Partaking Little Sally's Flesh: The Persecution of a Puppeteer Pastor

Not all of us are blessed with the opportunity to turn our greatest passions into our life work, but, with God's help, Ronald William Brown of Largo, Florida did just that. He followed his bliss and turned his three great loves, Jesus, children, and puppetry into a youth ministry and a popular kids show, Joy Junction, on the Christian Television Network.

Such success gets Satan's attention. Just like the many times Lucifer tore me from my militia ministerial duties by bewitching me with the bulging mojo of tight, white sailor pants, the Prince of Darkness derailed Pastor Brown's good work by planting wicked lies into the hearts of jackbooted government thugs.

Last week, agents of the Department of Homeland Security searched pastor Brown's home and seized child pornography, including "images of bound and gagged kids, photographs of dead children and a flier for a missing child," materials that he obviously had gathered in preparation for his Joy Junction show about naughty pictures.

Even worse for Pastor Brown, the agents learned about, and obviously misunderstood, an Abraham-and-Issac-like test God had given the pastor--a command to sacrifice and eat a child.

According to the agents:

Brown and [accomplice Michael] Arnett chatted about murdering children as young as two. In one chat Arnett described to Brown what it is like to drown a little girl and what different body parts taste like if roasted or fried in a pan.

Brown revealed to Arnett in another chat regarding the little boy at Gulf Coast Church that he would enjoy strangling the child to death... “I imagine him wiggling and then going still.”

Hopefully the Christian Television Network will host a prayer-a-thon soon to help Pastor Brown in his time of tribulation.

Video: Pastor Brown teaches Marty about dirty pictures.