can't do it to all of us.

Bill O'Reilly was the first Fox News host to fall before the netroots and make an ass out of himself. I've given Ki[*]meade the opportunity to address seriously the question of why he won't fight a war he believes is vital to the american way of life. He's refused.

I've even offered to let him off easy: if he'll go visit Walter Reed with me and talk to some of these vets, I'll stop asking him why he won't serve. He won't even do that - i suspect it's because he doesn't have the moral fiber, certitude to look these men and women in the eye and talk to them about their sacrifice - a sacrifice he's unwilling to risk.

[...]

Finally, let me add something a commentor brought up at my site: these Republicans are all about the troops when they've got a war to sustain. But what are they going to do when these very same troops come home with disabilities? Where are the job training programs for vets that can't walk anymore? If they come back with PTSD and develop an addiction, will these Republicans support the troops with treatment, or will they advocate more prisons?

I think I know what Kilme[*]de's answer will be.

The conservative uniform designs start rolling in

Julie O of They Get Letters was inspired by yesterday's post She obviously knows a thing or two about codpieces.

Kim Jong-il, patron saint of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution

Franklin Graham
Samaritan's Purse

Dear Mr. Graham,

One of the things I enjoy the most about living a gospel-focused life is that there's always something new to learn. Yesterday's orthodoxy is often tomorrow's heresy. For instance, it wasn't all that long ago when the Church held up the messages of humility and compassion found in Beatitudes as our Saviors most important work. Yet today, it seems to be all about testosterone-fueled vengeance and retribution. I welcome the change. Acting humbly and compassionately made me feel very uncomfortable. I was always worried that people might wonder if I was a homosexual.

I thought I underwent one of these upheavals of belief last Tuesday. At the time, I believed it was the most sudden change of thinking I've ever experienced, and you were responsible for it.

I was listening to your interview with Miles O'Brien on CNN's American Morning as I readied myself for work (as a self-employed aluminum can recycler, I'm an owner in Our Leader's Ownership Society) when I heard you say (from Nexis):

One of our goals is we want the government of North Korea to know and to understand that as Christians we're not enemy my [sic] and that Christians are good citizens. We're commanded by the scriptures to obey those that are in authority over us whoever they may be. We want the North Koreans to know that.

This statement seemed at odds with everything I believe. Does God really command us to obey murderous communist tyrants like Kim Jong-il?

But after thinking about it awhile, I finally understood what you meant. God commands us to submit to authority, period. Whether that authority is benevolent or malevolent is beside the point. It's the authority part that matters.

It's not such a foreign concept when you look at it that way. Indeed, absolute devotion to authority is one of the most important beliefs we share as religious and political conservatives. Actually, it's more than simply a belief, it's a need we conservatives have. At least that's what the research suggests:

JOHN DEAN: I ran into a massive study that has really been going on 50 years now by academics. They've never really shared this with the general public. It's a remarkable analysis of the authoritarian personality. Both those who are inclined to follow leaders and those who jump in front and want to be the leaders. It was not the opinion of social scientists. It was information they drew by questioning large numbers of people -- hundreds of thousands of people -- in anonymous testing where [the subjects] conceded their innermost feelings and reactions to things. And it came out that most of these people were pre-qualified to be conservatives and this, did indeed, fit with the authoritarian personality.

OLBERMANN: Did the studies indicate that this really has anything to do with the political point of view? Would it be easier to impose authoritarianism over the right than it would the left? Is it theoretically possible that it could have gone in either direction and it's just a question of people who like to follow other people?

DEAN: They have found, really, maybe a small, 1%, of the left who will follow authoritarianism. Probably the far left. As far as widespread testing, it's just overwhelmingly conservative orientation.

Of course, there will be many who will not make the connection as quickly as I did. You will undoubtedly be attacked for siding with Kim against his people. Hopefully, the debate that will ensue will help to educate our fellow conservatives about their responsibilities as subjects in an authoritarian system, but I can't help but think we can do more.

Perhaps we should consider designing an official uniform for conservatives. I'm thinking something along the lines of high lace-up boots, those puffy cavalry pants officers war around the turn of the last century, a long-sleeve shirt with a band collar (to give it a kind of clerical look) and a codpiece. All in black, of course.

The codpiece is important. It'll mark us as men of importance. It could also serve as a means of identifying status. The poor would be issued small codpieces made out of styrofoam. Working class codpieces would be a little larger and made out of plastic. From there, class gradations would be displayed through larger codpieces made out of aluminum, steel, titanium, silver, gold, platinum, etc--everything but wood; too many opportunities for mockery with wood.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip and an "'Allo, 'Allo" to Leclerc for finding the CNN transcript.

A child leads the way

From Rick Perlstein's forthcoming book on Nixon (Digby has an excerpt):

A little Mormon boy in Utah, Timmy Poppleton, wrote his senator begging him to intervene: "I'm only eight years old, but I know that Lieut. Calley was defending our freedoms against Communism." His mother--many mothers--had explained that the villagers of My Lai must have done something to deserve it.

My inner Frenchman read Perlstein's book on Goldwater. He says it was incredible.

He's watching

Ben Ferguson
Patriotic radio host

Dear Ben,

God is everywhere. He sees everything. Think about that as you read statement #1 and Matthew 5:30.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Targeting the Heartland

David Brooks
The New York Times

Dear Mr. Brooks,

Your employer is at it again. I guess betraying the most closely-held secrets of Our Leader's War against The People isn't enough for them. Now, they're trying to undermine security at events that celebrate something we in the Heartland hold very dear, our love for our livestock.

In today's Times, reporter Eric Lipton mocks the State Security Apparatus for adding things like Columbia Tennessee's Mule Day Parade and Old McDonald's Petting Zoo in Woodville, Alabama to the National Asset Database, the government's official list of potential terrorist targets that deserve Homeland Security funding. Take a look at the story's lead, and you'll see what I mean.

It reads like a tally of terrorist targets that a child might have written: Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market and an unspecified "Beach at End of a Street."

By treating security at these symbols of our most cherished values in such a derisive manner, Lipton and Times betray their contempt for the only true Americans, the residents of the Heartland. You know how we feel about our pets and livestock. I've written you before about the passion we feel for our mules, goats, and frogs.

As the only person at the Times who has ever treated the Heartland with the respect and reverence it deserves, we're depending on you to persuade Mr. Keller and Mr. Lipton to issue an apology. We'd also be very grateful if the apology addressed any misunderstanding Times readers might have about Old McDonald's Petting Zoo. Petting may indeed occur there, but only between consenting and committed adults.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian

The General ♥ Rob and Julia from MD...

...in a heterosexual and Ofjoshua-approved kind of way.

Thank you Julia for sending me An Inconvenient Truth, Al Gore's companion book to the film of the same name. We love it.

And thank you Rob for the The Boss's We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions. My inner Frenchman will never forget seeing Pete Seeger perform a few years ago. It was the 75th anniversary of the murder of Joe Hill by the State of Utah at the behest of the copper barons. It was held at the place of his execution, the former site of the Utah State Penitentiary at Sugar House Park in Salt Lake City. There were about 100 or so people there, more leftists than this rural Utah boy had ever seen gathered at one place. It was like radical heaven. I even bought a copy of The Little Red Song Book from the Wobblies.

I rode the UTA bus back to Ogden sitting next to Utah Phillips, who also performed. Damned nice guy.

I put the Little Red Song Book to use a few weeks later, when I read Jack London's short essay on scabs to a strike-breaking UTA bus driver. He kicked me off the bus.

The Scab

After God had finished the rattlesnake, the toad, and the vampire, he had some awful substance left with which he made a scab.

A scab is a two-legged animal with a corkscrew soul, a water brain, a combination backbone of jelly and glue. Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.

When a scab comes down the street, men turn their backs and angels weep in heaven, and the devil shuts the gates of hell to keep him out.

No man (or woman) has a right to scab so long as there is a pool of water to drown his carcass in, or a rope long enough to hang his body with. Judas was a gentleman compared with a scab. For betraying his master, he had character enough to hang himself." A scab has not.

Esau sold his birthright for a mess of pottage. Judas sold his Savior for thirty pieces of silver. Benedict Arnold sold his country for a promise of a commission in the British army." The scab sells his birthright, country, his wife, his children and his fellowmen for an unfulfilled promise from his employer.

Esau was a traitor to himself; Judas was a traitor to his God; Benedict Arnold was a traitor to his country; a scab is a traitor to his God, his country, his family and his class.

-- Jack London

Mighty white of you

Nazi intellectual Bill White on tolerence:

Also, as I had thought, my friend Ken Krauss is a Satanist. I do not believe he is affiliated with the Joy of Satan. I also do not believe he touches kids. I do not have a problem with people who are "Satanists" who are not actively recruiting or molesting children.

Joe Lieberman, Dependent Candidate

I'm not sure if I'll have time to post tonight, but the Jivester covers for everybody with this.

I'm Mr. Rogers! You fork wit me, you forkin' wit da best!

Ray Lines
Cleanflicks.com

Dear Mr. Lines,

I'm very upset with the black-robed libertines who ruled against your right to edit the work of others. Now, I wish I'd bought your Scarface/Reservoir Dogs twin-pack to watch while I'm waiting for my morning Postum to brew--there just aren't that many movies out there short enough to serve that purpose.

I still believe your idea was a good one. Heck, we all want to say we've seen the latest films, but only the godless want to sit through that much sex and foul language. That's why I'm praying that you'll consider my plan to keep Cleanflix going.

As I understand the ruling, the judge only barred you from editing the films--he said nothing about remaking them. That's what I think you should do.

I know what you're thinking. It would be very costly to reshoot a blockbuster, but that's the beauty of my idea--you don't have to reshoot a thing. All you need is the editing equipment you already own.

See, you go out and get all of the footage you can of old TV shows. Look for things that aren't aired much anymore--they should be cheap. Then simply edit them to approximate the storyline from the latest blockbuster. It doesn't even have to close to the filmakers original work. Your bowlderized versions certainly weren't.

Think about it. After few hours of editing, you could produce the story of Mr. Rogers, a man who arrives as a stranger to the neighborhood. But after he eliminates his rival King Friday XIII, he becomes the Don of the Kingdom of Makebelieve. Bingo, you have a family-friendly version of Scarface.

I hope you'll consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Tbogg's take (I had to completely rewrite this post after I saw he beat me to the 12-minute Scarface line)
Colonel John's guestletter to Cleanflicks.

Joe Lieberman and the Mothers

Sen. Joe Lieberman is following up on his wildly successful "bumpersticker ad" with another shot at Ned Lamont.




Elsewhere: John has a clip of the first ad.

Watching a right-wing meltdown

My inner Frenchman is watching in fascination as the National Socialist Movement disintigrates. It's all happening in real time here (warning, this guy is a Nazi). You might recall that these are the same people who branded Dave Neiwert of Orcinus and Sarah of Oly Blog as "race traitors," and, taking a page out of the David Horowitz/STACLU playbook, published their home addresses in an effort to intimidate them.

I don't understand a lot of the context, but apparently "The Commander" fired one of their top people because he had insulted nazis who were involved in satanism and the Christian Identity movement. Of course, he was right to fire him. The Nazis can't broaden their appeal if they're percieved as being anti-religion.

Sarah has more here.

Darryl has a theory about the man in the picture.

Nedd and Golden Boy

STACLU Director Nedd Kareiva sent the following response to my challenge to wrestle him in the ancient manner of the Spartans:

From: info@stoptheaclu.org
To: Gen. JC Christian,patriot
Sent: Saturday, July 08, 2006 11:25 PM
Subject: RE: A challenge

Ooh, you're not going to stand for it, huh? Big "Christian" you are. Oh, and in case you don't know this, speaking of wrestling, I used to train with one back in the 1980s and am friends with a retired one here in Chicago's suburbs (ever hear of Golden Boy Paul Christy?). I don't think you want to go that route. I wouldn't if I were you, little boy.

Now if you think you're so big and tough and want to show it, you make the trip to Chicago and either put up or shut up. The address is on the site. Hell, I'll even consider paying part of your airfare if you want to try it. That way we'll see how tough you are.

Idaho doesn't split the difference. Perhaps the Dakotas might. Idaho is your next state over.

If you're not willing to put up, your next message will be your last one as your e-mail address will be blocked and future messages will bounce back to you.

The ball is in your court.

Nedd

Nedd might have picked up some tips from Golden Boy, but dammit, I have the Lord and Our Leader on my side. I'm not going to allow him to get away, unpunished.

Here's my response.

Nedd Kareiva
Scrabble Champion
Director, Stop the ACLU Coalition

Dear Mr. Kareiva,

Sure, you and Golden Boy may have locked your sweat drenched bodies together within the squared circle, mingling your manly essence as you each struggled to dominate the other. And perhaps you did so naked in the manner of the ancient warriors of Sparta. But tell me, big boy, were you armed with spatulas? Did you spank Golden Boy's exposed fleshy behind with a Terrible Spatula of Retribution? If not, then you know nothing of the ways of a true conservative warrior.

We aren't fooled by you, Jay, Kender, or the rest of the STACLU crew. We know that you're not real patriots. You merely pretend to be conservative in order to discredit those of us who've devoted our lives to fighting for Jesus and George W. Bush. You play act at being morons, desperately hoping to tar the rest of us with a reputation for stupidity.

That's why I'm not going to allow you to take the cowardly way out of this. You are going to feel the sting of my Terrible Spatula of Retribution next Saturday in Ghorley park. That is if you have the balls to show up.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: Nedd takes the coward's way out and refuses to defend his honor:

From: info@stoptheaclu.org
To: Gen. JC Christian,patriot
Sent: Sunday, July 09, 2006 10:24 AM
Subject: RE: A challenge

Hey, at least I offered to pay part of your airfare to Chicago, wuss. You haven't offered me a thing to come to Idaho. Therefore, since you won't put up and accept my offer because you're too damn chicken to take me up on it, I suggest you shut up, Lucifer Wimp, and now you are officially blocked from sending any more messages. You have been blacklisted and future e-mails will bounce back to you, you worthless piece of human debris.

Elsewhere: Nedd calls meatbrain a "peabrain" and a "faggot maggot."

Insulting Mr. Coulter

Adam Corolla tells Ann of a Thousand Flays to get lost and hangs up on her. Is he crazy? You know she's going to hunt him down and stab him with a home-made shiv.

Helmet tip to Monkeyfister.

Letters from Nedd

From: info@stoptheaclu.org
To: shanon
CC: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
Sent: Friday, July 07, 2006 3:40 PM
Subject: [FWD: Invitation from Nedd]

Where do you live, so-called "General"? If you are in the Midwest somewhere, I'll challenge you to a public debate and take on every argument you can make and dismantle them all. I'll embarrass the heck out of you. Your so-called "General" is as phony as a $9 bill.

You think you know me? Believe me, you don't. I'm not like most of the rest of those you have likely contacted.

Are you a man or a mouse?

Nedd

I respond:

Subject: Re: Invitation from Nedd
From: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
Date: Fri, July 07, 2006 10:53 pm
To: ,

I'm not stupid. I can see right through your code. $9 bill? That's three $3 bills, as in the old saying about homosexuals. Is this some kind of invitation? Are you asking me where I live so you can come over and touch me inappropriately? Do you enjoy gladiator movies like Spartacus, The Robe, and Ben Hur?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Ned replies:

Subject: RE: Invitation from Nedd
From: info@stoptheaclu.org
Date: Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:12:20 -0700
To: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"

You know what you are? You're a chicken, let alone chicken shit. You're a wuss, not to mention a tin horn dictator who wouldn't know Jesus Christ from Lucifer. You're big and tough behind that keyboard but you run away like a little mouse when you are challenged. You big baby!

OK, I've had enough:

Dear Nedd,

I've tried to control my temper thus far, but you entered very dangerous territory when you called me a "chicken" and a "big baby." I'm not going to stand still for it. Indeed, I'm going to follow the example Our Savior set when he spied the money changers in the temple and open up a big ole can of whoop-ass on you.

I hereby challenge you to a wrestle me in the manner of our ancient Spartan forebearers. Now, don't get excited. This wrestling match will not be held in the square of warriors--I'm not wrestling you as an equal--rather, we will grapple each other in the circle of shame, the ancient place of justice where true men of war met their lessers, naked and un-oiled, armed with nothing more that their terrible spatulas of retribution, to teach the rabble the importance of knowing their place.

You live in Illinois. I live in Washington State. So let's split the difference and meet at Ghormley Park in Moscow, ID. I'll be there from 2-4 PM this Saturday. If you have any balls whatsoever, you and your spatula will be there.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot