Guarding the henhouse

Roger Ailes
Fox News Network

Dear Mr. Ailes,

Seeing Fox's two great campaign pieces this weekend--the phony "Communists for Kerry" and the Carl Cameron faked Kerry quotes stories--gave me a couple of ideas. First, you should require that the spouses of all your top reporters be Bush campaign operatives just like Cameron's wife. It gives your on-air people a stake in the outcome of the election, thereby encouraging them to phony up more of these very creative anti-Kerry pieces. Maybe you could even hire Ken Mehlman's wife. After all, your daily memo will only get you so far.

Second, you should do more interviews with these bogus Bush campaign front groups like Communists for Kerry and Swiftboat Veterans for Truth. I'm thinking something like Indicted Corporate Felons for Kerry or perhaps even Pseudo-Journalists for Truth. The beauty of both of these groups is that the potential membership already has very close ties to either Our Leader or Fox News. Recruiting would be extremely easy.

And then of course I'm always willing to claim that I witnessed Kerry committing an unnatural act with a cantaloupe while he was humming Mademoiselle From Armentieres. That's worth an interview with Brit Hume, isn't it?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot