The latest from Crooks and Liars

Crooks and Liars Jr suffers the kind of tragedy only Tom DeLay can heal:

David Gibbs III
Schindler family attorney

Dear Mr. Gibbs,

I have a really big problem and you are the only really cool guy I can turn to. My dog Rusty is the best, friendliest dog in the whole wide world. He loves to run, bark and play Frisbee toss. The other day my Frisbee went wide right and onto the highway. He ran out in front of an Exxon oil truck and I closed my eyes.

My daddy was able to bring him to the hospital. After many hours of waiting, the nurse came out and told me that good old Rusty had a bad headache and though his heart was still beating, I couldn't play with him anymore. My daddy told me that the medical industry are un-believers and have no faith in God and the teaching of our Lord, so they think that his life isn't worth saving.

I want to take him home where I can keep him in my bed and hug him before I go to sleep at night. It doesn't matter if he plays dead all the time. I saw you on TV with that splotchy-faced fellow named O'Reilly. You were really yelling a lot and now I'm afraid that Rusty's soul will burn in hell for all of eternity if they don't save him.

I emailed some website and they told me to say that I heard Rusty bark when the doctor wasn't in the room. He didn't believe me. I told him that his eyes followed my lollipop. I told him that Rusty licked my cheek too. Shhhhh…. (whisper) I really ran into the bathroom and put water on my face. (hehe) I know that was a fib. My mommy called that Randall Terry man too, but she didn't have the money to help him with a down payment on his new house so he hung up on her.

They gave my daddy a telephone number to a Pulitzer Prize (I don't know what that is but I think its good.) nominated veterinarian called Dr. William Hammesfahr, He said he has to wait another twenty-seven days before he gets his license back so can you please help me?
PS: I told the police that the doctor stuck him with needles too. Hehe

My daddy is Colonel Crooks and Liars and he doesn't know I wrote you.