tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post5136640087157242957..comments2023-12-21T04:41:43.537-05:00Comments on Jesus' General: Words of Mormon WisdomUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-26283823695940849322009-02-14T21:30:00.000-05:002009-02-14T21:30:00.000-05:00I did deviancy treatment with sex offenders for tw...I did deviancy treatment with sex offenders for twenty-five years. There are a hell of a lot of morman perverts.The directive to leave the bathroom door open when showering would<BR/>delight a child molester with little kiddies in the home. My morman colleagues would say that you don't need to touch you penis when urinating. Use tongs. susan from seattleUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12457773898070578933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-77188091000566196952009-02-13T10:49:00.000-05:002009-02-13T10:49:00.000-05:00Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing's 80 grit, Sir....Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing's 80 grit, Sir. Damn effective.Cpl. Stevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10073721218063258063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-19926030162022625552009-02-12T19:10:00.000-05:002009-02-12T19:10:00.000-05:00General Sir,Brother Knowdoubt and his reporting of...General Sir,<BR/><BR/>Brother Knowdoubt and his reporting of the "Australian Solution" has given me comfort beyond measure.<BR/><BR/>I can't tell you how thrilled I am that my 20-year-old self and his disciplined, comprehensive, and now I learn, medically indicated purgative regimen has more than guaranteed me a disease free old age.<BR/><BR/>AmenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-56230265776257678522009-02-12T19:05:00.000-05:002009-02-12T19:05:00.000-05:00"It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object..."It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem."<BR/><BR/>I don't care for the term "use" in this context, but does a woman count as a physical object?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-79476376829552764762009-02-12T18:55:00.000-05:002009-02-12T18:55:00.000-05:00Just testing.Just testing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-87560386558864449302009-02-12T16:29:00.000-05:002009-02-12T16:29:00.000-05:00"Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking la...<EM>"Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring."<BR/></EM><BR/>Yo Gen,<BR/> I can't stress the importance of this rule enough.<BR/> After a night of perhaps excessive imbibing, when I awake with a bladder the size of a hot air balloon and an ache from my stomach to my toes, my 1st action is always to check my little soldier to see if he is at parade rest or is in need of immediate attention.Bill from Doverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10978819102096594996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-84082232241194417812009-02-12T16:08:00.000-05:002009-02-12T16:08:00.000-05:00General, Sir:"When you bathe, do not admire yourse...General, Sir:<BR/><BR/>"When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror."<BR/><BR/>How does one avoid that? I mean the mirrored ceiling in the bathroom makes it almost impossible not to see myself--oh, wait, you prolly don't got no mirrored ceiling, do ya?democommiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08714733977927594559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-74261962336522363962009-02-12T15:20:00.000-05:002009-02-12T15:20:00.000-05:00Perhaps if I eat enough unnecessary snacks, I won'...Perhaps if I eat enough unnecessary snacks, I won't be able to see my turgid naughty bits. I wonder if it's ok to rub one's vital part on the hard, cool surface of the BOM? Aww. Now I need to take ANOTHER cool shower...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-89903087232812781302009-02-12T14:54:00.000-05:002009-02-12T14:54:00.000-05:00"Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in ...<I>"Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity. </I><BR/><BR/>So...I should....masturbate? YES SIR!I'm Just a Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01391643991238122902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-20219227652159939782009-02-12T12:08:00.000-05:002009-02-12T12:08:00.000-05:00Dear General Sir!You learn something new every day...Dear General Sir!<BR/><BR/>You learn something new every day, some times from sources you'd never expect to learn them from!<BR/><BR/>I had no idea that the Book of Morman was such a good tool to use when beating off! Thanks to Elder Peterson's advice, I'll have to give it a try.kindnesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17225840741324468928noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-80344699324279429682009-02-12T11:17:00.000-05:002009-02-12T11:17:00.000-05:00"If you are associated with other persons having t..."If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness."<BR/><BR/>Oh well, it was great having friends while it lasted.Capt. Bat Guanohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07517187053437788242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-17052903764762931872009-02-12T11:13:00.000-05:002009-02-12T11:13:00.000-05:00These are all good suggestions but I find that kee...These are all good suggestions but I find that keeping a picture of <A HREF="https://www.sta-conferences.org/2007Washington/photos/Matalin.jpg" REL="nofollow">Mary Matalin </A>handy works wonders when the ol' monkey begs for a nasty slappin'.Big Boppahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01584970803398988829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-59197395393953263532009-02-12T10:18:00.000-05:002009-02-12T10:18:00.000-05:00Jeff, I and, I trust, the other concreants will be...Jeff, I and, I trust, the other concreants will be praying for your soul's forgiveness and redemption. I know I speak for all, when I hope you will search for, and find, an appropriate, religiously acceptable reason for your rebellious behavior. Wishing you a masturbatory free future absent religiously acceptable reasons. Have a blessed masturbatory free day. Respectfully prayed for in a sincere and Chreastionly mannerknowdoubthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11647184346948896676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-26201420570540187872009-02-12T09:49:00.000-05:002009-02-12T09:49:00.000-05:00I don't need a reason.I don't need a reason.Jeff Crookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07386092048101815743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-17287370936431920512009-02-12T09:33:00.000-05:002009-02-12T09:33:00.000-05:00(weeps with laughter)(weeps with laughter)No Blood for Hubrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02380206118683017717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-80083200536239178202009-02-12T08:23:00.000-05:002009-02-12T08:23:00.000-05:00I, like most people of faith, share Elder Petersen...I, like most people of faith, share Elder Petersen's concerns about inappropriate Masturbation which leads to well, hell and damnation among other nasty unmentionables.<BR/><BR/>In our house Masturbation is for strictly medical purposes only, that being the prevention of cancer and practiced on a rigid daily schedule 6 days per week as recommended by medical professionals in <A HREF="http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3072021.stm" REL="nofollow">this article.</A><BR/><BR/>You may notice that this has only been proven to work for Australians or of course those with Australian heritage (my family), so until further research that would leave out the rest of the world who should wait on further research if they care about their soul's ultimate destination. I should also mention that only medically appropriate thoughts are allowed during this sperm letting. Mental images of cancer cells consumed by sperm in a petri dish, STD's like warts also being consumed in a petri dish, and other medically appropriate images that can be found in the various literature about this matter, links provided by request. Warning this has only been approved for Australians and their descendants as of this time. Whoops, rigid scheduling demands beckon. Respectfully disseminated in Chreastionly inspirational spiritknowdoubthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11647184346948896676noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-2367181041610150962009-02-12T06:51:00.000-05:002009-02-12T06:51:00.000-05:00I think I just figured out what was up with that f...I think I just figured out what was up with that fat guy at the Quickie Mart buying Twinkies in his pyjamas, yelling "Stop!" while clutching the Book of Mormon.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-22395708460410400592009-02-12T05:03:00.000-05:002009-02-12T05:03:00.000-05:00If only there was some way to cut off the offendin...If only there was some way to cut off the offending parts and reattach them only when they were absolutely needed, so that they would not be able to be used for masturbation!<BR/><BR/>I'm talking about our hands, of course.Bukko Boomerangerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02424677168216647964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-20155229342656960202009-02-12T02:57:00.000-05:002009-02-12T02:57:00.000-05:00If you're the first or second wife and your husban...If you're the first or second wife and your husband has "moved on" to, say, number 10 or 15, if you're not allowed to masturbate, can you have sex with one of the other wives? I'm confused.Drama Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05927924572136321486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-85865160370181103642009-02-12T02:52:00.000-05:002009-02-12T02:52:00.000-05:00Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.I tho...<I> Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.</I><BR/><BR/>I thought that was what he was trying to get people to stop doing.Rev.Paperboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14561796588927776371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-72794356192577870872009-02-12T02:00:00.000-05:002009-02-12T02:00:00.000-05:00Ah, I thought those masturbation tips were from Bo...Ah, I thought those masturbation tips were from Boyd K. Packer. Wasn't he the "little factory" guy?<BR/><BR/>I suppose more than one LDS apostle has covered the topic though...C. L. Hansonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12698855413639518095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5099635.post-49417394059365980722009-02-12T00:30:00.000-05:002009-02-12T00:30:00.000-05:00Did you know the Army makes special underwear for ...Did you know the Army makes special underwear for Mormon recruits? It's true. When I was in Basic at Ft. Leonard Wood, two guys in my platoon caused a major incident when they lost their special underwear. They told the drill sergeant someone had stolen it from a dryer and the whole floor went into a two-hour lockdown with a "Health and Welfare" inspection. Turned out someone had taken it out, FOLDED IT, and put it on top of their lockers before leaving for sentry duty.<BR/><BR/>After that, the platoon began a spontaneous accountability program. Those two guys were made to present the platoon leader with their special underwear every night before lights out.Matt Osbornehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00775385227870993490noreply@blogger.com