Department of Book Reports Volume 5

Why You Don't Have to be an English Major to Read Thomas Pynchon.

Against the Day by Thomas Pynchon, The Penguin Press, 1085 pages, $35.00

Because the Words! the Concepts! the Conceit will carry you beyond your borders. The words sparkle. They gleam. They resonate. They remind.

As I read Against the Day, I must pause, to reflect, to consider. Pynchon is a slow read. I need to digest, to absorb, to scratch out the meanings.

As I think on the fantastical panorama, the real world spins around me. I am on the dirigible, the balloon christened the Inconvenience, cruising the Aethernets pursuing anarchist bombers. The crew of this craft are the Chums of Chance, their mission is to help the down trodden the world over. The crew's exploits are hinted at in the litany of titles, during a confidential assignment in Our Nation's Capital (see The Chums of Chance and the Evil Halfwit) they rescue a dog, Pugnax, a large beast from the packs of wild dogs that roam the District. This is a very well read dog, preferring sentimental tales of his own species, rather than the dime novel exploits of the human race, preferably in French. The recurring book titles along with the assorted odd song breaking out amidst the cast and crew. These echo the call and repeat Pynchon has sprinkled in his other works, the obscene Rocket Limericks of Gravity's Rainbow or the many faces of the elusive V. The tightly drawn tension here is again reminicsient of the tenor of The Crying of Lot 49.
At one point, reading late at night, I skipped over the bit about Melungeons. Didn't know the word at all, or the race of people it was purported to be. A few days later, perusing publisher catalogs, I came across Lisa Alther's new book, Kinfolks. I had read Kinflicks back in 1985 when the Signet edition came out. So, what is Lisa up to now? Turns out, she is a Melungeon, the side of the family that her mother never spoke of or to, reside in East Tennessee and they purportedly have 6 fingers and steal small children, she was able to trace her ancestral roots. That's what I love about Pynchon. These little concepts that imbed themselves, only to bubble up when you don't expect them.

I do feel the snobbery surrounding Pynchon is unfair. You can read him and take away your own rewards, as little or large as you can carry. In this most celebrity-driven society that we are in, the message seems to be "You are TOO dumb for this". I can't believe that. As a bookseller, I strive to put the most challenging reads into hands & eyes that might not have noticed and I sure as Hell don't want anyone skerred off because it's Too Hard, Too Literary, Too Obscure. Every new Thomas Pynchon release brings forth the same cry from the critics. "Sniff, yes it's an ok book, but doesn't show the brilliance of his last work. sniff". And what was it they had said about that previous book upon it's release? "Sniff." It isn't until his next book is out on the market that the previous volume is declared His Best, and that this one simply doesn't measure up.

Pynchon uses dazzling kaleidoscopes of words to remind us of what needs to be remembered. Beyond all our life experiences, Thomas Pynchon will remain a puzzle, the reclusive author has only been on television three times and never grants interviews. But it needs to be realized now- this is an important book- and scholars will much later expound upon it's virtues. In about 10 years.
Enjoy it now, before the rush.

Why should you read Against the Day? Because it's fun! Because the passage which garnered the book a nomination for the Bad Sex in Fiction award, gives a whole new meaning to the term "Lapdog"!


Against the Day is available at Jackson Street Books and fine independent bookstores everywhere.

This book report may have had help from democommie™™™™®©, it remains to be seen if the bank decides the paperstock is legitimate on that money order...

Petroski the Conquerer

John Petroski
Opinion Editor, The Recorder
Central Connecticut State University

Dear Mr. Petroski,

It was only a matter of time before the academislamunistofascists attacked you. Indeed, I'm surprised it took them so long. I'd have thought they'd come after you for the column in which you lamented the sad, sorry plight of the white Christian male or the editorial on the assault on our right to own uterine property. Instead, they waited for your piece about the joy of rape.

I know you're now saying that it was meant to be humorous, and I suspect most people will buy that excuse. After all, there's nothing funnier than a joke about how rape allows unattractive women to have sex with sober guys. But I also have to wonder, given your ideas about compelled childbirth, if maybe you were writing from experience. Is there more to the story of how your little Johnny Fetus-American was aborted against your wishes?

I can imagine how it might have happened. You're hard at work in your basement writing Nazi scenarios for Civilization II when, suddenly, you realize you're out of Cheetos. You yell upstairs to Mom, telling her to bring down some more, but she tells you to get off your lazy ass and go to the store to get your own.

Feeling the first pangs of Cheetos withdrawal, you put on some pants and head down to Safeway. As you approach the store, you see something you haven't seen in months, a woman who isn't your mother. You immediately take her, just like the Romans did in that Sabine women scenario you wrote for Civ. II last year. Maybe you also killed a bystander with that Pier One Imports samurai sword you always wear--I don't know; it doesn't matter. The important thing is that she conceives and eventually aborts your little blastocyst boy without your consent.

How close to the truth am I? Is that what happened? If so, it'd make for a great followup column.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

From somewhere deep in the heart of France: Anntichrist S. Coulter gets her rant on.

Only two more days

...left in the fundraiser. Thanks to everyone who helped out so far.

The most important story in the world today

Why is the media focusing on Anna Nicole Smith when they could be airing stories about Pelosi's airplane?

The Poets of Gitmo

Rush Limbaugh must be right about Gitmo being a tropical paradise. The prisoners are writing poetry about it.

Death Poem

By Jumah al-Dossari

Take my blood.
Take my death shroud and
The remnants of my body.
Take photographs of my corpse at the grave, lonely.

Send them to the world,
To the judges and
To the people of conscience,
Send them to the principled men and the fair-minded.

And let them bear the guilty burden, before the world,
Of this innocent soul.
Let them bear the burden, before their children and before history,
Of this wasted, sinless soul,
Of this soul which has suffered at the hands of the "protectors of peace."

Preaching it

I saw a movie called Network last night, and I got to tell you. That guy from Deliverance sure preaches a good sermon.

An intolerable act against decency

Will no one rid us of this meddlesome Lambert?

Update on the War against Womenwhosayfuckuslamunistofascism

Wolf Blitzer
CNN's Situation Room

Dear Mr. Blitzer,

Please forgive me if I ramble a bit in this note. I'm a little nervous. I mean it isn't everyday that a guy like me has an opportunity to write the man with the manliest name on television.

"Wolf Blitzer," the name cojures up an image of a muscular, stern-looking man-beast decked out in liederhosen and a pickelhaube and fondling a riding crop in his wicked hand talons as he sizes you up with his eager steely eyes.

Uh, I'd better leave it at that.

Anyway, I wanted to congratulate you for having the courage to tackle the pressing national problem of candidates who hire bloggers who use the word "fuck" and criticize the Pope. It's a tough story to do. After all, while cussing and Pope criticizing are considered to be criminal acts when performed by Amanda Marcotte or Shakesphere's Sister, they're considered to be dignified acts of statesmenship when Vice President Cheney speaks at Bob Jones University.

I also think it was very brave of you to have William Donahue on to attack the bloggers. Given his history, you never know how he's going to act around Jews. I'm sure you asked yourself, "Is this the day he yells 'Juden' and stabs me for promoting anal sex?" Yet, you still had him on talk about civility. That took guts.

So now, I bet you're wondering how you can get another day out of this important story. I think I can help you out there. Heck, the information I have could provide CNN with a full week of programming. You see, I know for a fact that Amanda often wears adult diapers so she can write the word "fuck" and complain about the Pope for hours at a time without stopping--kind of like that astonaunt, Lisa Nowak, but without the mace or the bb gun.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thanks again

We're halfway through fundraising week. Thanks to everyone who contributed.

There's nothing a good three-week rebuking can't cure.

Rev. Tim Ralph
New Covenant Fellowship

Dear Rev. Ralph,

As happy as I was to hear that Pastor Haggard is no longer a homosexual, I'm very disappointed with the way you announced his cure. You made it sound as if he underwent three weeks of some kind of psychological counseling, thus blowing an opportunity to bring God's word to a wider audience.

We both know that Pastor Haggard was possessed by the homosexuality demons he's been battling very publicly for most of his adult life. Obviously, these demons had grown tired of the rebuking they received when Pastor Haggard and his spiritual warriors laid siege to homosexual bars and federal buildings or used a garden sprayer to anoint an especially sinful intersection.

You can't rid a man of a homosexual demon infestation with three weeks, or even a lifetime, of counseling. It takes an exorcism. Pastor Haggard knew that. He preached it at his church. I find it hard to believe that he would choose counseling over exorcism for his own cure. Certainly, he underwent the latter, subjecting his demon-ridden body to a thorough three-week rebuking.

So why didn't you just tell the media the truth? Were you afraid of being mocked by those who might not understand the exorcism process? It's bound to happen. After all, the "Anointing of the Wesson Oil," the "Donning of the Bottomless Chaps," the "Squealing, Even As A Pig Squealeth," and "The Application of The Spatula of the Terrible Rebuking," probably seem very strange to someone who hasn't hear the Word. But that's no excuse for hiding the truth away like it's something of which you are ashamed. Such fears shouldn't prevent us from sharing the gospel.

I'm very disappointed in you. I pray that you'll make amends by contacting the press and telling the whole story very soon.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Another day of fundraising

Thanks to everyone who's contributed so far.

The Passion of the Chuck

Fundraising week continues

Thanks to everyone who's donated so far.

Here's your proof of procreation, right here

I pulled this post. It didn't come off quite the way I hoped it would. And it just didn't feel right treating Mr. Gadow the same way I'd treat Dr. Dobson.

Here's his web site.

Help the General fight Francoslamunistofascism

I hate doing fundraisers, but it's either that or find a second job. I'd rather blog. If you enjoy what I do, please consider making a contribution. You can do so though the Paypal link below or via the Amazon Donation Box. I'd really appreciate it.

The Horror, The Horror

They cheer when McCain wants to send more of our children to die in Iraq. But they swoon when we write "fuck" on our blogs because it's obscene.
--Arlin Lando, Politics Now

Another Victory in the War Against Photogrislamunistofascism

Dan Riehl
Riehl World View

Dear Mr. Riehl,

Your latest thrust at the raw, ragged, exposed loins of international photogrislamunistofascism was a beautiful thing to behold. As you pointed out, the ice those polar bears are standing on was shaped by wave action rather than our friends, the carbon dioxides.

It's rather amazing that people were actually fooled by it. Carbon dioxides can't sculpt ice. They don't have any hands. It would be impossible for them to pour warm water onto an ice flow.

I wonder how many other lies the photogrislamunistofascists are telling us about global warming. Perhaps we should mount an expedition to the North Pole to find out. It could be just like the one Mrs. Malkin recently mounted in Iraq. She disproved media claims that a mosque had been blown up by shooting video proving that the mosque had only experienced a rapid overpressurization resulting in a failure of much of its structure.

We could do the same thing. I'm sure the American Enterprise Institute would fund it. It'd be a grand adventure and it'd give us an excuse to tightly gird our loins in furs and animal skins just like our Ice Age ancestors. Oh man, I'm getting excited just thinking about it. We'd be two men huddling against each other as we seek victory against the elements. Two men alone, freed the restraints of cultural convention, accountable to no one but Exxon-Mobile and AEI.

When can we get together to write a grant proposal?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A song for Gertrude's little man

The Jivester does it again:

All We Need Is A War We Can Win

in the next war
the one that we can win
there will be celebrations
we’ll all be joining in
we’ll get there early
and open up the gates
our soldiers will come home
live like kings back in the states
what a beautiful fate
what a beautiful fate

i remember the last war
and the one before that
we had all the answers
we were standing pat
but when the bodies
the wounded and the sad
came home to america
it was too darn bad
one less mother, one less dad
one less mother, one less dad

(chorus)
tell me again and again and again
how it is that we will win
support the troops and the little children
let’s do it again
let’s do it again
let’s do it again
all we need is a war we can win
let’s do it again
let’s do it again
all we need is a war we can win

Read the whole thing here.

Update: Gertrude's little man on how down is up.

Hannicatch of the week (Now with Video)

A while back, I featured a Sean Hannity fan named xxjennerxx in this spot. You may recall that she was living with her boyfriend who dreamed of becoming a backyard wrestler. Today, we welcome that boyfriend, "Craig Covenant," as the latest Hannicatch of the week.

Ladies, he's a keeper. Not only does he have a girlfriend and an infant child, he's also a self described "5-star loser" who works at a dead end job he hates while he pursues a backyard wrestling career.



I know it's hard to believe that any not-man could resist the charm Craig exudes in that profile, but if it wasn't enough to win you over, take a look at his wrestling video.



View all of the Hannicatches.

Mr. Cline takes a holiday

Austin Cline is taking this Sunday off. I pray that he's accepted Our Lord, Jesus Christ, as his own personal savior and is being washed in the blood of the lamb even as I write this.

In any event, he'll be back next week.

Department of Book Reports Part 4

Department of Book Reports

Thunderstruck by Erik Larson (Crown $25.95)

I heard recently that the average American male reads one book a year. And that book will be non-fiction. Why this should be, I don’t know. Perhaps women are more apt to engage their imaginations while men want something more approaching certainty. Maybe women prefer escape and men like fact. Or maybe I’m full of crap. If Norman Mailer can hit number two on the New York Times Fiction bestseller list, I can guarantee that it’s not women driving those sales. And if Jeanette Walls’ memoir, The Glass Castle hits the non-fiction list, it’s not because men are buying it.

But I’m a uniter, not a divider. So this week I’m recommending Thunderstruck, a piece of social history that everyone will enjoy. Larson tells the interlocking stories of an American doctor and resident of London, Dr. Hawley Crippin; and Guglielmo Marconi, the inventor of wireless telegraphy. Their portraits are vividly drawn. Crippin was a milquetoast, quiet, shy, described as the “kindest of men”. Making an unfortunate marriage to a woman who was an aspiring singer, a social butterfly, shrewish to her husband, and who flaunted her relationships with other men, Crippin himself falls in love with another woman. Marconi was a driven man, enigmatic, prone to very grandiose ideas. He won the, then, new Nobel Prize in Physics without really understanding the science behind his invention.

Crippin murdered his wife, Belle. He represented to his girl friend that Belle had died of natural causes in the States. But Belle’s friends became suspicious, the police were asked to inquire, and Crippin panicked. In 1910, Crippin and the girl friend attempted to flee aboard an ocean liner, but unknown to them, were recognized by the ships captain. The Police Inspector boarded a faster ship to intercept the couple in Canada. The manhunt was followed by readers of the American and British newspapers as the wireless became the means for the story to be spread quickly. Marconi’s invention made the world smaller. And, even in 1910, the idea that sound and pictures could be transmitted in this manner were being developed.

Thunderstruck is also a picture of Edwardian times. It is a world nearing the disaster of World War One, the last gasp of dying monarchies. It is the world of English Music Halls, and the new art of cinema. It is the era of the great Ocean Liners, and the burgeoning field of aviation. Larson combines the insights of a good novelist with an ability to bring this world to life, much as he did the same in his previous book, The Devil in the White City, for Chicago’s World Exhibition in 1893.

Of course this book is available at Jackson Street Books and other fine independent bookstores.

This report was written without any help by democommie, nor did he provide any inspiration. The check bounced. Again.