Homosexual marriage claims another victim

Sen. Jeff Miller
Tennessee State Senate

Dear Sen. Miller,

I guess it was only a matter of time until you were destroyed by homosexuals. They targeted you from the moment you introduced your Defense of Marriage Act in the Tennessee Senate. First, they tried destroy you by recruiting your brother into the homosexual lifestyle, but you thwarted them by growing a beard. Now, they've torn your marriage apart by forcing you to have carnal relations with a legislative aide.

I must admit that I have little sympathy for you. You knew it was coming. You championed the Defense of Marriage Act by asserting that granting human rights to homosexuals would destroy the institution of marriage. After Massachusetts legalized homosexual marriage, you should have prepared for an assault on your own marriage by taking measures to ensure your fidelity.

That's what I did. I haven't showered since the moment I heard the news out of Massachusetts. No woman would have me now except my wife, Ofjoshua--that is she'd have me if she wasn't spending so much time over at Mr. Hernandez's place helping him get over his divorce. He's another casualty of homosexual marriage.

I don't know what advice I can offer you now. Have you thought about shaving your beard and going with Elvis sideburns? That might help.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot