Department of Book Reports on Hiatus

SeattleTammy and I are quite busy, getting our home and store moved from Seattle to Hoquiam, Washington. If you are so inclined, you can view our progress at the blogspot. In the meantime, treat this as on open thread, and talk about the books you’ve read and enjoyed lately. See you all once we’ve moved in.

That Libertarian Look

And people wonder why Libertarians are so successful when participating in abstinence programs.

More on Fran Powers, Candidate for Congress.

Let Lieberman smite them in their secret parts

Sen. Joe Lieberman
Citizens for McCain

Dear Sen. Lieberman,

I'm glad to hear you'll be representing Sen. John McCain at John Hagee's Christian's United for Israel conference. It's a great opportunity to reassure Pastor Hagee's followers that McCain's the candidate who is most in-tune with their basic beliefs.

I'm hoping that you'll use the speech to firm up that relationship even a little more. Specifically, it'd be great if you could tell the attendees that you agree with Hagee's claim that the Holocaust was a good thing for Jews. Even better would by a declaration that you've accepted out lord Jesus as your own personal savior. I bet that'd get you that number two spot on the ticket you want so badly.

You might also promise to ask Sen. McCain to create the position of Undersecretary in Godly Intervention and Biblical Defense for Pastor Hagee in the Department of Defense. Hagee could then hire a staff of professional prayers to ask God to take out Gaza with a hurricane just like he did in New Orleans.

Of course, they'll need to pray for another solution for the West Bank--a hurricane would have to go through Tel Aviv to get there. I'd go for the same punishment God gave the people of Ashdod, Gath, and Bethshemesh for stealing the Arc of The Covenant. That's right, hemorrhoids in their secret parts. If it's a good enough punishment for stealing the Arc, by God it's a good enough punishment for worshipping the wrong version of Yahweh.

Heterosexually Yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

McNabbing Obama

Phil Boyce
Program Director
WABC Radio

Dear Mr. Boyce,

Do you recall what prompted your parent company, ABC, to fire Rush Limbaugh from his ESPN commentary gig a few years back (No, it wasn't his jones for pharmaceutical-grade smack)? Limbaugh was axed because he complained on air that Donovan McNabb was a mediocre quarterback who received good press only because he is black.

That angered a lot of people, because McNabb was a pioneer of sorts. He was one of the comparatively few black men to succeed as a quarterback in the NFL. There haven't been many black QBs because of the stubborn old stereotype that blacks can't handle such a highly technical position. Rush's comments supported that kind of thinking.

Now Rush has done it again by saying basically the same thing about Barack Obama:

[T]here must be real animosity toward the Clintons at high levels of this party. To go with a veritable rookie whose only chance of winning is that he's black.

Pretty strong. Does it mean ABC will now drop his show from WABC and the other stations it owns?

I hope not. Being president isn't the same thing as being a QB. It's really the last symbol of superiority a lot of us white guys have to hold onto. I mean, hey, I might be a high school drop out whose mental acuity is so addled by inbreeding and meth that I'm unemployable, but I still have more of a shot at becoming President than any black guy. That's something to feel good about isn't it. Rush is just giving that kind of thinking the recognition it deserves.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Who's the antichrist

Joe Lieberman, Antichrist

Juda Engelmayer
Christians United For Israel

Dear Mr. Engelmayer,

I appreciate all the good work Pastor Hagee and the other conference organizers are putting into the Christians United For Israel conference. It sounds like it might be a great event and I'd love to attend, but frankly, I'm too frightened to do so.

I'm sure you're as familiar with Pastor Hagee's work as I am. No doubt you've heard him speak about how the Holocaust was a good thing for Jews. And, of course he's right. All the great missionary efforts of the past, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Indian wars, etc., began with a holocaust. Why not launch the last and greatest conversion effort with a genocide that is commensurate with such monumental effort.

Of course Jews see it differently. They tend to view the murder of at least six million of their family members a bit more negatively, and I suppose that makes it difficult for you to find Jewish people to speak at your conference. I mean what self-respecting Jew would appear at an event where the Holocaust is declared to be a good thing? Why would someone like Joe Lieberman--a man so chauvinistically Jewish he'd make Golda Meir feel like a shikse--accept an invitation to speak?

I think we can fond the answer to that in another Hagee sermon, The Final Dictator. It's the one where the good pastor declares the Antichrist to be a Jewish homosexual. For years, I was convinced he was talking about This American Life's David Rakoff, but now it obvious that Lieberman's the Antichrist he describes. Why else would he lend his credibility to anti-Semites.

Some might argue that it can't be Lieberman, because he's not a homosexual. But do we really know that? His "stance" could be just as wide as Larry Craig's. And how certain are we that Hadassah's really a woman anyway. For all we know, she could be Lindsey Graham in drag. You have to admit there's a resemblance there.

In any event, I'm not attending, There is no way you can guarantee that Joe won't eat my children, and if i leave them home, you what's stopping Lieberman from send Lanny Davis or Pamela Atlas Shrugs over to feast on them while I'm away (you know Lanny and Pam have gotta be guzzling virgin's blood as part of their beauty routine).

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Virtual John McCain

Thank you General for allowing me to use you electronic computing pamphlet making machine again.

I should also thank you for suggesting that I reach out to young voters by going onto the electronic Second Life play acting computing machine. I'll admit it was hard at first, but then I ran into Richard Nixon at your inner Frenchman's place, the Cafe Wellstone.


Dick was very helpful. "John," he said, "you have it all wrong. You're wearing pants. They're all fucking hippy cocksuckers here. They don't wear fucking pants. Look at me. I'm not wearing any, either. I know what these kids want. I met with Elvis for Christ's sake. Let me give you a makeover."

Here's the result (Dick wanted me to cover my third nipple with makeup, but I said, "Go fuck yourself Dick, you caked it on like a trollop every time you went on TV, you cunt, and look where it got you.")

I think I look pretty good.

Here's a closeup. Is it any wonder why those lobbyists are so hot for me?

After the makeover, I headed out to this church a nice lady named Jillan McMillan built to honor me. I think she's checking me out in this picture. Who can blame her?

I preached for a while. Then, I offered to heal people by letting them touch my third nipple--that's going to be a major feature of my health care plan--but no one took me up on it. I bet they were a bunch of science bastards.


My next stop was Second Life Republican Headquarters. I met a nice Republican woman there. I believe she was a movement conservative because she had the word "slave" tattooed above her woman things.


Before I left, I took advantage of the prayer balls they have at their monument to Ronald Reagan and gave thanks to the Gipper for all he's given us.


I ended the day with a little live music at Glass Earth. The singer, Juel Resistance, was great for a hippy, but I could have done without her mockery of my thong and all the walrus comments coming from a group of Germans. Those Old Europe fuckers are going to pay, god dammit. They're no better than the Hindus in Iran. I'll make them pay 'till they fucking glow.

Gasoline Rising

Gasoline Rising

GASOLINE RISING is the newest video I've put together, on the prices of gas here in Oregon. Weighing in less than two minutes, it is short, sweet, and safe even for bike-riding vegans.

The latest video by Oregon's Official MTV Choose or Lose Street Team 08 Citizen Journalist, Nezua.

Clicking the picture above will take you to the video page.

Crossposted to The Unapologetic Mexican, Culture Kitchen, and OpEdNews.