Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Something Stinks in Lima

LIMA, Ohio — The air of Southside is foul-smelling and thick, filled with fumes from an oil refinery and diesel smoke from a train yard, with talk of riot and recrimination, and with angry questions: Why is Tarika Wilson dead? Why did the police shoot her baby?

“This thing just stinks to high heaven, and the police know it,” said Jason Upthegrove, president of the Lima chapter of the N.A.A.C.P. “We’re not asking for answers anymore. We’re demanding them.”

Some facts are known. A SWAT team arrived at Ms. Wilson’s rented house in the Southside neighborhood early in the evening of Jan. 4 to arrest her companion, Anthony Terry, on suspicion of drug dealing, said Greg Garlock, Lima’s police chief. Officers bashed in the front door and entered with guns drawn, said neighbors who saw the raid.

Moments later, the police opened fire, killing Ms. Wilson, 26, and wounding her 14-month-old son, Sincere, Chief Garlock said. One officer involved in the raid, Sgt. Joseph Chavalia, a 31-year veteran, has been placed on paid administrative leave.

Beyond these scant certainties, there is mostly rumor and rage. The police refuse to give any account of the raid, pending an investigation by the Ohio attorney general.

Police Shooting of Mother and Infant Exposes a City’s Racial Tension

Ivory Austin, center, the brother of Tarika Wilson, was among those marching Saturday to protest her shooting death and the wounding of her 14-month-old son.

Black people in Lima, from the poorest citizens to religious and business leaders, complain that rogue police officers regularly stop them without cause, point guns in their faces, curse them and physically abuse them. They say the shooting of Ms. Wilson is only the latest example of a long-running pattern of a few white police officers treating African-Americans as people to be feared.

“There is an evil in this town,” said C. M. Manley, 68, pastor of New Morning Star Missionary Baptist Church. “The police harass me. They harass my family. But they know that if something happens to me, people will burn down this town.” [...]

“The situation is very tense,” Mayor David J. Berger said. “Serious threats have been made. People are starting to carry weapons to protect themselves.”

Surrounded by farm country known for its German Catholic roots and conservative politics, Lima is the only city in the immediate area with a significant African-American population. Black families, including Mr. Manley’s, came to Lima in the 1940s and ’50s for jobs at what is now the Husky Energy Lima Refinery and other factories along the city’s southern border. Blacks make up 27 percent of the city’s 38,000 people, Mr. Berger said.

Many blacks still live downwind from the refinery. Many whites on the police force commute from nearby farm towns, where a black face is about as common as a twisty road. Of Lima’s 77 police officers, two are African-American.

“If I have any frustration when I retire, it’ll be that I wasn’t able to bring more racial balance to the police force,” said Chief Garlock, who joined the force in 1971 and has been chief for 11 years.

Tarika Wilson had six children, ages 8 to 1. They were fathered by five men, all of whom dealt drugs, said Darla Jennings, Ms. Wilson’s mother. But Ms. Wilson never took drugs nor allowed them to be sold from her house, said Tania Wilson, her sister.

“She took great care of those kids, without much help from the fathers, and the community respected her for that,” said Ms. Wilson’s uncle, John Austin. [...]

Within minutes of the shooting, at around 8 p.m., 50 people gathered outside Ms. Wilson’s home and shouted obscenities at the police, neighbors said. The next day, 300 people gathered at the house and marched two miles to City Hall. [...]

Smaller marches have continued every week since the shooting. The N.A.A.C.P. will hold a public meeting on Saturday to air complaints about police brutality. The group will soon request that the Department of Justice investigate the police department and the Allen County prosecutor’s office, Mr. Upthegrove said.

Junior Cook was a neighbor of Tarika Wilson. He says that he watched from his front porch as the SWAT team raced across his front yard, and that seconds later he watched a police officer run from Ms. Wilson’s house carrying a bleeding baby in a blanket.

Police Shooting of Mother and Infant Exposes a City’s Racial Tension

NOW IN LIMA, a symbol of many problems and injustices that exist every day in this nation of ours for many people. A mother shot dead and her children left without the only person who stuck with them and fed them. Citizens tell us that racism from cops is ubiquitous in their lives and violence against them commonplace. Cops aren't saying a word, aside from "internal investigations have uncovered no evidence of police misconduct" (as we can well expect them to say) and the article assures us that "local officials recognize that the perception of systemic racism has opened a wide chasm." Damn perceptions! They are always hurting folk.

Tarika's life and body have now been swept into such a chasm, and if Britney spears flashes her stubble or Bill Clinton compares Obama to Sugar Ray Leonard, this story may well be swept there, too. But we ought not rest. Answers are needed. Change is required. The rot of racist violence and police brutality must always be exposed to light. Let us lead the media in highlighting this important issue.

in that spirit, please feel free to lift the above "justice4tarika" image and use it to spread the word

original images from, sombrero tip for story to the police brutality blog

Crossposted to The Unapologetic Mexican, Corrente, Culture Kitchen, and OpEdNews.

Celebrating Family Values at SL Republican HQ

I'm a big fan of what the Republicans are doing in Second Life, but for some unfathomable reason, I can no longer access their site. That's a big source of anguish for me, because it means that I can no longer quietly converse with Our Lord Jesus by using the animated prayer balls they've installed at their shrine to Ronald Reagan.

Fortunately, many of my readers and fellow Cafe Wellstone members have no problem getting in. One of our commenters, No Blood for Hubris, paid them a visit the other night and came back with pictures.

Gosh, I wish I could have been there. It looks like they were celebrating Family Values Tuesday. I see my old friend Summer "Space Slave Princess" Seale was there, apparently doing some kind of interpretive dance about the importance of abstinence. It's good to see she's putting The Great and Glorious Pole of Republican Moral Hegemony to good use. The good, moral men in the audience sure look like they appreciate it.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Dave Neiwert at Orcinus is doing a fundraiser. I say, "give him some money, so we can continue to watch Jonah Goldberg's keen mind in action against him."

Strange Winters [mtv vlog 1-30-08]

THIS WEEK in Eugene, Oregon and the surrounding areas, there has been a lot of talk about the weather. But not in a mundane fashion, such as when you are having your gas pumped (remember that 'round here, you cannot pump your own gas, it is all full serve!) and offhandedly offer the station worker an observation about the local and eternal wintry curtain of rain.

No, the talk has been more along the lines of "what is going on with this weather?" Because the past couple of winters have brought an atypical amount of snow to this city west of the Cascade Mountains. In fact, 2008 has seen the most snowfall to hit Eugene, Oregon, since 1996.

Here's your faithful Street Team 08 Oregon rep with a short visual presentation of the latest strange winter to visit us.

embed code here

Crossposted to The Unapologetic Mexican, Corrente, Culture Kitchen, and OpEdNews.

Books for Soldiers

My inner Frenchman's friend runs an organization that sends books to soldiers. It's a great project even if a lot of those books are written by Michael Moore. They're doing a fundraiser right now, so I donated ad space. You can help too, by clicking on the ad in my sidebar and sending them a few dollars.

In the running for a "Lester"

Rick Murphy, Editor
East Hampton Independent

Dear Mr. Murphy,

I saw your recent column on Obama--the one where you called him "Yo Mama Bin Obama" and noted that in order to appear more black, he is required to: call all other black men "brother" even though most "are in jail;" talk jive, saying things like, "We be, you know, sick of whitey supressin' and congestin'...;" and respond to Hillary Clinton by "bitch slap[ing] that ho"--and I have to tell you, I think you're going to be in the running to win a "Lester" award this year.

Named after the late governor of Georgia, Lester Maddox, the "Lesters' are an honor I award every year to the person or organization who best exemplifies traditional Confederate values during the campaign season. It is a companion honor to the "Bobby" [Riggs] award I give for the outstanding use of misogyny in the pursuit of political gain. I think that by calling Sen. Clinton a "ho," you may have a shot at that honor as well.

Heck, after looking at that line again, I see that it's followed by, "White women, I am told, like that." It's not many people who can go from a sexist attack to mongering fear about black lust for white women in fewer than a dozen words. You're an artist.

That said, most of the campaign season still looms before us. And with either a woman or black Democratic nominee, you're bound to see a lot of competition. Rush Limbaugh and Chris Matthews are both gearing up. If the Dems pick Obama, you know blackface will be de rigeur at all the best parties at the Republican National Convention. And Monica Crowley's already made a serious bid for the Bobby with her invention of the acronym, CLIT for her "Clinton Ladies Intervention Team."

Well good luck and keep plugging. I'm pulling for you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A Really Big Tent

Sure Hillary helped Bill murder 572 Mena, Arkansas residents with a pointed stick, but she deserves a little credit for shilling for the Rev. Sun Myung Moon's fundraising operation.

A helmet tip to Bartholomew Notes on Religion.

Liberal Baathism

Jonah Goldberg
Fascist Finder

cc: John Ray

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I'm a huge fan of your writing and a great admirer of your intellectual abilities. While reading your work, I'm often reminded of the other two great writers and thinkers of my lifetime, Al Capp and Bill Keane. You're just that good.

That's why I'm always excited when you introduce us to another writer whom you find interesting, like you did yesterday, when you linked to a particularly fascinating post by John Ray. His analysis of the similarity between Obama's call for unity and the Nazi slogan, "Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer," was as inspired as the claims you make in your own book. "Liberal Fascism."

I am curious, however, why neither you nor Mr. Ray have applied the same kind of analysis to your critics, particularly David Neiwart, who publishes the blog, Orcinus. Certainly, you've both noticed that "Dinar Dive Wet" is an anagram of his name. Combine that with his love for marine mammals and it's hard not to come to the conclusion that Neiwart was a high-ranking official in the Iraq Baathist Party and was likely responsible for making Saddam's huge WsMD stockpile disappear by hiding it on the bottom of the Tigris or Euphrates.

Perhaps you should consider doing a little more investigation into that. Who knows, you might catch the attention of our Vice President and land yourself a job as chief of the Iran Desk at the CIA.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


Jonah gets another letter.

Update II: Mr. Neiw"e"rt thinks he can discredit my hypothesis by changing the spelling of his name and thus altering the anagram to "Diner Dive Wet." Well, he's not fooling anyone. When I think "diner." I think "art deco." And when I think "art deco" I think "Berlin, 1937." Yes, Hitler's Berlin, which I often compare to Saddam's Baghdad when I'm drinking behind the bowling alley with my friends. So you see my hypotheses isn't discredited after all, is it!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Signed, Sealed, Delivered

Watching the South Carolina Demislamunistofascist primary results, I noticed that Barak Obama (who BTW, is secretly a reptilian being from the Coruscantian System and a practicing Muslim) chose Signed, Sealed, Delivered by Stevie Wonder to serve as his theme song. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this tune, it's the kind of devil music that gets the hips a moving in such away that you're fornicating all over the place before you even realize it.

After hearing that, I decided to check a few of the other campaigns to see what they're using. Surprisingly, Hillary Klinton, a known Vogonzuelan, is going with something a bit more in keeping with traditional concepts of morality. Her theme, Celine Dion's You and I, has the opposite effect on people. Listening to it causes a man's little soldier to crawl up inside itself and hide, thus making fornication impossible for at least a month.

But what about our candidates, the men running to be the nominee for God's Own Party? I'm not sure what songs they're using, or if they're using any at all, but I do have a few suggestions.

Rudy Giuliani - They're Coming to Take Me Away by Napoleon XIV. Why? Well, because, as he announced during a speech to the Coral Gables Rotary Club, he actually is Napoleon XIV.

Mike Huckabee - Every Sperm is Sacred by Monty Python. We'd have no problem passing Huckabee's personhood amendment to the Constitution if every American heard this song.

Mitt Romney - The Girl from Ipanema by Antonio Carlos Jobim. Because when he passes, each one he passes goes "ahhhh." There's nothin' wrong with having a president who has a purty mouth.

Ron Paul - The Horst Wessel Song. Isn't it time to get the government off the back of your local jackboot cobbler?

John McCain - Bomb Iran - because he sings it from the heart.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Years of Debt, Years of Decline

Years of Debt, Years of Decline
Image © Austin Cline
Original Poster: National Archives
Click for full-sized Image

That the economy is in trouble seems beyond doubt by this point; the only question is how bad things will get and how long they will last. People have been looking to the government for signs that the Bush administration not only recognizes the existence of a serious problem, but is able to provide assistance that will lessen the blow. This is the same administration, however, that is responsible for so many of the problems in American today.

Bush could help the economy by pulling out of Iraq — not only would this save billions of dollars in direct costs, but it would bring home troops who could return to useful, productive jobs here at home. This won't happen, though, because Bush is responsible for the lies and misinformation that got us into Iraq in the first place. The damage to the American economy through the loss of "blood and treasure" probably can't be calculated, but Bush will never admit to a need to save what's left.

Bush could back a moratorium on home foreclosures. People's inability to meet their monthly mortgage payments is a significant source of economic problems and the anxiety over possibly losing the family home is afflicting many families. Bush won't do this, however, because it would only help the working and middle classes — there are no benefits for the very wealthy.

Bush could back stricter regulation of banks to ensure that this sort of thing never happens again — the home mortgage industry is in trouble because of their own stupid loan policies. Bush won't do this and is much more likely to support a government bailout of his wealthy banking buddies so that they don't lose any of their billions. The same funds could be used to bail out home owners who are having trouble with their mortgage payments, but why would Bush help them? He's never shown much interest in that.

Bush could call for substantial tax cuts for the working and middle classes while restoring higher taxes on the rich and corporations. That would be opposed by all his wealthy friends and corporate backers, though, so we know that's not on the table. He's much more likely to insist that more tax cuts for the rich who aren't having any economic problems is the best way to help poorer people.

What about the rebate checks that Bush is supporting? It's not clear just how they are supposed to help — or whom they are supposed to help. Bush insists that the checks will help the economy because people will spend the money, but how will more retail spending help people who are struggling under crushing debt? If the people's long-term situation is to be improved, they need to put more money towards savings, investments, or debt repayment — but none of that will stimulate the economy much because the money won't be in circulation.

Even if people did do such things, the checks are probably too small to help much — mortgage and credit card debts are just too massive for a few hundred dollars to make much of a dent. Worse than that is the fact that the checks will go primarily to those making enough money that they aren't in financial trouble; those who would be most likely to spend the money immediately are those living paycheck to paycheck, but they don't pay enough taxes to get a rebate.

Bush certainly won't recommend that people do the smart thing; he wants people to keep borrowing and spending, just like the government, because this benefits his wealthy friends and corporate backers. He also won't recommend giving money to those who need it most because that's socialist wealth redistribution and he only likes tax cuts of some sort. I say, put the checks towards debt or savings even if it is just a drop in the bucket: if you spend it at the mall, then Bush and his cronies win.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Department of Book Reports 52: The Jewel Trader of Pegu

To call Jeffrey Hantover’s fine new (and first) novel, The Jewel Trader of Pegu (Morrow $21.95) a historical romance, though it is that, too, is to under value the majesty of his story. This work not only explores life in both Venice, and the capital city of the Mon people, Pegu, located in southern Burma, but also wrestles with the larger issues of our existence. You know, like love, war, and peace.

Written in an epistolary style, Abraham is the eponymous jewel trader. Both orphaned and widowed, he takes the long journey in 1599 from the Venetian ghetto to faraway Pegu at the behest of his adoptive Uncle in order to obtain fine jewels from the Asian continent. He plans to be away only for one year, and then return to his known world of post-Renaissance Italy. He partners with the wise native, Win, and proceeds to accomplish his mission. Once in place, he discovers that it is expected by the Peguan families that their betrothed daughters will sleep with foreign men on the night before the nuptials so as to ensure a blessed marriage.. Abraham struggles as an Orthodox Jew with the idea that he is committing adultery and his own desire to serve his uncle well. Abraham bows to the wishes of the Peguan community, but ultimately he falls in love with one of these girls, Mya, whose husband has died on their wedding night. In his love for her, Abraham finds redemption, liberation and himself.

Beyond the love story itself, there is the political backdrop. Pegu at this time is ruled by a cruel and corrupt King, who as the year passes, makes more and more enemies. Revolt is in the air, and the status of the foreign traders becomes more and more precarious. And then there is also the cultural conflict as Abraham confronts manners and mores that he does not understand, especially with the ideas of Buddhism and stories of the Buddha himself.

Pegu is a real place, now called Baku, and is about 70 miles from Rangoon. At the time of the story it was known for its beauty. It was an important trading center, receiving foreign guests from China, Central Asia as well as Europe. One of Hantover’s achievements is to imagine this place, with all its exotica, well, and make Pegu yet another character.

The Jewel Trader of Pegu is available at Jackson Street Books and fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

democommie™™™™®© is pre-occupied with dreams of becoming a merchant prince himself.

Improving the Embryo-American Adoption Curriculum

Most Rev. Edwin Frederick O'Brien
15th Archbishop of Baltimore

Your Excellency,

I'm a huge fan of your Embryo-American adoption program. The kids in your schools must be absolutely thrilled to be able to adopt, name, and thrown birthday parties for their own cellular citizens. But I wonder if that's enough. Shouldn't the students also be looking after their Embryo-American's spiritual needs? Isn't it time to add a spiritual element to the adoption program.

Think of the learning possibilities such an adaptation would provide to the students. They could make tiny rosaries for the embryos to use in prayer. You could bring in the clients of a local pregnancy crisis center and have the children give the rosaries directly to the Embryo-Americans. The students could also mentor the little adoptees by yelling the rosary prayers right into the womb. What a bonding experience that would be!

And what about baptism? How many Embryo-Americans are currently going to Hell because they pass on before their post-birth baptism? Shouldn't we be doing them earlier? I'm sure the kids would love decorating special baptism bags and syringes with pictures of the blessed virgin, pinto beans, and glitter.

If you think about it, the list of possibilities is endless. The kids could make little outfits for twin embryos to wear so they aren't tempted into sin by each other's nakedness. I could probably think of a hundred more by tomorrow morning.

We should get together and talk about it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A helmet tip to commenter Aunty Nym.

Elsewhere: NBFH is adopting her own cold little bastards.

South Carolina Results and Dancing Liberally

The General's (and friends) SL events for the weekend


6 pm SLT/PST
Dancing Liberally (Romney's Hair Edition)
Wear your biggest hair and compete for prizes as Dancing Liberally salutes Mitt Romney's hair. And what hair it is! Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez (official enemy number 3) may have nuclear weapons and Vogon Battle Cruisers, but by God, he doesn't have hair to match Romney's! As president, Mitt will give us hair hegemony once again (not to mention the boost he'll give the underwear joke industry).
At The Cafe Wellstone


4 pm SLT/PST
South Carolina Primary Results and Discussion
Join us at Wellstone's Donkey to watch and discuss the South Carolina Democratic Primary.

7 pm SLT/PST
It's National No Name-Calling Week at The Lonely Yak, but don't tell the political candidates. DJ Rocky has taken sensitivity training and will kindly play the requests of anyone, no matter how Republican. Except that #$*(&$#*&$ Dick Cheney, of course.


6 pm SLT/PST
Discussion: Evolutionary Psychology and Illusions of Stress in Modern Life
Thothica Discussion Series on "Illusions in modern life; the application of evolutionary psychology to the everyday experience of living."
At Thothica III at Clemson University Dev

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Reid comes through again

Once again, Majority Leader Harry Reid demonstrates why he deserved to be the first recipient of the prestigious Hero of the Bush Revolution medal.

He proves his worthiness today when the FISA bill comes up for a vote in the Senate. Our Leader and Deputy Leader really like the bill that came out of the Intelligence Committee, because it gives them the ability to spy on people who might be disloyal to the party without any oversight.They don't like the Judiciary Committee bill, because it requires a justification to spy.

Hero Reid said he will allow votes on both bills, and offered helpful advice to the Republicans, telling them they should consider tabling the Judiciary Committee Bill in order to kill it.

He is also fiddling with the 60 vote super majority policy he's used so effectively to help the Republican's avoid undergoing the embarrassment of actually being forced to filibuster against things like troop withdrawals and Iraq funding. It requires a bill to have at least 60 votes lined up before it comes to a vote. The 60 votes make the vote filibuster-proof.

He's doing away with the 60 vote policy for the initial votes. A simple majority will be all it takes to kill the Judiciary Bill and move the Intelligence Committee Bill forward. It's a smart move. It's in keeping with his policy of preventing the Republicans from facing the possibility of having to filibuster. Because the Republicans want the Intelligence Committee Bill to pass, it will be the Democrats who will be forced to filibuster, instead. It should provide a bunch of great "Like all Democrats, Sen. XXX is soft on terrorism" quotes in the upcoming election.

Hero Reid will then reinstate the 60 vote policy for the bill amendment process. This is good because one of the amendments will strip the retroactive immunity for telecoms provision from the bill. A simple majority won't be enough to do it. It will require a super majority.

It needs to stay in the bill because if it is stripped, companies like AT&T could be sued for spying on us. You see, back when Our Leader instituted his wiretapping program, agents of the State Security Apparatus approached the telecoms and asked them to install the wiretapping equipment. Companies like Sprint and Qwest said 'no, that's unconstitutional.' Other companies like AT&T said "Hey, this is a good opportunity to get more contracts from Our Leader's government, fuck the constitution, let's do it!" and installed the equipment as quickly as possible. Now they are being sued.

If the retroactive immunity amendment passes, companies like AT&T will be less likely to violate the constitution. We can't have that. It;d be like giving the terrorists a green light to begin raping our grandpas. Thank God we have Hero Reid there to stop it.

Will the presidential candidates be Heroes too

Sen. Obama and Sen. Clinton
are just a very short plane ride away, let's hope campaigning is more important to them.

But that Booman guy is telling people to undermine Our Leader by writing letters to the candidates urging them to go to DC and oppose the bills. Don't listen to him. Our Leader needs these tools to cull the dissenting goats from the conforming sheep.

Info about what's in the bill.

And mcjoan is telling people to hit the phones:

Senator Dodd spoke passionately tonight on the Senate floor, detailing the abuses of the Bush administration and the danger of allowing any American corporation to be put above the rule of law. Who will stand with him? In December, the following Senators stood with him:

* Barbara Boxer: (202) 224-3553
* Sherrod Brown: (202) 224-2315
* Russ Feingold: (202) 224-5323
* Ted Kennedy: (202) 224-4543
* Bill Nelson: (202) 224-5274
* Ron Wyden: (202) 224-5244

Additionally, these Senators who have expressed support for Dodd's filibuster, but didn't participate on December 17 when Dodd took to the floor either in statements or to Kossacks making phone calls today:

* Joe Biden: (202) 224-5042
* Hillary Clinton: (202) 224-4451
* John Kerry: (202) 224-2742
* Bob Menendez: (202) 224-2742
* Barack Obama: (202) 224-2854

Based on reports from my first post today, Kossacks report that the following Senators oppose telco amnesty but it isn't clear that they'll help Dodd in his filibuster:

* Ben Cardin: (202) 224-4524
* Norm Coleman: (202) 224-5641
* Dick Durbin: (202) 224-2152

Call these Senators and thank them for their support, past, present, and hopeful, and urge them to stand with Senator Dodd in the debate tomorrow and over the next days--however long it takes. If your Senators aren't on the list, call them, urge them to uphold the rule of law and reject telco amnesty, and to help Senator Dodd's filibuster.

Report back here and let us know who's on board.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Because Dreaming is Not Enough (Vlog 1-23-08)

CLICK the pic to the left to find yourself magically transported to a page hosting my latest MTV Street Team '08 video, which was shot in Eugene, Oregon at a Martin Luther King Jr. rally and march on January 21, 2008.

All shooting, editing, and sleeplessness by Nezua.

Crossposted to The Unapologetic Mexican, Corrente, and Culture Kitchen.

Hillary Clinton: Secret Vogonzuelan

Luke Esser, heterosexual
Chair, Washington State Republican Committee

Dear Chairman Esser,

I want to commend you and the state party for all the good work you've done spreading the word that Barak Obama is secretly a card carrying Islamunistofascist. I'm particularly delighted to see that the Clark County Republicans featured the story on the front page of their web site and that Cathy Colley, Chair of the Grays Harbor Republican Party, distributed it via an official email to inner and outer party members.

That said, I find it inexcusable that you are not also facilitating the distribution of this companion email about Hillary Klinton:

If you do not forward anything else, please forward this to all your
contacts...this is very scary to think of what lies ahead of us here in
our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it
with everyone you know.

Who is Hillary Clinton

Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton was born in MOSCOW, Idaho to Jose Chavez, a brown FOREIGNER, from Caracas, Venezuela and Prostetnic Vogon Zwentz, an ILLEGAL ALIEN from the planet Vogsphere in the Vogsol System of the Megabrantis Cluster. Hillary's parents met at the BOMB Shelter Tavern in PARIS, Idaho.

When Hillary was two years old, her parents divorced. Her father returned to Venezuela with her brother, Hugo, and her mother married a FREEMASON named CHARLES MANSON Rodham. When Hillary was six years old, the family relocated to the planet Vogsphere, where Hillary studied poetry at a MONTESSORI school in Vogtavia.

Hillary takes great care to conceal the fact that she is half Vogon, half Venezuelan, and the sister of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, a known LATTE DRINKER and lapsed CATHOLIC. She is also quick to point out that her Vogon past has nothing to do with her brother's acquisition of Vogon BATTLE CRUISERS, and that her sudden interest in relaxing trade restrictions on dilithium crystals for Venezuela is simply an example of her commitment to free trade.

Hillary will NOT sing along when a Toby Keith is played at an event. Instead she will pretend to cough while uttering the words "blow me" into her hand.

Let us all remain alert concerning Hillary's expected presidential candidacy.

Please give as much effort to distributing this as you gave to the Obama smear.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Web Site Fixes

I've received a number of complaints about the web site this week, and made a couple of changes in response. First, I narrowed the banners on top tp 400 px. That should fix the display problems some of you are having. Second, I pulled the Amazon contextual links code that gave a few of you problems. I was considering doing it anyway after I saw it was creating links to McCain's and Huckabee's books. I'd rather lose the income than sell that trash.

These problem seemed to have popped up suddenly after years of use. I don't know why. It could have something to do with the fact that this template is 6 or 7 years old (how long have I been blogging?) and I've piecemealed a lot of extra code into it during that time.

I'm going to look at new templates, but it may take awhile for me to tweak them into doing what I want them to do--I understand code about as well as Our Leader speaks Spanish. Until then, please let me know if you are having problems with the site, and I'll fix them as quickly as I can.

When Mary met Jesus: Tales from the Christian Dating Scene

It's not easy being a servant of the Lord, especially when it comes to dating. Sure, Catholic priests and mega-church pastors get all the action they want, but it's much more difficult for the rest of us. That's especially true for prophetesses like Jennifer Lyn Joy. You can almost feel her pain and desperation in the diary entries she wrote while attending a conference in Canada:

June 15, 2001
Friday Morning: My first day to take rings (Glory Rings) into worship up to the fourth floor “box”, which was designated for radical worship. There were two men worshipping….I did not speak to them. The LORD wanted me to meet them but I was too shy to introduce myself. So, I said to the LORD that HE would have to manage the introductions.

I think we've all been there. We see a hot, sexy gal or guy. We know the Lord wants us to break out the glory rings and get down to some anointing, but we're too shy, so we leave it up to Him.

Thank God (literally), He hears our prayers:

June 15, 2001
Friday Evening: Cindy went ahead of me and found a place in the long line outside as there were about 3000 at the conference. When I caught up with Cindy, she was standing-in-line talking to the two men that were in the "box" upstairs worshipping during the morning service. I laughed inside knowing the LORD had set this up. I met John of The Maranatha Group and Bruce.

But with Jennifer and Cindy, not only did God make the introductions, he also provided the equipment.

John was carrying an arsenal bag of worship instruments that I really wanted him to open.

Ladies, haven't you all been there?

He would not open it while we were standing-in-line outside but waited until we arrived to the "box" on the fourth floor. When John opened his arsenal first he pulled out an Elijah Mantle (I have one of those), then a flag from Albany (I have one of those), then a blue prayer cloth (I have one of those), bottles of anointing oil (I have some of those)...

Is it getting hot in here?

Then he pulled out a solid steel hammer with a 40-pound head! (I do not have one of those!) During worship he lifted the hammer over his head as though it weighed 2 pounds not 40 pounds and began hammering. Oh JESUS!

OH JESUS, indeed. That is one huge hammer!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I just involuntarily anointed myself.

I thought to myself, I simply must have a hammer, a "girl hammer!"

Ladies, you know you've all thought the same thing. I bet many of you have even overcame your embarrassment and bought one. Same for the guys. I'll admit it. If it's good enough for Bill O'Reilly, it's good enough for me.

A little over six years later, I am releasing this for the first time and how the LORD moved during that time in Canada, which is still impacting the call of GOD upon my life. John and Bruce’s faithfully prayed for me, anointed me with oil and prayed over my worship instruments.

Uhhh, maybe I better just stop there. It's starting to read like one of those letters you see in Rectory Magazine. You know, the ones that always start out "I read these letters in your magazine, and I never thought it'd happen to me..." If I keep going I'm sure to anoint myself again.

Anyway, you get my point. The Christian dating scene is tough, but carrying a bag of worship instruments helps. That and a certain fluency when speaking in tongues.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Mike Huckabee Center for the Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans Opens

Press Release

***Embargoed until 3:00 pm SLT/PST, Sunday. Jan. 20, 2008***

Contact: Gen.JC Christian, patriot

The Mike Huckabee Center for the Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans Opens

January 20, 2008 is a day that will live forever in the hearts of Americans, for it is the day the Mile Huckabee Center for the Liberation and Housing of Spermatazoan-Americans opened it's doors for the first time in the Pini Region of Second Life,

"I've worked hard every day of my life to get to this point," said Center Director GenJCChristian Homewood shortly after Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter cut the ribbon and opened the facility. "I've been saving Spermatazoan-Americans from the Tubesock Holocaust for years," Homewood continued, "by liberating them and providing them homes in mason jars I kept in my cellar until I ran out of room. This facility gives me the space I need to continue to give them their freedom."

Homewood got the idea to name the Center after presidential candidate Mike Huckabee when he heard Huckabee state his support for the Georgia Personhood Amendment and the Human Life Amendment to the United States Constitution. "I thought if Gov. Huckabee supports granting civil rights to embryo-Americans and to the little 70 cell blastocyst-Americans, then surely he supports the rights of our tiniest citizens, the spermatazoan-Americans," Homewood recalled. "I believe that if Gov. Huckabee achieves the presidency, he will finally put an end to the tubesock holocaust," he continued.

The Center is composed of three sections. The first is called "The Liberation Station." It is here where the hard work of liberating Spermatazoan Americans is done. Special materials, including a Sears Catalog and a photo of Rosie Palm, are provided to make the liberation process easier.

The second section contains rows upon rows of shelves where the freed Spermatazoan-Americans are housed in mason jars until a good family is found to take them in.

The last section is the Liberators Hall of Fame. It's a large framed exhibit which features some of the greatest Spermatazoan-American liberators, men like Sen. Larry Craig and "Disco" Rudy Guiliani.


Sunday, January 20, 2008

Family Values: Proud that Working People Can't Make Ends Meet

Family Values: Proud that Working People Can't Make Ends Meet
Image © Austin Cline
Original Poster: National Archives
Click for full-sized Image

Conservative Christians and Republicans use the rhetoric of "family values" quite often even though it is a term with no definitive meaning. Voters can invest it with whatever content they want and thereby imagine that the politician is on their side. If we want to know what Republicans think of the term, we should look to what they do and even say in other contexts. How do they give substance of the concept of "family values" and what do they really value themselves?

Everyone can see that America is heading into serious economic trouble which will negatively affect most American families. How do Republicans think that those families can be helped weather the consequences of years of Republican mismanagement, corruption, and lies? By giving even more tax breaks to wealthy corporations! This might sound crazy, but apparently Republicans think that economic hardship is good for families — and even welcomed by them.

This at least was the message from Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) when she said "I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We’re the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs." That's right, people who can't get by unless they work a lot of extra hours or even take on a second job are living the American dream — which for them must seem like a nightmare, but it helps provide more money for people like Bachmann, so I guess it's still a dream for her.

In case anyone is tempted to think that this is just an isolated statement, President George W. Bush himself told a divorced mother of three on Feb. 4, 2005: "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that." I'll bet he thinks it's fantastic that single parents have to work multiple jobs in order to provide food and housing to their families — that means lower costs for corporations which in turn provide so many political contributions to Republicans like Bush.

It's also likely that at least some Republicans think that the hardships suffered by working and middle-class Americans really isn't all that hard. This would explain why Bill O'Reilly doesn't believe that there are so many homeless veterans on America's streets. If people want for food, housing, or health care, it must be because they are unwilling to work for it all. Those working several jobs just to survive are "heroes" because they don't expect the government to provide for the people's well-being. That would be socialism.

People who work too many jobs and hours to eat right, spend time with their families, or even take a vacation are heroes of the corporate state. Corporate executives and their paid political whores who do have health insurance, who do take long vacations, and who spend as much time with family as they want will toast those heroes with champaign at the next Republican convention. The next day, candidates and pundits will promise to protect the same heroes' "interests" by continuing the culture wars against real equality for anyone who isn't white, male, heterosexual, and Christian.

Knowing that your kids can pray in school, even in context of aggressive proselytization, makes it easier to send them to bed hungry. Knowing that your kids won't be told the truth about birth control makes it easier to send them to school sick because you can't afford to take time off to care for them and you don't have health insurance anyway. Knowing that gays can be fired for any reason or no reason must make it easier to work longer hours for less money than your parents or grandparents.

I'm sure it's all just a coincidence that having to work harder and longer while losing ground and never having time for leisure activities is one way to prevent people from having the time or energy to take too close a look at their government or asking too many questions of their politicians. Granted, European countries manage to have democratic governments while providing schooling, health insurance, and plenty of vacation time, but they are all socialists and their economies will collapse any day now. Yup, it's coming. Any day. Just you wait.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Department of Book Reports 51: a Perfectly Executed crime?

Perfectly Executed, by Peter Van Sant* and Jenna Jackson (Pocket Books $7.99)
I remember this case well, because of the shockingness of the crime, but also because the news broke on my birthday 1994. The evening of July 13, the Rafay family in Bellevue were brutally bludgeoned to death. Their 18 year old son, home visiting from his first year in college, Atif, had found the bodies after returning from a movie with his best friend Sebastian Burns. Although questioned early on, the two young men returned to Vancouver BC on Friday, with the consent of the Canadian Consulate and the Bellevue police department, without knowing* that the families funeral would be held on that day.

The police would sift through many clues, but soon became convinced these two young men were responsible for the crime. The father, a structural engineer, had caused some friction in Vancouver, by suggesting that Muslim temples in Vancouver were not sited exactly true East. One person had come to the police precinct to report that the motive may have been religious. He explained to the officers that as Sunni Muslims, the Rafays could have been targeted by resentful Shiites. There were also reports of a hit being put out in Vancouver by Jamaat ul-Fuqra, for a family that had recently moved to Bellevue. These tips were completely dismissed by a police department that could not comprehend the implications.

Lacking any physical evidence to tie Atif and Sebastian to the murders, BPD sought to convince the West Vancouver police to begin seeking confessions based on the assumption the crimes had been premeditated on Canadian ground. Soon the WVPD & RCMP began an elaborate scenario involving supposed underworld crime bosses, who needed to know what had happened down there to trust Rafay and Burns. Hiring them to engage in an escalating series of crimes, and encouraging them to tell all, they secretly taped Rafay and Burns confessing and laughing about how much "extra bat work, effort" the austic daughter required as she tried to flee. The tapes are chilling, the cold calculated way the two confess to the crime lords with arrogance and pride.

This case ground on for years, with squabbles over the extradition, and the possibility of the death penalty. Finally brought back to America on March 29 2001, with the death penalty off the table, the trial begins with a flamboyant red head lawyer who fiercely believes the innocence of her clients. But soon the case is to take a bizarre turn. Theresa Olsen, after returning from Japan, August 10 2002 tracking a sympathetic witness, is seen by guards having sex with Sebastian in the visitation room. A new defense team must be formed for the trial to proceed.

Finally the jury began deliberation May 20 2004. Four days later they returned with unanimous guilty verdicts for both defendents.

I really have no problem with the 3 guilty verdicts. I think the lying little shits probably did do it. The problem with this case is that the techniques employed by the RCMP would not be at all legal in America, but since they were conducted by RMCP, are admissable as "Silver Platter" evidence in US courts. There is no feeling of Justice in a case as tenuous as this one.

democommie™™™™®©: what ever you do, don't plan on hiding out in Canada. just sayin'.

Perfectly Executed is available at Jackson Street Books and fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

UPDATE: Linkies* now fixed. D'oh.

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Naked Comusexual

Rep. Curtis Bowers
Idaho State House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Bowers,

I salute you. It takes a lot of guts to grow a goatee and infiltrate a communist meeting, but by God, I'm glad you did it. If you hadn't, we may have never learned that the homosexual movement is nothing more than a communist operation to destroy America by first destroying the American Family.

Now it's time to take the next step and infiltrate the comusexual's Idaho headquarters, a bar called the The Sheepherder's Secret in Soda Springs. It's not going to be easy. It'll take more than a goatee to get in there this time. We'll need to break out our nipple chains, leather jock straps, and ass chaps. You know the kind of chaps I'm talking about: red leather, gold hammer and sickle, chaps so sexy it's like they have "seize my means of production" written all over them.

And we're going to have to speak their lingo too. No "Hi, nice to meet you" when we arrive there. It's "Socialist greetings comrade sailor. Let us celebrate the joys of dialectical materialism by placing our party organs in each others' proletariat."

Now that I think more about it, I realize it's going to take a lot of preparation to pull this off. Maybe you could join me in my trailer for a weekend. We could practice and work out and watch my extensive collection of gladiator movies. Do you have a gladiator outfit?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thursday, January 17, 2008

An Intro by Citizen N.

NOT BAD for a sick man working all gear and angles himself! Just a little intro vlog for my MTV gig. And hey, I only look a little bleary. Which is actually what impressed me. Aside from the fact that gettting through the entire approval process (for Street Team members, not just any member) felt like a patdown in an Israeli airport.

Not that I've ever been through an Israeli airport. I just like slinging metaphors around that deal with experiences I've never had. I mean...isn't that the core of Citizen Journalism? So say some.

You can find the embed code here if you need it for any reason, like say, for example, you hear a knock on the door in a minute and an agonized voice pleading "Help! Help! Can you spare an embed code for a Nezua vlog or somethin'?" (Don't laugh, it happens to me all the time.)

(Origin of this gig here)

Crossposted to The Unapologetic Mexican, Corrente, and Culture Kitchen.

From Swiftboating to Pork Shot Hand Ointment

Ted Sampley
Professional Veteran

Dear Ted,

Although I was a big fan of your swiftboating operation against John Kerry, I haven't visited your website in a couple of years. It's good to see to you're giving John McCain the same treatment. I particularly enjoyed the story about how McCain can't be president because he suffered from PTSD after the war. Civilians just can't exploit the old crazy-Vietnam-vet stereotype as credibly as someone like you, a conservative professional veteran, can.

The same goes for your products. I'd probably catch hell if I sold Combat Infantry Badges on my web site. After all, they aren't trinkets. They're a badge of brotherhood and honor awarded to only those who've fought in combat against our nation's enemies--having a CIB means something. That's why it's great you're selling them. As a conservative professional veteran, you can get away with selling one to anybody. Now, guys like me, who fight our nation's wars with a keyboard, can become a part of the brotherhood too.

And as long as we're talking about your products, I have to tell you how happy I was to see that you're selling Crusader Pork Shot Hand Ointment. Do you use it too? Where do get your pork shot? The first couple of hundred times I tried to harvest it were pure hell--I'm talking broken ribs, lacerations, etc--like I said, pure hell. Then, quite by accident, I learned that if you bite down on the pigs ear, it kind of immobilizes him and you can get down to business. Now, I can harvest pork shot for hours without getting so much as a scratch.

Keep up the good work.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

ps: I just noticed the Obama graphic you're using. I'm wondering why you chose that one. Did you think just slapping the word "nigger" across his face would be a little too subtle for your readers?

A helmet tip to William.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

A hamster's future in in your hands

The folks at Corrente are a bunch of crazy bastards. I'm telling you, they'll off the hamster if you don't cough up a few bucks.

I was a hate peddler for the FBI

Hal Turner
Conservative Radio Host

Dear Hal,

I've followed your career from back when you were a Republican party official and a Sean Hannity regular to your current gig as a conservative radio host.

I'm not sure what to think of the news that you're an FBI informant. I always thought your spittle-laden rhetoric was genuine, but now I hear it was just a part of your job as a secret agent for the FBI.

I'd like to learn more about it. In an email to your FBI handler, you note that you use "fierce flush out" potential assassins. Does the FBI just sit back and wait for you to work your rhetorical magic or are they more involved?

For instance, was it entirely your decision to post the name and address of Judge Joan Lefkow on your web site after saying she was "worthy of being killed." Did the FBI's communications department offer their help when you celebrated the subsequent murders of Judge Lefkow's husband and mother by posting her picture on your web site with the caption, "gotcha?" How about the other acts of violence you've promoted on your show? Did the FBI offer advice when you called for the extermination of Jews and Mexicans?

Maybe you should do a show on it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Update: It looks like Hal shut down his radio show, web site, and email, yesterday. Well, at least we still have Rush Limbaugh.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

A hymn to lucifer

Jesus saves, more and more every day.
But the devil owns the bank.

Jesus saves, so to him we pray,
but to the devil we give thanks.

All our lives are sheer hypocrisy
Power comes not from Democracy.
It grows out from an oil storage tank.

Faustus betrayed, for a few days,
some formula on a page,
and then just for this,
a chance for bliss.

Is it so strange? There is no universal love.
There is no heavan, that smiles from stars above.
Don't you see it, where they drill the wells?
We can make this earth, into a hell.

And a century forth men will die at your command,
while we are still stuck, in desert sands.
A gleaming generation, once again sold,
for an empty promise, of empty gold.

It's nothing like to rule over this,
all the world a flaming Dis.
Bodies building up like bricks,
a river of blood just like the Styx.

Only rarely since paradise was lost to man,
has such an unholy writ began.
A coming war forevermore,
to engulf all the wars that came before.
Each side will even the score,
because that is what makes this war.
Consuming the weak, the wretched and the poor.
I lift my lamp, by damantion's door.

Jesus saves,
more and more every day.
But the devil owns the banks.

Jesus saves,
so to him we pray,
But to the devil we give thanks.

All our words are sheer hypocrisy,
power comes not from Democracy.
It grows beneath the treads of moving tanks.

Little by little,
so I say,
we will send their prayers,
the other way.
And when they are decrepit,
and gone a stray,
the will soon learn,
that there's hell to pay.
And perhaps then they'll recollect,

That the devil calls collect.

A late tip of the ole helmet

I just realized I for got to tip my helmet to MsNomir at I Dreamed I Saw Grace P. Last Night for telling me about the Dr. Laura action figures. Thanks!

Katie's War


The Battle of the Strait of Hormuz.

The Filipino Monkey

The Jivester salutes the Filipino Monkey.

Old Man Harrington has a big stick and he's going to hit you with it.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Values-based education

If you didn't already see this at Lafayette's blog, Eschaton.

Accessories for your Dr. Laura Action Figure

Dr Laura Schlessinger
Radio Physiologist

Dear Dr. Laura,

I love the talking Dr. Laura action figure you're selling on your website, but I think it could be even a little better if you added a line of accessories. Specifically. I'm thinking about things like:
I hope my ideas are helpful.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and non-Dr-Laura-emulating kind of way,

Gen, JC Christian, patriot

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Department of Book Reports 50: Suite Francaise

Irene Nemirovsky’s Suite Francaise (Vintage $14.95) was published in France in 2004 and here in the States in 2006 with a translation by Sandra Smith. The author died in 1942. That such a brilliant work took so long to come to light is, in itself, a remarkable story.

Suite Francaise contains two connected novels, “Storm in June” and “Dolce”. The former follows a large cast of characters, each carefully etched, through the chaos that ensued with the collapse of the French army in 1940. In panic, many leave Paris for the countryside. Nemirovsky describes in detail the chaos the refugees encounter. Most of our images of those days are framed by the flashback scenes of Paris in “Casablanca”, with Rick Blaine crumpling the letter from Ilsa and tossing it to the ground at the train station. If Rick Blaine could catch a train out of Paris that day, he was lucky. The Parisians in this story either drive or are forced to walk to the countryside. And once there, they find it hard to find food and shelter, with the resources over strapped by their sheer number; not to mention the occasional strafing from German aircraft, and last minute resistance from the French Army remnants. Nemirovsky limns their stories with a telling and unjaundiced eye.

The second novella, “Dolce” centers on the German occupation of a countryside village. Soldiers are quartered with the townspeople and the interaction between the French and Germans are explored. Most of the men are away, Prisoners of War, and the attitude of the French women varies from household to household. Some are collaborationists, others suffering as “victims”, yet others just wanting the War to end. The plot revolves around a young French woman whose husband is a POW and a young German officer, who slowly fall in love. Ultimately, the woman is forced to make a choice, and the affair is doomed. Again, Nemirovsky describes the lives and loves of these people in unsentimental fashion.

These two novels were intended to be a part of a five-novel saga that the author wanted to model around Beethoven’s Fifth symphony (I know there are only four movements; one story was going to be a coda). That she was able to write these two is testimony to her resolve. Nemirovsky was a Russian émigré; she had published, previous to the war, other well-regarded novels during her time in France. After the fall of Paris, she and her husband moved to the countryside with their two daughters. The Petain government in collaboration with the Germans began rounding up the Jews. She was arrested in July of 1942 as a “stateless Jew” and died in Auschwitz in August of that year. Her husband was similarly arrested later in the year and also died at that death camp. Their daughters were hidden in various locales around France during the war and didn’t learn of their parent’s fate until after the war. With them were these manuscripts.

Knopf has also just released her novella, Fire in the Blood ($22.00), a story of a French Village just before the war.

democommie™™™™®© recommends this reading guide

These books are available at Jackson Street Books and fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Boards 4 R Lord

Beth Everitt, Ph.D.
Aiken County [SC] Schools

Dear Dr. Everitt,

Kudos to you for allowing the First Baptist Church of North Augusta to bring their Laces 4 Love program into your classrooms. I'm sure the children are very grateful for the new shoes and the ritual foot washing they receive as they're told the story of how Jesus washed his disciple's feet.

I'd like to see more of that kind thing in our schools. That's why I want to bring my Boards 4 R Lord program to your district around Easter time.

Here's how it works. We donate lumber for your woodworking classes and teach the students how to make crosses just like the one upon which Our Lord and Savior was crucified. Then we'll celebrate Easter like the good Christians in the Philippines do by crucifying a few lucky students.

Another variation on this could be used to motivate the students to read. You know how principals often pledge to shave or color their hair if the kids reach some kind of reading goal. We could do that here if you'll volunteer to be crucified if every student in the school reads, say, five books.

After you do it once, I think you'll agree that Boards 4 R Lord is a fantastic program. Everyone benefits. You get free wood for your shop classes; the students get the opportunity to learn cross building techniques use them to bear witness to Jesus' pain and suffering; and I my followers don't need to go all the way to the Philippines or Guantanamo to see a good crucifixion.

I'll give you a call later this week to work out the details.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


Separatislamunistofascists weigh in.

Washing feet in Alabama.

Where can you pick up foot washing gear?

When foot washing is evil.

Crucifixion in the Philippines.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

RedState and Me

By now, many of you have heard about the fundraising email sent out a few days ago. Apparently, they have been targeted by the grand libislamunistofascist software vendor conspiracy (LSVC) and need to raise $25,000 to avoid being forcibly violated in the back of a VW Microbus by Hugo Chavez and the ice cream hippies, Ben and Jerry.

If that wasn't enough, yesterday, we learned in a second email, that the LSVC (Hold on. LS"VC," as in Viet Cong? Coincidence? I think not.) is attempting to do something worse to them: turn them into a Kossian Marxist Utopia where diarists are rewarded for the content of their posts rather than the thickness of their wallets. Here's how Red state put it:

The Scoop model works great at Daly Kos because of the nature of their ideology. They are the Left. They are the levelers, they are equalizers, they seek to bulldoze all natural distinctions to force everyone into some Marxist utopian mush.

After reading that, it occurred to me that the LSVC is also trying to turn Jesus's General into a Kossian Marxist Utopia by attacking me personally.

I first noticed it when I switched over to New Blogger. My little soldier was no longer honoring the great warriors of modern-day masculine combat by coming to attention in their presence. Professional wrestling photos no longer bugled revelry.

The same held true when I tried to live-blog prayer sieges at bars for homosexuals. Where once such events blessed me with a mighty wood of righteousness, or in sieges that were particularly confrontational, a most holy eruption of the loins, I now experienced nothing.

Obviously, the LSVC has slipped some kind of virus--a virus that somehow corrupts my masculine essence, yea, even my most precious man juices--into my computer's memory. Like RedState, the only way I can end this assault and turn it back around on my libislamunistofascist persecutors is to ask you to send me money so I can buy stuff. I think it will take at least $50,000. No, make that $100,000. I'll need to buy a lot of stuff.

Is the Antichrist plagued with doubt

It looks that way:

HAYDEN, Idaho (AP) -- A man who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then he cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.

A helmet tip to SeattleTammy.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

What Jonah Goldberg looks for in a candidate

Jonah Goldberg
Associate Editor
National Review Online

Dear Mr. Goldberg,

I caught your interview with Alex Chadwick on NPR's Day by Day on Monday, and I agree with your reason for opposing Mike Huckabee. As you noted, it's not the fact that he's a Christian supremacist that should bother conservatives, it's the possibility that he might be prone to telling that truth:

Jonah Goldberg: The benefit of Bush's compassionate conservatism [in 2000] was that it was majorly a marketing slogan...

Alex Chadwick: You mean you're worried Mike Huckabee might actually mean it?

Goldberg: Yes, that's what I'm terrified of.

I'd have thought that by now, seven years into the Bush Revolution, we'd have reached the point where truthtelling would be an automatic disqualifier for someone seeking the Republican nomination for any office, let alone the presidency, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Look at Mitt Romney and Rudy Guiliani. They're both compulsive liars, but they are having a hard time holding onto first tier status.

Still, I guess all is not lost, Huckabee's I-won't-stoop-to-negative-campaigning news conference was the epitome of disingenuity, and his responses to questions about the Target Wedding Registry Scandal reached a level of chutzpah we haven't seen since Alberto Gonzales last testified to Congress. So there's hope for him yet.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Old Man Harrington has a big stick and he's going to hit you with it

Commanding a Christ-based militia isn't easy. Much of my time is spent dealing with challenges to my leadership. Internal rivals like Cletis and Jethro are constantly trying to stir up the troops with their complaints about things like our economic viability--they, like the courts, insist on portraying the our strong financial position as a bankruptcy--or the fact that Old Man Johnson keeps pantsing me at church picnics--they call it an embarrassment; I call it a victory because last time, he only got the pants and not the briefs last time.

I usually reassert my authority by instituting a round of disciplinary spankings, but that approach has proven itself to be ineffectual since the unfortunate "arousal incident." I'm going to have to take more drastic action. I'm going to have to reassert my authority by beating the hell out of some one.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. It's a risky strategy, What if I get my butt kicked? Well, don't worry. This isn't the first time I've employed this particular tactic. I know what to do. It's just a matter of picking the right target.

That's why I picked Old Man Johnson last time. At 78, he's not as quick as he once was. There was no way I could lose.

Still, it wouldn't be enough to kick an old man's butt. I had to portray him as a threat to the community. That was a lot easier than it sounds. He's crotchety and cantankerous so people wanted an excuse to hate him. All I had to do was play on their fears about him by telling everyone he had a big stick, and he was going to start sneaking up on people and hitting them with it if someone didn't take preemptive action. It was an effective message. Before long, most of the people in town were demanding that I do something about Old Man Johnson, and they cheered me when I did.

This time it's not going to be as easy. By now, most people have figured out Old Man Johnson didn't really have a stick, and that the beating I gave him didn't really change his behavior all that much. Indeed, it merely encouraged him to launch this pantsing jihad against me.

It also doesn't help that people decided to check my initial claims that Old Man Harrington, my new target, was whittling a big piece hickory into a hitting stick. They snuck over to his place and found he was just making little troll carvings to sell to the tourists.

So now I have to up the ante. I have to goad Old Man Harrington into making an aggressive move against me. That's going to be a difficult thing to accomplish, because he knows I'll kick his butt. I still think it's doable though. I just need to go up on his porch and pound on the side of his house a dozen or so times every day. Eventually, he's going to lose his composure and try to forcibly eject me from his property. Then all I need to do is point to the incident as evidence that he's a threat to the community and before long, everyone will be demanding that I do something about the Old Man Harrington threat.

Elsewhere: They report and they decide.