The Opinuary Column

The Opinion "The heart and soul of a country are under the dominion of its most cynical, manipulative power brokers" has died, having been struck by the smallest beam of illumination, the cleansing light of self-reflection. True, the "heart and soul" of the abstraction known as "Real America" is often up for grabs among the hucksters, demagogues and snake oil salesmen who exploit it for all its worth, but for the time being the grab is too weak, too desperate, too unhinged. The FOX may be in the hen house, but seeing as how he is dangerously exposed it is possible he will be pecked to death. At the very least his gnads could be gored.

The Opinion was born and raised in the land of unfettered rapaciousness, where it lived as it pleased and took whatever it wanted. It built the dream and stained the bed, and did it cheaply with slave labor, before and after the War Between the States. It proclaimed the exceptionalism of America, editing out the parts it didn't cotton to, until a time came when ignoring the demon only put more fire in the belly, fire that nearly destroyed the entire nation. What was sold as freedom was bought in caskets and misery, and many a family wept itself to sleep.

In our time, the Opinion has been bought and paid for by those who live as royalty, who wave the flag and their checkbooks in unison, a blur of patriotism and profit. Take heart: there are still those who feel the nation has a purpose beyond gaining mere capital and power, a purpose as an experiment in justice and democratic rule so powerful that the possibilities and potential of all could be vouchsafed, if only as the faintest of hopes in our common dream of democracy. It was in this myth that the greatest power of America lay, for though the advance was slow it was dedicated, though it was outspent it was not denied, though it was shouted down it would not stay silent. The greatest myth of all, the one beginning with We hold these truths to be self evident, survived regardless of the thorough malevolence of its adversaries, and endures as a wise reminder, the brassiet brass ring of all. It is always there, waiting.

A nation's creation mythology is important for a time, but like all myths must eventually be discarded and replaced by something that smacks of reality, of objective accounting, and ultimately of reckoning. Here in America, where the center cannot hold any more than anywhere else in the Universe, the violence that haunts us will still play out, the passion of fear-based belief will still pitch its fits to deny our common humanity, but the ground of what is in the collective gut and heart has been planted with a new crop, a new seed, a new dawn. That seed is you, dear Reader, every single day of your life. Every day that you, a free citizen, consult with your own core, the very essence of your being, and discover anew what is radiantly clear: that Glenn Beck is a malignant, meretricious nutjob and Sarah Palin is a human whoopie cushion--every day that you renew those truths to yourself is a very good day indeed.

In lieu of flowers the family of the deceased Opinion will continue to spend millions and millions of dollars upon lobbyists and media to thwart, befuddle and bludgeon you and yours into a permanently submissive state, except when it suits their purposes for you to march and kill and that sort of thing. I suggest that you be wild instead. Be difficult. Be alive.

++++

The Opinuary Column (now in the morning slot) appears every Friday at Jesus' General for what better way to start your day than to do it reading about death?

++++

The One True Cure for Breast Cancer

Rev. Flip Benham
Operation Save America

Dear Rev. Benham,

Your expose on the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure was very enlightening. I particularly enjoyed the part where you took them to task for failing to support the one true cure for breast cancer (scroll down):

But it [Susan G. Komen Foundation] will fight to the death those who would dare expose the real cure for breast cancer – child bearing! “But women will be saved through childbearing – if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” 1 Timothy 2:15.

Have you thought about leading an effort to include a compelled childbirth provision in the preventive care portion of the health care bill? If not, you should.

The provision should require wives to become pregnant in their first year of marriage. Additionally, not-men who stubbornly cling to spinsterhood into their mid-twenties could be drafted into a handmaid corps to receive the health benefits of childbirth by providing children to barren families.

Very little tax money would be needed to fund the handmaid corps. Fines levied against those wives who stubbornly resist conception in that first year should pay for most of it. The rest could be paid by the husbands who receive handmaids. I bet Sen. Vitter would sponsor that part of the bill.

I'd like to get together with you soon to go over our strategy.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: Flip Benham: “Richard Bartholomew has the Spiritual Depth of a Pie Tin”

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

Senators prescribe firearms for PTSD and other mental disabilities

As many as 300,000 veterans from the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are afflicted with post traumatic stress disorder and other mental disabilities. The suicide rate for soldiers is now five times higher than in the Persian Gulf War and 11% greater than during Vietnam. Crimes of violence are skyrocketing on military bases, making the surrounding communities some of the most dangerous cities in the country.

Thank God, Senators Burr and Webb have identified the source of the problem: "mentally incapacitated" veterans are angry and frustrated because the Gun Control Act of 1968 bars them from owning firearms.

Yes, that's right, the federal government uses mental competency as a litmus test for whether a person should own a gun or not.

Unbelievable, but that's socialism for you.

Fortunately, Burr, Webb and 18 other senators are sponsoring legislation to right this wrong. The Veterans Second Amendment Protection Act will allow mentally incapacitated vets to buy guns unless a judge diagnoses them to be psychologically unfit to own firearms.

It's nice to see that the Senate isn't spending all it's time on crazy things like a public health care option.

Elsewhere: Sen. Burr wants to protects us from the threat posed by due process.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

It moved me

This guy has talent.



Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

She ain't afraid of no Vietcong king

Update 2: Amazon put it back up. You can cast your vote if you missed it the first time.

Update: It looks like Amazon killed the review. They've done this to me before. I'll appeal it. Sometimes that helps.

I'm sitting in a hospital waiting room right now. My daughter is having her 22nd surgery in 29 years. I'll deal with Amazon tomorrow, but please send your own complaints as well.
•••

Here's my Amazon review of Going Rouge by Sarah Palin. Please consider Giving it a "helpful" vote so that I can continue my string of writing the "Most Helpful Favorable Review[s]" for some of conservatism's greatest authors.

Ain't afraid of no Vietcong king, November 17, 2009

By	Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews

There are many kinds of truth. There are truths based on facts, truths based on faith, and truths based on something that sounds as if it should be true (truthiness). Then there's the kind of truth we find in Sarah's book: stories and concepts that become truths simply because she states them. She's a lot like our Lord and Savior, Glen Beck, in that respect.

Sometimes, she states truths that would be considered ludicrous if uttered by someone else. Her claim that the McCain campaign forced her to spend $150,000 in RNC funds to dress her family in designer clothes is one example of that. Although it might be easier to believe that she acted like a trailer park Zsa Zsa who'd found a credit card left behind at a possum feed, she blames McCain staffers. That's good enough for us, because we have faith; we want to believe her truths.

But the book isn't perfect. As much as I enjoyed the few short paragraphs in which Mrs Palin laid out her policy objectives, she could have condensed it all into one sentence: "I'm going to grab an Oxo Good Grips Stainless Serving Spatula and go all mavericky on your non-white, non-Christian and non-heterosexual butts."

The book also fails to expose Mrs. Palin's intellectual brilliance and keen grasp of foreign policy issues. Why wasn't the text of her recent speech in Hong Kong included? Although it remains secret, it's rumored that she viciously rebuked the Vietcong king for his assault on the Empire State Building. That's a speech we've been waiting for nearly 75 years to hear. It's big news and should have been included.

As you read other reviews of this book, please remember that Mrs. Palin has many enemies who are eager to pan her work. The Palin family's most potent nemesis, Levi's johnston, is no dpubt fully erect and ready to spew globs of misfortune upon them for a third time. And reason-adoring intellectuals are certain to point out that an interview on Good Morning Topeka doesn't qualify as a policy summit in the Far East.

But a few bad reviews won't stop her. She's seen much worse from her kitchen window. It can't be pleasant to gaze upon Antichristograd every morning as you brew your coffee.

My review isn't complete, but I think I'll quit anyway, because writing reviews, like governing, is just too darned hard to finish.

Elsewhere: My Carrie Prejean review gets a mention in a God damned furrin paper.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

White Men With Guns Improving the Capitalist Brand

Steven Rowe
Senior Vice President
Northwest Dairy Association

Dear Mr. Rowe,

I see your Darigold dairy products every time I go shopping, but I seldom buy them. I'm not sure why that is, but I suspect it's because of the packaging. It's rather boring and uninviting. Far too staid and traditional to catch the eye.

You should consider a complete redesign--one that captures the essence of what the Northwest Dairy Association and Darigold are all about. You might look to one of your member dairies, Ruby Ridge Dairy Farm, for inspiration. They've created an exciting work environment there:

Romaldo Larios, one of the fired workers, told us that the dairy owner, Dick [Bengen], said "that we are assholes and dumb...He continued screaming, asking why I signed up for the union and the lawsuit...Dick mentioned that he carries a weapon in his truck and that he is going to kill every worker that gives him problems. On one occasion he mentioned that he broke the ribs of an employee and that he ended up in the hospital. All the employees know that he carries that weapon in his truck and in reality we are all scared to risk our lives because Dick will shoot us with his weapon."

All you need to do is package that excitement by placing it on your labels. Imagine milk cartons featuring photos of runaway workers or a cottage cheese lid depicting a cow-riding foreman shooting at a guy in a sombrero. Damn, that'd play well in places like Yakima. You'd sell out your products in no time.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Now for something completely different: I'll be posting my review of Gov. Palin's book as soon as Amazon allows it. Please watch for it here and give it your vote if the spirit moves you.

Back on topic: More capitalist-oriented fare.

Beat kids-Wall street!

zach | MySpace Video

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

The RNC's back-up plan for abstinence

More here and here.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

Columbus go home?

This speaker at the St. Paul anti-Mexican rally is a little confused about our Teabagger values.



More here.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

GOP Boys' Club: Blaming Women For All Ills

_{Image © Austin Cline
Click for full-sized Image
More Propaganda Posters}

Patriarchal and misogynistic attitudes have been expressed in an unusually concentrated, open, and unapologetic manner in recent weeks. I don't think it's entirely coincidental that racism and neo-Nazism have also become far more public and unapologetic recently: the separation between "reasonable" conservatism and far-right lunacy is disappearing, with the consequence that the lunacy of the far right is getting more traction, more attention, and more legitimacy.

In the past, the far right could be dismissed politically even as we kept a wary, watchful eye on them. Today, however, the far right has become a more significant political force that has to be dealt with directly. In the long run, we should expect more assaults on basic principles of liberty and equality becoming more mainstream — proposals that were once just found on the fringes will increasingly be treated as "serious" proposals from "serious" conservatives. In the name of bipartisanship, liberals will be expected to find common ground with this extremism for the sake of compromise.



Women Should Be Seen, Not Heard

The idea that women shouldn't have an equal voice in the public sphere should be treated as fringe at best, but it's moving more and more into the conservative mainstream. This may have been expressed most dramatically when conservative Republicans in Congress shouted over female Democrats who tried to use the microphone to give a brief statement. With every woman who tried to have a voice, Republicans led by Tom Price (R-GA) shouted "I object" over and over.

It's not plausible that the attitude driving this behavior is not related to the statement from the National Republican Congressional Committee that Nancy Pelosi needs to be put "in her place." Apparently, leading the House of Representatives is not an appropriate place for a woman, just as the microphone before the House is also not a woman's place.

Come to think of it, women are also sometimes treated as if they shouldn't be seen, either. Every so often another conservative comes out to defend the idea that perhaps women should never have been given the right to vote in the first place — a position that is every bit as "moral" and "reasonable" as suggesting that blacks shouldn't be allowed to vote or that only white men should enjoy basic civil liberties. You can't get much more fringe than this, but it's a view that's been moving into what now counts as the conservative "mainstream."



Barefoot and Pregnant

So once women have been restricted to the home, there isn't much left for them to do than pop out babies and care for them, right? Conservatives are getting better and better at moving the goalposts for what qualifies as the "status quo." In a nation where abortion is increasingly difficult for women to obtain, conservatives want to tighten the noose even more by making it harder for even private insurance companies to offer basic abortion coverage.

Class plays an important role here as well because these problems don't impact wealthy and even middle-class women nearly as much. These women can more easily take off the time for multiple visits required by law, travel the distances required just to reach the nearest abortion provider, and if necessary either pay for a private insurance plan that covers abortion or even just pay for the procedure out of their own pockets.

The working poor, however, are given more and more hurdles to jump in order to obtain a legal medical procedure. Obstacles are directed at these women first because they are easy targets — they can't easily fight back because they lack so many basic resources, also partly due to the efforts of conservatives to concentrate economic, social, and political power in their own hands.

It's worth noting that coverage for medications like Viagra will not be restricted. The cost of Viagra has skyrocketed in recent years and each pill costs far more now than when Viagra was first introduced. A man's desire to get an erection and have sex will continue to be funded by health insurance reform, but the ability of a woman to make decisions about what happens to her own body would be further restricted by the same reform if "reasonable" conservatives get their way.



Inferior Treatment for Inferiors

There's no reason to expect this disparate treatment to end here. If the increased restrictions on abortion become law, why not have increased restrictions on birth control as well? We already know that the anti-choice movement is just as opposed to contraception as it is to abortion, both as a matter of theology and as a matter of policy, so why wouldn't they move to demand that next? The exact same arguments could be used and they would have the exact same degree of validity.

That women should be treated as inferiors, undeserving of equality alongside men, has already been expressed rather openly and directly by Pete Sessions (R-TX). According to Sessions, "we're all different" and smokers pay more for health insurance, so why shouldn't a woman pay more for the same coverage a man gets? Smokers pay more because they have an addiction that damages their health; apparently, being a woman is analogous to a dangerous, debilitating addiction.

It's certainly close enough to justify forcing women to pay more for the same products — and remember, women earn quite a bit less money than men, even when performing the same jobs, so in the end they have even less money for basics like food and rent. Why stop at health insurance, though? Why not charge women more for any basic service? Why not charge women more for housing, food, transportation, and everything else?

Maybe we aren't all that far from conservatives openly suggesting that only white men be allowed to vote and enjoy basic civil liberties. Does anyone want to take bets on how long before this appears, and who steps forward to be the first to say what many are probably thinking?


Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal

Department of Book Reports: The Posthuman Dada Guide, Tzara & Lenin Play Chess

The Posthuman Dada Guide, Tzara & Lenin Play Chess by Andrei Codrescu (Princeton Press $16.95) This delightful volume uses the historical figures of Tristan Tzara, the Romanian poet and V.I. Lenin to look at the split between radical art and ideological revolution in 1916. Zurich had become a haven for artists and other refugees. Hugo Ball rented the Meirei restauraunt to host a Kuntstlerkneipe (cabaret) named Voltaire. Decorated with paintings by Arthur Segal, Pablo Picasso, Wassily Kadinsky, Henri Matisse, Paul Klee, Arturo Giametti, and Otto van Rees. The entertainment included Tristan Tzara reciting and shouting poetry, the chanteuse Emmy Hemmings, and a Russian balalaika band. As the evening wore on, the skits and improvisations became more raucus egged on by the drunken audience, to culminate in Tzara reciting nonsense French and un-rolling a roll of toilet paper with the word "merde" printed on it.

The Swiss cafe culture was a vibrant microcosm of the Bohemian life during these years with Einstein, Joyce, Hans Arp, Carl Jung and Freud.

Codrescu's use of posthuman shows they we have become so integrated with our technologies, we no longer are able to survive the natural world without them. This slim volume is your guide to this new world.

"This is a guide for instructing posthumans in living a Dada life. It is not advisible, nor was it ever, to lead a Dada life. It is and it was always foolish and self-destructive to live a Dada life because a Dada life will include by definition pranks, buffoonery, masking, deranged senses, intoxication, sabotage, taboo breaking, playing childish and/or dangerous games, waking up dead gods, and not taking education seriously. On the other hand, the accidental production of novel objects results occasionally from the practice of Dada."

I love listening to Mr. Codrescu on NPR, and here's an interview this past spring discussing The Posthuman Dada Guide. You can order the book from us and begin your Dada life.

Fall Fundraiser: Please give if you can.
Paypal