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Thursday, July 15, 2004

Everybody must get stoned

Dear Mr. Coburn,

My heart spewed mighty rivers of joy when I heard that you support the death penalty for abortion providers. It's about time we got serious about using the ultimate sanction to impose our views about morality on others. I hope that you will continue to push this message throughout the remainder of the campaign.

I trust that your definition of abortion includes general practitioners, pharmacists, and other medical professionals who push "the pill" on the public. As you surely know, this so-called contraceptive prevents zygote-Americans from obtaining their piece of the American dream, property rights to a promising piece of real estate on the uterine wall. Denied that dream, they die, and those responsible deserve to pay the highest possible penalty.

Inasmuch as you are promoting a Christian-based approach to governing, you might also consider biblical methods of execution like stoning. I can't think of anything that would serve as a better example of traditional justice than a good, old fashioned stoning in the public square. It'd also be great for rebuilding the sense of community we as a nation had before the advent of television, computers, video games, and karaoke.

Think about how much fun a stoning could be. Everybody's at the park. The community band is on fire playing the top forty gospel hits of the day. Vendors from Halliburton are hawking hot dogs, tamborines, inflatable box turtles, and stones of various shapes and sizes. Then, about 4 pm, the medical providers are led out one by one and stoned by the men as the women prepare a nice picnic dinner to eat before the baptisms and fireworks begin.

Keep up the good work and the best of luck to you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.