Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thanks!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

A little Sunday Afternoon Music

Four songs from reader Alicia Morgan and one from her husband, David. Alicia is also an incredible writer who blogs at Last Left Turn Before Hooterville and is the author of the book, The Price of Right


If the Personal is Political, is the Political also Personal?


If the Personal is Political, is the Political also Personal?
Image © Austin Cline
Click for full-sized Image


It was once said that the personal is political, drawing attention to the fact that issues commonly described as merely "personal" rely upon political ideologies and decisions. The reverse does not necessarily hold true: not all political decisions should be treated as personal. To be more specific, politicians should not take it personally when other politicians make political decisions that put them in difficult situations or make them uncomfortable. For some reason, though, more and more Republicans are doing just that — or at least they are pretending to do that.

I think that "pretending" is probably the more accurate description. A politician has to be a good actor (which explains why so many have found the transition from acting to politics relatively easy to make) and good politicians frequently have to make use of political theater in order to communicate particular messages. No one who manages to achieve any political office on the federal level could possibly suffer from having a thin skin, so you know they can't be very affected by criticism or even insults from just about anyone, never mind politicians from opposing political parties.

Despite this, a number of Republicans have actually tried to get the public to believe that they have such fragile egos that they are genuinely insulted by Democrats doing nothing remotely unusual or personal in politics — indeed, that they are so insulted that their work has been affected and they are unable or unwilling to work as well with Democrats. To call this petty and churlish would be an understatement. If every politician went to pout in the corner when someone from another party said or did something they didn't like, there wouldn't be enough corners to contain them all.

Who is behaving like this? Well, Sen. Susan Collins from Maine told colleagues at a prayer breakfast that she had "trouble forgiving colleagues" who helped her opponent campaign against her. Did she never help Republicans in their campaigns? Did she really expect Democrats to not want to help another Democrat get elected? Mitch McConnell of Kentucky said that his feelings were hurt because Democrats spent a lot of money to support his opponent. Did he ever object when Republicans spent a lot of money to help support a Republican candidate against a Democratic incumbent?

Like I said, the outrage of these Republicans — as well as all the Republicans who nod quietly without objecting — is more "faux" than "foe," but perhaps there is indeed some small sense in which these attitudes might be genuine. We've seen more and more over the past few years the degree to which politicians and others "inside the Beltway" consider themselves to all be part of the same clique, separate from outsiders. The strongest example may be how journalists will protect politicians from critique in order to keep them as friends and sources. Is it possible that some Republicans might expect Democratic colleagues to protect them from Democratic challengers?

It's hard to believe that might be true because it's just so incredibly absurd, but I'm not sure that it's really any less absurd than journalists protecting politicians from public critique rather than protecting the public from politicians' crimes. It's probably much more likely that Republicans are simply pretending and engaging in political theater, hoping that the public will never stop to think about how silly all their claims are. I also think we should keep in mind that whatever the most obvious motivation people may have for something, and however true it may be that this is indeed their motivation, we shouldn't forget that people tend to have multiple influences on their lives and behaviors. It would be a mistake to reduce a person's motives to just a single dimension or single desire.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thwart a Witch, Take a Bath

My daughter's boyfriend manages commercial property. I don't know what that means exactly, but it's capitalism, dammit, so it must be good.

Anyway, one of his tenants disappeared and left a lot of very holy stuff  behind. Unfortunately, most of it consists of broken statues from Mexico that seemed to have had some kind of sacred herb removed from them. But there also boxes of a very different kind of sacred herb, like the one pictured here which is guaranteed to remove witches hexes if you add it to your bath.

If you're interested in breaking a witches hex, and rebuking isn't quite doing the trick, my daughter will sell you a bag for $10 shipping included. Send me a note if you are interested. It might make a great Christmas gift. She also has "prosperity," "lucky," and "good student" herb baths and soaps (I think there are prosperity bathroom cleaners and votive candles too--I'll get some pictures from her.)

Friday, November 28, 2008

Do not mention his name!

Vlogcasting from the future for those left behind.





Say "Ho" if you love Jesus!

Polygamy, abuse, murder, and religous practice

Happy Black Friday


I hope you had a very successful morning. Nothing honors the birth of the Prince of Peace more than a Christmas-shopping-bargain-related shooting. But as we enter into this season, let us remember which companies "convey a clear commitment to use the term 'Christmas.'"

Focus on the Family can help you identify stores that might be a little too "Jew-friendly":

Back in April, FOF sent letters to the heads of 33 leading retailers, demanding that they use the term “Christmas” in their 2008 end-of-year catalogs. Let me emphasize that: They did this in April. Easter wasn’t even over yet, and these cranks were obsessing about catalogs that wouldn’t even be issued for another seven months.
I’m trying to imagine the rolling of eyes that must have taken place at some of these companies when FOF’s letters about Christmas arrived just as the spring flowers were pushing up through the soil. My guess is that most of letters were tossed, because as of Nov. 11, FOF had not received replies from 22 companies (among them Target, K-Mart, JC Penney, Home Depot, Borders, Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale’s, Sears, Lands’ End and L.L. Bean).

Eight firms caved immediately: Best Buy, Cabela’s, Kohl’s, Lowe’s, Nordstrom, Pier 1, Toys R Us and Wal-Mart.

The Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy replied to the FOF missive, but, the group soberly reports, “did not convey a clear commitment to use the term ‘Christmas.’ Rather, they communicated their intent to approach their marketing in broad and diverse terms.”

Added FOF, “We’ll have to observe and see if what they publish avoids an insulting marginalization of Christmas.”

White Supremacy Ain't What It Used To Be

"Even some white supremacist leaders who describe themselves as moderates say they are alarmed."

From Howard Witt's article in the Chicago Tribune: Hate Incidents in U.S. Surge.

Those damn moderate white supremacists are making it harder on the rest of us!

++++

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Sharing the Good News of Utter Despisement



America's favorite spiritual family, Fred Phelps' Westboro Baptist Clan, came to Silverton, Oregon on Monday, November 24th, 2008, spreading the good news that God hates Silvertonians (having earlier visited Portland and Tigard to share the news that the lord cannot stand Portlanders and the country of Finland). The Mayor of Silverton (Stu Rasmussen) is transgender, and that ticks off the deity but good. Alas, the Lord had other commitments and could not deliver His condemnation in person: instead, He who is the One True God chose to delegate the job of sharing His bellicosity to one man and three young women from Kansas who had some free time. The God of the Israelites is one mysterious dude, and His hiring practices are opaque. He is nothing if not the King of "Go Figure."









As part of God's plan to splash wee-wee all over our national symbols, the good ladies of Westboro stood upon the flag of the United States, in a symbolic act believed to have something to do with wearing extremely patriotic shoes.



And in case you didn't already know:



To their unmitigated shame, the Silvertonians responded by smiling and displaying their own signs...







A point is made:



A response was forthcoming:



It was grand fun while it lasted, but the Westboro Baptists had miles to go before they slept, they waved goodbye and off they schlepped...



and some say they heard Jesus, who most surely wept...





++++

UPDATE: A Silvertonian shares his perspective on the day's events.

UPDATE UPDATED: The Oregonian reported on the festivities.

++++

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Real people thank Sarah Palin

Yes, dammit, they are real people.



What pods? I don't see any fucking pods.

OK, yes, that is a pod. So what. Go sleep next to it and we'll give you a fucking cowboy hat.

An Even Whiter Shade of GOP

Katon Dawson
Chair, South Carolina GOP

Dear Chairman Dawson,

I'm writing to offer my support for your bid to become the next RNC chair. Who better to lead our continuing efforts to disenfranchise black voters, blame blacks for the mortgage crisis, and fight the War Against Mexicans than a man who belonged to a whites-only country club for over a decade?

Certainly, you're our best bet to make the next Republican National Convention the whitest ever--even whiter than the last one! Heck, I bet you could even drive Alan Keyes out of the party (Don't laugh; it's possible; he'd still have the Klan).

I am concerned, however, that your segregationist credentials may not be enough to win you the chairmanship. How's your record in regard to persecuting The Gay? Are you as committed to it as your senators, Lindsey Graham and Go Fuckyourself? Have you led any efforts to deny basic rights to The Gay? Have you ever proven your commitment to heterosexuality by blowing strange men in a public restroom?

You might need to work on that.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Monday, November 24, 2008

God's Woman in Olympia

Representative-elect Shelly Short
Washington State House of Representatives

Dear Rep-elect Short,

Congratulations!

I can't tell you how great it feels to have such a godly woman in the state legislature. I'm even more heartened to see that the voters gave you a mandate to fulfil Our Lord and Savior's wishes by passing godly legislation. And let no one be mistaken; it was a mandate. The voters knew you were endorsed by Faith & Freedom and the Human Life PACs. They also saw you quoting the commandments in your campaign emails.

But as happy as I am to see you in the legislature, I hope you use it as a stepping stone for much greater things. You seem to have what it takes to join the Republican caucus in Congress or the US Senate. You definitely have that Ted Steven's touch in your family. Your husband, Mitch, demonstrated that when he plead guilty on Friday to charges that he had liberated thousands of dollars from the Stevens County Fair Board.

And as the Spokane Spokesman Review noted, you also have the fiscally-conservative money-management skills that have become so identified with Republican governance:
...court records showed she faced a $36,000 IRS lien, a state tax warrant for another $1,000, and a $12,000 judgment for delinquent credit-card debt. She was also nearly $2,500 behind on property taxes. A 2007 lawsuit by an employee over back wages also included a promissory note from Mitch Short acknowledging he owed the woman more than $9,000.
Now, to paraphrase out Antichrist-elect,  that is more of the same we can use.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste, biblical, and non-Vitter kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Victims

My inner Frenchman corresponds with American members of the British National Party (BNP).

Mike Huckabee: The Smiling Happy Face of Theocratic Fascism


Mike Huckabee: The Smiling Happy Face of Theocratic Fascism
Image © Austin Cline
Click for full-sized Image


Those of us hoping that Sarah Palin might become the Republican standard-bearer are probably in for a disappointment — and it was probably far too much to hope for anyway, wasn't it? I mean, the GOP really isn't that suicidal, right? Although it's much too early to make any serious predictions, I think that if we are going to regard anyone as the most likely leader of the GOP's base of conservative evangelicals, it has to be Mike Huckabee. The reasons why he is a much stronger and better candidate for them are also the reasons why he is a much more dangerous candidate for everyone else.

Sarah Palin would have been a gift to progressives because it would have been so easy to convince everyone (except for the extremists and the base) that she shouldn't be elected. Mike Huckabee, in contrast, is the sort of person who has appeal far outside the base. Give the devil his due: Mike Huckabee can be easygoing, can sound reasonable, speaks intelligently, doesn't talk down to people, doesn't sound like a grumpy, angry old man, is by all accounts genuinely personable and friendly, takes stands on economic issues that make him sound almost progressive, and so on.

Many of these positive qualities are good for any politician, but they will also make it very easy for moderate conservatives and independents to convince themselves that they aren't really voting for an extremist. Even if they are awake enough to recognize how extreme many of his views are, they will assume that that's OK if his views are "balanced" by having some views that aren't extremist. But make no mistake, Mike Huckabee is as much of an theocratic, authoritarian, extremist Christian as anyone in the Christian Right today.

The next time you see Mike Huckabee on any sort of mainstream news program, pay close attention to how he behaves — his friendly, positive demeanor — but pay even more attention to how the host or interviewer behaves. You probably won't see Huckabee challenged on anything he says or questioned about some of his statements from the past. Journalists like Mike Huckabee because, as I pointed out above, he seems to be a genuinely likable guy who is able to get along very well with others, even people who disagree with him strongly. We should expect the press to try to present him to the American public in a generally positive manner. He'll be portrayed as a "reasonable" conservative evangelical Christian, a "moderate" from the far Christian Right.

I would like to think, though, that greater understanding of his real views might lead to far less support for him as a national candidate. If we can't expect the press to do their job by finding and explaining that information, others will have to step in and do it for them. There are a number of relatively simple steps which the progressive community can begin doing now which will make matters much simpler in the future if in fact Mike Huckabee becomes a national candidate again. It's probably better and smarter to prepare for that eventuality than to be caught flat-footed.

First, we need to gather as much information about his past statements and actions as possible. Some may be easy to find because it's recorded online. Other important items will be much harder to find because Huckabee seems to have gone to the trouble of scrubbing relevant material from when he was a minister. Perhaps some or all of that is lost forever, but the sooner people start looking, the better the chances of finding something. Second, everything he does now should be cataloged. Mike Huckabee is currently doing a book tour so he'll be giving tons of interviews and speeches. There may even be opportunities for people to ask him some direct questions about his beliefs when he appears for book readings or signings — take advantage of that!

Finally, progressives need to be writing about Mike Huckabee's views now, well before they might become part of any national election campaigns. Don't wait until he's a viable candidate again before directly critiquing his views on homosexuality, abortion, church/state separation, and related matters; take the time now to repeatedly associate his name with homophobia, anti-choice ideology, anti-secularism, theocracy, and authoritarianism. When people search for his name online, hundreds of well-written and well-sourced critiques of his beliefs should become immediately available. Reporters also do background research this way, remember, so we might even influence the work of mainstream journalism in this fashion.

Ron Skytower chickened out

Ron Skytower of the SL Republicans refused to accept the honor of wrestling me naked in the manner of the ancient Spartan warriors.

His cowardice leaves me no option but to declare myself the new leader of the SL Republicans.

Here are a few pictures of me kneeling in the mud waiting for him (yes, I look just like this in real life).



Saturday, November 22, 2008

Socialism we can use

Obama announces public works initiative.

Department of Book Reports: Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex



Mary Roach is one terrific writer of non-fiction. Her previous books, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers (W.W. Norton $13.95) and Spook: Science Takes on the Afterlife (W.W.Norton $13.95), report on different aspects of death. In Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (W.W. Norton $24.95; paperback next April at $14.95), Roach grapples with human sexuality and the people who study it.

Included among the many different things she explores in this book are pioneers in the field before Alfred Kinsey and Master and Johnson. Men like Robert Latou Dickinson, who began his work in the 1890's; and John B. Watson, who helped develop the behaviorist school of psychology. She discusses Princess Marie Bonaparte, the grand-great niece of Napoleon, who tried correlating woman's sexual pleasure from measuring the distance of the clitoris from the vagina. Roach examines whether or not the female orgasm boosts fertility by first traveling to a Danish farm where pigs are artificially inseminated ( a really interesting process, and an up close experience for those who handle the sows). Other topics are given their due: penis cams, coital imaging, impotence, transplants and implants, masturbation, and the role of hormones. One of my favorite chapters was about Dr. Ahmed Shafik who studied the effects of polyester on sexuality by dressing lab rats in pants. After a year he found that rats that wore polyester pants had sex less frequently than those rats that wore cotton or wool.

Roach has a felicity with words and integrating her stories with humor and grace. The book reads smoothly and I found myself laughing aloud a great deal. Not to be missed are her footnotes. Some of the best stuff is in the footnotes. In discussing the aforementioned Marie Bonaparte's marriage to Prince George of Greece, a latent homosexual, Roach writes:

"Marie was unaware of her prince's proclivities when they were married. Her suspicion were roused by the drawings of Greek athletes that
George hung on his dressing room walls and later, by his decision to serve as the gymnastics examiner at the Panhellenic Games. Marie had
just given birth to their first son and complained in her diary that while she was home all day 'suckling Peter,' George was off, well, suckling
peter".

Bonk is available at Jackson Street Books and many other Fine Independent Bookstores.

What book is on your bedside table?

démocommié™™™™™©®ç åü courant is conducting his own research into human sexuality. I'm sure he'll report back soon.



Friday, November 21, 2008

In a little less than two hours...

...I answer SL Republican Ron Skytower's request for a second debate with all the seriousness it deserves. At 2 pm Pacific, I will honor him as only one culture warrior may honor another. That is by wrestling him naked in the ancient manner of our Spartan warrior philosophical ancestors. If he shows, oiled flesh shall meet oiled flesh until one warrior domintates the other into submission by driving his mighty spear of dominionistic manliness deep into the others dark cave of shame.

Join us. We'll raise money for Amnesty International (This event is not approved by Amnesty International) and listen to Barry White's greatest hits.

Annual Blogads survey

Please take this survey. It provides demographic info to potential advertisers. The more of you who do it, the better. I've participated in it for four or five years.

And while I'm talking about advertisers, check out all the great stocking stuffers at Miss Poppy's place. Just click her ad in the side bar.

Bleaching Barney

Terry Leo
Texas Sate School Board

Dear Mrs. Leo,

I read about the ugly confrontation you recently had with Barney the Dinosaur. I know at first glance, it may have seemed like just another attempt by the secularists to poison our children's minds with science, but their choice of Barney hints at an even more sinister purpose.

Just take a look at him. He's as purple as a church deacon in The Castro on a Saturday night. Don't you doubt for a moment why he's colored in that hue. He's purple for a purpose. He's telling the world he's out and proud and here to recruit our children by pushing his homosexual agenda in their schools.

He's a huge threat to our efforts to put God back into the classroom. And you, as one of God's staunchest defenders on the school board, have to stop him. Now, you're not going to get anywhere challenging his science curriculum or attacking his homosexual agenda. We've been trying to defeat both for years without success. You need to take another approach; you need to bring him into Christ's fold.

I suggest you try to convert him to Mormonism. Yes, I know it's kind of cultish and all, but it does offer an advantage you can't find in any other sect--it will bleach the purple right out of his 5000 year-old hide. According to Mormon scripture, his skin will turn "white and delightsome" once he joins the Lord's team. Then, he'll be useless to the Gay and their scientist co-demons.

Heterosexually yours in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Help for BNP Members

On Wednesday, I wrote about the British National Party's membership list being published on the internets tubes (you can get it here and here.). That caused a lot of consternation at places like Stormfront and Northwest Nationalists Blog, because most of the BNP members wanted to be secret racists and fascists.

Well, now, their worries may be over. Mr. Ekundayo Dunsimi has stepped up with an offer to help them out:
Dear Sirs and Madams,

Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Mr. Ekundayo Dunsimi and I understand your plight. I grew up under the fear of persecution and am no stranger to violence.

I want to help you and I am able to put you in touch with a Dr. Chizoba Durojaiye, an Internet expert and witch doctor who can remove your name from these despicable Internet lists that have been published to expose you.

He has already helped Mr. Abidemi Gahiji who, if you check, cannot now be found on said lists. A miracle? You may ask. No, Dr. Durojaiye has a gift that he would like to share with you!

He also may be able to present you with a business opportunity to earn a share in $20,000,000!! All he requires is your bank details (he has your name, address and other personal information already) and he will set you free and allow you to cast aside your demons.

Please send the information to free-the-bnp@419.com as an initial payment of $5 will be required for chicken feet (for a potion) will be required.

Thank you and God bless America and the Internet.

Mr. Ekundayo Dunsimi

I will not be emasculated by the internets tubes.

I don't know who's behind this internets tubes gender analysis thingy, but there is no way Jesus' General is only 72% masculine, and it certainly isn't less male than No Blood for Hubris or Shini's World. They're not-men, goddammit.

I'm an 11 on the manly scale of absolute gender, period.

OK, it is time to fight back. Plug this into your analysis:

Guns, war, NASCAR, football, slug you in the shoulder, Coors, taciturnity, balls, package, spit, John Wayne, Engelbert Humperdinck, pork rinds, frito pie, oh fuck it Engelbert Humperdinck, camo, hunting, fighting, combat, ear hair, little soldier, Gene Simmons, 24, Freebird, Doom, 357 magnum, Ann Coulter, beef jerky, Chuck Norris, Doug Giles, cowboy, Dodge Ram truck, hair club, viagra, spartan wrestling.

The Sanctity of the Microphone

Glenn Beck
Frosty Abuser

Dear Mr. Beck,

I'm sorry to hear about the trouble you had at a truck stop Wendy's. I don't know what's come over this country if a pudgy little white man can't hang around a truck stop without getting verbally abused by a trucker. I mean, my God, can't a sweater-wearing patriot buy a Frosty without a big, hairy, double-clutching diesel jockey getting in his face, calling him a "racist bigot," and accusing him of ruining the country? Doesn't anyone respect the sanctity of the microphone anymore?

There once was a time when you could get on the radio and rant about nuking Venezuela or ask a black Congressman if he was a terrorist and still be treated respectfully on the street. Hell, CNN would even give you a gig and pretend that you weren't a lying, vicious demagogue. But now, even truckers, who once formed your listener base, are giving you hell and scaring you out of your temple garments. Thank God your security detail was there.

I hope you finally got your frosty,

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Embarrassingly Ignorant

John Ziegler
Talk Show Host in Search of a Station

Dear Mr. Ziegler,

I appreciate your efforts, but you're making us conservatives look bad, like we know nothing about politics. You should do a little research before doing an interview. There is no Sen. Go Fuck Yourself in South Carolina or anywhere else. I looked it up.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

"But I wanted to be a secret racist fascist!"

Someone posted the British National Party's membership list on the web. I'm disappointed to see that Sarah Palin isn't listed. It would give her a little international experience.

You can see and download the list here and here.

BNP members respond:
The most shocking thing is some of the comments by the names!

God help anyone who is in the army, the pison service, health care, police officer or a teacher.

You're all fucked!

***

Me to, I'm on the list, I could be chucked out of the army. What is going on? Piss up in a brewery comes to mind.

***

Fuck me, the reds have the list now.

***

I can't believe it
I own a PC retail outlet and this could ruin me, It makes me want to puke on my shoe

***

I found this list posted on Various Islamic Muslim Forums and Jewish Boards - some of the people on there are nutters and whackos! Shit knows what happens if alqaeda or IDF gets hold of that!

***

What's up with you cowards, many of us are in the public domain and already lost our jobs.
You talk about saving your country and you panic if you think someone knows you.

I thought the lefties were tossers but at least they don't pretend to be heroes

***

The chances of future recruitment of teachers, policemen and prison officers has just faded to zero.

***

STAND UP AND BE PROUD RACISTS OF THIS COUNTRY!

***

Blimey, i'm also named on the list. Now everyone will know how i feel about the bloody pakis and gooks.
Update: The volk at Stormfront are quite upset as well.

We're all adjusting to an Obama America in our own way



Part 2 at slog.

The Good Old Days Before Regulation

The Seven Heads Of Barack Obama

Lisa Miller
Newsweek

Dear Mrs. Miller,

Thank you and Newsweek for addressing our most deeply held beliefs so respectfully. It isn't often we see a sentence like the following in a major news magazine:
The people who believe Obama is the Antichrist are perhaps jumping to conclusions but they're not nuts.
You are absolutely right. We are not crazy. It's not like we just dreamed this stuff up during some sort of psychotic break. We study. We read.  We analyze. We evaluate. Then, we state our conclusions. And as my friend, Malacandra, noted in an email to me, we conduct our research using the most authoritative source in existence:
Those who suggest that Obama is the Antichrist have very valid reasons for their belief, based on upon the very specific criteria laid out in scripture.

For example:

Barack Obama rose out of the sea and has seven heads and ten horns.Aside from that, he's like a leopard except with bear's feet and a lion's mouth. and one of his heads was mortally wounded, but then healed.

There's just no denying it.
So thank you again for showing respect for our most sacred beliefs, but, that said, you could have done so much more. Why didn't you report on the secular media's conspiracy to help Obama hide his true nature. Certainly you knew about it. It isn't easy to hide six extra heads, ten horns, a lion's mouth and bear feet. You must have noticed Obama's extra makeup, the lumps in his jacket, and the huge clown shoes he wore. Even if you didn't, you must have wondered why all of Obama's photos spent so much time in Newsweek's PhotoShop lab.

And what about all that business with his birth certificate? Why didn't you look into that? If he just rose out of the sea, it's likely he isn't a natural born citizen. I mean, there's nothing natural about a beast rising from the sea, is there?

Simply telling us we aren't nuts is not enough. You have a lot more reporting to do.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Homophobic Musical Theater Directors Unite!

Scott Eckern
Artistic Director
California Musical Theater

Dear Scott,

Thank you for all you did to help us prevent the gay from having the same rights as real people. Perhaps now, we can return the favor by helping you liberate musical theater from the yoke of homosexual oppression.

I see you are performing Avenue Q and Forever Plaid. No doubt the homosexual cabal that controls musical theater requires you to do so, but you can strike back. As the artistic director, you have the ability to subvert these productions by butching them up a bit. For instance, you could dress the cast of Forever Plaid in leather vests and chaps. That'd butch it up, by God, and the cabal couldn't do a thing about it as long as you painted the leather with a plaid pattern.

Same goes for Avenue Q. Put all those puppet handlers in latex, like those outfits Batman and Robin wear, the ones that look that old Roman breastplates with the nipples and everything--there's nothing more heterosexual than Batman latex or golden Roman nipples.

Then there's the music. You can do something about that. Do you really think anyone would notice if you changed Avenue Q's "If You Were Gay" to the Village People's "In the Navy." Heck, I don't think so. The audience would be too distracted by the patriotism.

Well, I think that's a good start. Your the expert. I'm sure you can come up with more.

Keep on hatin'!

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
p.s. If things don't work out, maybe you can team up with Prince.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Honoring Ron Skytower

As you may have heard, my Inner Frenchman declined to do another debate with Ron Skytower of the  SL Republicans. He says there's no reason to debate Ron again, because conservatism is now irrelevant. Adding insult to injury, he compared Ron to a labrador retreiver, writing:
Arguing with people who think Obama is a secret Muslim communist and the Earth is only 6000 years old is pointless. It's like debating a small child or more accurately, a male labrador retriever. No matter what you say, he'll continue to hump your leg, knowing with certainty that if he just humps long enough, your shoes will bear puppies. All you get out of it is a sticky leg.
Ron, I apologize on the behalf of my Inner Frenchman. He's a damned elitist who doesn't understand why we fear just about everything. He constantly mocks our hatred of the brown, our attempts to dominate our women, our hatred of science, and even the special relationships we form with our livestock.

But I am not my Inner Frenchman. I am a patriot and a warrior for Jesus, and I want to treat you and your ideas with all the seriousness you and they deserve. So I shall honor you, not with a debate (we already agree on everything), but in the way our ancient forebears, the mighty warriors of Sparta, honored each other. Yes, I am challenging you to wrestle me in the nude. Let us grapple, oiled flesh meeting oiled flesh, until one of us achieves victory by driving his hard spear of manhood deep into the other's dark cave of shame.

We shall do it at Wellstone's Donkey to shame my Inner Frenchman by highlighting his cowardice. Let us begin at 2:00 pm SLT (Pacific) and wrestle until one of us is vanquished. And let us do it as a fundraiser for a worthy cause like Books for Soldiers.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

My Inner Frenchman embrarrases me again

...by writing to the Mormons.

Harmony Without Justice means Power Without Accountability


Harmony Without Justice means Power Without Accountability
Image © Austin Cline
Click for full-sized Image


One issue which is of great concern to many liberals and progressives right now is the extent to which the Obama administration will seriously and vigorously investigate possible crimes committed by the Bush administration. A great deal of responsibility will of course rest with the Congress, and there are good reasons to hope that they will start taking their oversight duties seriously, even if belatedly and in retrospect. The Obama administration will have to become deeply involved too, however, for anything of substance to happen.

Cooperation is necessary in order to find and turn over relevant evidence; action is necessary when it comes to police investigation and perhaps eventual criminal prosecution. Neither a Democratic Congress nor an Obama administration can do it all alone, but together it may be possible for them to get to the bottom of all the secret polices, procedures, and programs that were ostensibly undertaken in the name of the American people, yet were apparently used against the people and kept hidden from them as much as possible.

Insofar as these policies and programs were legal but undesirable from a liberal perspective, it should be enough to simply make all the facts known — we shouldn't try to launch criminal prosecutions over policy differences. Democracy requires that government be as open and transparent as possible, however, and the Bush administration thwarted this principle in every way conceivable. The more we know about what was really done, the more reliably we can evaluate the administration's actions and the more we can do to prevent similar action in the future.

Even if we could know for certain that no investigation would turn up any genuine criminal wrongdoing, the investigations would still be necessary in order to rectify the problem of secrecy and send the message both to the American people and to future administrations that such levels secrecy are not acceptable. Not doing the investigations, or only limiting investigations to where the likelihood of criminal wrongdoing seems high, would send just the opposite message: that extensive but technically legal secrecy is acceptable in American democracy.

Of course, we can't know in advance whether any of the secret programs involved criminal wrongdoing or not, and so long as we believe that crimes should be punished, this is yet another reason to have investigations. Anyone who says that there shouldn't be investigations unless there is clear evidence of crimes is being disingenuous — and that's putting it mildly. Given the cloak of secrecy that has been pulled around the Bush administration's actions, there won't be evidence of guilt or innocence unless and until at least some investigating is done. People who object to investigations without evidence of crimes aren't stupid and surely know this, so their disingenuousness is arguably just an attempt to help cover up possible crimes — and that makes them every bit as guilty as the original criminals.

There is another way in which both Democrats and Republicans have been conspiring to cover up possible crimes by the Bush administration: an appeal to a supposed need for "political harmony." According to this argument, investigations into possible crimes will just create bad feelings which will make it difficult for Republicans and Democrats to work together. Since the business of government requires that they work together, avoiding the investigations is really in everyone's best interests. There is so much wrong with this argument that it's doubtful that there is even anything right with it. The premises are wrong, the inferences are wrong, and motive for offering it is not merely wrong but positively immoral.

The hidden premise that Republicans would be justified in developing hard feelings over investigations of other Republicans is wrong. They'd be justified if the investigations were conducted for partisan political reasons; otherwise, their commitment to justice and liberty should override any partisan political loyalty. If not, then the following inference — that they would be harder to work with — is irrelevant because such Republicans really aren't worth working with in the first place. You don't make political alliances with people who want to subvert justice in order to protect fellow party members, you send them to jail for corruption and covering up crimes.

Technically, the motive for offering an argument can't invalidate the argument itself — arguments must stand or fall on their own based on their own internal logical and the truth of their premises. However, when a person offering a transparently false argument is motivated by a grossly immoral goal, that motive has to be taken into consideration. In this case, the question before us is why anyone would offer a transparently false argument that would possibly allow criminals to get away with potentially horrible crimes without the full extent of the crimes even coming to light, never mind anyone having to take responsibility for and pay for those crimes?

The answer is not too hard to discern: the desire for "political harmony" does not arise out of an interest in getting government work done more efficiently, but rather in protecting a political and corporate class which has become too inbred, too insular, and too chummy for the good of the rest of the nation. Journalists, politicians, lobbyists, and corporate executives have all been sucked into a social circle where membership is so highly prized that they will subvert both law and morality in the interest of maintaining their status in the group.

Holding one another truly accountable for crimes committed against the American people would expose too much and hurt friends, so it's in everyone's interest to hush things up. They're like a sick, dysfunctional family where no one wants to even admit to the addictions and crimes of their relatives, much less try to stop them from molesting the neighborhood kids or call the cops to protect those kids. All that matters is keeping the family safe, no matter what happens to the community and children outside it.

Journalists are guilty of it when they refuse to ask hard questions or do serious investigations lest that damage their access to power. Democrats are guilty of it when they argue against official investigations because it would strain relationships "across the aisle," or when they endeavor to purchase bipartisan good will by tacitly agreeing to ignore past crimes. Well, damn your access to power and damn your precious political relationships. If you conspire in such ways to help conceal possible crimes, then you belong in prison cell right next to the original criminals. In fact, I'd like to see you serve double the prison time — maybe if we come down harder on people who help in the cover up, they won't be so eager to make it so easy for political sociopaths to harm the nation.

This image was originally part of a series of anti-German propaganda posters from World War I.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Department of Book Reports: The Price of Right

I got an email earlier this week, asking about Second Life. One member of the troops here, wanted to come over to Cafe Wellstone for our clandestine meetings. Turns out, she's one of the folks the General met last week while trying to separate Church and State. And she's written a book!

The Price Of Right (Sterling & Ross Publishers, $14.95) From the publisher's catalog "Conservatism has run America into the ground, and it always will. How can it not? It's a governing philosophy based on myth, used to concentrate power in the hands of the few to the detriment of the many- exactly the opposite of what was intended by the founding fathers."
Here's one reviewer: "Morgan does a terrific job of fitting the pieces together and painting a picture that has the potential to reach a lot of people. This is a book that might open some eyes. I recommend reading it and then giving it to a Republican."
and here's another review from Journeys with Jood.

I'm so tickled to have met Idella (Alicia)! We're going to have a book signing in Second Life at Virtual Jackson Street Books, next Saturday at 2pm SLT (that's Pacific Time on your planet). I'll be sending copies of The Price Of Right to Idella for signature, and then she'll forward them to the correct homes. Let me know if you'd like a copy of your very own and we'll get all the arrangements made.

Idella blogs over at Last Left Turn Before Hooterville. It was there I found out she sang on Neil Young's Living With War album. How cool is that? You can find her wicked cartoons here.

The remodel for Jackson Street Books looks never-ending. We've decided to put shelves up in every spare inch of the house and get the catalog back online as soon as possible. I hope to make that announcement by the end of this month. In the meantime, Fine Independent Bookstores everywhere will have copies of The Price of Right.

Update: Linkie fixed.

UPDATE 2, from Alicia:
On the Radio Tuesday With Rev. Barry Lynn!
Heads-up! This Tuesday, Nov. 18, I'll be doing a radio interview with the awe-inspiring Rev. Barry Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, at 1:00 PT. The show is called Culture Shocks and it can be heard on the radio live in these markets:

Los Angeles and the Inland Empire - KCAA 1050 AM
Washington, D.C. - WMET 1160 AM World Radio
Monterey, CA - KRXA AM 540
Cameron, TX - KTAE 1330 AM

and also streaming live and podcasting from Culture Shocks.

I hope you can tune in to the show live!

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Angel Moroni on Prop 8


Mormons officially oppose the ERA.
Mormons issue statement opposing MX missile deployment; worried Zion will be nuked.
Official Mormon statement urging members to oppose marriage equality.
Church refuses to sign letter condemning torture.
Torturing the Gay Away

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Mad Drunken Skilz

John Hinderaker
Powerline Blog

Dear John,

Your recent post comparing Obama's barely-functional speaking skills with President Bush's oratorical genius prompted me to think about other skills Obama lacks and Our Glorious Leader masters.

I'm particularly concerned about three skills that could endanger the Secretly Amish One's health. Specifically, I'm worried about drunken pretzel eating, drunken bicycle riding, and drunken Segue driving. I fear for BHO's safety if he he doesn't reach the level of expertise Leader W has demonstrated in his drunken pursuits. After all, Jesus ain't going to have a reason to return if the anti-christ is too incapacitated to enslave the world.

Hopefully, the transition will involve a lot of practice at getting plastered and trying to perform simple activities. Obama needs the reps.

That goes for Biden too. He has yet to demonstrate his proficiency at drunken friend's face shooting. Hey, maybe you could help him out with that.

Well that's enough business talk. How's the family? Did you ever get around to talking your boy into doing the patriotic thing and joining the army?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Joe Lieberman for SUAC Chair

Word is that Senate Democrats are considering keeping Joe Lieberman on board as the chair of the Homeland Security Committee. I think that's a good idea. He'll do a great job of undermining any efforts made by Obama and the Senate to reinstate troublesome constitutional restrictions against torture, domestic spying, arbitrary detentions, etc. But is that really the right place for him? I mean there are plenty of others who could step in--senators Landrau or Nelson for instance.

If the Senate Democrats are truely interested in being undermined from inside their caucus, they should consider creating a special committee--one modeled on the old House Committee on Un-American Activities (HUAC)-- just for Sen. Lieberman. He's proven himself to be up to the task. After all, he's spent the last year or so working on a campaign that strongly promoted the notion that the President-Elect and his followers are un-American. And for the last six or so years before that, he regularly attacked the patriotism of anyone who questioned the wisdom of Our Leader's Glorious Crusade Against The Brown And Their Constitution-Defending Fellow Travelers.

And let's not forget that Sen. Lieberman did not do this all on his own. He had a great staff out there working hard to convince people that Democrats are dangerous Marxists who cannot be trusted. Liebermanistas like Marshall Whitman and Dan Gerstein both deserve to receive important positions within the Obama administration so they can continue to promote the Bush legacy for eight more years.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Why is it...

...that when a good, conservative family man blows off a little steam by engaging in a bit of "German prison roleplay" the liberal media immediately labels him a Nazi?

From Bartholomew:
The background to this the "Max Mosley case"; Mosley, who heads Formula One racing, was photographed some months ago cavorting with prostitutes in an S&M scenario; the News of the World alleged, but was unable to prove, that there had been “Nazi” overtones, which was interesting for psychoanalyists as Mosley is the son of 1930s British fascist leader Oswald Mosley. Mosley successfully sued under privacy legislation, and was awarded £60,000 - more money than most people earn over several years. He’s now planning a libel action based on the "Nazi" accusation, claiming that in fact he was merely indulging in “German prison” roleplay.

Constitutional Amendment to Ban Christian Divorces



you break Jesus' heart when divorce is let in
you treat him like trash when you engage in such sin
but put not the steed before the love carriage
if you don't want some horse shit all over your marriage
if you think THE GAY is a slight to your vows
you haven't been looking at what's down at the DOW
and war, which destroys all that you hold dear
is truly a threat to all marriage, it's clear

but do many churches spend millions against
the merchants of death? i'll give you a hint
the mormons, the catholics and born again saints
cover the spectrum with one can of paint
poverty, health care: threats to us all
destroying marriages after the fall
but when do the voters rise up to fight back?
when Homo-Suppressives go on the attack

so now, it is plain, we must chart a new course
and mandate for all the War On Divorce
for christians who feel they must draw a line
it is time for them to see all the signs
divorce is the enemy and it must be stopped
marriage is sacred: preserve at all costs
and so, all you christians, soon nailed to your fate
when divorce is outlawed by the will of the state!
++++

Image of Jesus, whose heart is broken every time a Christian marriage breaks, wants you to vote to end divorce for all those who claim to be Christian. And goddamn the rest of them!

++++

Monday, November 10, 2008

Ron Skytower sets the record straight

In case anyone was confused about the results of the debate between my Inner Frenchman and Ron Skytower (the one true heir to the legacies of both Joe and Charlie McCarthy, as well as David Duke), Ron declared victory in my comments:
I was interested to read the various comments posted here about our debate. I do have to say that I'm astonished that most of them seem to think that you won somehow! That is simply not the case.
Good. I'm glad we cleared that up.

Update: Skytower challanges my Inner Frenchman to another debate. Here's his response.

Heart of Dorkness (revisted)

With all the Lieberman/Palin news that came up while I was gone, I thought I should repost the final chapter of my Heart of Dorkness series. It features them in a way that complements the current stories.

It was the nooses I noticed first. they were hanging from trees, signs, awnings any thing with an overhang. He was close now.
Then came the effigies. The nooses were no longer empty. We had arrived. McCain-Palin Headquarters stood before us.

Grabbing my Bob Dole pen I headed for the entrance. Joe Lieberman intercepted me at the door. "Why are you here," he asked.

"I'm here to see Sen. McCain," I answered, showing him the pen.

Joe replied:
Hey, man, you don't talk to John. You listen to him. The man's enlarged my mind. He's a poet-warrior in the classic sense. I mean, sometimes he'll, uh, well, you'll say "Hello" to him, right? And he'll just walk right by you, and he won't even notice you. And suddenly he'll grab you, and he'll throw you in a corner, and he'll say "Do you know that 'if' is the middle word in life? 'If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,'"
I mean, I'm no, I can't-- I'm a little man; no, I'm a great man; he's... John's a great man too. But not as great as me. I should be president. It's my turn. The Democrats conspired against me, casting their votes for John Kerry and Howard Dean. And the bloggers, the bloggers, man. They called me droopy dog. THEY CALLED ME DROOPY DOG!
But John, it's like he should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas. What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck am I talking about? I don't know, but John, I mean, what are they gonna say about John, when he's gone, huh? What are they gonna say? Are they gonna say "he was a kind man?" "He was a wise man?" "He had plans?" "He had wisdom?" Bullshit, man! What are they gonna do when he's gone? What? Are they gonna turn to me? I mean come on, look at me! I'm a god damned laughing stock.I won't have a committee, and they called me Droopy Dog, god damn it! THEY CALLED ME DROOPY DOG; THE FUCKERS! Am I gonna set them straight, NO...You...
The nooses. You're looking at the nooses and the effigies. I, uh--sometimes he goes too far, you know--but he's the first one to blame it on Obama! You have to give him that.
With that, I shoved Lieberman aside and pushed my way into McCain's office.

It was dark inside. It took my eyes awhile to adjust, but finally, I saw him. He was sitting cross-legged on a carpet remnant. It was a lime green shag, straight out of the Seventies.

He was naked. Someone had taken a marker and drawn eyebrows over his nipples and lips around his navel.

He was speaking into a microphone, recording the message for a robocall:
We encourage College Republicans to hold "immigrant hunts" and "affirmative action bake sales. But our consultants won't allow them to write "nigger" on their rally banners because they say it's racist!

I watched hedge fund managers riding on the back of Joe the Plumber as he crawled along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. It's my very happy, very erotic dream. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor … and the hedge fund managers survived!

So please remember to join the millions of Floridians who'll be voting against The Black and casting there ballots for me, John McCain, on November 4.
Seeing he had finished, I introduced myself, "Hi, Sen. McCain, I'm Gen. JC Christian."

"Yes, yes," he replied, "you're the guy who sends me pictures of goats dressed in fishnet stockings--it's nice to finally meet you."

"Well, maybe not," I responded, a bit sheepishly, "Bob Dole sent me."

Handing him Bob Dole's pen, I continued, "He asked me to show you this as proof that I am the bearer of his message; The RNSC wants you to drop out of the campaign so Bob Dole can step in. You've gone too far. You've gone beyond using racist dog whistles; your campaign's hate speech is explicit. It's killing our chances."

Anger and indignation flashing over his face, he began jiggling his gut so that it appeared as if the hand-drawn lips around his navel were speaking and said,
The party has no right to condemn me for being overt in my racism. They have no right to ask me to step down because of it. They have no right to do that, not after four decades of the Southern Strategy, not after the horror of the South Carolina Primary in 2000. They have no right to judge me.

The horror you've seen. The horror we've all seen.

I remember the South Carolina Primary in 2000. Seems a thousand centuries ago. Rove's people spread the rumor that my adopted Bangladeshi daughter was actually my black love-child. And I remember...I ...I...I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget.

And then I realized, like I was shot, like I was shot with a diamond, a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought, "My God, the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure."

And then I realized they were stronger than me, because they could stand the horror. Rove's men were not monsters. These were men, trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love, but they had the strength, the strength, to do that. If my campaign had those men, then our troubles would be over very, quickly. You have to have men who are amoral, who are able to utilize their primordial, tribal instincts to destroy an opponent without feeling, without passion, without judgment...without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us.

I hired those same men who sought to destroy me in 2000. They work for me now. They will bring me victory in Pennsylvania. They will bring me the electoral college. They will bring me the White House.
Sen. McCain was cut short when his office door swung rapidly open, hitting the wall with a crash and Sarah Palin strode angrily into the room. McCain slid back to furthest edge of his carpet remnant when he saw her. It was the kind of motion that becomes automatic when one is conditioned with fear, like the cowering of a whipped dog or the inevitable rant by Pamela Atlas Shrugs whenever an Arab is interviewed on television.

"I've been listening," she began, "I've heard every word."

She continued:
Take your pen back to Dole and McConnell. They are irrelevant, now. The Party is irrelevant. John McClain is irrelevant. This campaign is about my return in 2012, when I redeem the Party and the nation and usher in an era of Biblically-based free-market-oriented governance.

But the Party must die first. It must be purged of those who gave us that ancient pile of festering anger you came to depose. It must also be cleansed of the Giulianis and Romneys and others who worship at the false alters of idolatry.

That is what this election is about. That is what this election will be, the Republican Party's apocalypse. I will return after the cleansing and preside over a rapture of the righteous, raising up the most worthy to lead a new Republican Party into victory.

Will you be among those I rapture, General?
Rarely, is there a moment when a person, faced with a decision of tremendous consequence, is blessed with a clarity of vision that allows him or her to choose a course with out doubt or reservation. This was my moment. I was Paul on the Road to Damascus.

"Yes, my Lord," I replied, tearily, "show me the way."

Heart of Dorkness Index
1. Prologue
2. The Mission
3. I Love the Smell of Vaseline in the Morning
4. Never Get Out of the Pinto
5. The Horror

Infiltrating the Separationists

Back from the Americans United for the Separation of Church and State Conference. My camera failed me. I don't understand what happened to it. It was refurnished Kodak Instamatic spy camera the Department of Homeland Security purchased from Haliburton. You'd think a $15.2M camera wouldn't be harmed when hidden in a man's secret parts, but hey maybe all that rubbing against the 9mm Glock I also had packed there caused the damage.

Thank God Fran took pics.

Please notice that Blue Gal lies about being blue--she's a white woman--and Dr. Zaius is not our ape overlords' Minister of Science.

Unfortunately, she didn't get any of that bastard who tortured the body of Our Lord, or of the Card-Carrying Buddhist who looks like Meryl Streep (maybe she is Meryl Streep--damned commie), theVast Left Conspirator and Lambert from that Eyetalian Blog, a culture terrorist, a real life evolutionist, and one very very pissed off veteran who actually smiled a lot--great guy.

Update, Pics of PZ, the Eyetalians, our host Rev. Barry Lynn, and my hand (I think) here.

Thanks so much to Beth Corbin of AU for inviting me and to those of you who helped out. I picked up lots of great intel there and will be blogging about it and Alicia Morgan's great book in the future.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Palin calls attacks 'cruel' and 'cowardly'

From CNN.



May her dreams reveal to her what the words cruel and cowardly really mean. Just because she was on the losing side of our most recent national election doesn't mean she knows what real loss is. Perhaps one day she will learn empathy and compassion, and act accordingly. I shall begin holding my breath...now.

The Hunter becomes the hunted. Happens all the time.

++++

Voted Yes on Prop 8



And doin' the praise two-step to celebrate.

]

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Confronting the Damned Separationists

On Friday, I'm going to represent the Red Guard of the Glorious Conservative Christian Cultural Revolution at this weekend's Americans United for the Separation of Church and State conference. I'll do some live blogging while there. The flight and one night in the hotel is comped, but I need to come up with a few buck for food, taxi, gas, parking and the second night in the hotel. If any of you could spare a few bucks to help out, I'd appreciate it. Just click the donation buttons above.

Who's going to watch my little towel shows, now?

Gov. Palin agreed to do one last post for Jesus' General before taking a little time off.
Thank you, Governor!


OK, it's over. We did our best; we fired you up and pressed all your buttons; but you failed to stop The Unholy One. That means I have to go back to freaking Alaska. 

No Saks! No Barney's! No Neiman Marcus! Just the freaking Wall-Mart in Walisa.

Cheese-N-Rice! Freakin' Wall-Mart!

So what am I going to do, now? A lot of you are asking me that.

Well, first I need to tie up a few loose ends--like the clothing thing. During the campaign, I said I'd give it all back, all $150,000 $200,000 dollars worth of it. And I'll do that, except for the stuff I lost and the clothing the RNC bought Todd, Bristol, Piper, Willow, Trig, and Levi--I never made any promises about that. I have to get something out of this.

Then, I'm going to have to find another way to get more money for clothes. I'm thinking about renting Trig out as a prop for candidates, pro-life activists, and subdivision developers. You've all seen how good he is at it. It's the special talent God gave him.

Todd and I are also going to need to find new ways of spicing up our "happy minute." We won't have campaign advisers around anymore, so who am I going to tease with my little towel shows while Todd gets busy in his Brooks Brothers slacks?

Hey, maybe we can get Joe the Plumber to move in with us. I bet he'd do it if I appointed him the Director of Fisheries. I wonder if he'd mind dressing up like a milkman on Tuesdays. Oh...or a puritan witch pricker! Mmmmmmmm. I like that!

So that's about it, for now.

Update: Country..continent...who cares? It's full of witches anyway!