Department of Book Reports: Gods Gachupines and Gringos: A People's History of Mexico

For readers like me, who love history, yet have no expertise on many areas, Richard Grabman's Gods Gachupines and Gringos: A People's History of Mexico (Editorial Mazatlan $24.95) is one of those books that are just great. Told in a chatty, conversational, and anecdotal style, Grabman presents the wide array of Mexican history, from the Pre-Columbian Indian empires, through the conquest and colonial Mexico, to the revolt against the Spanish, independence, the years of Santa Anna and the wars against the Americans, Maximilian, onto the Revolution and Zapata and Villa, and finally more recent times. It is as colorful history as one can find.

Grabman offers an explanation of the title. Many interpret Gringo to be a perjorative term, which it can be if attached to an insulting adjective. But in normal conversation it merely means a non-Spanish speaking foreigner. It is derived from the Spanish for "Greek". After the fall of Constantinople to the Turks, many Greeks moved to Spain. Think of the Spanish artist, El Greco...the Greek. Gachupine was a name for the over-bearing Spanish overlords of colonial times, and still refers to "foreign Spanish speaking twit(s)".

And that is important. Grabman attempts to see a Mexico without the "white lens" of many writers. There is the multi-cultural Mexico that is often neglected and ignored. There are, of course, the Indian and Spanish influence; but there is also the influences of the Chinese, the Africans, Germans, and, yes, the Americans.

The book is not in wide distribution, but Jackson Street Books can provide copies. Or ask your local independent bookstore to order it for you. And old friend, Nezua, provides the art for this tome.

The Opinuary Column

The Opinion Gay Marriage is a threat to the sanctity of Not-Gay Marriage has died as a result of having tripped over a bottle of scotch, a baggie of crystal meth, a racing form, combat boots, a loofah, that cute girl next door who is recently back from college, gonads that produce 250,000 spermatazoan Americans every day, a mounting pile of debt in the middle of the goddamn room, a foreclosure notice, peak oil, a canceled health insurance notice, a broken set of communication skills, an empty Altoids tin, a pile of VHS tapes, a rogue angry bear and a piping hot cup of shut the fuck up--the Opinion ultimately striking its head on a coffee table and bleeding to death on the living room floor. By the time Gay Marriage came by to threaten the sanctity of the Not-Gay Marriage it was too late. Efforts to revive the Not-Gay Marriage were met with Fear and Suspicion, who had stopped by for reasons of their own.

The Opinion, based largely on interpretations of the writings of Semitic priests whose main purpose was to make sure young Jewish males didn't schtupp every single tookis that wasn't nailed shut, had been self-medicating for the past 2,500 years. If anyone who received assurances that Gay Marriage would threaten the sanctity of their Not-Gay Marriage is not happy with the death of that Opinion the family asks that you dye your hair blond and have your boobies surgically enhanced. They also recommend that you stay away from feelings of compassion, reason and common sense, and any other thought or notion that would cause one to question why denying rights to others is a noble and worthy use of one's time on this planet.

The Opinion's cremation was handled by Hellfire & Damnation Burials. Once the cremation had taken place, the family chose to sit quietly with the ashes for a time, after which they moved on with their lives. The family urges the rest of America to do the same.

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The Opinuary Column appears every Friday afternoon at Jesus' General.

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Presenting ¡PRESENTE! (And Happy May Day!)

LONG TIME NO SEE, my friends. It's been a while since I've posted here at The General's, but I'm happy to be back here to day to wish you a Happy May Day, a Happy International Worker's Day, and I am going to use this opportunity on this most auspicious of days to call out to any Latin@ or Hispanic or otherwise interested readers and point them toward a post announcing a new organization that aims to unite the voice of Latinas/os in the US in order to better leverage political power toward our causes and communities. So that means (you guessed it) a swine in every pot!

Okay, I couldn't resist that joke here at JC's joint. Forgive me. Anyway, here's the deal:

OVER AND OVER we hear about The Hispanic Vote™ and The Latino/a Vote® and it is a real thing we are talking about in all of this. Our people—nuestra gente—have long been a force in this land, be it under the golden sun harvesting the corn that has for thousands of years fed our antepasados (ancestors) or away from the sun and working hard in US places of business or doing so much to build strong familias together, as las mujeres—the women—among us are known for historically. We are a beautiful and long enduring people, and responsible for so much creation here that sustains us today: Art, Literature, Food, Clothing, Song.

And yet, our voices have yet to be utilized and enjoined in a way that can efficiently organize around the issues that affect our communities. Don't mistake what I say: the Latina/o (or "Hispanic") community is famous for its ability to organize on the local level, and we are proud of this. And that is why it is time to continue to tie this ability and history together and bring it to an even higher level.

Read the rest at The Unapologetic Mexican or visit Presente.org. And sign up if you are interested.

Again, happy Worker's Right's Day! Here's hoping we are moving closer every day to protecting the rights of all those in our society carrying a load that helps us all at the same time being neglected, exploited, or vilified. I think and feel we are, and about time.

¡Paz!

—Nezua

Elders of Zion on Mission to Save Fellow Mormon, Bybee

In an undeniable example of modern-day revelation, God recently took a day off from enforcing love segregation and commanded six influential Mormons to come to torture memo author Jay Bybee's defense. No doubt anti-Mormons and gentiles will say it is merely coincidence (or perhaps even evidence of a Mormon public relations effort) that these elders of Zion all spoke out at the same time, but we believers know better. God wants to put a stop to all this impeachment talk about Judge Bybee.

This is an important revelation, and like other great revelations before it, I'm sure it will be added to the Doctrine and Covenants, one of the Church's four standard scriptural works (along with the Bible, Book of Mormon, and Pearl of Great Price). And I suppose when it is added, it will look something like this:

D&C Sec. 139. A Revaluation Given to Six Elders of Zion on March 23, 2009

1. And behold, the Spirit of the Lord descended upon seven Elders of Zion and commanded them to tarry unto the newspapers, radio, and the television shows and make excuses for Elder Jay Bybee's torture memos.

2. "Go now, Elder Harry Reid to the Maddow show," commandeth God,

3."And yea, also Elders Randall Guynn, Christopher L. Blakesley, Tuan Samahon, Thomas McAffee, and Steve Guynn go ye unto the Washington Post, Las Vegas CityLife, and that show on French Public Radio, All Things Considered."

4. "And telleth them this: 'Judge Bybee doth not deserve impeachment for his memos were written by others and he is incompetent.'"

5. "And prepareth thineselves to defend other Elders like Timothy E. Flanigan who also shapethed the torture policy and Elders James E. Mitchell and John B. Jessen who createthed the torture techniques."

6. "For I am a powerful and omniscient God who diggeth torture."

7. "Oh, and yea, I am the Lord yet I almost forgot, my servant Elder Orson Scott Card, I command thee to go say some really crazy shit about the gay."

No Swine Flu on Felching Day

Yakov Litzman
Deputy Health Minister
State of Israel

Dear MK Litzman,

It's always very exciting to see a nation incorporate religious values into public policy. That's why I stood up and cheered the news that you had officially changed the name of the decidedly non-kosher swine flu to the much more rabbinically-correct Mexican flu. My G_d, the very thought that you or someone you love could succumb such an unclean disease must have stricken you with terror, the kind of terror we Americans can only understand when we compare it to the threat of the unintentional double entendre.

And that's why I'm writing you. Recently, true Americans, Christian Americans, like myself gathered to protest an unease of indeterminate origin that now blankets the American Heartland (OK, we know the origin of the unease, but we aren't racists, dammit). We called our protests "teabagging" parties because we were going to re-enact the Boston tea party by littering the street with tea bags. Unfortunately, our protests were met with derision and laughter because, unbeknownst to us, teabagging is a kind of sexual act involving the sucking of a mans grenades. 

We are offended by any act that involves the sucking of a man's grenades in the same way that contracting something as non-kosher as the swine flu offends you. That presents us with a problem. How do we continue teabagging without risking being labeled as teabaggers?

Well, I think you can help us with that. We're hoping that you can use your influence to convince our government to officially change the name for tea bags. I've already found the perfect replacement name, one that is evocative of the sound a teabag makes as it is dipped and retrieved from a cup of water--we'll call them tea felchers.

We've already scheduled the next Felching Day for the Fourth of July, so we're going to need you to give the Department of Commerce a call right away. It's important that Commerce establish the felching brand as soon as possible.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Please Give - Spring Fundraiser

Thanks again to all who've pitched in. If you'd like to help, please click one of the buttons above.

May the Lord God of Abraham shrivel your testicles like a raisin in the Negev sun

Gordon James Klingenschmitt, Chaplain, USN (ret)
PrayinJesusname.org

Dear Chaplain Klingenschmitt,

Far too often, Christians respond to charges of wrongdoing by either turning the other cheek or by quickly repenting and asking for forgiveness. That's the wrong response--it's wimpy and unmanly. It's not what Jehovah would have done. He'd have kicked some ass; he'd have smited the offender's whole city with hemorrhoids.

That's why I was so happy to see your response to charges that you were improperly wearing your uniform for political and religious purposes. You didn't turn the other cheek. No, you uttered the following imprecatory prayer:

Almighty God, today we pray imprecatory prayers from Psalm 109 against the enemies of religious liberty, including Barry Lynn and Mikey Weinstein, who recently issued a press release attacking me personally. God, do not remain silent, for wicked men surround me and tell lies about me. We bless them, but they curse us. Therefore, find them guilty, not me. Let their days be few, and replace them with godly people. Plunder their fields and seize their assets. Cut off their descendants. And remember their sins. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Now some might say that Our Lord, God of Abraham, would be engaging in a bit of overkill if He granted all of your requests. I mean, hey, is economic ruin and impotence (that's what you mean by cutting off descendants isn't it--I'd have gone more for, "Please Lord, dry up their testicles like a raisin in the Negev sun," but that's just me) really an appropriate response to a cease and desist letter from a lawyer? I have one response to such wimps. Look up Judges 2:23-24. God sent two she bears to eat 42 children simply because they mocked a bald guy. You're letting Weinstein and Lynn off pretty easy if you ask me. Heck, you're not even going after their teeth.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Without "Don't ask; don't tell," we'll be no better than the IDF

Look what's going on in the Israeli Army (wear headphones at work).


A helmet tip to Nakaima Oh.

Spring fundraiser still going

Thanks again to all who've contributed. Please click the button above, if you'd like to pitch in too.

An unfortunate logo

I don't understand why Miss Poppy has a problem with the LA Archdiocesan Youth Commission's logo.

Privileged young men taking it hard up the halls of acadamia

Sen. Saxby Chambliss
Sigma Chi Alumnus
United States Senate

Dear Sen. Chambliss,

As a Sigma Chi alum, I'm sure you're very disappointed with the University of Nebraska for suspending the fraternity. They simply don't understand that what some might call "hazing" is, in actuality, some of the best training for entering the most elite conservative circles a young man can receive.

I mean, hey, how many times have you walked out of a meeting with oil or agri-business lobbyists feeling like a stripper had crammed a vibrator up the ol' senatorial chambers? More importantly, do you remember how surprisingly good that reaming felt as the lobbyist whispered seductively about the pleasures of contribution bundling into your ear? It's just the way things are done between consenting Senators and corporations.

Sure, these young men may have engaged harsh pledging techniques, but, by God, they were doing in a ritualistic way, employing metaphor to honor and celebrate the principles of free market capitalism, and by God, I will not sit by silently, while Godless, socialist servants of the academy, run down the American economic system by punishing these fine future apparatchiks of the oligarchy. And you shouldn't either.

That's why I'm asking you to join me in protest against the University of Nebraska's actions. I'm thinking May Day, May 1st, the communist holiday, would be a perfect time to stage it. I'll play the role of the stripper lobbyist, you can be yourself, the "business-friendly" senator.

Send me a note, and we'll tidy up the rest of the arrangements.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot, teabagger

Bill Nye the Science Guy insults God and Texas

We teabagger-Americans have put up with a lot--jokes about grenade sucking, comments about the intelligence of someone who supports Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, homosexual teletubbies, sushi--but, by God, we don't need no fancy Seattle science guy coming down to our national homeland, The Republic of Texas, and tellin' us the moon ain't Jesus' light bulb.

Yep, you heard me right. Bill Nye came down to Texas and blasphemed the Lord God of Abraham by claiming the moon does not have it's own light source; it merely reflects the sun.

Here's an eyewitness report:

The Emmy-winning scientist angered a few audience members when he criticized literal interpretation of the biblical verse Genesis 1:16, which reads: “God made two great lights - the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.”

He pointed out that the sun, the “greater light,” is but one of countless stars and that the “lesser light” is the moon, which really is not a light at all, rather a reflector of light.

A number of audience members left the room at that point, visibly angered by what some perceived as irreverence.

“We believe in a God!” exclaimed one woman as she left the room with three young children.

Yes, we believe in God, Mr. Nye, and you're just damned lucky we didn't follow the prophet Elisha's example and have God send a couple of she-bears to eat your secular ass.

hot bitch arsenal - Sunday Afternoon on the Sixty-One

Isn't it a shame how the lamest of people get their faces on billboards and people like me, well, I look for spare change in my couch.



If Simon says so, do you have to do so.



Whip it good!



Get out of the Son!



All of hot bitch arsenal's stuff can be downloaded for free at The SixtyOne. If you sign up (it's free too), put down GenJCChristian as your referrer.

Update: hba's free album downloads.

Tea Bagging for Justice - The American Way

_{Image © Austin Cline
Click for full-sized Image}

Conservative hand-wringing over the recent report on domestic, right-wing extremists who might be capable of violence and terrorism has been very interesting. Of course we see the typical sorts of deceptions and evasions, like ignoring how the report was originally commissioned under the Bush administration and how a similar report was issued about left-wing extremists. Under other circumstances such callous disregard for facts would shock the conscience, but it's become little more than par for the course for American conservatives.

Far more interesting is the fact that they are upset at all. Why, one might almost imagine that the report specifically targeted the Republican, conservative base of support in America. Or maybe that's precisely what the report did? After all, we didn't see such outrage from liberal and Democratic groups when the government report on left-wing extremists was issued, did we?

In fact, did you even notice when that earlier report was issued? I might not have noticed this new report on right-wing extremists if conservatives hadn't decided to make such a big stink about it. I suppose we should thank them for investing so much effort into publicizing the threat posed to law, order, and liberty by their own supporters. This is something we should all be reminded about occasionally.

In its very title, the report specifies that it's about "Right-wing Extremism," but as David Neiwert observes conservatives like Michelle Malkin immediately started to cry about how "The Obama DHS Hit Job on Conservatives Is Real". So, is Michelle Malkin admitting that "right-wing extremism" is the same as "conservatives"? I suppose we could be generous and assume that Malkin was simply concerned that people being identified as "right-wing extremists" were actually law-abiding and upstanding members of the conservative community. I could be sympathetic with such concerns.

So, whom might Michelle Malkin be so concerned about getting unjustly tarred with negative labels? Maybe it's the nice boys who are members of "white supremacist and violent antigovernment groups"? Maybe she's worried about the person responsible for "the shooting deaths of three police officers in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on 4 April 2009"? Or perhaps it's just the "Anti-Semitic extremists" Malkin and others want to protect from unfair Justice Department labeling.

Government focus on all of these groups has been condemned by Malkin as "a sweeping indictment of conservatives," and I guess she isn't far wrong — at least insofar as the conservatives who matter most are white supremacists, anti-Semites, and cop killers. Obviously it's not true that all conservatives are violent extremists just waiting for an excuse to blow up — or to blow something up — but it's also true that most of the most radical and violent extremists in America are currently on the right-hand side of the spectrum.

In other times and other places the opposite may have been the case, but in contemporary America the threat of violence is most significant from the right. Or have Michelle Malkin and other right-wing mouthpieces forgotten that the worst domestic terrorist attack before 9-11 was perpetrated by right-wing extremists? Have they forgotten that the 9-11 attacks themselves were perpetrated by people acting on behalf of a fundamentally conservative ideology?

The radical Muslims inspired by Osama bin Laden aren't vegetarian tree-huggers, they're patriarchal thugs bent on religious and political totalitarianism. Their complaints about modern western culture mirror the complaints made by conservative evangelical Christians and Republican leaders — that's not a coincidence, but a product of fundamentally similar perspectives on modernity, liberty, and the Enlightenment.

Some conservatives even complained about the DHS targeting tea parties, which the report didn't do. So why did I create the image I did? First, because it's something that conservatives are worried about, and if it worries them then it's worth emphasizing. Second, because one of the consequences of the faux outrage and hyped emotions created by the tea parties is precisely the sort of anger which the DHS report is concerned about. In effect, those behind the tea parties are fertilizing the political soil in ways that will help extremism in the future.

It might not even be inadvertent, either. Remember, the same conservatives most responsible for hyping and promoting the tea bagging parties have also more recently been those hyping and promoting the use of torture against terrorism suspects. They regard depraved acts of torture as something to be proud of, so why expect them to treat the rise of violent extremist groups to be problematic, never mind embarrassing? The conservative reactions to the torture memos is thus important for many reasons.

It tells us, for example, about their real attitudes are towards barbaric violence being inflicted on those they dislike and just how much respect they have for human rights, international treaties, and the basic rule of law. All of these attitudes have far-reaching consequences in many other related issues, including the growth of violent extremist groups. We can't treat these various issues as isolated and completely distinct; on the contrary, they are all part of a larger whole and must be considered as a whole. Where, exactly, are these conservatives trying to go and what means will they be willing to employ in order to get there?