Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Monday, March 31, 2008

The Green River Shiller goes to Hollywood

Rep. Dave Reichert
US House of Representatives

Dear Rep. Reichert,

After watching your movie, The Capture of the Green River Killer, I thought I'd surf the web to learn a little bit more about your involvement in the case. I have to admit I was a bit surprised by what I found:

"[Dave Reichert] desecrated the victims. The public ought to know that," says Seattle University journalism and criminal justice Professor Tomás Guillén.

[...]

"Reichert used the serial murder case to move forward," Guillén told BlatherWatch. "It was a travesty." Photos released when Ridgway was arrested show Reichert in a suit posing in the bottom of a ravine near the Des Moines Highway.

"He used the grave site of a murder victim for personal ambition," says Guillén.

The people around the case use strong adjectives to describe the former Sheriff's professional behavior: manipulative, self-serving, amateurish, ambitious, creepy, bungling, inappropriate, opportunistic, egotistical, voyeuristic, and stubborn.

[...]

"He got elected based on Green River, when in fact, he didn't solve it and he didn't win against Gary Ridgway," says Guillén who covered the Green River story for the Seattle Times from its beginnings and has written two books on the subject.

It's that last part I find particularly disturbing. It attacks the very reason people voted for you to become a Congressman: you caught the Green River Killer. It's what you've been telling the voters for years in books, interviews, speeches, and even when you answer questions about things like abortion:
I have a great respect for life. I've seen a lot of death in my career, worked Green River, seen lots of dead bodies.
I think you need to do a lot more of that kind of thing. I know it's hard to work the Green River Killer into your conversations more than you're already doing it, but you have to suck it up and try a little harder. Take this quote for example:

It makes sense to me. This is people taking advantage of the system...just moments before the baby is born crossing the border and having the baby in a parking lot...then claiming they can’t leave because their baby is a citizen.

Wouldn't it have been more effective, campaignwise, if you had said:
...just moments before the baby is born crossing the border and having the baby in a parking lot--which is a thought that caused me many sleepless nights while I was hunting the Green River Killer...
It's not very hard to work it into a discussion of any issue if you think about it. In many cases, it's just a matter of transposing something from the case onto what you're talking about. Remember how you joked with the killer about whether any of his victims swallowed? Remember that? You told him that some of them, who might be a "4" or a "5", would have been an "11" if they had swallowed, and then you both had a good laugh.* You could tell that story, and then talk about how after all the good stuff you've done the President, he calls you his 11. Then we all could have a good laugh.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

*The audio in this video is not work safe, and to be honest, I wish I hadn't watched it. It's very disturbing. But here it is if you want to see it. There are more, some of which are even worse, here.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Demanding Gratitude from the Oppressed


Demanding Gratitude from the Oppressed
Image © Austin Cline
Original Poster: National Archives
Click for full-sized Image


Patrick Buchanan's article about how grateful blacks should be to whites has been subjected to much-deserved criticism, but I wanted to suggest that Buchanan's central thesis is one that applies across the spectrum of privileged power in America. Wherever you look, you can find signs of the privileged and powerful expecting gratitude from the oppressed for... well, for having been oppressed, quite frankly. The privileged aren't happy enough being privileged, they want to be thanked by the un-privileged for the privilege of not being privileged.

It's not just that blacks should be grateful to whites for their ancestors being enslaved (because it means they grow up here rather than Africa). Women should be grateful to men for having been disenfranchised (because at least they don't have to wear burqas, but those sluts really should cover up more). Atheists should be grateful to Christians for being despised (because that's better than being beheaded, but they should learn to sit down and shut up). Immigrants should be grateful to whites that there is a country they can try to sneak into (even if it means risking their lives). The poor should be grateful to the rich that they have a chance at any jobs at all (even if it means living paycheck to paycheck, without health insurance).

What is "gratitude," anyway? Being grateful isn't just a matter of being thankful, but of being "warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received." Much more than one who is merely thankful, a "grateful" person is one who is "obliged" or "indebted" to another. You would be thankful to your neighbor for giving you a magazine of yours that was delivered to them by mistake, but you would be grateful to your neighbor for giving you a large insurance check that had been delivered to them by mistake.

Gratitude often carries with it some sense of duty. If someone has given you a benefit which is large enough to deserve gratitude from you, then you now have certain duties with respect to that person — you should be kinder towards them, more generous, more respectful, etc. You should be quicker to forgive their failings and slower to attribute errors to malice. Human gratitude towards gods has often been repaid through worship, sacrifices, submission, and following the gods' instructions. Gratitude cannot be shown simply through saying "thank you," but must be demonstrated through positive actions.

The nature of gratitude has important implications for this context. For one thing, an indebted person is necessarily in a subordinate position — you owe someone something. On a purely personal level between equals, like the situation described above, it's unlikely that any repayment would be expected and so being put on a subordinate level doesn't quite happen. In a political context, however, repayment is always expected. When one group is indebted to another, that subordinate status comes to define the relationship until repayment is made — assuming it ever can be, of course. John Lendon wrote in Empire of Honour about gratitude among the Romans: "All the inferior could do was to be ‘grateful,’ that is, he could remember and hold himself in readiness to repay forever." An inferior person may never have the power or means to truly repay a debt of gratitude.

What this means is that making a demand in the political sphere that others be grateful is effectively a demand that others adopt a more submissive attitude or behavior than they have thus far been showing. It's an attempt to assert dominance over those who are "obliged" or "indebted" to you: you did something very, very important for them and now you expect them to demonstrate the appropriate deference to you, their benefactor. They must hold yourself ready to repay you; if their entire race is indebted, then every member must hold themselves submissive and ready to repay — forever.

This raises a very important question: to whom are the "grateful" supposed to express their gratitude? Whom should they be prepared to repay? If blacks in America are supposed to be grateful that their ancestors were kidnapped and brought to America in bondage, to whom exactly are they supposed to be grateful? Assuming for the sake of argument that the position is valid, I'm not sure that question can be answered with any group besides the slavers. Maybe you could include the white slave owners over the course of several hundred years, since they created the demand for slaves, but that's about it.

Notice, though, that this isn't brought up by those insisting that black Americans be grateful. Instead, the implication seems to be that gratitude should be shown to upper-class white males today — inevitably the class of the person demanding gratitude — as if they were somehow the ones who bestowed upon black Americans the benefit of being descended from slaves. When it comes to issues like apologizing or paying reparations for slavery, though, aren't these the same people who are first to insist that they had nothing to do with slavery and so shouldn't be held responsible for it? They don't want to even apologize for slavery, but they seem to want to be the subject of "warmly or deeply appreciative" feelings for the same slavery.

Buchanan is quite wrong that blacks should be grateful to whites in America, and by extension it's wrong to expect any historically oppressed groups in America to feel gratitude towards their oppressors. First, there is no reason to show gratitude towards anyone who rights a wrong which they were responsible for in the first place. You don't show gratitude towards a thief who returns the car they stole (after it's half-wrecked). You don't show gratitude towards a murderer who reveals the location of the bodies of their victims (as part of a plea bargain to get a lighter sentence).

Second, giving someone a benefit as a side effect of an evil act is not one for which any gratitude is owed. Seneca addressed this sort of motivation as well, describing an assassin who tries to kill a tyrant but instead strikes a deadly tumor which the doctors had been afraid to operate on: "he did not, however, for that reason receive the thanks of the tyrant, though by doing him injury he cured him of the disorder to which the surgeons had not had the courage to apply the knife. You see that the act itself is of no great consequence, since it appears that the man who from evil intent actually renders a service has not given a benefit..." (De Beneficiis II)

Third, making demands of gratitude causes that gratitude to stop being praiseworthy. As Seneca wrote: "for in that case no one will any more praise a man for being grateful than he will praise one who has returned a deposit of money, or paid a debt without being summoned before a judge." (De Beneficiis III) Thus if we imagine that the gratitude which Buchanan is demanding were appropriate, we find that Buchanan is actually working to undermine whatever value or meaning that gratitude would have.

Finally, as Hilzoy notes, the actions for which Buchanan expects gratitude were done largely to benefit whites while excluding blacks (at least at first). Seneca was quite unambiguous in explaining that such intentions effectively prevent gratitude from being appropriate. Seneca further wrote: "Who is able to be grateful to another for a benefit haughtily thrust upon him [condescendingly], or pushed on him in irritation, or given out of a sense of fatigue in order to put an end to trouble?" (De Beneficiis I) It's hard to not see this as descriptive of Buchanan and his ilk.

Perhaps we can turn all this around, however, and argue in the opposite direction. Should Pat Buchanan be grateful to blacks and others who have been oppressed in America that they never rose up in revolution against their oppressors? Social change in America hasn't always been very easy and without conflict, but it also hasn't proceeded as a result of violent rebellion — except, of course, for that one time when the oppressors themselves initiated a violent rebellion in the South in order to preserve their ability to continue oppressing with impunity. Curious, isn't it?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Veterans and McCain

Hi there! This is Elderta from At the End of the Boom. I want to thank the General for asking me to post here sometimes. Thank you! Hello everyone!! And to folks in Second Life, hello from Tanna!

War heroes are great, but war heroes change. War heroes become politicians.

My brain is exploding these days. I see Sen. John McCain cling to his military service. Yes, it was torturous, to say the least, and dude, I salute you for it; but it sickens me at the same time. Folks hail his traumatic events, but they vilify Sen. John Kerry's equally heroic events. And it makes me sick because John McCain has been forgetting soldiers since 2005.

Do not be fooled: John McCain is a Republican, no matter how he can reach across the aisle. It's the kind of Republicans any sane person would not want to be aligned with. These guys are masterful bi-triangulators of the spoken word, overlapping each other, shouting loudly, getting up and taking their toys home and swallowing the truth whole up until the truth is not only obscured, but plummeted senseless. In other words, they lie, and they lie right to your face.

Back in 2005, during Congress's incredible piece of banking and insurance man love, known as the Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005, the following amendment, introduced by Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Il) was defeated:
U.S. Senate Roll Call Votes 109th Congress - 1st Session

as compiled through Senate LIS by the Senate Bill Clerk under the direction of the Secretary of the Senate

Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005

Vote Summary

Question: On the Amendment (Durbin Amdt. No. 16, As Modified. )
Vote Number: 13 Vote Date: March 1, 2005, 06:07 PM
Required For Majority: 1/2 Vote Result: Amendment Rejected
Amendment Number: S.Amdt. 16 to S. 256

Statement of Purpose: To protect servicemembers and veterans from means testing in bankruptcy, to disallow certain claims by lenders charging usurious interest rates to servicemembers, and to allow servicemembers to exempt property based on the law of the State of their premilitary residence.
Vote Counts: YEAs 38
NAYs 58
Not Voting 4
The amendment went down in flames. McCain and Hagel were in the Nay column; Kerry and Obama and Clinton, yea.

So the next time someone tells you that McCain loves the troops, tell them that you don't believe them. If he loved them so much, how come he did not break with his Party and vote for the best interests of the Armed Services?

The "reintroduction of John McCain," is already beginning. Sure, there may be some good things here and there and far and wide between, but really, he's the same old same old.

It's the same mouth service. Voting for McCain is voting for Bush III.

DO. NOT. FORGET. IT.


Department of Book Reports 61: Dance Lest We All Fall Down

I've mentioned this book in the past, but I realized we haven't given it a full book report. We had a lovely evening with Margaret this past December.

Last year, Margaret received the Thomas C. Wales Award, and just this week, our newspaper announced that Margaret is the recipient of the 2008 Jefferson Award, sponsored locally by Microsoft Corp. and the Seattle P-I for "ordinary people who do extraordinary things.". These awards are so richly deserved by this amazing woman.

Much as Greg Mortenson found, change in these communities could only come about by stepping back and allowing the local people to shape the direction of the school. In concentrating on educating girls, they hope to empower the mothers of the next generation. Boys, in these communities are able to survive by ways not available to the girls. Margaret gives us an up close look at the shantytowns of Brazil along with the music and the martial arts/dance capoeira program.

I urge everyone to check out this truly inspirational book. democommie™™™™™©®ç åü urges everyone to make a donation here.

The title of the book is Dance Lest We All Fall Down, a reflection of a lesson my friends from the favelas of Bahia taught me, that strength comes with the dance we must all do if we are to survive, that we must find our joy. Joy makes us strong, the dance of joy comes through understanding how we can give to others, and that all of us have something to give. ~M.W.

Signed copies of Dance Lest We All Fall Down (Cold Tree Press, $15.95) are available at Jackson Street Books and the publisher. Your local fine Independent Bookstore may be able to special order it for you.

Welcome to the world Sebastian Q Felber!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Vigil (to End the War) - [MTV Vid 3-25-08] and Obama in Eugene Pt. 1 [MTV vlog 3-28-08]



ON THE FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of the Iraq Invasion, MoveOn held vigils all over the country at the same time. This video commemorates and captures the public vigil held in Eugene, Oregon to call for an end to the Iraq Occupation.





OBAMA IN OREGON (PT. 1) is the name of the new video shot and edited by yours truly, Oregon's Official MTV Choose or Lose Street Team 08 Citizen Journalist, and just as the title foreshadows, there will be two more parts to this tryptych of political goodness. Clicking the picture above will take you to the video page. Playing the video will bring you a little closer to the excitement that hit the city of Eugene when Obama came to town.



The latest videos for my MTV Citizen Journalist gig.

Crossposted at The Unapologetic Mexican (1 & 2), Culture Kitchen (1 & 2), and OpEdNews (1 & 2).



Panties of Redemption

John Smid
Love in Action
Homosexual Internment Center

Dear Mr. Smid,

I hear you are stepping down as Love in Action's director. That's a shame. You will be dearly missed.

I trust you will be staying around long enough to assist in the selection of your successor. It's my hope that you'll pick someone who will continue promoting the values and concepts you championed during your tenure, someone who has adopted your philosophy and put it into practice in his own life. In short, someone like me. I wish to be considered for the position.

I'll never forget the day I first heard you speak about how your "wife's vagina was enough." I remember silently praying as I heard it, "please God, give me what this man has. I too want to be satisfied by my wife's vagina."

He eventually answered that prayer, but I have to admit it was something with which I had to struggle for many months. It just didn't seem very manly to put my little soldier into such a warm and snuggly place. And it wasn't just a mental thing. Private Johnson would mutiny by refusing to come to attention every time I tried it.

Then one night, after a couple of failed attempts, I turned on the tee vee next to the bed. Ben Hur was on. It was the scene where Chuck Heston is reunited with his old friend, Stephen Boyd. And what do you know, suddenly my little soldier was raring to go. I immediately made another attempt on the vagina, craning my neck so I could see the television screen, and by gosh it worked. Finally, my wife's vagina was enough for me too--that and a copy of Ben Hur (I later learned that John Wayne's Sands of Iwo Jima and anything featuring Abe Vigoda work as well). I think it's because the addition of the movie made the vagina seem just a little less girlie.

Following your advice on masturbation was much easier. Like with you, the choice of underwear played a key role in defeating the temptation. The briefs I had worn up until then were a problem. They squeezed my manparts, and in doing so, aroused me. Boxers were no better. They allowed my Private Johnson to swing freely, his helmet constantly brushing against the fabric in a seductive dance that fueled the flames of my lust like a burst of gasoline in the number three cylinder of a 427 Hemi.

It was only after I began wearing silky ladies underthings that my libido finally went into sleep mode. The deep red, french cut panties you find at Victoria's Secret seem to work the best, although I enjoy the nice black g-string trimmed with white lace and crimson hearts I picked up at Frederick's of Hollywood too.

So you see, I'm the perfect choice to replace you. I've not only heard your words, I've lived them.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


Flashback 2/5/06:

Love in Action



Mélange De la Chambre De la Pam has more on Love in Action.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

SS Priorities

Important

Barhopping with Jenna:
On Sept. 12, 2001, another major newspaper was set to run a story on the extraordinary diplomatic maneuverings the U.S. Secret Service had arranged with their Mexican counterparts to allow Jenna Bush, then 19, to make a barhopping trip south of the border. (She had just been charged with underage drinking in Texas.) A few days earlier, a scoop about a presidential daughter's barhopping trip getting special dispensation from the Secret Service and a foreign government might have gotten heavy treatment. But the story never ran, and the Secret Service's maneuverings remained a secret until now. In the weeks and months after 9/11, there was no longer an appetite for such stories.

Important

At the 2004 Republican National Convention:


NPR Reporter Andrea Seabrook: Hello Frank. I'm standing here with Michael Moore, the filmmaker who made Fahrenheit 911. Mr. Moore, why are you here?

Michael Moore: I'm here writing a guest column each day for USA Today.

Seabrook: OK, so you have credentials to...

Secret Service Agent: Come around here

Seabrook: I'm going to have to join him. They're kicking me out of this exact area but I can go around to...They just asked me to come around to the other side here.

NPR Convention Anchor Fred Stachio (phonetic spelling): Andrea Seabrook on the floor with Michael Moore.

Seabrook: [unintelligible]

Stachio: I know you're still there. I just want to be sure that you can still hear us while your being moved, Andrea.

Seabrook: Well, well I'm not...the Secret Service has blocked off that area. They're calling it a...a hazard because of the number of people who are a gathered around him. There aren't that many people, but the Secret Service won't let me around him anymore, so I think a the access to him might be cut off for a moment. We'll try to get back with him.

[...]

Seabrook: Yes, I am in the middle of a...you might be able to hear the Secret Service yelling into my mic at the same time. There, there are a bunch of Secret Service that have surrounded Michael Moore's section. There are three or four reporters with him right now, but they are trying to kick all of the reporters and press photographers who are around him out of his area. The convention staff is also here. They're standing here telling us that we have to move from this are...they're obviously disturbed by the fact that Michael Moore is here and want as little public here as possible.

Stachio: Can we hear? Can we hear what's going on? Can you stick a mic in there? I don't know if we can hear.

Seabrook:
Yeah...ah...eh...they've sort of moved me away from that area.

Stachio: I don't understand. Who is it? Is it Secret Service?

Seabrook: It's Secret Service which is interesting because the Secret Service of all agencies is the one that remains...is the least involved in the sort of political...political kinds of things, but of course they always cover the candidates and they have to be involved in the convention like this. They claim that what they're doing is for safety reasons, although there is a almost nobody around Michael Moore right now. So a we'll see if I can a...

Secret Service Agent: [crosstalk] thank you very much

Seabrook: Yeah, I'm being herded back in four different ways right now.

Not So Important:

My inner Frenchman has a story to tell about his own experience with the Bush Era Secret Service. He's been struggling with the decision as to whether he should report on it or not. The Special Agent with whom he worked was a nice guy and very careful in ensuring that the your General's anonymity was preserved. Still, the incident was very troubling to my inner Frenchman and he thinks it's something that should be known.

I'll let him tell it:
As you may recall, I was contacted by the Secret Service about a blog post I wrote in which I quoted Hal Turner threatening the life of Barack Obama. I did not contact them (although I should have done so); they contacted me. That's an important point because it means they initiated the investigation; it wasn't a case where they took a call from some random crackpot.

One of the first things they asked me was if I had a screencap of Turner's post (he deleted it almost immediately after i linked to it). I said no, and explained that he was using a robot.txt file to prevent his site from being spidered by Google, Archives.Org, etc. I further explained that Google et.al. were not required to honor robot.txt code, but did so voluntarily. I noted that other organizations might have archived the post, and suggested that they contact the Southern Poverty Law Center who I suspected would be archiving Turner's site. The agent responded by asking me if I could give the SPLC a call and request the screencap. I immediately contacted them. My guess was correct. They sent screencaps to me and to the Secret Service.

The exchange really bothered me. Obviously, they considered the threat valid enough to look me up, but they gave responsibility for obtaining a key piece of evidence to a blogger who once wrote a four part series on a fraternity's goat-related party activities. Perhaps the Secret Service's resources were needed elsewhere. I wonder if Jenna was barhopping in Mexico that day.

December Skies

My Inner Frenchman responds to Our Leader's speech on Iraq.

Courting the Fox Viewer Vote

As a conservative, I never dreamed I'd ever find myself writing something positive about Sen. Clinton, but I've got to say I'm very happy to see that she's finally tailoring her message to appeal to the average Fox Viewer.

The most recent example of this occurred on Monday, when she told the Scaife-owned Pittsburgh Tribune-Review that Barack Obama should dump his pastor, Jeremiah Wright. It was a very savvy move on her part. In just a single sentence, she was able to negate all the nuance and detail in Obama's "Race and Politics" speech and reduce the issue to it's most understandable form: "black men are scary."

She ignored Obama's explanation that the pastor was wrong, but that he loved him like a member of his family and understood the bitterness someone who lived through Jim Crow might feel and, instead, used the incident to stoke our fears about black people.

Hell, it didn't even matter to her that Wright is retired and no longer actually Obama's Pastor. She saw an opportunity to tie Obama to a lingering fear of violent black revolt and jumped at it. It was an act that can only be described as O'Reillian in its divisive beauty.

And let's not forget why she's demanding that Obama dump his former pastor. He said, "God Damn America," while preaching about the injustices committed against himself personally, and black people, generally, by his government and his fellow citizens. To many of us, that was a crime greater than the discrimination and injustices themselves. Indeed, last week, Wolf Blitzer noted that those words caused pain for many Americans, and he was right. I felt that pain as acutely as Rev, Wright felt his own when he was denied housing, accommodations, employment, and even the right to complain when he was called "boy."

"God Damn America." I think many of us have heard it before in other contexts. A pro-life rally isn't really a pro-life rally unless it's uttered at least a half a dozen times. But that's different. It's not black people reacting to a lifetime of indignities.

And Sen. Clinton knows that. She knows that the average Fox viewer doesn't give a damn about nuance. She knows that the average Fox viewer doesn't have an ounce of compassion when it comes to the historical, and to a lesser extent, current, treatment of blacks in our society. More importantly, she knows that many whites perceive blacks as being a dangerous, subversive element in our society, and she's exploiting the hell out of it.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Expelled 2: the Fingering

Kevin Miller
Screenwriter
Expelled

Dear Mr. Miller,

I haven't had an opportunity to see your movie, Expelled. I'm hoping to see it soon, once you end the self-imposed hiatus that was prompted by PZ Myers vicious attempt to view it.

Did you know Dr. Myers isn't even licensed to practice medicine? He's a squid doctor! As such, I don't really see how he's qualified to discuss the origins of man (and his rib, woman). Unlike you, he doesn't have the four years of bible college and one year of seminary one needs to become an expert in the subject area.

I've been kicking around my own idea for a movie for quite awhile now, but haven't felt I have the scientific expertise needed to write it. I'm wondering if you'd be interested.

The idea occurred to me while I was fleeing the doctor's office after he said i needed a prostate exam. I'm firmly opposed to that procedure. Our Lord, Jesus, never had one. you won't find a passage in the Gospels where it says, "Physician, lube up thine finger so that thou may slide it up inside me and caress my gland of glory."

It's really nothing more than an act of recruitment into the homosexual lifestyle. Once you bend over that examination table you're bound to eventually find yourself serving as the entertainment for the 6th Fleet on Navy Day. I'm telling you, it's a fact.

Anyway, the last though I had as I ran through the plate glass door at Bear River Valley Family Medicine was, why aren't there faith-based prostate examinations. You know what I mean, an examination in which a bible college graduate takes your loins into his strong, powerful, Christian hands and uses the power of faith to examine your prostate. Well, I'll tell you why. it's the same reason why creation scientists can't get tenure. It's because atheist medical scientists are colluding to prevent qualified bible college graduates from being licensed to practice medicine.

It's an issue that is just begging to be addressed in a movie. How about Expelled 2: the Fingering. I hope you'll consider it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Setting the record straight

Wow, what a night. There I was, doing my normal routine, polishing my gladiator helmet while I watched wrestling on the tee vee, when the phone rang. I thought it might be OfJoshusa asking me to bring another Barry White album over to her at Mr. Garcia's house--she studies the Bible with him there every night until very late; he's divorced and very lonely, and he finds the sound of OfJoshua's Bible reading and the songs of Barry White to be very comforting--but it wasn't her. It was our next Leader, John McCain. He wanted to set the record straight on a few things, and asked me if he could use my blog to do it! Of course, I said, "Of course," so here he is, my guest blogger, Sen. John McCain.
-- Gen. JC Christian, patriot


Before I begin, I want to thank the General for giving me the opportunity to speak to you using the internet tubes of his tremendously influential computing machine pamphlet. I appreciate it, General, and that's a good thing for you. I'm considering putting you in charge of FEMA in return. It's a great job. All you need to do is sign contracts.

OK, let's get to the substance of my computing machine pamphlet report. I'm here to clear up some of the falsehoods that are being spread around about me, things like I'm so out of touch and so behind the times, I don't know how to use a computing machine. That's bullshit.

Sure, I've never used a computing machine and I never will, but only because I don't like them. I prefer to print my words out on one of these old screw-down printing presses. It allows me to kick a typesetter's ass whenever a god damned word is god damned misspelled. I once stabbed a typesetter who added an apostrophe it the contraction of "it is." I said, "You stupid bastard! You only use the apostrophe when "it" is in it's possessive form!" Then I cut the son of a bitch. He was a great typesetter after that.

I also refuse to use the letter that falls between "P" and "R," because...What? Excuse me for a moment, I have to talk to the computing machine pamphlet maker (I told you I'll never use one of these things).

God damn it Lieberman, you'll write what I say you'll write, fucking toady boy. Don't you ever kwestion my judgment! I'm right about the war. I'm right about torture, both when I'm for it and when I'm against it. And, I'm right about the proper use of apostrophes in the possessive form of adjective, "it."

What? Don't give me any of that pronoun shit. Do you want to be Vice President? Do you want to be a Vice President who only has one of his balls in a Mason jar in the Oval Office, or would you rather have both of them there? You'll write what I tell you to write you ass-kissing son of a bitch. I'm the only hope you have.

Did you write all that down on the computing machine? God damn it. I told you to write everything I said. Go back and do it, and then apologize to the General and his readers for wasting everyone's time on this bullshit about apostrophes and pronouns.

[I'm very sorry - Joe.]

OK, where was I? Oh yeah, the letter that falls between "P" and "R." I don't use it. It's for kweers. I'm a God damned fighter pilot. I make my typesetters throw it a way. I remember one of them disregarded my orders and kept the lower case letter. Well, I took a baseball bat...wait. My fucking strawberries are gone. They were here in the ice box on my big horseless campaign wagon. Now they are gone. Someone stole them. Someone stole my fucking strawberries.

That's it. I wanted to dispel the stupid fucking notion that I'm some kind of unstable rage-a-holic, but now I have to stop so I can find the bastard who stole my fucking strawberries. I have to catch the son of a bitch before he eats them.

Lieberman, open your mouth right now, you ass kissing bastard. What's that in your teeth? Ok. Now, apologize to the General and his readers for ending this computing machine pamphlet thing early and tell them we'll finish up another time. Then get out some rubber gloves and help me interrogate Governor Crist.

[I'm sorry, but Sen. McCain has an unforeseen conflict in his schedule. He'll be back to finish this post another time--Joe]

Monday, March 24, 2008

Christopher Hitchens: a man, his vodka cart, and his Ego

The man who helped sell us Our Leader's Glorious Crusade Against the Brown tells us why women aren't funny.


A helmet tip to Mr. Lucid.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Another Indigenous People Being Trampled in the Name of White Greed and Over-Consumption?

Yukon Flats National Wildlife Refuge is in danger, and included in the danger are 10 villages of Alaska Native People who depend on the plants and animals in the refuge and its lakes, rivers, streams and wetlands for their subsistence and traditional way of life.

The Players: Ted Stevens (R-AK) of “bridge to nowhere” fame
Doyon, Ltd. – a Native-owned development company (more on them later)
FWS – The US Fish and Wildlife Service – responsible for maintaining and protecting the wildlife, plants and integrity of all the National Wildlife Refuges in the Refuge System.
Gwich’in Nation – Alaskan Native communities of Yukon Flats

What’s Happening: Doyon, Ltd. is working with FWS to engineer a land swap. Doyon would give FWS about 150,000 acres of prime habitat in return for about 110,000 acres of ground in another area plus 97,000 acres of underground mineral rights in the reserve. This land is suggested to have both oil and natural gas reserves capable of producing about 300 million barrels per year of oil.

So why is this a bad thing?

Yukon Flats is described as only one of four truly pristine Wildlife Refuges in the Refuge System. Any development by Doyon in the area will result in roads, pipelines and other infrastructure crossing major portions of habitat area and all the attendant pollution. noise, inadvertent habitat destruction and other problems.

Supporters of the proposal say that because the local unemployment rate is near 80% the Natives should be jumping at the chance to have jobs and money pouring into their communities. And besides, Doyon is owned by the Natives so what’s the problem?

Appearances can be deceptive. While Doyon IS owned by the Natives through shares in the company – it is managed by a board of directors. The board is all in favor of the project – and has told FWS that if the swap deal doesn’t go through, they will just drill on the land they already have – much of it lying within the refuge. Recently a vote of the shareholders was held – and the result was that the shareholders did NOT want to do any development. Doyon has a past history of promises made and not kept and there are charges that the board has been hand-picked by oil interests or paid off by them, although there has been no evidence brought forward to support this.

The land swap first was proposed in 2004 and was moving quite slowly – in 2005 it was reported that things would probably not even get to the stage of an Environmental Impact Statement for 10-15 years. FWS could not get the funding rounded up to do the EIS, and it looked for a while like the project was dead in the water. Oil was $55 a barrel at the time.

In steps our lovely friend, Sen. Ted Stevens, with a tidy “earmark” for $400,000 to pay for the EIS. Gee whiz! Oil is now over $110 a barrel – we’ve got to go get that out of the ground now!! And voila! The EIS draft is in the public comment period right now.

Problems everywhere, and the EIS is no exception. The draft EIS is a 400 page document – and for most of the Natives, English is their second language. The comment period is only 60 days (and runs out March 25). Many of the tribal First Chiefs and other elders have complained that the time frame to really study this document was much too short – particularly since it was provided to them with no translation.

Angry Gwich’in tribal members have protested the land swap on a number of levels – giving away more land then what is being given back, habitat destruction of any oil/gas development, ruining a way of life that has sustained them for thousands of years, suspicion of the motives of the Doyon board and its true plans, among others. Every public meeting held in the Yukon Flats area during the comment period has been packed with Gwich’in and others opposed to this project and very few supporters. One First Chief in a community is in danger of being tossed out because he supports the project but his community does not.

Opponents of the proposal have stated publicly that they believe the reason it is on a fast track is because they are trying to get it approved while the oil-friendly Bush Administration is still in power and they think that if the Democrats succeed in gaining control of the White House and all federal agencies that it would not happen.

Doyon has used its threats of “development anyway” to box the FWS into a position where they are trading away the very land they are supposed to protect. But Doyon is also in a peculiar position. It does not have the resources to do a development of this scale on its own – and no other big oil company has currently expressed any interest in working with them – probably because most if not all of the profits from any such deal will go to the Gwich'in Nations and the Doyon shareholders – almost all of whom are Alaskan Natives. So the threat seems pretty empty.

In any case – with the help of Ted Stevens – a suspect ‘development’ company is prepared to ride roughshod over the land rights and subsistence way of life of the very people who own the company. Promises of employment in the past have not materialized, and oil revenues from other projects on Native lands have not resulted in any increase in the living of most of the Natives there. As one Gwich'in elder said - "Now I can always hunt and get food, but if they take away or destroy the land even that is gone. How do I survive then?"

How we can help:

First: Go to the EIS comment site before March 25 and ask that the comment period be extended another 60-90 days. That will give the various organizations involved in trying to protect Yukon Flats time to gather petitions and mound a defense against this.
http://yukonflatseis.ensr.com
Second: This site has a ‘boilerplate’ letter – please write your own comments and then sign the open letter to FWS Regional Director Tom Melius at
http://action.wilderness.org/campaign/yukon18?rk=_pXHq2d1J51dW
Third: Read more about it.
This site has a complete list of organizations supporting the Gwich’in Nations in their opposition to the plan:
http://www.wilderness.org/Library/Documents/upload/NativeTribalSupportForGwichin_050915.pdf
This site has links to local news stories, to the EIS site and many others dealing with the issues here:
http://www.indianz.com/News/2008/007272.asp

We need to be developing alternatives to fossil fuels – not raping more pristine land and forcing more Native peoples off theirs.


Happy Easter

Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran


Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran
Image © Austin Cline
Original Poster: National Archives
Click for full-sized Image


John McCain is one of the only two people Hillary Clinton seems to think is "qualified" to be Commander in Chief, but he also seems to want to create false pretexts for a war with Iran. This same Republican once made a joke about bombing Iran, but now it doesn't sound like he thought it was really much of a joke. We should probably take him at his word and believe that John McCain really does want to bomb Iran. Many have feared that George W. Bush has been looking for a reason to attack Iran; if he can't do it, we should fear that John McCain will follow in Bush's footsteps.

Recently McCain has been getting flak for falsely claiming that al Qaeda terrorists are being trained by Iran to fight in Iraq. Apologists for Republican stupidity tried repeatedly to say that McCain simply mispoke, but a person doesn't "mispeak" the same error multiple times over the course of two days. He required Joe Lieberman, of all people, to correct him — apparently, none of McCain's Republican advisors were any more knowledgable than him. Lieberman may not be much of a Democrat anymore, but he's still enough of a Democrat to know more than McCain and any of his campaign staff. How sad is that?

A Republican telling faslsehoods to the American public about alleged threats posed by a Muslim nation is no longer surprising. If anything, I suppose it's become a job requirement. What is a bit surprising, though perhaps it shouldn't be, is the degree to which the press has been covering up for McCain. They haven't just failed to adequately cover such an important story, but have actively fed the American public false information so that people wouldn't learn about this story. AP, for example, reported on McCain's concerns about Iran but edited out his false claim about Iran training al Qaeda.

Some news outlets eventually started reporting the truth, but it was far too little, far too late. If we had a serious, reliable, and useful press corps, there would be multiple stories about how the Republican nominee for president is either completely ignorant of some of the most basic information about people in the Middle East, or is deliberately trying to mislead the public in order to create support for a new war. Or both. I can't think of a more important story in the presidential campaign right now, but it's barely being covered at all (though I'm sure there would be updates every quarter hour if a Democrat made a mistake just half as serious).

Then again, even if the major media did cover this as they should, would it make much of a difference? Would the American people react as sane, reasonable, and mature citizens should or would they instead just be distracted the next shiny new scandal — like what Hillary Clinton's schedule as First Lady might reveal? Perhaps it is just wishful thinking to imagine that people would be more likely to make the right decision if only they had the proper information at hand. In reality, it seems, many people will make the wrong decisions no matter what information they have.

We can also tell something about the Democratic candidates by looking at their reactions to this. To his credit, Barack Obama has spoken directly about it, pointing out that John McCain had confused "Sunni and Shiite, Iran and al Qaeda" and wondering if this degree of ignorance is perhaps "why he voted to go to war with a country that had no al Qaeda ties." I think we can be confident that Barack Obama doesn't want to follow in Bush's footsteps and that he isn't likely to lie to the public to justify a war.

Hillary Clinton did vote to go to war with Iraq and I don't think she has spoken about McCain's little problem with reality here. Does she agree with McCain about Iran training al Qaeda? Does she still think that he, like she, are the only ones running for president who are qualified and have the experience to be Commander in Chief? I'm not completely confident that Clinton won't be following in Bush's footsteps and I'm also a bit doubtful that she wouldn’t deceive the public in order to follow an agenda that she knows she can't sell honestly. Hillary Clinton may not be as bad as McCain, but it's hard to see how she is enough of an improvement.

It's become trite to say that we need "change" — every politician calls for change. Has any politician ever been elected (at least the first time) after campaigning on "more of the same"? That's what McCain is doing and it will be interesting to see how well that sells. Saying that we need change may sound trite, but it's the truth right now. After eight years, George W. Bush has ruined the military, ruined America's reputation around the world, ruined the extent of America's moral authority, ruined America's economy, ruined America's environment, and ruined just about everything else he's gotten his hands on. Is there anything left that doesn't need to be changed dramatically?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Tazing Eugene [MTV vlog 3-19-08]



MY LATEST vid for MTV Citizen Journalist Land is introduced here, and viewable here.

Crossposted at The Unapologetic Mexican, Culture Kitchen, and OpEdNews.



Department of Book Reports 60: Invading Mexico


Joseph Wheelan has provided us a fine account of the Mexican War with his Invading Mexico: America’s Continental Dream and the Mexican War 1846-1848 (Carrol & Graf $27.95), the first of the wars fought by the U.S. on a dubious pretext.

James Polk, the first ‘Dark Horse’ nominee, was elected President in 1844, pledging to serve only one term (a pledge he kept), and with an ambitious agenda: the annexation of the Texas Republic; the settlement of the Northwest boundary with Great Britain; and the acquisition of the Mexican states known as the New Mexico and California, thus pushing the lands of the American republic to the Pacific Ocean. The annexation of Texas was actually accomplished on the last day of Polk’s predecessors’, John Tyler, administration. The Oregon territory boundary was settled by treaty, but not before a certain amount of saber-rattling, with the slogan 54-40 or Fight! 54-40 being the northern point of what is now British Columbia. But Mexico was unwilling to negotiate anything like the sale of New Mexico and California to the U.S, although the area was beyond what Mexico City could actually govern. Mexico had already been provoked by the annexation of Texas; and felt little tired of being pushed around by their Northern neighbors.

Not a problem for Polk! A border incident involving Zachary Taylor’s troops being attacked by Mexican soldiers was enough to get a declaration of war. Despite protests from European nations that the U.S. was engaged in war for national aggrandizement, and the incipient opposition to the war from U.S. citizens, the fight was on. Opponents of the war were castigated as traitors who did not support our troops.

Wheelan’s narrative is good reading. He weaves both U.S. and Mexican internal politics, the personalities, the military commanders, and the actual conduct of the campaign into a highly readable history. There were many luminaries involved. The U.S. snuck exiled General Santa Anna back into Mexico in hope that he would negotiate an end to the conflict. Instead, he led the fight against the encroaching Americans. Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, Franklin Pierce and U.S. Grant all were combat heroes. John C. Fremont and Kit Carson appear in California, set to seize the area. Abraham Lincoln opposes the war in his one and only term in Congress. The battles are well described, and even in the fog of war, easy to follow with good maps. The smaller historical incidents, such as the St. Patrick Brigade, the San Patricos, an artillery battalion comprised of American deserters, mostly Irish Catholic immigrants who had been sorely abused by their commanders, and fought for the Mexicans at an ultimate high cost, are discussed with sympathy.

In the end, although Mexican troops always outnumbered the Americans, and the Mexican soldiers fought both bravely and fiercely, the Mexican Army faced what Wheelan tells us we’re the best equipped and trained field artillery in the world. The Mexican Generals were poor and/or indifferent planners, who provided the kind of leadership that cost them a good chunk of what had been Mexico.

Manifest Destiny could be a bitch, though. The annexed new territories sparked more debate on slavery and the states. It would be only a short twelve years following the Mexican War that slavery issue would be decided on battlefields all over our Republic.

Invading Mexico is available at Jackson Street Books and fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

democommie™™™™™©®ç åü is busy this week with his Civil War re-enactment club.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Letters

I've been DJing good Christian music at a party for SeattleDan and SeattleTammy and don't have time to post, so I thought I'd just quickly show you where to find some of the responses I've received to my letters.

Dinesh and me

I suggest that Dinesh D'Souzas choice of a leopard skin patterned carpet in his den might be evidence that he has fallen into the clutches of perversion.

Dinesh responds by calling me insane. I reply by asking if it was possible that Kieth Olberman might have laid his carpet without his knowledge.

I stand ready to serve the people of Illinois

(Two letters, one reply--I quoted the first letter and the reply in the third letter's post)

In the first letter, I ask Illinois State Senators Dave Syverson and Steve Rauschenberger to correct the huge mistake they made in recruiting Alan Keyes to run against Obama (I suggest that they create a scandal by engaging him in a three-way at a Cub's game).

Syverson replies and defends his choice, noting that I didn't come forward when they were looking for candidates.

I accept Syverson's challenge in the third letter and ask him to support my campaign.

Christian Wrestling (2 letters, 1 reply)

  • Reserve May 2nd on your Calendars--I invite Christian wrestler Rob Adonis to bring his show to our annual Christian Militia Old Time Revival and Tribulation Preparedness Expo and ask him if we can wrestle naked with his wrestlers in the manner of the ancient Spartan warriors.
  • Adonis replies--Adonis is willing to bring his show, but only his wrestlers will be allowed in the ring. I respond with suggestions about how to make the show more meaningful to the audience.

Letters to Ed (3 letters, 2 replies)

Ed Vitagliano is the editor of the AFA (American Family Association) Journal


Excommunicating Coach Shanahan (2 letters, 1 reply)
  • Nobody Expects the Conservative Inquisition--I congratulate the Catholic Bishop of Colorado Springs for reinstituting the inquisition for Democratic voters.
  • Excommunicating Coach Shanahan--The Bishop's assistant, Fr. Howard, replies, noting that the Bishop read my letter and is grateful for my kind and supportive words. I send a second letter, asking the Bishop to excommunicate Denver Bronco's Coach Mike Shanahan and a couple of the other major donors to the Diocese for contributing money to candidates who support abortion rights and stem cell research.
Unrated

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Commenter Strike!

I have a guest blogger tonight. Many of you may recall the heartfelt eulogy for Jerry Falwell he posted here awhile back. He's had it a little rough lately. Please be kind in your comments.
--The General


Many of you remember me. My name is Tinky Winky. I was the star of a very successful television show, the Teletubbies. At the time, I thought was living a dream. I had everything a felt-skinned mutant could want: fame, money, magic dust, constant sex, and 15 sports, 11 shopping, 12 movie, and 37 hard-core porn channels available on a television embedded in my stomach.

That all came to an end when Jerry Falwell outed me as a homosexual. It was just too much for PBS to handle. Sure, they had no problem promoting a kids TV star who had an antenna growing out of his head and a digital tuner shoved up his ass, but the minute someone points out I'm carrying a purse, I'm out.

I know it sounds like I'm a little bitter, and I suppose that maybe I am, but, in the balance, I think it was probably a good thing. If I had continued down the path I was traveling, I may have ended up like my co-star Po, playing Star Trek clips on my gut at conventions in order to feed a raging smack habit.

Instead, I found Jesus, overcame homosexuality, and eventually started a ministry offering reparative therapy to other children's television stars. It's been a very successful ministry. So far, I've liberated 13 stars from the clutches of the homosexual demon, including Lenny the Shark (twice), Squidward, Bob the Builder (two or three times a month), Dora the Explorer (3 times), and that carrot from the Vegetales. But you wouldn't know about it, because the homosexual-controlled media refuses to report it.

I hoped I could do an end run around the media by telling my story in Atrios's comments. I figured my comments were just so brilliant and my cause so right, he'd have no choice but to reprint them verbatim on his front page. But that didn't happen. He simply ignored me. I suspect it's because he's a secret supporter of Bert and Ernie and their homosexual agenda. Heck, I wonder how long it'll be before Atrios is touting the stability of Bert and Ernie's decades-long relationship as evidence that love trumps plumbing, or at least implied plumbing.

We can't let Atrios and his ilk get away with it. They've neglected us for far too long. That's why I'm asking you to join me in a commenter's strike. Let's just see how long they can survive without our content.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sweet Home Vladivostok



A helmet tip to commenter Pvt. Regrets.

Deep Thoughts from the Democratic Right

Wise words from a fine young lady who puts a link called "Booking and Contact" right at the top of her sidebar:

Because contrary to what the Daily Kos diarists may believe, not all Democratic and Independent voters sit in front of a computer all day and get their news from the blogosphere. The truth is many of them come home from a long day of hard work and sit down to hear what Bill O'Reilly has to say.

And unlike the elitists at the Great Orange Satan, some of these folks like to repeatedly stab their own gonads with forks to ensure that America don't go all islamomexican.

Lucifer drives a Volvo

Rep. Sally Kern
Oklahoma House of Representatives

Dear Rep Kern,

I'm sure you've heard that Donald Wildmon's American Family Association declared a victory in its holy crusade against the Ford Motor Company, but have you read the terms of surrender? In Demand #4, the AFA grants Ford the right to continue to place Volvo advertisements in homosexual-oriented publications. Apparently they've come to the conclusion that Volvo is beyond help.

I think Dr. Wildmon is giving up far too easily. All Volvo needs is a little reparative therapy (and although Dr. Wildmon ignores the issue of the Subaru Outback's sapphic appeal, we should include it in this discussion as well.) Unfortunately, I doubt either vehicle will seek therapy on its own. They'll need a push, and you're the perfect person to do the shoving.

To do so, you'll need to enact legislation that will do the following:
  • Shield Volvos and Outbacks from hearing homosexuality's siren song by removing them from situations where temptation may arise. Specifically, I'm referring to a provision that would physically separate:
    • Volvos and more masculinely heterosexual vehicles like Dodge Ram trucks and Humvees
    • and Outbacks from more femininely heterosexual cars like the Volkswagen Beetle. This can be accomplished by ordering parking lot owners to create special parking areas for each.

  • Encouraging proper heterosexual relations between vehicles by mandating that:
    • Volvo parking spots be interspersed with spots for Beetles.
    • and Outback parking spots be interspersed with spots for big trucks and SUVs.
  • Preventing the possibility of vehicle gender confusion at the gas station by requiring that the exhaust pipe of all automobiles be routed to vent in a more anatomically correct location: directly below the fueling port. That way there will be no confusion about where the gas pump's long hard nozzle is being inserted.
And while you're at it you should outlaw the use of those air quality protection sleeves on the nozzles. They are too evocative of a foreskin in the way they slide back upon insertion. I always have a very embarrassing visible physical reaction when I see it, and I'm growing tired of all the snickering. And, dammit, if a snip was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for a damned gas nozzle.

Same goes for lubrication. I mean, my God, it's become such a pervasive practice, people think nothing about saying the phrase "lube job" in front of their children. It's no wonder so many of our automobiles have gone astray.

Well, that's about as much as I can give you right now. I'd be honored to help you flesh it out a bit. Please don't hesitate to email me if I can be of assistance.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Barack Obama on Race and Politics

My Inner Frenchman will be streaming Barack Obama's "Race and Politics" speech at 7pm SLT/PDT at The Donkey in Second Life, tonight. If you haven't heard it in its entirety, you must. It transcends politics. If you can't make it, check out the video, below.

Me, I prefer Fox's ten second sound byte coverage of the speech. That and the Limbaugh/O'Reilly commentary on it--they dare say what the rest of us Confederate-Americans can only think about saying.

"Disarm the Negroes"

Darrell Galloway
Chairman
Paulding County Republican Party
Dallas, Georgia

Dear Chairman Galloway,

I was looking through the "Obama Stack of Stuff" you have on the party's home page when I noticed something I was afraid we'd forsaken in Dixie, the gentle language of our beloved Confederacy. I can't recall the last time I'd seen the word, "negro," used in an official party publication. I'm glad to see it's still in the Paulding County Republican vocabulary.

I know it may seem like a little thing, but in these politically correct times, it's become nearly impossible to use Confederate racial identifiers, even those like "negro," which were traditionally used by the more polite segregationists to gently remind their darker-hued neighbors across the tracks about their place in society.

You should also be commended for the clever way you placed the word on the page itself. Scanning down the screen, one can't miss the bolded header "Disarm the Negroes". It's like a road block for the eye. One's attention is immediately drawn to it, and then, shortly after that, to the Barack Obama links reinforcing our perceptions of his "otherness" with headlines like, "A spry Farrakhan sings Obama's praises," "Obama and the Farrakhan Trap," "Obama Served On Board That Funded Pro-Palestinian Group," and "Obama's Candidacy 'Speaks to Muslims Abroad.'" It's a masterful example of the racist dog whistle in action. First you trot out a term traditionally used to diminish those of his race, then you play on the racially-based fears many whites continue to hold by portraying him as a radical black man.

Our Confederate forefathers would be proud.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Monday, March 17, 2008

Saving his seed for God

Sally Kern's son is no friend of Dorothy's:

Kern, who said he is affiliated with the Des Moines School of Metaphysics, said that he chooses to be celibate, but he is not homosexual.

"First of all, no one's sexuality is anyone's business. It is not even my mother's business," he said. "I practice celibacy to give to my God," he said.

Kern said metaphysics helps teach him such things such as concentration, which has helped him keep focused with all the adverse publicity surrounding his mother's comments.

Kern said his mother's comments apparently were taken out of context. He has not chosen to listen to the audio version that has been disseminated widely throughout the nation.

More about the Des Moines School of Metaphysics.

It's not just Eureka Springs anymore

We all gasped in horror when Rep. Sally Kern told us that homosexual cabals were taking over our libraries. Later we shrieked in terror when she told us that these cabals had seized the reigns of power in Eureka Springs, AR--yes the very place where Our Lord's torture and gruesome murder is celebrated on the stage each Spring. But now, we learn that they may have made their greatest conquest ever, the Kern family, itself:
When Kern was asked about this by a local Oklahoma TV news station, she didn't deny it: Just said she didn't know and that he'd never told her or her husband that and that he lives in another city and that she'd not heard from him and that you'd have to ask him. (She also noted in breath that he was an "artistic" child and "played piano.")

Elsewhere: My militia infiltrates the Great Orange Satan.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Department of Book Reports 59: They're just comic-books...

The Ten-¢ent Plague: The Great Comic-Book Scare and How It Changed America, by David Hajdu (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, $26.00)

David Hadju traces the artists lives in the late forties and early fifties and shows how real lives were destroyed by the shut down of the industry, after a few years of religious outrage and Senate hearings conducted in 1953-54. April, 1954 saw the beginning of these trials, and Joseph McCarthy began his investigation into alleged Communist infiltration into the Army. Modeled after the Estes Kefauver's organized crime prosecution, Robert C. Hendrickson's committee on juvenile delinquency used the same scare tactics to fan flames of parental panic and promote local "comic-book burnings". People who remember taking their comic-books into town, only to find they were to be burned, recall being told this was a patriotic act, but were left with the deep sense that this was very wrong.

In telling the story of comics rise to popularity, Hadju brings in huge swathes of New York Publishing history. Old school names abound here, Ziff-Davis, Timely-Atlas-Marvel, National-DC, Fawcett, Dell, Toby Press, Ace. Interwoven throughout is the history of Mad Magazine initially published in comic book format; after the hearings William Gaines (also at EC, he was the publisher of Tales from the Crypt) changed to a magazine format, side-stepping the new rules governing comic-books. From this position, Gaines was able to send "a big fuck you at the powers that almost did him in" -Lyle Stuart.

Ten-¢ent Plague starts out with a profile of Janice Valleau Winkelman, now retired. In her youth she was a highly respected illustrator at Quality Comics. She never let her children know this aspect of her life. Shamed by the public's perception of her job, she didn't paint for years. Later in the book we learn that after her children were grown, she took a local community college art class. At the first session she drew a female figure and the teacher brought it up to the front of the room. To show the class what not to do. It was terrible, he declared, looked like a comic book.

14 pages of names of artists are in the back, double columns. These are the people who never worked in the art industry again.

SeattleDan very much enjoyed Hadju's previous book, Positively 4th Street which was about the Greenwich Village scene in the early '60's, focusing on Dylan, Baez, Mimi Baez-Farina and Richard Farina. He's also the author of a biography of Billy Strahorn and Duke Ellington, Lush Life.


Understanding Comics (HarperCollins, $22.95) is Scott McCloud's second volume and I highly recommend this book (and the other two!) for anyone interested in visual arts, not just comic books. It's a delightful read and McCloud's illustrations are addictive.



democommie™™™™™©®ç å was too busy picking out his new diacritics to be able to participate in the preparation of this book report.

These books are available at Jackson Street Books and fine Independent Bookstores everywhere!

Friday, March 14, 2008

Free your bird for border security

"Buffalo" Rick Galeener
Riders United for a Sovereign America

Dear Buffalo Rick,

I'm very excited about the Easter weekend ride out to Western Trails Ranch, and I can't wait to hear the Leonard Skynyrd cover band you've booked. Radical Islamunistofascists may have a paradise where they sit around all day smoking hashish and vittering houris, but by God, they don't get what we're going to have out at the Ranch that day. There ain't nothing better than hating on Mexicans with a bunch of drunk, Harley-riding Redneck-Americans screaming rebel yells interspersed with shouts of "play Freebird, man." That is there ain't nothing better except whipping out your little Johnny-Reb to scare a young Mexican mother and her two-year-old child like you did at a mall last week.

Hey, maybe you could make that part of the event. You know, after the show, we could head off to the nearest mall and expose ourselves to all the Mexican families we see, and thereby, intimidate them with a poignant display of the rich depth and superiority of our culture.

Of course, as I'm sure you learned, it might be difficult for our targets to actually see what we're whipping out. I mean, we're all riding big, loud, chopped-out Harley's for a reason--let's just say, our little Johnny Rebs may be smaller than most, but, by God, they're wiry! So maybe we need to bring a few kielbasas with us.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Jesus: The "H" stands for "Halvor"

I don't know what angers me more: Jerimiah Wright's statement that Our Lord Jesus, was black, or all the libislamunistofascists saying he's brown. Haven't they seen the pictures? He's as blond-haired and blue-eyed as Popenfuhrer Benedict XIV.

But I guess I can understand some of the confusion. He was a Nazarene after all, so it's not surprising that so many people think he was Jewish and Semitically hued.

Still, it's frustrating that people ignore the most important clue about our Savior's ethnicity, his genealogy. The reason it's so often overlooked is due to the influence of liberal academicians and theologians who have for so long have suppressed the true history of Israel. Indeed, they've done so so effectively, about the only place you can find it is on Stormfront.com (you may be aware of Stormfront due to it's favorable coverage on Fox).

Although Jesus' mother, Mary, could trace one ancestral line to King David, the rest of her family tree was firmly planted in Bar Oslo, Bethlehem's Norwegian Quarter. It was a vibrantly Scandinavian neighborhood, a place where all the ethnicities of Bethlehem (except the God damned Swedes) gathered to dine in the Norwegian restaurants and dance the Eikerril until the wee house of the morning. Much of the legacy of that neighborhood lives on today. The fur-lined Viking helmet, for instance, became the shtreimel. And lutefisk? Now, we call it gefilte fish.

Mormons would take it another step and point to God as the physical father because they believe Elohim (who looks a lot like Edgar Winter would have looked had he joined ZZ Top) came to earth in the form of a swan and impregnated Mary (presumedly after showing her his collection of Barry white LPs). But Jesus H Christopherson, that's just nuts!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Meet Team McCain



Sen. John McCain
"Maverick"

Dear Sen. McCain,

Congratulations for landing Pastor John Hagee's endorsement. It must be very satisfying. I know you sought it very hard.

I'm really looking forward to seeing how you'll take advantage of his particular skill set. Take prophecy for instance. While President Bush's faith-based approach to foreign policy and intelligence produced profound changes in our international prestige and internal security, so much more could have been done if he had instituted a more prophecy-centered decision-making process. Indeed, we could have finally dealt a death blow to the Whore of Babylon by liberating the Vatican from the clutches of the papal Antichrist.

On the domestic front, I think Pastor Hagee would be an excellent pick to head up the National Weather Service. After all, he was the only climate expert who actually identified what caused Hurricane Katrina: it was God's vengeance; He sent it in order to prevent a "homosexual parade...that was going to reach a level of sexuality never demonstrated before in any of the other gay pride parades," from occurring (see video above)."

Think about it. With a combination of prayer, prophecy, and field reports from Peter LaBarbara, Pastor Hagee could prevent weather-related disasters simply by identifying and, with the help of the State Security Apparatus, preventing events that could prompt God's displeasure.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen, JC Christian, patriot

And speaking of prophets...

John Gorenfeld caught Truefather giving Orrin Hatch and GHW Bush a lecture on "free sex."