With Talent on loan from God

I think Sen. Talent might have misunderstood the opening to Rush's show.

Traditional values

How will this traditional guy exercise his Dobsonian authority if he's in jail?


The cammo allows him to sneak up on the ladies before he goes all Don Sherwood on them.

Anti-capitalist Demoslamunistofascists

If God didn't want us to make a buck off of 9/11, he'd have made those planes hit something we don't care about like New Orleans.

Never accept defeat

Sen. Joe Lieberman
United States Senate

Dear Joe,

Every Thursday night, a bunch of us guys get together to watch videotapes of Our Leader's speeches and do other manly activities. There's been a lot of tension around the circle lately. All the guys are worried that Our Leader will lose enough of his faithful servants in Congress that he will no longer have the backing of the majority. They're particularly worried about the Senate. It looks like it's going to be very close, and the results of your race could make the difference (nobody really believes you'll caucus with the Demoslamunists).

I tell them not to worry, because you don't give up. "Losing the primary didn't stop Joe," I say, "and losing the election won't stop him either." I just hope you're prepared. I'm worried that you're not.

If you lose, your only option will be to refuse to vacate your seat on the Senate Floor. When Lamont comes in to take it, you must be there to defend it, preferably with nun-chucks, although a pointed stick might do.

That's why I'm worried. You don't appear to be taking the steps you need to prepare for the fight. You're as skinny as you were eight months ago. You'll need to bulk up.

You also need to look a little meaner. I suggest a close cropped mohawk, dyed black. It'll cause Lamont to be more cautious. He'll hesitate, and then, BAM, you nail him up side his head with your nun-chucks. Then it's just a matter of stepping over his unconscious body, doing a couple of those cool nun-chuck moves, taking your seat, and daring Sen. Reid to say something.

I'd be glad to give you some training tips.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Coming to a school near you.

Of course there are those who say it's a bad thing.

Alms for the French

Egalia at Tennessee Guerilla Women is going through some tough times. Please show her a little love.

And my inner Frenchman's December Skies video is the 24th highest rated video this week. It'd be a shame if you all got off your butts and made it number 1 (just click on the stars). The thought of more people seeing it will give our dear Pamela the vapors.

Oh, and Bob Harris is fraternizing with Trebekistanunistofacists.

Mike! knows his limits

Mike! McGavick
GOP Candidate for Senate,

Dear Mike!,

I admire the way you've handled this DUI controversy. It was smart to voluntarily admit that you were once arrested for drunk driving. And when reporters learned that you had not been fully truthful, it was also smart to say that you didn't recall being handcuffed or falling asleep during questioning because you were suffering from an alcoholic blackout.

But the brilliant part was how you told Dori Monson that you hadn't allowed it to beat you. Most people would stop drinking altogether after getting a DUI while suffering from an alcoholic blackout, but not you. As you bragged to Dori, you still drink and drive, but you now know your limits. That's what I call tenacity. Rather than letting the DUI get you down, you crawled right back into that bottle and showed it who's boss.

I think our kids could all learn something from your experience. Have you considered giving motivational speeches to teens?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

PS. I hope you have the same success handling the Ted Stevens/Corrupt Bastards Club controversy. My advice would be to argue that you were just bringing free-market principles to the legislative process.

Mr. Iger's new boss

Pitches

Robert A. Iger
President and CEO
The Walt Disney Company

Dear Mr. Iger,

I'm intreagued by what you're doing with this Path to 9/11 project. The marketing is brilliant. You've taken a docu-drama based on right-wing conspiracy theories and convinced the public that it's a fact-based report on the findings of the 9/11 Commission. That's quite an acomplishment. Have you considered asking Our Leader to outsource other projects to you? He could certainly use some help with the war.

I suspect you'll be looking for similar projects if Path to 9/11 is ratings success. I'm enclosing a few ideas I hope you'll consider persuing. You'll see I'm adding an extra twist by suggesting that you cast actual politicians for most of the parts. I think it'll add even more credibility to the project.

Anyway, here are my pitches:

Probed: From the files of Project Blue Book
Think: Communion meets Deliverence
Aliens led by Bill Clinton (Ron Silver) abduct a farmer (Dennis Hastert) and recruit him into the homosexual lifestyle.

The Prototocols of the Elders of Lancaster County
Think: Witness meets The Odessa File
The utra-secret, Bill-Clinton-(Ron Silver)-led Amish Council of Elders' plot to take control of the world banking system is thwarted by a talk radio host (George Allen) who objects to the color of their clothing.

Cowpoke: A Story Based of the FBI's Cattle Mutilation Files.
Think: Rawhide meets Ransom
A brilliant FBI agent (Katherine Harris) hunts Bill Clinton (Ron Silver) after a cattle breeder's (Rick Santorum) most beloved cow turns up missing.

I've written up longer treatments for each of these projects. I'd be glad to meet with you to discuss them.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

"Aborting the unliving"

The following was posted in my comments by the god-fearing niece of one of the sponsors of South Dakota's Forced Childbirth Act. I won't identify her because I'm not sure she's an adult.

Not one person here personally knows my aunt, Sen. Julie Bartling. Her mother did have 12 children, my mom included. These children were raised properly and had a life full of love and happiness. Comments on Ms. Blanche Maison remark about keeping my grandmothers legs shut is none of her business. However shutting her mouth is. But then again I've come from a family where respect is given and received unlike her. At some point these horrible comments about family has to stop. No one knows Julie's family and no one should make any comments either, considering her family has nothing to do with the decisions the South Dakota legislative makes.

The South Dakota legislative is made up of more than one person, keep that in mind while you post bashings against one senator. The firm believer in God that I am, I believe the South Dakota State Legistlate is making a step into the right direction. Everyone should get a chance to live.

But I do see where everyone is coming from, I mean saying negative things on a stupid bashing site is really going to make a difference. You are represented by people that you elect. For example, George Bush is the president of our country. It makes more since to support the troops of our country and fight for the freedom and respect of our country.

These people have the education and intelligence to make decisions for our country, and while you're sitting here on an internet site getting ready for lame job everyday think of the position you are in and compare it to them. I think they may have gotten farther in life.

I read these comments and think "how pathetic". These comment are suppose to change minds, but they are handled in such an hostile way. So before posting such rediculas comments, one might stop and think about how immuture these adults sound while writing these things. I have read over these postings a few times and none of them have a purpose. Not one has a reason to why we should abort the unliving and why it's Julie's fault. These postings have no logic to them and make no difference in the choices being made. After I read these I think how unprofessional this matter is handled. Now ask yourself, did these comments change your mind?

In case you missed it

It's been a long weekend and I'm worried that you'll miss my video about the heroes who die for us and the heroes who sing about it. Go see it over at YouTube. Let's see if we can send it to the top of the charts. But if you link to it, please link to the post on my blog.

Opting Out of WWIII

Rep. Tom Tancredo
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Tancredo,

Although you're best known for being the nation's foremost advocate of expanding the war to include the brown people to our South and their cousins who've infiltrated our border over the last 500 years, you're also the only congressman who's called for the bombing of Mecca. Your war credentials are impeccable.

That's why I was so disappointed to learn that so many of your neighbors and constituents in Douglas County, one of the reddest counties in Colorado, are refusing to allow military recruiters to talk to their children. Indeed, last year, over half, 55%, of the parents of juniors in Douglas County schools opted out of allowing military recruiters to contact their kids.

That's a failure of leadership, and I think you're to blame you for it. Just take a look at your campaign web site. The word "Iraq" appears nowhere. If I didn't know better, I'd think you're ashamed of your support for the war.

Congressman, it's time for you to lead. Get out there on the campaign trail and demand that your constituents, the fine Republicans of Douglas County, invite recruiters into their homes. As one of the Congressmen who fought the hardest to send our troops to Iraq, it's your duty. Don't shirk it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Crossposted to Operation Yellow Elephant.

Red America

I'm having a hard time deciding which state best exemplifies Red America.

Is it Florida, the state where the GOP's White American Voting Preference Initiative was first tested, or Ohio, where it was perfected?

Are Florida politicians like Katherine Harris doing enough to promote Tom DeLay's market-based legislative techniques, or are Ohio officials like Bob Ney, Bob Taft, and Ken Blackwell leading the way?

Is the Florida law allowing people to shoot anyone who frightens them the best example of applying Our Leader's values at the state level, or does this Ohio law do a better job of it:

A recently enacted law allows county prosecutors, the state attorney general, or, as a last resort, alleged victims to ask judges to civilly declare someone to be a sex offender even when there has been no criminal verdict or successful lawsuit.

The rules spell out how the untried process would work. It would largely treat a person placed on the civil registry the same way a convicted sex offender is treated under Ohio's so-called Megan's Law.

The person's name, address, and photograph would be placed on a new Internet database and the person would be subjected to the same registration and community notification requirements and restrictions on where he could live.

A civilly declared offender, however, could petition the court to have the person's name removed from the new list after six years if there have been no new problems and the judge believes the person is unlikely to abuse again.

I can't decide. Maybe you can help:

Which state best represents Red America's values
	Florida, where you are allowed to shoot anyone who scares you
	Ohio, where a person can be declared a sex offender without a trial
Free polls from Pollhost.com

A helmet tip to reader Joane.

Bérubé mocks me with his e thingies

Alexander Tristan Riley
Associate Professor of Sociology
Bucknell University

Dear Professor Riley,

While it's true that I asked Michael Bérubé to write a guest post for me while I was vacationing, you are incorrect to characterize my request as being evidence of a "relationship." Sure, we exchanged a couple of emails to set up his guest-blogging gig, but that is the full extent of my contact with him. Although it might be technically correct to call such an exchange a "relationship," I think most people, including your reader(s), might think of a relationship as being more than simply two or three short business (for lack of a better word) conversations.

Perhaps I'm wrong about that. I guess it's possible that people think of their interactions with their dentist's appointment secretary as being a relationship, but I doubt it. I mean, it's not like the appointment secretary is that 411 operator I call 15 or 16 times a day--the naughty little wench who constantly teases me with her suggestive questions about the parties I'm calling and the cities in which they reside.

Still, I suppose I can't blame you for thinking that I have a relationship with Bérubé. After all, I did give him the keys to my blog. That might seem strange to someone who doesn't know why I did so.

I've been very suspicious of Bérubé ever since David Horowitz added him to his list of the most dangerous professors in America. The little things above the letter e in his name are what caught my attention. Those tiny semi-erect lines were taunting me and all of the other brave warriors of the 101st Fighting Keyboarder Brigade, questioning our manhood in a very crude and obvious manner.

I knew I had to retaliate, but I was at a loss as to how to do so. How could I get close enough to punch him in the back of the head without risking the possibility that he might turn around and eviscerate me with his cruel fully-erect wit?

I decided to try to set up a relationship with Bérubé by asking him guest blog. Once I had his confidence, I could then wait for the right moment to bravely slug him and then run away.

Of course, I knew he'd wonder why a complete stranger would give him posting rights to his blog, so I employed a ruse, inviting all of the finalists for the Koufax Most Humorous Blog Award. Bérubé and I were both in that group, him for his wit and me, because the award's liberal activist judges were trying to marginalize my important conservative message by calling it humor.

My ruse worked. Bérubé accepted my offer and posted one article on my blog. But unfortunately, I didn't follow-up beyond that. I've been too busy working on my relationship with the 411 operator.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

December Skies

As you've probably figured out by now, my inner Frenchman and I have been playing around with YouTube. I haven't been very happy with what I've done before now, but I really like my latest effort--that is, I'd really like it if I were traitorous, Iraq-war-hating, Francofascist hippie.

I think those of you who like my photo essays will love it.




About the music

I heard the Cowboy Junkies for the first time on The Bob Edwards Show a few months ago. They were promoting their latest album, Early 21st Century Blues and played 4 or 5 songs from the CD, live. The song I used in my video, December Skies, is from that show. I've been haunted by it since then.

Changes for RSS (Bloglines, etc) readers

This only applies to those of you who read Jesus General via an RSS or ATOM feed. If you don't know what that means, then you're not doing it and don't have to worry about it.

I have a new RSS "feedburner" feed. To continue reading Jesus' General, you'll need to subscribe to it. Here's the new feed.

Update: It's a full feed, now.