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Thursday, September 30, 2010

Bullying as Positive Peer Pressure

Mike Cox
Attorney General
State of Michigan

Dear Mr. Cox,

You're in a tough spot. Tuesday night, CNN's Anderson Cooper interviewed one of your assistant AGs, Andrew Shirvell, and exposed him as a vicious cyber-bully. It was a brutal interview. Shirvell came out of it looking like an obsessive, evil, petty, malicious little weasel, the kind of guy people instinctively hate the minute they see him. It's no wonder you are being buried with demands to fire him.

As Attorney General, you've made cyber-bullying a major priority. Yet, you refuse to fire Shirvell. As a fellow anti-homosexualist activist, I understand your reluctance to do so. Shirvell's bullying is simply an attempt to bring a homosexualist back into Christ's flock. It's something we all secretly celebrate, although we never do so publicly.

Here's what the American Family Association's Ed Vitagliano had to say about it in an interview (about 2:40) with Sam Seder:
Seder: The kid needs some direction, obviously. If the parents have let him be gay, uh, then the kid needs some direction.

Vitigliano: Yeah.

Seder: And I don't mind a little bit of peer pressure if it's in a good way.

Vitigliano: The problem is that you can't publicly say that in the kind of atmosphere we have in the country now.
You should give Ed a call. I'm sure he'll give you good advice.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Rutgers Freshman Commits Suicide After Students Out Him As Gay.

Cup of Pencils Kick in a few bucks if you like what I'm doing. I could really use it.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Boehlert's Numbers Have A Liberal Bias

Once again, this blog is honored with a guest post from Mrs. Palin. Please be kind to her in the comments.

--Gen. JC Christian, patriot


You've probably heard about the big numbers brouhaha my people are having with Media Matters. Eric Boehlert said Obama has a double-digit lead over me in the polls. My good friends at Conservatives for Palin responded, saying, "Nah-huh, Sarah is only eight points behind!" Then, Boehlert came back with this:
Here were the polling results. When asked if they'd "definitely" vote for Palin in 2012, 32 percent of respondents said yes, vs. 45 who percent said they'd vote for Obama, which gave Obama a 13 point, double-digit margin.

Another category of voters included in the poll were those who said they would "probably" vote for Palin or Obama. When those results are included with the "definitely" group, Palin captured 40 percent, vs. Obama's 50 percent, which gave Obama a ten point, double-digit margin.

In truth, the only out C4Palin has is to include an essentially meaningless third category of people who, two years out, "lean" toward voting for Palin (2 percent) vs Obama (1 percent.) But oops! Even when you include all three sets of responses (definitely/probably/lean) that still doesn't add up to the fabricated eight point margin that C4Palin claims separates Palin and Obama in this poll. Instead, it equals a nine-point gap; 51-42.

But yes folks at C4Palin, you should definitely continue to lecture me about math.
What Boehlert won't tell you is that he ciphered these figures using a foreign numbering system. Every number he uses is Arabic in origin, and the gosh darned zero is as Muslimy as all get on.

My supporters at C4Palin use a purely American numbering system I invented while I was waiting for Todd to stop making Trig. It begins with the number one and goes to nine before repeating with an added digit (we use a Palin "P" is instead of an Islamozero, so a ten looks like this: "1P").

I got rid of the number s_x, because it's kind of witchful and looks a little too much like the word, "s_x" -- I think ciphering with s_xes put all those carnal thoughts into Bristol's head. It even kind of looks like Levi's Tripp maker if you think about it. And i have thought about it, a lot. I mean, look: 6. Turn it sideways and you can kind of see his whole darn demonic package.

And I won't even go into how communist the number, s_x, is. All you need to do is look at the names of the communist founders. Lenin, Marx, Eisenhower: s_x letters in each name.

But none of that really plays into this discussion. The most important change I made -- and the one that tripped Boehlert up -- was the addition of two more threes to make a trinity. I felt I needed to do that to Jesus up the remaining Arabic numerals.

Each of the threes in the trinity also represents its own special "Sarah Trinity" I call the first, "3S" (pronounced three-sus), the "Sacred Trinity." It represents the three aspects of me:
  • The Pitbull with Lipstick
  • The Mama Grizzly
  • The Sacred Septenary Virgin
  • The Hockey Mom
The second three, "3R" (pronounced three-er)or "Revered Trinity," represents the three things I want most in life:
  • An Unlimited Clothing Allowance
  • A Republican National Committee Credit Card (Black, not Platinum)
The third three, "3H" (pronounced three-HUH!) or "Holy Trinity" represents the three things I value most:
  • Book Sales
  • Television Deals
  • Appearance Fees
  • Whatever kickbacks Todd can scare up
  • God (not the Allah one, but the one who use to be a Jew)
OK, I kind of went off into the elderberries there, but I needed to give you a quick primer on my number system so you could see how Boelhart's ciphering went wrong.

If you cipher with my number line (1, 2, 3S, 3R, 3H, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 1P...), you'll see that the number "8" appears in the ninth spot. That means my supporters at C4Palin were right all along and Boelert was wrong. His "9" is in the eighth place! And guess what: his "10 point lead" becomes a single digit 9 point lead.

But what about his 13 point double digit edge for Obama? Divide it by the trinities within the trinity, and dang it, you get a number so small, there aren't enough fingers in the world to cipher it.


Back to the General: Kick in a few bucks if you like what I'm doing. I could really use it.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Damnations's Cupcakes

David Stockton
Just Cookies
Indianapolis City Market

Dear Mr. Stockton,

Cpl Cletis presented your story during the show and tell portion of our monthly militia meeting last night. The men really liked it. We all agreed that it was a heroic act to deny rainbow cupcakes to homosexualists.

Lord knows what kind of depraved pokey-pokey-sit-and-spin games they would have played with them. I can almost picture rainbow crumbs and frosting exploding from between their thighs like some magnificent multi-hued volcanic eruption somewhere deep in that land where the Care Bears live. Tongues, wicked searching tongues would follow, seeking the sweet rainbow goo splattered across all that hairy flesh, and no doubt, topping a few man-thingy helmets like colorful plumes of tasty Grecian iniquity.

Oh, God, Ohhh, Ohhh, Ohhh. Yeah.

Uh, um, yes. Wicked, wicked, wicked, worldly cupcake games.

You prevented that from happening, and the men wanted to do something to honor your courage.

Our annual Fall Old Time Revival and Survival Preparedness Expo is coming up next month, We'd be honored if you'd accept our invitation to serve as our human oatmeal cookie this year. It's a thing we do to celebrate the Lord's blessings at harvest time.

What we'd do is strip you down, rub honey all over your body, roll you in oats and raisins, and release a dozen squirrels to feast upon your treats.

It's perfectly safe. A couple of us will be armed with spatulas to defend your secret parts from any squirrel who gets a little too greedy. We really like that part--it serves as a metaphor for chastity. Ok, sometimes we may miss a potential acorn thief and paddle a little soldier instead, but then that's really just a more concrete form of promoting chastity, isn't it?

Please let us know when you're available during the first week of November, so we can schedule it.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Bleg: Kick in a few bucks of you like what I'm doing. I could really use it.

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Day They Drove New Dixie Down

Unfortunately, it seems that the Confederate States of America (Under Occupation) has fallen again. I don't know how such a thing could have occurred. The CSA followed the conservative economic principles that made our northern occupiers the economic powerhouse they are today.

In the following email, CSA Constitutional Court Justice Dennis Joyce pleads with the other leaders of the Confederacy to meet with him in a cheap motel to discuss the CSA's future:
From: Dennis Joyce
Subject: RE: CSA Government " LETS GETTER DONE".
To: "'Craig Maus'" , "'Vance Beaudreau'"
Cc: "'Richard Borris'" , texasconfederate@gmail.com, safoxsr@peoplepc.com, Potholeontheroad@aol.com, "'Nathan B. Dozier'" , "'Michael Martin'" , "'mferrara'" , kindsamp@gvtc.com, kevin@beaudreau.net, "'Joseph Gresham'" , jasonncoffman@yahoo.com, "'csaspringfield'" , carriet@gte.net
Date: Friday, September 17, 2010, 9:59 PM

Gentlemen,

In my humble opinion, we need to ascertain just what has been accomplished to date.

As I understand it, the Federation of Sates and CSAgov sites are down. That, effectively, destroys our ability to communicate. Failure to respond to correspondence further blackens our eye. Southern gentlemen always respond, whether they like it or not.

I do not believe we can raise the funds necessary to hold a meeting in a motel although most of us can afford a night or two for lodging. Any meeting would have to be held at a venue that is free or extremely low cost, such as a library meeting room. It should be held in the approximate center of the Confederacy so all have a, roughly, equal transportation expense. Tennessee or Mississippi would be the ideal.

I’m open to any suggestions.

Deo Vindice,

Dennis Joyce

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Department of Book Reports


We're going to take a small break today, so please use the comments to recommend your recent literary finds. I'm finally getting around to reading Brock Clarke (Arsonist's Guide to New England Writer's Homes) in anticipation of his upcoming novel Exley. I loved Exley's novels and it's a delight to find this quirky obsessive novelist will be tackling this one.

It's been a busy week, We've gotten some shelves moved to the bookstore and discovered we'll need a truck to move the ones that couldn't fit into the van. Next week promises to be even busier as we count down to a rapidly approaching Saturday. Keep your finger crossed, as I may have big news soon about a special musical guest at the opening party.
(image from The Daily World)
Finally, here's a newspaper article you might get a kick out of. Subscription is required to view the pictures (of yours truly) and read the whole text, but it's free for the time being.

More pictures are on Facebook, please be sure to "Like" us while you're there.

You can always browse our books at Jackson Street Books and other fine Independent bookstores.As always, books ordered here will have a freebie publishers Advance Reading Copy included as a thank you to our blogosphere friends.

Friday, September 24, 2010

America: Shining Execution Chamber Upon a Hill

Our Greatest Leader, St Ronnie of the Salvador Option, often referred to our country as a "shining city upon a hill." As the most moral and decent nation on Earth, His Holiness the Gipper argued, the United States is the role model others should follow. His greatest hope was that the misguided people of Europe and the impoverished masses of the developing nations would embrace the American religion of unfettered capitalism and vengeful justice.

Tonight, we showed the world, once again, that we are still that shining city on the hill. Ignoring world-wide pleas to do otherwise, we embraced our most basic values and principles by executing a mentally disabled woman.

Teresa Lewis had an IQ of 72. That's just 2 points above the number needed to be officially deemed "mentally retarded."

But that did not stop the good patriots of Virginia from executing her. "She was involved in a murder," they cried, "and by God, she must be killed--Do not deny us the vicarious thrill of killing in the name of justice!"

Lewis wasn't the first mentally disabled person to be executed. We've proudly killed many others before her. Here's a short list of a few of them:

Jerome Bowden, IQ: 65, Executed: June 4, 1986.
He was convicted of murder and sentenced to death. When the state granted a last-minute, ninety-day stay of execution to have his mental capacity evaluated, Bowden's lawyers rushed to his cell with the news, but Bowden did not understand the meaning of a "stay." He asked his attorney if the stay meant he could watch television that night.143 "Jerome has no real concept of death," his attorney ruefully concluded.
Oliver Cruz, IQ: 64, Executed: August 9, 2000
He was functionally illiterate, reading and writing below the third grade level. He dropped out of school after failing seventh grade three times. He supported himself with menial work and odd jobs because he could not understand how to fill out a job application. Cruz also suffered from severe dependency on drugs and alcohol; indeed, he was severely intoxicated at the time of his crime.
Morris Odell Mason, IQ: 62-66, Executed: June 1985
A paranoid schizophrenic with a mental age of eight, Morris Mason had been in and out of mental hospitals for much of his life and had a history of violent acts. When he was twenty-one, he began to hear voices in his head ordering him to "do things, break things, tear things, and destroy things."

After Mason was charged with murder, a state psychiatrist who interviewed him found him "seemingly uncaring as to his fate. He offers no complaints and seems to have no full association [sic] of the gravity of his situation."
Luis Mata, IQ: 63-70, Executed: December 21, 1996
Luis Mata and his fifteen siblings often went hungry as children. "Malnourishment was a daily fact of life."191 The children were also beaten viciously by their alcoholic father. Luis, in particular, suffered his father's wrath: he was beaten with electric cords, kicked, and punched. At age six, Luis fell from a wagon and fractured his skull. His head swelled "like a balloon," but his impoverished family sought no medical treatment for him. After his fall his behavior became increasingly odd and unpredictable: he "began to have seizures like a jumping bean."193 He talked to himself and spoke of visits from space aliens.

"Luis also seemed a lot dumber after the accident," his sister recalled. Luis had to repeat first grade three times.195 A psychiatrist who examined him when he was an adult reported that "his ability to express himself and.... to recognize the meaning of common words were at the level of a nine- to ten-year-old child." He did not understand the difference between north and south or east and west, or the number of weeks in a year.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Obama must denounce Irene

Jerome Corsi
Swift Boat Veterans For the Passionately Credulous

Dear Mr. Corsi,

You said the following at a recent meeting of Teabag-Americans (see video on right):
As most of you know, but most Americans, until I pointed it out in "Obamanation," didn't understand that Rules for Radicals was dedicated to, guess who, (pause for effect) Lucifer! Saul Alinsky dedicates "Rules for Radicals" to Lucifer! He says that Lucifer was the first radical. OK, so we have someone at the White House who is a devotee of Saul Alinsky, who's a radical socialist and devotes his book to Lucifer. I'd like to hear Barack Obama come out and denounce Lucifer. I don't recall hearing him do it.
Obama's failure to denounce Satan isn't surprising. It's a well known fact that Obama feasts on the flesh of white, Christian babies. It's not news. I suspect that's why your speech got so little coverage.

Maybe that's a good thing, because if anyone actually looked at the book, they might think you're fabricating the whole dedication charge--Alinsky's dedication reads:


Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're lying, but that's only because I know that Lucifer's real name is Irene Dunne. Yes, that actress we've all seen in so many classic movies is, in fact, the Lord of Darkness. Why else would she appear in a Catholic, or should I say, Whore of Babylon," television production titled "Beelzebub & the Bolsheviks?" BTW, who would name their child, Beelzebub?

I haven't heard Obama denounce Irene Dunn. Have you? He should, unless he is, indeed, a servant of Satan.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"Dew Parties:" Mormons Gone Wild

Michael Harroun
Chief of Police
Brigham Young University

Dear Brother Chief Harroun,

"Heroism," that's the first word that comes to mind whenever I think about the BYU Police Department. Infiltrating homosexualist bars to catch wayward students is a heroic act, one that takes a special kind of courage few people possess. There's always the danger that one of your undecover agents will be bedazzled by the evil homosexual mojo emitting from a tight, man-bulge-enhancing pair of jeans and that demonic line of hair that peeks out above them as it begins its journey to the sacred belly hole.

But homosexualists are not your only quarry. You enforce all of the gospel standards set out by the General authorities, and that's why I'm writing you today. Last night, while I was reading about President David O. McKay at a faith-promoting blog, Mormon Matters, I saw a comment that that shocked me like a BYU aversion therapy probe. Here's what it said:
My brother recently threw a “Dew” party for his BYU friends. It involved chugging from 2-liter bottles of the hard stuff – fully caffeinated Mountain Dew. Wild times…
It's anarchy, utter anarchy in Orem. These rebellious youth need to be brought to justice before they commit even graver sins. If they're chugging Mountain Dew today, they'll be wearing colored shirts to church, going to R-rated movies, and "floating" tomorrow.

The author, a Brother Species373, shouldn't be hard to find. He has an uncommon name--I've never heard of the family.

Heterosexually yours

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Counterpunched!

The elitunists at Counterpunch did not like my review of "American Taliban" (Apparently, Amazon didn't like it either--they removed it):

Here’s the opening of a negative review, posted by a reviewer who identifies himself as “Gen. JC Christian, patriot”: “I don't read books written by demonic pipe-smoking communists with well-trimmed beards. I don't read books by homosexualist [sic] intellectuals with button-down collars who fill my head with vile carnality every second of the day. And, I don't read books written by subversive eyeglass-chain-wearing foreigner-praising English teachers--why don't they dump Shakespeare; he never wrote a play about the real Americans of the Heartland. Indeed, I take pride in the fact that I never read anything written by libislamunistofascists [sick]. The problem is syllables. There are too many syllables in their books. It all seems a little too Muslimy to me. It also gives me headaches.” Incredible as it may seem, that’s a direct quotation. I did not make it up.


Monday, September 20, 2010

Of Confederates and Bigfoots

General K. Steven Monk
Commander, Confederate States Home Guard
Director, Georgia Bigfoot Society

Dear Gen. Monk,

After looking at your bigfoot and Confederate militia sites, I suspect you share my suspicions about the link between the two. There is ample evidence to suggest that the US Southern Occupation Command is using sasquatch to humiliate the sons of the Confederacy. I've experienced it myself.

It was February 2nd, 2002. My militia was camped at Clear Creak in western Box Elder County, UT. We were celebrating the 150th anniversary of Territorial Governor Brigham Young's signing of the "An Act in Relation to Service," the bill that made Utah a slave territory.

It was a very traditional party. We supped all day on the food of our (Mormon) people. The red punch and Postum flowed like the Bear River in May, and the green jello salad was piled as high as Hill Commorrah. Confederate flags flew alongside the Beehive Standard of Deseret all across the camp and the song, "Dixie," rang out everywhere. It was a happy and joyous day.

Cleetus and I crawled into our sleeping bag at about 9:30--it's cold in Northern Utah in February, so I instructed the troops to sleep together for warmth. There was nothing wrong with that no matter what Cletis says. And besides, Cletis is a God damned liar...and I was high as a kite on Postum...wasn't in full control of my faculties...Cletis can go to hell!

Anyway, I was awakened at about 11:30 by Sheila, our morale sheep. She was screaming in that way only a sheep can scream. It's an unearthly sound, the kind that sends ice-cold fingers of lightening down your spinal column. I woke Cletis, and we ran over to where Sheila was tethered to see what was going on.

As we approached, we saw a half a dozen sasquatch taunting Sheila. They had untied her little Confederate flag bow and were rubbing it all over their secret parts. The largest one had a big ape-like smirk on his face and the kind of glint in his eye that signaled he was thinking of taking advantage of Sheila's morale building skills.

I couldn't allow that. It would be perverted and immoral. God made man, not bigfoot, the sheep's steward. It's unnatural for a bigfoot to enjoy morale building activities with a sheep. So I picked up a rock and threw it.

The rock didn't hurt him. It just pissed him off. He grabbed us by the arms and dragged us into the trees. The other bigfoots followed, using Confederate flags they had torn down to do that towel snap thing on our naked butts.

Eventually we came to a clearing. Using crude hand signals, the sasquatch commanded us to dance the Hokey Pokey--yes, it sounds bizarre, but think about it. It's a northern dance. What better way to humiliate a pair of Confederates?

The bigfoots violated us in unspeakable ways as we danced that Hokey Pokey. I'd "put my right foot in," and bam, a sasquatch would forcibly spelunk in my cave of shame. Then, he'd give a loud bigfoot scream in delight as I "shook it all about."

They continued abusing us through every part of the dance: the right foot, the left foot, the right hand, the left hand--all of it--and then they made us do it again, over and over until daybreak. It was horrible. It was humiliating.

I understand my story sounds incredible. Even my men had a hard time believing it after we stumbled, bowlegged and bleeding, into the camp that morning. That's why I haven't told it until now. But I assure you...I swear to you on the blood of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, that it is true, and that it's not an excuse I made up to explain Cletis and my physical conditions that morning. I'm sure you'll believe me if you think about it. You seem to grasp the connection between sasquatch and forces of occupation.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: A patriot shoots two immoral fornicating sasquatch and marvels at their secret parts.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Department of Book Reports: American Taliban



American Taliban, How War, Sex, Sin, and Power Bind Jihadists and the Radical Right, by Markos Moulitsas (Polipoint Press $14.99)

I had planned on talking about American Taliban today, in order to let you know about Markos Moulitsas' upcoming appearance on Virtually Speaking Monday evening. Markos has agreed to sign some bookplates for us and you can get your very own signed book from us.
Jay Ackroyd will be discussing the book with Markos at the Virtually Speaking Studios in Second Life and it will be broadcast live on BlogTalk Radio. You can attend virtually or tune in to BTR and ask questions in the chat area. The Cafe Wellstone folks are happy to help you get Second Life figured out, how to download the best viewer, help you get the sound going, or even take you shopping for good hair. You can send me an email (info at jacksonst-books.com), or just send an Instant Message to BookemJackson Streeter or Michele Mrigesh inworld and we'll find someone to help you.

I don't need to actually report on this book, because our dear General wrote the bestest review of all time:
The problem is syllables, September 7, 2010
... How dare the author compare the American right to the Taliban. Sure, we both hate sex, reproductive choice, secularism, government regulation, homosexualism, and masturbation. We both want to establish godly governments that enforce scriptural law. And, we both justify our wars on the basis of religion. But the similarities end there...

If you missed it, go back and read it. And be sure to vote for it!

Markos at Netroots Nation in Second Life August 2010

Please check out the new look and news over at our blogspot. You can also "like" (Jackson Street) Books on 7th on FaceBook.

Copies of American Taliban with a signed bookplate and Markos' early books are available at Jackson Street Books and other fine Independent bookstores.As always, books ordered here will have a freebie publishers Advance Reading Copy included as a thank you to our blogosphere friends.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Opinuary Column



The Opinion "Masturbating while being a Republican* is wrong but permissible" has died. It's not permissible nor shall it be tolerated. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Republicans are no longer allowed to fantasize about the invisible hand of the free market creating a surge in profits, or issuing a steady stream of income. The Opinion has been around as long as privilege itself, the unfair tug of "Do me as I say, not as I don't do you" is a mantra that will be missed by many Republicans, those nasty, dirty little Onan bitches! Yeah, I'm talking about you, Santorum!

Should a Republican knowingly touch himself (as the General has pointed out numerous times women cannot masturbate because they have no little sailors in their boats)--anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, should a Republican touch himself with masturbatorial intentions then he should resign from the party immediately, and go live among the heathen, Darwinian chimpanzees who will surely spend eternity jerking in Hell. But don't visualize that, especially if you wish to remain a Republican. Just cleanse your mind, and seek help from another to assist you in serving penance. And take pictures too! Lots of pictures!

The Opinion was born of monied conservatives who were just as filthy and sinful as your garden variety commie-homo-hippy-sponge-tugger, only these leaders of the GOP hid their awful crimes so that their spiritual base, the Armies of God, were none the wiser. So good at not being the wiser their base shed any attempts at wisdom entirely, and were at last free from having even the smallest kernels of knowledge shoved down their throats. Even as the "troops in the field" did the hard work of directing their friends and neighbors to vote against their economic interests, it took the nascent Tea Party to shake the establishment out of its doldrums and squeeze out the last few drops of creative juice. While selfish Republican Party leaders were still whacking away with impunity (Note: if anyone finds a detachable orange dick running around please hold it for me--Boehner borrowed mine for a lobbying soiree and then claimed to have lost it at a tanning booth--yeah, right) the glorious masses stood erect without release, and then it was just boners, boners, boners all the way down.

Republican leaders owe it to their constituency to refrain from self-pleasure, to set an example, to boldly abstain where no one has abstained before! Republicans: Drop your worm, or get voted out next term!

A Memorial Service for the Opinion was held this morning--it was held, fondled, caressed, squeezed, stroked, teased, slapped and strangled until my body panicked and spit out a battalion of little soldiers, ready for Special Ops training until tragically vanishing down the drain. Sigh. In lieu of flowers I wouldn't mind some moist towelettes and a cigarette, it it's no trouble.

++++

*Democrats are free to whack away as is their habit, because they can't go to heaven anyway--just keep them away from the good linens.

The Opinuary Column appears most Fridays at Jesus' General.

Remember that Jesus loves you, but keep in mind that He also chastens those He loves.

++++

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My Ad for O'Donnell



Does anyone have an email address for her campaign? I really want to submit this ad and help her in any way I can.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"The President is a Big, Angry Negro!"

Kirk Groenig
Tea Marshall
Remember Us... "We The People"

Dear Marshall Groenig,

It sounds like you had one heck of a float at the Naches Sportsman's Day parade. Putting Obama in a slave-drawn red wagon was brilliant in itself, but having him whip the slaves was sheer genius. An empowered black man whipping a bony, and apparently starving, white boy is the perfect metaphor for what fuels our anger and feeds our fears. You couldn't have delivered the message any better if you'd all chanted, "Oh my God, the President is a big, angry Negro!"

That said, the float could have been better. It's like you quit before you were finished. I mean, hey, if you're going the traditional route, you owe it to our forefathers to go all out. Why wasn't there white women for Obama to lustily ogle? Where were the Confederate flags?

Well, I suppose there's still time to fix it before the next parade.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A tip of the ol' helmet to reader Bob.

Kirk worked hard on that float. I'm sure he'd appreciate hearing how you feel about it.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Homosexualists of Lodi

Editor
Lodi News-Sentinel

Dear Editor,

I couldn't agree more with Harold Parks' letter of the 13th. Like he said:
Those gay folks are again wasting mine and your tax dollars so they can feel good about themselves...
San Francisco seems to like them, so why don't they all go there and kick out any straight people that are left there? Once they are all there they can secede from the Union, start their own island country and we can blow the bridges. In two generations their population will be zero growth and we can take our land back.
But I think Mr. Parks understates the problem of homosexualism in Lodi. I've been there. I've talked to Lodians. I know there are a lot of men in Lodi who have sex with not-men for reasons other than to procreate. That's about as homosexualist an act as a man can do.

Think about it. Not-men wear fancy sweet smelling perfumes and all those dainty, lacy, silky things. There's something a little too effeminate about a guy who'd get turned on by that kind of stuff.

And then there's those hairless things not-men have up front--a lot of guys like to fondle, kiss, and suck on them. Some even like it more than fondling, kissing, and sucking their own manly hairy chest bags. Can you imagine that? They might as well be sailors.

Then there's the "little soldier" problem; ladies don't have them. Now, you tell me; who'd want to have sex with someone who doesn't possess the equipment that makes a man a man? I mean, who, other than a homosexualist, would do that? It's just too damned feminine.

Now, I'm not saying that either you or Mr. Parks has non-procreative sex with women-- indeed, I'd be surprised if either of you had any kind of sex with not-men. But I do think you should consider the possibility that most of the men you see in Lodi are, in fact, secret homosexualists who get turned on by thingyless, sweet-smelling, lingerie-wearing not-men with big chest thingies. And that should scare the hell out of you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

A tip of the ol' helmet to reader Julie.

Elsewhere: They're showing "The Fountainhead" on TCM, but I prefer the five second version.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

First, they came for the bankers

Sheik Yer’mami
Winds of Jihad Blog

Dear Mr Yer'mani,

First off, let me tell you how much I love your music. It's the best stuff I've heard since I downloaded Ulead's free "Family Home Video Soundtrack Pack" for my video editing software. You really should give Corel a call.

The lyrics are great too. I don't think I've ever heard the link between "tollerance [sic]" and terrorism expressed in minstrel show style before. Do you do it in "swarthy face" when you play it live?

OK, now that I've gushed myself silly, it's time to get to the point of why I'm writing you. I appreciate the support you're giving to German Christian Democratic Union (Merkel's party) MP Erika Steinbach. Much like David Duke and Pamela Geller, she dares to say the things most proudly white people think but are afraid to state. Her defense of the banker who called Muslims 'parasites' is an example of that.

The same is true about her declaration that Poland deserved to be invaded by Hitler. Although elitist proponents of tolerance are screeching in horror at that remark, real people, real orderly-society-craving, strong-leader-revering, melanin-fearing patriots like us knew it to be true all along. Germany had to invade Poland. They had no choice after they learned that the Poles were Reichstag-burning Spanish communists who built WMDs, supported Ethiopian terrorists, and tried to kill Hitler's father.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Welcome Stormfront's Reading Assistants

I want to welcome the people who are reading my blog out loud to the visitors from Stormfront so they can experience my work.

Here are a few photos and videos they can look at.










God's Army


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Department of Book Reports: The Long Goodbye


Revisiting The Long Goodbye, Raymond Chandler's penultimate Philip Marlowe novel (pay no attention to the last Marlowe novel, Playback, which isn't very good), is to be reminded of how great an American novelist Chandler was. He transcended genre in perhaps no other way, with perhaps he exceptions of Ray Bradbury and Philip K. Dick. I think The Long Goodbye is his greatest achievement, though there are Chandler enthusiasts who prefer The Big Sleep or Little Sister.

The plot is straight forward enough. PI Philip Marlowe has been aroused late at night by his friend, Terry Lennox, who asks Marlowe to drive him to Tiajuana, as he is in trouble. Marlowe has met and developed a friendship with Lennox over the course of several months, during which he has learned that Terry is alcoholic, war-scarred and prematurely white-haired, and married to a rich young woman. Or recently re-married to her. Marlowe take Lennox to Mexico, and upon his return, is taken into custody by the LAPD for criminal assistance. Marlowe refuses to divulge anything to the police and is only released after Lennox's confession to his wife's murder and subsequent suicide emerge. Marlowe resumes his life and is asked by a New York publisher to help one of their best-selling novelists escape from a self-inflicted and alcoholic-induced writers block. The writer is Roger Wade, and he, too, is married to a beautiful woman, Eileen. The two cases do not seem related at first, but, as these things go, they are.

But more than a plot with twists and turns (I think of the famous story of William Faulkner trying to write the screenplay to The Big Sleep and calling Chandler in the middle of the night to find out who has killed a certain character, and Chandler not knowing; but they were boozehounds, so who knows?), Chandler was as good a prose stylist as there was in 20th Century America. To wit:

From now on I wouldn't tell you the time by the clock on your wall.

Next morning I got up late on account of the big fee I had earned the night before. I drank an extra cup of coffee, smoked an extra cigarette, ate an extra slice of Canadian bacon, and for the three hundredeth time I swore I would never again use an electric razor. That made the day normal.

I was as hollow and empty as the spaces between the stars.


Chandler is also critical of the Hollywood milieu, and the rich as well. There's no sneaking admiration as a F. Scott Fitzgerald might have fawned (the rich being different than you and me, but they have great, lavish parties). They are no different than the mobsters who dog Marlowe and warn him off the Lennox case. In fact, both the rich and the gangsters are quick to remind Marliowe of how much clout they can and do exercise. But more than this, The Long Goodbye is a mediation on friendship: how far does it extend, what can we be reasonably expected to do, and what can we do when that friendship is abused and betrayed. The Long Goodbye belongs on the same bookshelf as anything by Hemingway, Steinbeck or Faulkner. If you haven't read Chandler, do so.

Which brings me to the film adaptation of the book, released in 1973, and directed by Robert Altman from a screenplay by the science fiction writer Leigh Brackett, who also worked on the films of The Big Sleep and The Empire Strikes Back. Ask any Chandler enthusiast how they liked the movie and almost to a person, it is loathed. I'm not sure why. The movie deviates from the story in places, especially in the ending, but the main themes remain. And it is as well done as anything Altman ever directed. The social satire remains. Only it is a Philip Marlowe who has been transported to a 1970's LA, and lives in an apartment next to a commune of brownie-eating young women who do their Yoga exercises on the porch only partially clothed. Marlowe still drives a '48 Lincoln, but he tries to adapt. "It's all right by me", he keeps telling everyone he encounters. Only it isn't ok and his dislocation is such that, while he does try to help his friend, it seems the only one he can love is his cat. Who abandons him. Beautiful movie, with a great performance by Elliot Gould, Sterling Hayden as the author, Henry Gibson as a quack head-shrinker and ex-baseball pitcher, Jim Bouton as Terry Lennox. And, oh, it has one of the most shocking scenes in cinema history, featuring director Mark Rydell as a gangster dogging Marlowe.

The Long Goodbye is still in print from Vintage Books ($14.95) and available from Jackson Street Books and other fine Independent bookstores.As always, books ordered here will have a freebie publishers Advance Reading Copy included as a thank you to our blogosphere friends.

Friday, September 10, 2010



don't wait until it's over
obituary columns are filled with love
filled with love

Joan Armatrading


++++

Yeah, I know things are a mess, but don't forget to love. That's one skill we can't afford to lose.

++++

Thursday, September 09, 2010

A Fist Full of Santorum

Rick Santorum
Senior Fellow
Ethics and Public Policy Center

Dear Mr. Santorum,

I understand you have a Google problem. According to Pam Spaulding, a woman whose commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle is somewhat suspect, the Santorum name has become the most popular word describing "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of" doing it in the south forty, if you know what I mean--you know, like the war paint you get when the "victory moment" in a Spartan-style wrestling match becomes a "victory three seconds."

Anyway, if you look up Santorum on the Google, you'll find the following entries listed at the top:
Santorum
Santorum 1. The frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex...

Santorum (sexual neologism) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Santorum is a sexual neologism...

Rick Santorum - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Richard John "Rick" Santorum (born May 10, 1958) is a former United States Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania...

Urban Dictionary: santorum
[Santorum] is t]he sometimes frothy, usually slimy, amalgam of lubricant, stray fecal matter, and ejaculate that leaks out of the receiving partner's anus ...
Perhaps you should consider changing your name. Santorum sounds a bit tinny for a president, anyway. You need a more woody sounding name, something like "Gone" or "Caribou" or, even better, "Analingus." Yes, that's it, "Analingus." Unlike Santorum, it's woody, confident, and very manly sounding. It's perfect.

Think about it. Doesn't "Analingus for President" sound a lot better than "Santorum for President?" I think so.

Heterosexually yours,

I hope you'll consider it.

Gen. JC Christian

End of an Era

Prince Shannon wrote me, yesterday, and insulted me by suggesting I'm not a real general:
From: Prince
To: Gen. JC Christian patriot
Sent: Wednesday, September 08, 2010 8:24 AM
Subject: Re: I got the photos.

General, or who ever you are. I have to say this gag was absolutely hilarious! You got me and thanks for the laugh! Excellent execution and you had me going! Nice Job! LOL
And to think I was going to try to patch things up with one of those trust building exercises where you put your little Templars in each other's mouth.

A True Conservative

I see a fine teabagging gubernatorial candidate is taking advantage of my Google and Raw Story Network ads. It's a shame he has to spend his hard-earned donations to pay for these. But then, I guess it's better that it goes to a patriotic capitalist like myself, rather than some communist Muslim Democrat.

He sent me this email the other day. Man, does he know how to party:
From: Chris Lato, Mark Neumann For Governor
To: gen.jc.christian
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 5:54 PM
Subject: Media Advisory: Neumann Announces 12-City, Two-Day 'Freedom Tour'

NEUMANN ANNOUNCES 12-CITY, TWO-DAY 'FREEDOM TOUR'

Neumann Joined by Polka Band - the "Conservatones" - Complete with Banjo, Clarinet, and Accordion

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Amazon Review: "American Taliban" by Markos Moulitsas

Here's my Amazon review of the Great Orange Satan's "American Taliban." I'm hoping it will become the "Most Helpful Negative Review." Please cast a vote, here, if you'd like to help.
2.0 out of 5 stars The problem is syllables, September 7, 2010
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
I don't read books written by demonic pipe-smoking communists with well-trimmed beards. I don't read books by homosexualist intellectuals with button-down collars who fill my head with vile carnality every second of the day. And, I don't read books written by subversive eyeglass-chain-wearing foreigner-praising English teachers--why don't they dump Shakespeare; he never wrote a play about the real Americans of the Heartland. Indeed, I take pride in the fact that I never read anything written by libislamunistofascists. The problem is syllables. There are too many syllables in their books. It all seems a little too Muslimy to me. It also gives me headaches.

That said, I felt a need to read this book by Markos Moulitsas. I believed that by reading it, I could learn something about the Great Orange Satan, something that could help me finally put an end to his subversive speech.

Unfortunately, the book offered up no weapons to defeat Markos--no Fiery Sword of the Terrible Cleansing, no Crusader's Blade of Righteous Bloodlust, No Corinthians 4:6 night-vision sniper scope, nothing. Reading American Taliban just pissed me off.

How dare the author compare the American right to the Taliban. Sure, we both hate sex, reproductive choice, secularism, government regulation, homosexualism, and masturbation. We both want to establish godly governments that enforce scriptural law. And, we both justify our wars on the basis of religion. But the similarities end there.

We fight our wars in the name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. They fight their battles for Allah, a god who doesn't even know how to transubstantiate or turn water into a party.

We want to impose God's kingdom on Earth by passing biblically based sharia laws. The Koran serves as the basis of the Taliban's law, and unlike the Bible, it offers no object lessons in which she-bears eat children or whole cities are smitten with hemorrhoids.

The Taliban punish OB/GYNs using crude, uncivilized methods like stoning. We shoot doctors from a distance with a modern high-powered rifle.

While we may demand that our women dress modestly, and enforce it by calling them sluts or blaming them when they are victims of rape, our burka is a more fashionable and procreation-friendly burka.

Those are just a few examples of how we're dissimilar. I could go on about the differences between a crusade and a jihad; family values vs sharia; the unAllahed vs the unJesused, and morale sheep, adultery, and divorce vs temporary wives, etc, but I think I've made my point. The Great Orange Satan is wrong. We're not like the Taliban. We're God's favored people.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

My second call to the Prince

Here are the videos of my second call to Prince Shannon (I had to split it up to meet length requirements). I also transcribed a few excerpts from the call. They appear below the videos.

Prince Shannon is angry about my request for photos of his men wearing the invisible Ephesians 6 armor of God. He also refuses to salute me and denigrates Spartan-style wrestling by making it sound tawdry, cheap, and dirty.





The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos

I'm including a partial transcript for those who can't watch videos at work.

Prince Shannon: You asked for naked pictures of men? What are you, insane? Why would you want naked pictures of men?

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: That's how I gauge the fit of the Armor of God.

Prince Shannon: No, no, no, no, no. That's not what He [Jesus] means by the armor of God--to send a bunch of naked pictures of men.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Uh, well, the Armor of God is invisible. You...

Prince Shannon: We're just going to argue.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You can't see it. You just gotta look at the impressions.

***
Prince Shannon: You're saying a bunch of men and to take their staff and put it in your glory hole and then to put lipstick on...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Cave of Shame. Don't you, don't you make that sound dirty. Don't you dare make Spartan wrestling into a dirty thing.

Prince Shannon: Well, it is dirty.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Noooo! It's an ancient form of warriorly combat between culture warriors. It's an honor. It's an honor, sir.

Prince Shannon: It's and honor to wrestle with a bunch of naked men? Do you actually do this?

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Of course I do. Do you think I'd make something like that up?

Prince Shannon: I would surely hope you wouldn't But I'd hope you wouldn't be serious at the same time.

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Don't you dare say that I asked you to send naked pictures to me, That's not the purpose. Sure, sure, you might appear naked in the photos, but what the purpose is, is to see how the Armor of God fits you. The Armor of God is invisible...

Prince Shannon: It is pornography... It is disgusting pornography, and I don't care how you view it...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Why else would you be attacking me, the leader of one of the biggest militia groups for over a decade now.

Prince Shannon: I give you full respect for that. I give you full respect for that...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I just asked you to send me photos. It's not like I touch myself, much, when I look at them.

Prince Shannon: You can't understand that would be weird, at best, and not follow up on that, and not explain that before you put a call up like that?

***

Prince Shannon: I'm not going to wrestle naked with a bunch of guys. That's a party I won't come too.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: That's the greatest honor one warrior can give to another. I'm not going to give you that, now.

Prince Shannon: It may have been for that time, General, but the way it works today. You don't think I'm a warrior.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I don't think you deserve the honor of having my rigid shaft driven deep into your cave of shame.

Prince Shannon: No, I don't think so. I don't think that is an honorable thing, you know, to have some man's penis...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Don't you, don't you make it sound dirty, now.

Prince Shannon: That is dirty general. you've got to be kidding me.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: No, it's a warriorly thing. If you understood the ways of our Spartan warrior forefathers, you'd understand this.

Prince Shannon: I don't care what the ancient Spartan forefathers did if there are a bunch of naked men wrestling around. And I know they were tough. I know that they were, you know, a real force to be reckoned with, the Spartans were. I understand that. OK, but this isn't Sparta. This is America, here. And we're going down the tubes.

And our groups need each other. We don't need to be talking about things like this. If we have disagreements that's one thing, General. I can overlook that. You believe this way. I believe that way. So what. It has nothing to do with our Constitution....General, we're losing our nation right now. We don't need to be arguing and fighting and doing things like this. We're supposed to bring our groups together...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You can either send me the photos or not, whatever.

Prince Shannon: Absolutely not. That will not happen, General.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well...

Prince Shannon: No. That will not happen.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well, OK. I offered to help. I really believe that you're probably some kind of libislamunistofascist.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Department of Book Reports: Medium Raw


Medium Raw by Anthony Bourdain (Harper, $26.99) Ten years after Kitchen Confidential, Anthony Bourdain is back with another brutal culinary tell-all. The sub-title A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook sums it up well. Many of the chefs he talks about fare well, he admires those who work hard and are honest with their audience. Teevee personalities and celebrity chefs are dished and dissected.

In the chapter Go Ask Alice, Tony serves up the back story to Alice Water's now famous crusade to "revolutionize" the White House kitchen and garden and why her hypocrisy was so offensive. He takes her to task for not having voted in 40-some years, but having the nerve to dictate a kitchen & staff she had not bothered to consider. He asks if her ideal world were to be realized, who would be willing to get up at 5am to gather those delicate local vegetables that all might eat organic, regional food in season?
But even by the end of this rant, he concludes that the world is a better place for her bringing attention to the way our food is produced and consumed.

Perhaps the most scathing chapter is Alan Richman is a Douchebag, where he writes of their long standing feud, and how Richman came to write an ugly review of the restaurant Bourdain used to work at 10 years earlier. But that is not what makes Richman a douchebag in his eyes. It is the snarky review of the New Orleans food scene soon after Katrina which draws his hatred. The article isn't available online, but the responses to it sure are.

Bourdain is equally unflinching in self-examination. He realizes how lucky he has been, and that the path through his early addictions surely brought him to this place. He is giddily happy with life now, and the reason for that is his two year old daughter. Parenthood will change all perspectives. He revels in being un-cool while utterly, devotingly doting on this miracle in his life. I recommend his "Black Ops" chapter Lower Education to any parent wishing to counteract the insidious propaganda of McDonald's on young minds.

Anthony Bourdain also has a challenge for all you would be foodies. Answer this question on his website and you might just get picked by him to be published in the paperback edition of Medium Raw:
Medium Raw is available from Jackson Street Books and other fine Independent bookstores.As always, books ordered here will have a freebie publishers Advance Reading Copy included as a thank you to our blogosphere friends.

Friday, September 03, 2010

The Opinuary Column



The Opinion "Sarah Palin would never bully or mock a man's penis in defiance of God's commandment that women be subservient to men (1 Corinth. 14:34 -- ...women... must be in submission... )" has died. The Opinion was two years of age at the time of its passing. Born in the musky, tundra veneris of the Great White North, the Opinion lived a quiet and respectable life among the wild orifices and quim bogs that dot the coastline of Real America, and enjoyed camping, fishing and hunting humpbacked whales with satellite-guided missiles.

Six months ago the Opinion was diagnosed with imasculata frittata, a rare and edible form of Word Cancer that spread to Sarah's hands before being smeared across her chops. First manifesting itself as schoolyard taunting it metastasized and spread throughout her entire vocabulary, a vocabulary believed to be as large as six hundred words (seven hundred if you include the numbers 600 thru 700) before coming to rest in her divinely appointed hooty-pie. The Opinion is survived by a conservative call to refrain from mono-pleaseistic sexual acts. Today's conservative must be potent and rigid, but for the lord's sake don't give in to the desire for self-managed orgasm! What's next? Electric cars? Sustainable farming? Besides, if you're like Sarah, you don't want to touch yourself down there--those ink stains are hard to get out!

In lieu of flowers...ah, fuck it. Give 'em flowers.

++++

Thursday, September 02, 2010

A fist full of photos

Shannon Carson
Field Marshal
Right Wing Extreme Militia

Dear Mr. Shannon,

Today, I received a number of photos from someone who identified himself as "Sir Terry the Limber, Royal Quartermaster." I assume you asked him to send them. If that's the case, thank you for finally coming to your senses. Now, we can get to work.

As per my request, everyone in the photos is wearing their invisible Ephesians 6 Armor of God and nothing else. The skin indentations indicate that you are all wearing your armor correctly except for the Codpiece of Redemptive Anger--none of you have that right. Your man grenades hang freely when they should be tucked safely inside the codpiece. Heck, the overweight hairy guy appears to have three grenades, and they hang so low, they could create a tripping hazard during close arms combat. He needs to police up his satchel charges, immediately.

I'm also concerned by the photo I assume to be yours--it's the only one showing a man holding a scepter. I've been staring at your "little soldier" for a little over an hour now (and as I promised you last night, I did not touch myself, much). While I'm impressed by your little soldier's pistol-barrel-like rigidity, and monstrous length--I estimate it at nearly three inches--I'm more than a little concerned about its shooting end. You appear to have a Judeo-Muslim helmet rather a good, god-fearing, Baptist aardvark down there.

Are you sure you're not some kind of Kenyan?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot
American Christian Militia

The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Recording: My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again

Elsewhere: Prince Shannon gives me a shout out on his radio show. Not much there. He started to discuss our militia, then seemed to get sidetracked. I think he might be secretly re-evaluating his position on Spartan-style wrestling. That'd explain why he seemed so preoccupied.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Is Prince Shannon a Libislamunistofascist Agent Provocateur?

I just got off of the phone with Prince Shannon, the leader of the Right Wing Extreme Militia, and I have to tell you, I'm very upset. It all started Tuesday night when I received this email:
From: Prince
To: Gen. JC Christian patriot
Sent: Tuesday, August 31, 2010 7:03 PM
Subject: We need to talk!

I'm pretty upset with you General. We need to talk before tomorrow nights [sic] show. How dare you try to tear patriots apart at a time like this! Who's [sic] side are you on?
Can you believe that? After all the help I've given him, he asks whose side I'm on.

I couldn't allow him to get away with making such a baseless charge, so I gave him a call. It didn't help. Rather than apologize, he attacked me, saying that my request for photos of him and his men wearing Ephesians 6 Armor of God was simply a sleazy attempt to obtain "naked pictures" of his unit.

But it got even worse after that. He attacked one of our most sacred and cherished warriorly traditions, Spartan-style wrestling, describing it in a way that made it sound cheap, tawdry, and dirty.

I'm hurt and disgusted.

I don't have time to put a recording of the call up right now. I'll try to put it together as another video over the weekend and post it on Monday.

Here are a couple of short excerpts:
Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I was going to invite you to come over to the compound and meet me for some Spartan-style wrestling. That's the greatest honor...

Prince Shannon: I'm not going to wrestle naked with a bunch of guys. That's a party I won't come too.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: That's the greatest honor one warrior can give to another. I'm not going to give you that, now.

Prince Shannon: It may have been for that time, General, but the way it works today. You don't think I'm a warrior.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: I don't think you deserve the honor of having my rigid shaft driven deep into your cave of shame.

Prince Shannon: No, I don't think so. I don't think that is an honorable thing, you know, to have some man's penis...

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Don't you, don't you make it sound dirty, now.

Prince Shannon: That is dirty general. you've got to be kidding me.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: No, it's a warriorly thing. If you understood the ways of our Spartan warrior forefathers, you'd understand this.

Prince Shannon: I don't care what the ancient Spartan forefathers did if there are a bunch of naked men wrestling around. And I know they were tough. I know that they were, you know, a real force to be reckoned with, the Spartans were. I understand that. OK, but this isn't Sparta. This is America, here. And we're going down the tubes.

And our groups need each other. We don't need to be talking about things like this. If we have disagreements that's one thing, General. I can overlook that. You believe this way. I believe that way. So what. It has nothing to do with our Constitution....General, we're losing our nation right now. We don't need to be arguing and fighting and doing things like this. We're supposed to bring our groups together...

***

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: You can either send me the photos or not, whatever.

Prince Shannon: Absolutely not. That will not happen, General.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well...

Prince Shannon: No. That will not happen.

Gen. JC Christian, patriot: Well, OK. I offered to help. I really believe that you're probably some kind of libislamunistofascist.

Prince Shannon: You know what. Don't call me a liberal. OK, I am not a liberal... I question your leadership, right now, and i question you for not wanting to band the patriots together, because right now, the biggest roadblock to that happening is you.
He does his radio show tonight at 11:30 pm EST. He's warned me that I'll be his topic. That's a shame. All I was trying to do was help a fellow patriot.

Previously on Jesus's General

I write Prince Shannon

My first call to Prince Shannon.

Update: Prince Shannon responds in my comments section:

Shannon said...
General! You’re offended and I am offended but jcricket is right! Let us not quarrel amongst ourselves. The fight is out there. It’s not amongst the Spartans and the Crusaders. Let’s get those warrior guys on TV to do a show on who would win. The crusaders or the Spartans? I put my money on the Spartans. You have your traditions and we have ours. But we are on the same team. I think also what is going on here with the militia groups are fighting for who will lead this revolution if it ever happens. My point is, NONE of us will. Our founding fathers were the leaders and we are not fighting for anything other than to restore our constitution and bring our nation back to GOD. We have that in common and if the two of us can’t get it together how will we unit the rest? If I offended you, I offer my apology to you and your men. But I also believe you owe me an apology for offending me and my men. By calling us liberals and mocking who we are. Just as you were offended that I don’t agree. But at the end of the day we are still brothers in Christ. I will offer my apology to you on the show tomorrow and I hope you listen and call in.
We can make history and unite the rest of the Christians and conservatives who love Jesus and their country just as much as we do. I will be asking the question tomorrow night, if we did revolt and we won, what would we change and why? Ask yourself that question as I will be thinking about it as well.
Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! 2 It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. 3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you,[a] rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you,[b] saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
Luke 17:3


The Prince And I: Previous discussions with Prince Shannon
I write Prince Shannon
Recording: My first call to Prince Shannon.
Calling Prince Shannon again.
Another email: A Fist full of Photos
Recording: Calling Shannon Carson again