Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Thursday, February 21, 2013


Sorry about the lack of posts. My inner Frenchman is trying to assassinate me. I'll be back Monday with details and an announcement.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Obama's Gun Grabbing, UN Tax, Mexican Peoplization, and Depantsing Plot

The Conservative Majority sent us this here robocall on Friday. It struck something very deep inside of me. The guy who recorded it sounds like that drunk guy at the bar who punches anyone he believes might not be showing enough enthusiasm for the Seahawks.

But it's the message that's important: "serious conservatives who aren't afraid to fight" must impeach the FURRIN' OBAMUNIST USURPER, whose middle name is Hussein, before he:
  • "Wipes out" the Second Amendment
  • Releases the terrorist supermen from Gitmo
  • Allows Mexicans to be treated like real people
  • Makes us pay taxes to the United Nations
  • Pulls down our pants and taunts us.
OK, I added that last one, myself, but mark my words. Once he's taken our guns, he's going to have agents of the ACLU pull down our pants so he can make fun of the size of our little soldiers.

Oh, and they also reminded me that Obama probably wasn't even born here.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Traditional Conservative Values and the Catholic Church

The good conservatives and traditionalist Catholics at View from the Right are very concerned that the next Pope will be off color:. An enthusiastically pale Larry writes:
I hope the cardinals return to the tradition of selecting an Italian as pope. Otherwise this time we may be saddled with a Hispanic, an African, or—God forbid—an American.
Brandon, a man who fervently hopes Edgar Winter will become Pope Albedo I, agrees:
As is typical of the liberal media many headlines are suggesting that the next pope could be black. This is a troubling idea and I hope the cardinals electing the next pope realize it. The liberal media types are suggesting that a Latin or African pope would be good because those are the fastest growing areas for Catholics. The problem I see is the further alienation of Europeans and their descendants...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Of Art and Beauty and Black Militant First Ladies

Anyone who's ever read Kidist Asrat's blog, Camera Lucida, has witnessed her righteous burning hatred of the anyone who is a) penisless, b)unheartlandishly hued or c) is either a or b and not a bitter Canadian woman of South Asian descent, but it is ugliness that is her most despised enemy.

As an artist, designer, and critic of all things aesthetic, that's not surprising. She demands beauty in all things and will tolerate nothing less. You can see her passion for the art of beauty in the design of her blog:

I'm telling you this, because Miss Asrat is holding a fundraiser to fund something she calls "Reclaiming Beauty." I believe it is an attempt to make the whole world reflect the beauty of her web site design.

Or maybe, she simply wants to fight the battle for beauty by spending more time exposing the the kind of filthy ugliness she most abhors. The name of that vile hideousness is Michele Obama:
Obama's [sic] cleverly uses Michelle's aggression to act like the "good guy." Yet, he is following in his politics the exact same dismantling of white society that Michelle is blatantly advocating. His expression above is a benevolent cringing at the loud vocals probably emitting from Michelle. Yet, she clearly behaves this way because he never tells her to stop. He wants her to behave like this. Their private conversations must be full of raised fists.
I can actually see her turning ugly. Is that why Obama is so nice to here - kissing her in public, and all those intimate dances during their parties? And he also needs her irrational (black power) anger, since he's not going there in the same way. He's smartly sticking to "politics." 
And there is much there besides a pictorial one (e.g. Obama's underlying aggression, and Michelle as his female Captain).

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Verrotte Schwanzlutscherin Are Lying About Me

We have a very special guest poster today, the über-fabulous, His Holiness, The Pope. Please be kind in your comments. 
--Gen. JC Christian, patriot. 

 Thank you mein general.

I'm very disappointing by the response to my resignation announcement. My enemies, God's enemies, are suggesting that my stated reasons for leaving were insincere.

They're saying that I must be leaving because of a scandal. They loudly wonder  if I'm fleeing because I fear upcoming Vatileak revelations or that I'm being blackmailed about that thing with Monsignor Spompinare, three altar boys, and a he-donkey. It's a filthy lie. It wasn't me. It was a case of mistaken identity. Some verrotte schwanzlutscher, probably a slav, was wearing my mitre. I swear on the Holy Mother that is the truth.

Of course, mein supporters see the truth about these lies, and they know who's behind them:
Supposedly he [Me] was “dogged by scandal” and hurt dialogue with Jews, Protestants, and Muslims (if only!). His alleged petty, mean spirited actions? He quoted a 14th-century Byzantine emperor describing the founder of Islam in a negative (but accurate) manner; he affirmed that the Catholic Church possesses the fullness of Truth, and he sought to reconcile the traditionalist Society of Saint Pius X with Rome (which made leftist Jews, who already hated the Church, mad.)
Ja, Herr Danial is correct. Die Juden have always hated me. They are jealous of my Teutonic fabulousness.

I resigned for the reasons I stated. I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm sick and tired of the Swiss Guard's failure to follow my orders to occupy the Sudetenland and invade Poland. I'm tired of that bitchy queen, Cardinal Lajolo's, snarky remarks about the cut of my Falda and maniple--as if that silly arschgeige knows the difference between Prada and prosciutto. And most of all, I'm tired of all those Hollywood prostituierten upstaging me as they model their dresses on the award show red carpets. The Grammys were the last straw. I'm done.

That's why I'm resigning. I'm leaving to spend more time with my personal secretary, Monsignor Gänswein. We're going to pursue our dream of moving to Argentina and opening up a bed and breakfast for elderly, German expatriates. They'll accept me. They're meine kameraden. We'll sing the Horst Wessel Lied until we're as hoarse as Monsignor Gänswein on penance night.

 Heterosexually yours in Christ

 Benedict PP. XVI, Pont. Max., Episcopus Ecclesiae Catholicae (Ret.)

Monday, February 11, 2013

Obamunists Take Up Commie Custom of Kissing

Laura Wood, The Thinking Housewife, watched all that Interior pecking during Obama's Sally Jewell announcement and asked, "When Did Political Figures Start Kissing Each Other?" One of her readers provides an answer:
I’ve also noticed this creepily excessive hugging and kissing among politicians, but Democrats engage in it more frequently than Republicans. Its inconsistency with their speech and sexual harassment codes leads me to believe that it’s another of their self-congratulatory rituals of mutual identification, saying, “See, a dirty conservative can’t kiss and hug except as the prelude to sexual conquest; but we enlightened liberals can touch each other’s bodies in a loving, but non-sexual way.”

...It won’t be long before American politicians will be greeting each other as Khrushchev greeted Yuri Gagarin.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013


I've been AWOL for a few days. I'm not feeling well. Hopefully I'll be back in a couple of days.