Gravitas and a buck will get you a cup of coffee

Thomas Lifson
The American Thinker

Dear Mr. Lifson,

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed when I heard that Our Leader had nominated Harriet Miers to sit on the Supreme Court. Don't get me wrong. Our Leader acted correctly in selecting a sycophant rather than a legal scholar to serve at the apex of our judiciary, but I was hoping that he'd go the Caligula route and pick a favored pet--I felt it was time for the First Dog, Barney, to get in on a little crony action.

I understand it would have been a hard sell--Barney being Scottish and therefore possibly inclined to don an occasional skirt--but I also knew that he had certain skills that could be used to Our Leader's advantage. He could intimidate Justice Ginsberg, for instance, by biting her on the ass. He could also destroy a particularly offensive opinion by urinating on it and do so without prompting the kind of backlash that's directed at Justice Scalia when he whips out his own Mighty Staff of Indignation and showers his gravitas onto the Bill of Rights.

Your post changed my mind. Your prediction that Miers will use her coffee serving skills to calm the Court's activism makes a lot of sense. It's very similar to the effect Caligula's horse, Incitatus, had on the Roman Senate. The rides he gave to the Senators' children, not to mention the very special relationship he developed with Cleetus of Wyomium, served his master well. After all, nobody wants to anger the guy who provides the pony rides.

Hey, if you think about it, the same could be said of Our Leader's rationale for governing.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot