Be it Resolved. Jesus was a Republican

Rep. Eric Crafton
Nashville Metro Council

Dear Mr. Crafton,

Although I'm sure you meant well, I'm very disappointed with your resolution declaring Jesus to be "an actual man." You could have done so much more. You could have declared him to be a Republican.

Is it possible under your charter to amend such resolutions once they've passed? If so, you still have an opportunity to make it all that it can be by adding the following language after the second "whereas:"

WHEREAS, The Prince of Peace was always the first to yell "traitor" whenever someone questioned whether Samaria really had weapons of mass destruction;

WHEREAS, The Redeemer supported the Pharisees' domestic spying and torture programs;

WHEREAS, the Son of God's faith in crucifixion's value as a deterrent never wavered;

WHEREAS, Jehovah taught that the best way to help the poor was to provide handouts to the rich;

WHEREAS, Our Savior exercised his Second Amendment rights as a lifetime member of the Judea Slingshot Association;

WHEREAS, The Lord was 110% heterosexual regardless of all of the remarks about his batchelorhood;

WHEREAS, Emmanuel patrolled the Assyrian border to keep the Mexicans out;

WHEREAS, Jesus Christ worked tirelessly for the passage of Proposition IX, the "Tax the Lepers" measure, in the election of 29 AD;

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED...

That's about all I can come up with right now, but you get the idea. Please let me know if I can be of further help.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Rep. Crafton Replies

From: "Eric Crafton"
To: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
Subject: RE: Christmas resolution
Date: Thu, 22 Dec 2005 08:38:01 -0700

Have a Merry Christmas.

The General Responds

From: "Gen. JC Christian, patriot"
To: "Eric Crafton"

And a Merry Christmas to you as well.

Hopefully, this will be the Christmas where we come up with a final solution to the Hanukkah problem.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot