One of my heroes has passed away. There is so much one could say about him. But he was a great man. A man who said, "never met a picket line or a petition I didn't like". Here is a (long) interview with him. Enjoy. And, Studs, here's a toast to you!
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Fall Fund Drive
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Department of Book Reports: Studs Terkel, RIP
Friday, October 31, 2008
McCain/Palin Victims of Brutal Attack?
(Jivester News, Lmtd.) Republican Presidential candidate John McCain, along with his running mate Sarah Palin, claimed during a Halloween press conference that this morning they were robbed, pinned to the ground and branded with the letter "B” on their faces, in what both are saying was a politically inspired attack by a black man. Palin, who said she was not raped but "...would have the baby if she she had been raped, and would have positioned her hips in such a way as to protect the nascent fetus immediately after the rape" pointed to the "B" on her face as proof of the late election season attack. She then winked a bunch of times, and spoke in "Tonguenese" a spiritual language said to have no meaning at all, though her mumbled "...yabba dabba doo" was vaguely familiar.
McCain, interviewed as he was returning from casket shopping, said he was attempting to take cash out of an ATM with his own check card when attacked, and Sarah just happened to be there clubbing to death a service dog when both were brutalized by "a very brown man of suspicious browness." Police who questioned McCain quickly discovered it wasn't his card but rather his wife's debit card, and it wasn't an ATM machine where the alleged attack occurred: it was a gaming table at a casino in New Jersey. And he wasn't attacked. And the "B" looked a lot like the "B" showcased on fake victim Ashley Todd's face in last week's absurd news cycle, now that I think of it. As a member of the media, I'm almost certain this means something. Almost.
Was this demonstrably false story a last ditch attempt by McCain & Palin to gain sympathy, inspire voters, whip up reflexive racist sentiments in an increasingly agitated public, frighten white women, get free candy on Halloween, make clowns cry, or perhaps a noble effort to defeat the insidious encroachment on our liberties by perfidious entities bent on destroying our way of life by taxing billionaires? Or was it all just my friend Barry doing a simple cut and paste bit of business with Photoshop? Only the grim march of time will tell...
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Virtual face make-up of McCain/Palin performed by Barryshap. Heh-heh.
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A real Obama Witch
Join Me, my Inner Frenchman, and the rest of the Cafe Wellstoners at Wellstone's Donkey in Second Life on Election Night. Gonna be a great party unless Satan wins.
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Palin's GOTV strategy
Prophets and prayer warriors are seeking the only vote that counts:
In 2000 we actually lost the popular vote and won the election-talk about grace! Please pray for this grace to be released again…
Please understand what I am saying: if we engage in this battle and do what I am asking-in mass-we will win; if we do not, we will lose. I, for one, don’t intend to allow the latter. I am in Washington , D.C. now (October 20-22) with Lou Engle and a team of prayer leaders from around the nation to war for this election. Join us! Lose some sleep, miss some meals-pray! Pray like never before for these elections. And as you do, involve yourself not only in petitioning prayer but also in spiritual warfare. Use your God- given authority over the plans and strategies of satan’s kingdom. Bind all witchcraft that is working to control the outcome, including occultic powers that are suppressing truth. Release Christ’s Kingdom rule in every way the Holy Spirit leads you.
But the Enemy is vicious:
…I had a vision earlier this year. I saw Barack Obama in this vision. He was speaking to a large crowd and being broadcast on television. He was speaking incredible words of unity, peace, and bringing all sides together; the words were elegant, the words were comforting, and the words were inspiring.
But while he was speaking I saw all a powerful spirit of violence coming out of his spirit feeding into the spirits of those that were hearing him. That spirit of violence was directed at anybody who opposed what he was saying. Those who heard his words and received it had the spirit of violence being implanted inside of them. It was a rage like I have not seen before.
[...]
These people who are under the influence of this demon spirit of rage desire to completely destroy this man because he dared to question Barack Obama.
And he is using witchcraft:
Bree Keyton went and visited Obama’s tribal people...
She said Obama’s grandmother sacrificed a black and a white chicken to the “goddess of the river” so both whites and blacks will vote for Obama...
The occultists are "weaving lazy 8’s around McCain’s mind to make him look confused and like an idiot". Bree K. said we need to break these curses off of him that are being sent from Kenya.
Thank God we have Sarah:
Just a few minutes ago Eleanor Roehl, a powerful Eskimo intercessor and prophet, called me to say she senses an imminent attack against our nation....
She received the scripture Gen. 50:3,"A period of NATIONAL MOURNING". She then saw Sarah Palin standing alone and she was mantled with the American flag. The flag was upside down because things are inverted (upside down) right now. I knew she was stepping into an office that she was mantled for."
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Spermatazoan-Americans back McCain
Hopeful that the Republican Party plank supporting the Human Life Amendment will finally end the Tubesock Holocaust, Spermatazoan-Americans for McCain launched the following ad supporting the Palin/McCain ticket. They did so even though some Spermatazoan-Americans expressed concern that millions of their brethren are murdered every time Rich Lowry sees Gov. Palin wink.
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Doc going down
Remember Doc Hastings, Tom Delay's hand-picked Ethics Committee Chair; the guy who submitted his own quotes to Brainyquote.com; they guy who was given the nickname, "Doc," because he looked like one of the dwarfs in Snow White? He's in trouble, and TV is cheap--$25 a spot. Give now.
WA State Democrats:
New polling shows George Fearing (D) is within 5% of unseating incumbent conservative Doc Hastings! The poll by Bainbridge Media Group reads:
On the question of whom to support, 52.5% would vote for Doc Hastings; 47.5% would chose George Fearing... The data demonstrate that there is little question Democratic Congressional Candidate George Fearing may defeat 14-year incumbent Republican Congressman Doc Hastings.
We anticipated that George was close and we are now making a final push to remove Doc Hastings from office.
Please go online right now and give a donation to help George win. The Fearing Campaign is buying their weekend media blitz tomorrow and needs your help.
The State Republican Party is terrified of losing this seat and is using every trick in the book to keep George's message from the airwaves. They are violating our first amendment rights and demanding that the local cable company pull George's ads. The Republicans know how close the race is!
Every $1000 will buy 100 radio ads. You need to know that you can really make this race happen, so please go online right now to help!
When radio ads cost $10 and TV ads cost $25, your money will make a huge difference. Please donate just $10 or $25 today.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
The Ghoulish Olde Partay!
Come with me to the pumpkin patch
And see what is most scary!
The GOP turns ghouls to glee
And bites off the heads of fairies!
The moon is waning in the sky
The leaves, they skitter in the dark
The wind molests you in the night
The trees all bleed from in their bark
What monsters will thee yet encounter
What demons foul will rake your skin?
Potions, witches, wolves of Satan
Pocky flesh, wages of sin
Run you must! To safety fly!
Gain the porch and turn the key!
Rush inside and lock the door!
The hounds of hell have broken free!
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
Nail the boards across the windows
Dim the lights and catch your breath
Pray the Lord to make you safe now
Save you from the hateful Death!
Ah, that's better, things are normal
Rest you well, your fears unfounded
Laugh and gain composure's harbor
Have a drink, perhaps get pounded
Find a spot upon your couch
Wave your remote just like a wand
Conjure up some infotainment
Just be aware you might be conned
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
Oh my God! The Gays are coming!
That guy on FOX said it is true
With cunning knives and color swatches
They're coming after me and you!
Oh, my God! They've kidnapped Marriage!
The Sacred now is made profane!
The Bride and Groom must run for cover
The Gays ride brooms filled with propane
Beware, your vows now wholly threatened
Your pledge to duty, love all stained
Hie thee unto Satan's Love Shack
The doom of Man is on the way!
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
Did the curtains billow thusly?
Are there voices in the yard?
Such wisps of worry are but trifles
Come watch the FOX, who works so hard!
Oh, my God! Creeping Socialism!
It's crawling up your very street!
Healthcare for our nation's children?
The flames of Satan burn our feet!
Oh, my God! On the horizon:
The Middle East destroys the calm
We must attack! We must destroy them!
Fuel up the jets, let fly the bombs!
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
The whites aren't making enough babies
Brown hordes invade us from the south
Stem Cells melt as little snowflakes
That Demoncrats toss in their mouths!
The Constitution must be gutted
It could rise and kill us all!
Beware the People, they will get us
For, like Adam, we must Fall
God must once again rule mankind
Not the Jew one, and not Allah
Let Jesus slaughter all who tremble
And so and so, and blah, blah, blah
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
The GOP has lost its mask
Grins from its skull beneath the earth
Full of dirt and grit and insects
It's waiting for its Second Birth
For just like Jesus, who was risen
The GOP, though dead, will fly
And cast its shadow on the prison
It has made for you and I
Take comfort on this Halloween
And tuck your worries into bed
Everything is out to get you
And will not stop until you're dead
Arise! Arise! All that lives will die!
Arise! Arise! The End is drawing nigh!
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Image from El Laberinto del Fauno...or, in english, Pan's Labyrinth, a film I heartily recommend.
Author's Note: This was originally posted one spooky year ago at my old haunt...
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The Heresy of the "Male G Spot"
Robert Irwin
Author
Sexual Skills For The Christian Husband
Dear Mr. Irwin,
It's come to my attention that you discuss something you call the "The Male G Spot" in your book on Christian sexual skills. You might think you're fooling people people by calling it that, but we both know what you're really talking about there. It's the naughty button men have up their butts. And I have to tell you I'm shocked. No decent Christian man would allow anyone to stick their finger or anything else up there to push it.
I mean, my gosh, what would Jesus do?
Well, he sure as hell wouldn't be doing that. I mean, hey, you show me a single place in the Gospels where it says:
That's why I rebuke you in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Heterosexually yours
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
And Jesus showed unto Simon, the Fisherman, the finger trick in his secret parts. And Simon rejoiced and shoutethed hosannas for he had comethed. And then Jesus spake, "Come Simon and do unto me as I have done onto you." And Thomas saw the reach-around and it was good.No, you won't find that in the bible because it ain't there, Mr. Squirrely-Shorts.
That's why I rebuke you in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Amen.
Heterosexually yours
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
God Hates Barack Obama and HOV Lanes
Janet Porter
Faith2Action
Dear Mrs. Porter,
Thank you so much for weighing in on the presidential campaign by declaring that Obama voters are going to Hell. I know it isn't easy being God's campaign surrogate--one major gaffe and your ass will be eternally roasting on a spit as a host of fallen angels chant, "I want mine, medium rare."
But shouldn't God's endorsement list be a little bit more ambitious? After all, the presidential race isn't the only thing on the ballot. What about the other races, initiatives, measures, propositions, and referenda? What has God got to say about them?
I know that a lot of us here in Washington State would like to get God's backing on Initiative 985--the elimination of HOV lanes. Lord knows He'll appreciate it if his return requires him to drive that stretch of I-5 between the Tacoma Dome and Seattle. Even the Prince of Peace is bound to succumb to road rage if he's sitting still in his Hummer watching all those packed Priuses go zipping by in the carpool lane. Think of all the needless smiting He could avoid by simply declaring that HOV supporters are going to Hell.
I think it's worth a shot. Can you talk to Him about it?
Heterosexually yours in a chaste and Biblically appropriate kind of way,
Gen. JC Christian, Patriot
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
The Wit and Wisdom of Rep. Doc Hastings
Rep. Doc Hastings
US House of Representatives (WA-04)
Dear Rep. Hastings,
Life is short, but words and ideas live on forever. We see proof of that every day when we pick up a book by Twain or hear a quote by Euripides or one like this, by a former resident of your district, William O. Douglas:As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there's a twilight where everything remains seemingly unchanged, and it is in such twilight that we must be aware of change in the air, however slight, lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.Douglas lives on in that quote, even though we lost him many years ago. It is his legacy, and we we remember him, because his words were so prescient.
That's why I was so happy to learn that you've submitted a page of quotes to brainyquote.com. At least, I'm assuming you submitted them. I mean who else would? You're not exactly known for your wit or intelligence--I'm told your own staffers call you Congressman Moron.There's nothing wrong with that. You have other strengths that have served you well--blind, slavish loyalty for instance. We all witnessed you applying that attribute during the Abramoff scandal. As Chair of the House Ethics Committee, you successfully prevented the committee from issuing even the meekest rebuke against Tom Delay and the others (including yourself) who were involved.
Anyway, I was thrilled to see that your quotes were submitted to brainyquote.com. Like the Douglas's thoughts, I'm sure your words will live on for decades, and probably centuries, providing you with the legacy you deserve. After all, what future historian, orator, or author could resist repeating such an insightful and moving phrase as this:
V-J Day, or Victory in Japan Day, marks the date of the Japanese surrender that ended fighting in the Pacific.Now, that is a quote for the ages. It sums up the whole of the human condition--especially the ennui that ensues from endlessly confronting the obvious--in one short declarative sentence. No wonder you are so proud of it.
Heterosexually yours,
Gen. JC Christian, patriot
Protecting the Sacred from the Profane
Growing up as a Mormon, I was always told that the reason the scriptures never mentioned God's wife, Our Heavenly Mother, was because God thought she was too sacred--God didn't want people mocking her or using her name in vain. That certainly makes sense. One can imagine how bad Jesus might feel if people were running around dissing His mother with cries of "Heather H. Yahweh" every time they hit their thumbs with a hammer.
I think that's also why John McCain and Sarah Palin aren't mentioned on the GOP home page. People would just mock them.
Best Damned Election Party Ever
Next Tuesday, I'm hosting the greatest election party of the century to celebrate the success of my candidates, Angry John McCain and Sarah "Bible Spice" Palin... stop laughing...it ain't funny...shut up...commie...terrorist...witch!
We're holding the party in Second Life at my Inner Frenchman's place, Wellstone's Donkey. I want you all there, so sign up for Second Life today (it's free). Then attend one of our events this week, and we'll show you the ropes and give you a ton of Obama gear and/or a special John McCain avatar (complete with three nipples, a g-string, and a GOP logo butt tattoo).
We're working on getting a video stream, but you're always welcome to watch your own TV and chat with us. In any event, we'll have audio coverage via MSNBC and constantly updated graphics showing the status of all the races. If you'd rather chat while dancing and listening to commie music, we'll have a place for that too.
So sign up today, contact GenJCChristian Homewood, in-world, and we'll set you up.
News from the Real America
From that coffee place:
An 8-year-old boy died after accidentally shooting himself in the head while firing an Uzi submachine gun under adult supervision at a gun fair.
The boy lost control of the weapon while firing it Sunday at the Machine Gun Shoot and Firearms Expo at the Westfield Sportsman's Club, police Lt. Lawrence Vallierpratte said.
Police said the boy, Christopher Bizilj of Ashford, Conn., was with a certified instructor and called the death a "self-inflicted accidental shooting."
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And this from the Kansas City Star:John Toplikar's [R] politically embarrassing YouTube Moment came over the weekend. It could (and should) help cost him re-election as a Johnson County Commissioner.
Olathe police have charged Toplikar with stealing campaign signs of his 6th District opponent, Calvin Hayden.
The Hayden campaign has posted video of the event, and part of the police discussion with Toplikar, here.
Conservatives in Olathe and western parts of the county have elected and re-elected Toplikar.
Sarah Palin Clarifies Response to Stevens Conviction
Please welcome Gov. Palin back to Jesus' General --The General.
Earlier, when asked about Sen. Ted Stevens's corruption conviction, I responded that the Senator should "do the right thing." Some of you are wondering what I meant by that. Communists are even going so far as to say the statement meant nothing and wasn't very mavericky.
Darn it! They're wrong! My statement was mavericky as all heck. I'm sure you'll agree after I explain what I meant.
By asking Sen. Stevens to "do the right thing," I was inviting him to join me and my spiritual warfare advisor, Mary Glazier, in a prayer assault against the Obama-supporting witches who put free furniture in his house and made his remodeling payments disappear.
And while we're at it, Ted, Mary, and I will also ask God to punish the Obama witches who caused poor young Levi's man juice to shoot out his little goalie, through his jeans and onto Bristol's shoes where it crawled up her leg to her sacred place and did a little nasty dancing with her ovum-American.
We'll ask God to curse all them Obamunists with blindness and cancer like he cursed that Alaskan Corrections Division witch we prayer assaulted. Or better yet, give them all hemorrhoids in their secret parts like He did to the people of Ashdod, Gath, and Ekron. That'd teach them.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Red Alert! America to be Attacked--Sarah Palin will Save Us
Mary Galzier, Sarah Palin's mentor in spiritual warfare, issued a RED ALERT after receiving a prophecy from Our Lord, Jesus:
Those of you who know me know that I am conservative with warnings and careful about what I release for prayer. That being said, at my prayer meeting last Friday, two of my very trusted intercessors both received warnings of an attack that would cause national mourning. Neither shared it with me until this past hour. In the meantime my daughter Kat and I both were hit with travail on Saturday afternoon (9/20/08). There was a tremendous weight on our hearts as we felt a death was going to happen. We prayed that afternoon and evening. This past Friday through today, I have an ALARMING sense that we are about to experience a terrorist attack that will launch our nation into a season of deep mourning.
Just a few minutes ago Eleanor Roehl, a powerful Eskimo intercessor and prophet, called me to say she senses an imminent attack against our nation. Then Karen Fink came into my office to share the following revelation she had this past Friday with increasing weight on her heart ever since:
She received the scripture Gen. 50:3,"A period of NATIONAL MOURNING". She then saw Sarah Palin standing alone and she was mantled with the American flag. The flag was upside down because things are inverted (upside down) right now. I knew she was stepping into an office that she was mantled for."
Seductive Lies Spread by the Godless
It's always a shame to hear a fellow Christian promoting extra-biblical approaches to sex. It's even worse when they try to gloss over all the vomiting and crying with claims that women enjoy it:
I collected and devoured all of the available sexual performance and pleasure resources. I bought every single book in the "sex life" section of my local book stores. I ordered research papers over the Internet. I spent thousands of dollars on therapists and counselors.
But as much as I want to please my wife, I also want to please God.
So, I also spent quite a bit of time with Pastors and other
Christians that specialized in the sexual area of marriage.
I had the Song Of Solomon practically memorized.
My bookshelves were lined with books, manuals and medical journals.
These became practically unreadable they were so covered with underlines and highlights.
Over the course of that year, my wife and I tried hundreds of techniques, products and devices that might have the potential to improve our sex life.
I compiled all of the best, most effective techniques and secrets into several thick binders filled with notes.
So overcome with pleasure... she cried.
And then...
For the first time, my wife had an orgasm during intercourse!
She was so overcome with pleasure and joy that she... cried! She told me that she had never imagined that pleasure could be so... overwhelming.
Until I discovered the amazing secrets of sexually skilled husbands, I had thought that her lack of interest in sex was her fault...meanwhile, her lack of sexual interest was really my fault...it was caused by my lack of sexual skill!
This was just the beginning of a journey that has led us, finally, to sexual pleasure and fulfillment greater than I imagined possible and I am now sharing what I discovered so that you can experience...
Sexual sensations that are intense, frequent and spiritual...
including orgasms that are so overwhelming that you will both be amazed that such pleasure exists in this world...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Socialism for Mavericks: To Each According to his Greed
I suspect that the cry of "socialism" may be John McCain's final attack on Barack Obama. There is plenty of time left to try something else, and the strategy with the best chance for actually achieving something is probably the promotion of a "divided government" rather than a government dominated by Democrats (just look at how well McCain's own "divided campaign" is working for him). As far as more personal attacks go, though, I believe that calling Obama a socialist and his policies socialism mark the McCain campaign's last gasp. It's not necessarily a futile one, though, because it's an accusation that resonates deeply with Americans.
As an aside, can anyone name a single criticism made by John McCain against Barack Obama which can qualify as substantive and issues-based? McCain and his minions have, directly or indirectly, accused Obama of: being a socialist, consorting with terrorists, supporting infanticide, being inexperienced, being elitist, being a Muslim, being Arab, being the Antichrist, and so forth. These are all ad hominem attacks and none speak directly to how Barack Obama will or will not perform as President of the United States. I read or heard somewhere that conservatism was supposed to be about ideas, but these are "ideas" we can do without.
Just about every Republican political campaign accuses Democrats of socialism and communism in some fashion, though they rarely come out and actually use such labels anymore. Instead, they usually rely on codes like "big government" and expect voters to get the message. Now that the alleged virtues of "small government" are out of fashion, new words for the same idea have to be found. What makes this attack interesting is just how bizarre and contrary to reality it is – not that any of his other personal attacks have exactly been "reality based," but the charge of socialism is so much further removed from reality that it almost makes all his earlier campaign moves seem rational by comparison.
Of course, by any educated and informed perspective (read: elitist, and therefore irrelevant), none of Barack Obama's policies come anywhere close to "socialism." He's just about as far removed from socialism as John McCain himself is, but that doesn't matter. Few of McCain's supporters actually know what socialism is. This includes the intelligent ones (I recently had a conversation with a man whose career was tied to finance and investments, yet he sincerely believed that socialism and communism were the same thing) as well as the not-so-intelligent ones (I saw a man interviewed by the BBC who said America had been fighting against socialism "since 1776"). They also don't care.
For conservative Republicans, "socialism" isn't so much a label for a particular economic theory or a set of economic policies as it is a code word for godlessness over Christianity, racial and economic equality over white, Protestant domination, collective action over individualism, internationalism over American exceptionalism, and so forth. Earlier, related complaints about "welfare" had the added benefit of being implied attacks on racial equality and giving blacks a chance at getting out of poverty.
Communism is generally taken to mean about the same thing, only a bit more extreme in terms of being anti-American, so I'm surprised that Obama hasn't been more explicitly labeled a communist as well. Trashing others as "red" in some fashion is an old and reliable Republican tactic that hasn't been made explicitly in many years. Maybe McCain is pining for the good old days when open, unapologetic red-baiting was more commonplace?
This is certainly why it doesn't matter to McCain that he hasn't pointed to anything in Obama that is "socialist" which hasn't also been promoted and/or supported in the past by Republicans like Ronald Reagan and...John McCain himself. John McCain derides tax credits as "socialist" even though Ronald Reagan described the Earned Income Tax Credit as the "single greatest anti-poverty measure" in America (and so increased it). John McCain's own health care proposals rely heavily on tax credits. Progressive taxation has been a feature of the American income tax system since there has been an income tax, and taxing the wealthy more than the poor is neccesary to any just political system. But so what?
Complaints about "socialism" aren't a serious, substantive criticism of any of Obama's policies. And frankly, I doubt many conservatives know any more about those policies than they do about socialism; instead, they are just an attempt to attack Obama as "the other" – liberal, educated, black, concerned about poverty, concerned about race, etc. Accusing someone of being a socialist is a means by which conservatives can give the impression that they are making a serious criticism while in reality just attacking someone for being too "different."
Conservative voters aren't really fooled by this; on the contrary, they are fully complicit in the tactic by not caring whether those being attacked are genuine socialists and simply responding to the dog whistle as their political masters have trained them to do. They don't want to like people who are too "other," and they certainly don't want to vote for them. Conservative politicians give them the perfect excuse with complaints about socialism or welfare: voters have the opportunity to vote their baser, bigoted prejudices while pretending that they are really moral, decent citizens.
Note: The General wants you to know that he can in no way be held responsible for the material contained in this post. I, Austin Cline, have to take sole responsibility for this sermon. The General only let me start posting here to give you a chance to find me (that, and because of those photos I have safely locked away in a safety deposit box), but after two years you still haven't succeeded, have you? Hah!
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