Monday, January 07, 2013

This Week in Responsible Gun Ownership

The days leading up to and including the first week of 2013, once again, demonstrated America's well-regulated militia's commitment to responsible gun ownership. Here's a partial list of  incidents occurring over the last ten days or so:
  • Patriot stands his ground against his own scary-looking arm, shoots it, then applies beer as analgesic to sooth the pain of his bicep's treachery.
  • A patriotically liquored-up birthday boy shoots buzzkilling busy-body who attempts to infringe on god-given right to grope random women. 
  • Real Merakin fends off Jarritos Tamarindo Soda invasion.
  • Off-duty police employs lethal force against her own hand after it fails to comply with a lawful order.
  • Aspiring future vice-president shoots friend in face with shotgun.
  • Man shot in shootout with suspicious-looking new year.
  • Duck hunting heartlander refuses to let goddamn rookies stand between him and his quarry.
  • Policeman banks submachinegun rounds to drop angry woman in corner pocket.
  • A jug of moonshine, a 16 gauge shotgun, and thou.
  • Apparently, man responds to his communist knee's attempt to "dialectically materialize me or something."
  • Nine-year-old boy celebrates Ted Nugent's Spirit of the Wild by bagging fellow 9-year-old's arm.
  • Another scary-looking hand thwarted while pursuing nefarious activities.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.