Many people laughed and called you insane, delirious, and "just plain fucking crazy" when you warned us that Obamaslamunistofascists at FEMA were building concentration camps for regular Credulous-Americans like ourselves. But all that laughter is going to stop on July 27th. That's the day FEMA launches National Level Exercise 2009! And yes, it is as sinister as it sounds.
The federal government will use the this "to murder everyone who has ever owned a firearm."
Sarah Palin knows about it. That's why she's resigning on the 26th.
DHS Secretary Janet Napalitano announced it in a press conference, declaring: "Anyone exhibiting symptoms is being referred to an isolation room where they can be evaluated by a public health official before proceeding to their destruction."
We need you to do something now to stop this from happening. That something is the thing you do best, crying. Yes, we need you to get on your show and cry like you have never cried before. We need your tears to motivate the masses. We need your tears to rust the tracks of the Russian armor hidden in the forests of the Okanogan. We need your tears to wash over the land in a wave of godly destruction, drowning those who cherish reason above faith and the freedom above God's law.
There's nothing that says "Fourth of July" better than a bleeding Jesus and a reworked beer ad slogan.
The parade float was apparently created by the überpatriots at The Door Christian Fellowship Ministry in Flagstaff, Arizona. This church was most recently in the news when its founding pastor was suspiciously whisked out of India after terrorists used his computer to announce a bombing in Ahmedabad.
Sure, Minuteman leader Jeff Schwilk may have a very tiny little soldier, but by gawd he looks like a magnificent warrior when he's attacking Mexicans, the gay, and women while wearing the most manly bikinis (Fashion show begins at 1:30-you may not want to watch this at work).
Renegade: The Making of a President, by Richard Wolffe (Random House $26.00) Early on in the 2008 primary season, Candidate Barack Obama urged Newsweek writer and MSNBC correspondent, Richard Wolfe, to write the story of the campaign in the tradition of the old Theodore White books, The Making of a President for whatever year there was an election, beginning in 1960. Wolffe, (who, incidentally, has authored as well two Spanish cookbooks, Tapas: A Taste of Spain in America [Clarkson Potter in the US and Planeta in Spain, 2005] and Made in Spain: Spanish Dishes for the American Kitchen [Clarkson Potter, 2008]), was initially reluctant to do so, but finally decided to do so upon further urging and with the promise that Obama would give him exclusive interviews, with the caveat that Obama would not tell him certain things, like how he really felt about some of his opponents.
And Wolffe succeeds. The book gives a great feel about how the campaign ebbed and flowed. Beginning with the successfull organizing and winning of the Iowa caucuses, to the bruising primaries against Hilary Clinton, through the Reverend Wright controversy, and the writing of his great speeches on both race and his convention acceptance speech, and onto the fall campaign against John McCain, frequent contributor to the General's blog.
Wolffe acknowledges the contributions of a staff put together by Obama that included the David's Plouffe and Axelrod and his speechwriter, Jon Favreau. The organization was led firmly by Obama, who kept staff and volunteers focussed, and in style by being No Drama Obama. And while also acknowledging Obama's ambition, he notes the candidate's (and as President-Elect) willingness to have people around him that would challenge his own positions and mind-set.
Wolffe makes clear that Obama, even early on, has that mind-set of looking forward, and not looking back and, above all, wanting to be a transformative candidate and President. And therein may lay the problem many Progressive critics have with the President thus far. The looking forward seems to mean not looking seriously at the crimes of the previous President and his administration, which seems to skewer any notion of justice that we know. And for the transformative portion, we see too much of executive perogatives being defended, with too many compromises on the important issues. When will we see action on Dont Ask, Dont Tell, or the Defense of Marriage Act? What is Health Care reform without a public option? Why is Single-payer off the table? Of course it is still early and with the complete mess Bush left the country in, there is much to be done and not all can be done immediately. I get that. And I remain a hopeful man, and perhaps this administration can be the most transformational since FDR's. I read this book with the expectation that I could get fired up and ready to go. There is much of that. There remains much to be done. Renegade: The Making of a President is available at Jackson Street Books and fine independent bookstores everywhere. *Note from SeattleTammy: If you need more reasons to shop your local indie bookstore, please watch this video from our colleagues at The Regulator Bookstore (H/T to our SLpal Griffin!) While we can't quite make the same claims, being online only, re-using and recycling our packing materials is a priority for us. I re-use packing paper to wrap your purchase and re-cycle bubble envelopes whenever possible. We ship via US Postal services and the mailman is already coming to your house, so we aren't dispatching a separate truck.
The Opinion America is dumber than a sack full of hammers has died, due in large part to a shortage of hammers. The family of the deceased wishes to assure our nation's citizenry that the late, great Opinion will soon be replaced by the newer, cutting edge Opinion America is dumber than a sack full of deep-fried moose droppings.
At the request of the Opinion no service will be held. There simply aren't enough short buses to handle all the mourners.
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The Opinuary Column appears Friday afternoons at Jesus General.
It's been awhile since I took a look at the ol' hometown paper, and to be honest, the most recent edition has me a little worried. Orson didn't shoot his guns this week. Kaye appears to be sliding into wickedness--she's playing cards and calling bingo. And where in the hell is Jeannette's son? I hope they haven't been Obamatized.
PROMONTORY POINTERS
Winnie Richman Leader Correspondent
Cleo and Gary Petit drove to Fillmore, Utah, for the 4th of July weekend beginning Friday morning. They stayed with Cleo’s brother and visited with many other relatives, aunts and cousins. “We had a very good visit,” Cleo says. “I wish we could have stayed longer, but it’s very nice to be home in our own bed.” Cleo and Gary watched the fireworks from the front porch of Cleo’s brother’s home. They returned Sunday afternoon.
Orson Poulsen reports an uneventful weekend. Jeannette drove to Salt Lake City to visit her son, but he wasn’t home. Orson has purchased some implements for his tractor – a scraper and a sickle mower.
Kaye Draper watched several fireworks displays from her apartment complex driveway with several of her friends. She has been calling bingo for several hours this week at her apartment game room. She is also working on her Christmas sequined calendars and has one almost ready to go. She and June Butcher ate dinner and played cards at their sisterin-law, Carolyn Colton’s home Sunday.
These illustrations from the Book of Mormon serve as a testament to the Mormon Church's commitment to the heterosexual lifestyle. Imagine, what effect such images must have on young LDS boys as they grow into manhood. It is no wonder that they become such strong warriors for heterosexuality in adulthood.
Doesn't Captain Moroni look very butch standing there holding the Banner of Heterosexual Supremacy upon which is written, "Give up your gold to buy murals defending love segregation in the Land of Zarahemla." The men below him seem to be extremely excited, perhaps even turgidly so, as they point 24 inches of long, hard steel at his Globes of Manly Secretions.
Here Ammon defends his concubines from an evil man wielding a stout and firm rod.
Two thousand "stripling warriors" march into battle wearing their Mighty Codpieces of Rigidity.
Nephi's Popeye-like forearms were so powerful, he could forge steel in one hand while kicking his brothers' asses with the other. Sure, he might look like Sly Stallone, but he whoops ass like Chuck Norris. And, uh, he's wearing a kind of kilt--it's not a skirt.
Lehi might have liked to decorate his tent with fancy gold baubles, but by God, they were heavy gold baubles that cold be used to smash a man's skull.
King Noah had the greatest forearms in all the land. They struck fear into the hearts of all who saw them. Here, Abinadi pleads with the king to spare him the indignity of violating the guy bent over behind him.
Samuel the cabin boy was so proud of his forearms he laid them out on the ship railing all day long hoping someone might compare them favorably to Nephi's.
We all knew it had to happen sooner or later. Heck, I'm actually surprised it took this long for the Church to revise its promise not to clamp down on unapproved speech on the block of prime real estate the city gave the Church for a song. But now it's happened. The Church Security Apparatus roughed up and arrested a pair of love criminals for the offense of holding hands and cheek pecking.
So where does it go from here? The gay and their allies have already held one kiss-in. No doubt there will be many others in the future. How are you going to stop them, water hoses and attack dogs? That ain't going to help tourism.
Let's all take a deep breath and try to look at it objectively. It's a problem of geography, really. The Church's pedestrian mall, the Main Street Plaza, is roughly sandwiched between the Avenues and the Gallivan Center. Think about that for a minute. It's a recipe for disaster.
The Gallivan center is a kind of artsy place with outdoor concerts, art shows, theater etc--just the types of things that attract the gay. The Avenues is a part of the city where Bob and Steve or Molly and Patty can find a grand old house to fix up and decorate. It's like a magnet for the gay. And then there's Temple Square and Main Street Plaza serving as a kind of the gay freeway between the two.
You're not going to change that without moving the Gallivan Center or the Avenues, and let's be realistic, that ain't going to happen. So maybe it would be better to turn the whole thing to your advantage.
President Kimball, let's be frank. Asking 19 and 20 year old men to forsake women and pair up and live in far away places to serve on missions is perhaps not the best way encourage heterosexuality. I mean, hey, is there anyone hornier than a 20 year old guy? You deny him the companionship of ladies and lock him in a room with another young guy and you're just asking them to slip each other the ol' urim and thummim.
Wouldn't it be great if you could test them before you sent them into the mission field? Well, Main Street Plaza is the perfect place to do just that. Think about it. Homosexuality's siren song is strong. They have that homomojo thing they do with their manly bulges that's nearly impossible to resist. That's why you've poured millions into the fight against the gay marriage. Why not test your prospective missionaries by having them line up on both sides of Main Street Plaza to observe the migration of the gay between the Gallivan Center and the Avenues. You're bound to find a few of the weaker ones succumbing to the siren song and attempting to do "the beast with two backs" right there with one of the pedestrians. Then it's just a matter of hauling him off to BYU for a little aversion therapy.
And Mr. Beck, I hope you're seeing the tourism possibilities here. This could become a huge attraction. Set up a few loudspeakers playing a driving techno beat as Orson Scott Card does a dramatic reading from his "call to war against marriage equality" and you've got one heck of a recurring event. All it needs is a great name.
Sorry for the late post. We spent the day at the hospital battling Ofjoshua's hernia demons. In the parking lot, I saw this mural painted on what I assume must be a patriot's command vehicle. I think it tells a story we're all very familiar with.
Reading from right to left, it says chicks are really impressed by our big, powerful assault rifles, and they're gonna plant our tomatoes after we rid the skies of black helicopters.
I'm sure this resonates with you in the same way it does for me. We've all dreamed this dream. It's why we're always talking about secession and revolution. We're gonna all finally have sex with real women.
This is political satire. Everything posted here should be understood in that context.
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7/6/09
Who am I
The General is a graduate of Bear River High in Garland/Tremonton, UT; Weber State University, and
The George Washington University. Squirrels piss him off.
Contact Me.
Many people laughed and called you insane, delirious, and "just plain fucking crazy" when you warned us that Obamaslamunistofascists at FEMA were building concentration camps for regular Credulous-Americans like ourselves. But all that laughter is going to stop on July 27th. That's the day FEMA launches National Level Exercise 2009! And yes, it is as sinister as it sounds.
