Marriage Anti-Defamation Alliance
Institute for Marriage and Public Policy
National Organization For Marriage
Peter J. LaBarbera
Americans for Truth
CC: Jeff Davids, Rentboy.com
Dear Mrs. Gallagher and Mr. LaBarbera,
It's happened again. Much like what resulted in the shaming of Pastor Doctor George Rekers back in 2010, a Rentboy.com user is accusing another patriotic Christian leader of engaging in homosexualism.
This time the victim is Medford City Mayor Chris Myers. The rentboy says his little soldier found its way into His Honor's mouth. The Mayor loudly proclaims his commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle.
We all know that both men are probably telling the truth. It's something that happens to people like Larry Craig, Dr. Rekers, and Mayor Myer all of the time. Heck, it's something all men experience all too frequently. I'm sure Mr. LaBarbera knows what I mean, and Mrs Gallagher, I bet your husband does too.
You know what I mean. You're up in a hotel room or a public restroom or a bar where everyone dresses like bikers when, suddenly, some guy's little soldier falls into your mouth. Of course you immediately try to spit it out, but there's a grown man's body on the other end of it; it's not going anywhere. Then you try to push it out with your tongue, but it's too damn slippery--your tongue just rapidly slips all over the helmet in furious licking motions.
That's when the panic begins to set in. You realize that some random neutral observer might get the wrong idea and think you're doing one of those blow work (or job or whatever it's called) things that the liberal communist beatniks love so much.
So you do the only thing you can do, you grab his butt cheeks, pull him toward you, and suck so hard on his little soldier, it'd be impossible for anyone to mistakenly think that you're blowing.
I'm sure that's what Meyer, Reker, and Craig were all doing. There's nothing at all homosexualist about sucking a little soldier in an attempt to avoid the appearance of evil. I think that's in the Bible or Book of Mormon somewhere (I just looked it up. Elder James E. Faust kind of said it.)
The problem is in the interpretation. Obviously, Rentboy.com members don't understand the difference between blowing and sucking or what constitutes a violation against the heterosexualist lifestyle. They need to be trained. I'm hoping that you will work together to ensure that such training is provided.
What do you think? Are you game?
I'd be glad to help out, if needed.
Gen. JC Christian, patriot