Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

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Sunday, January 28, 2007

Formals in the Heartland

Jeremy Pelz
Lambda Chi Alpha Fraternity
Tarleton State University

Dear Mr. Pelz,

When I wrote you a couple of days ago about your Aunt Jemima, malt liquor, and fried chicken themed Martin Luther King Day party, I meant to also compliment you for the way your Lambda Chi Alpha chapter conducted its formal. Unfortunately, I found the doings at the MLK Day party so interesting, I forgot to mention it.

I can't recall ever enjoying myself at one of these formal dances. The problem is that there are usually so many not-men involved that these events get a little too foo foo for my tastes. I'm just not comfortable around all that lace and satin. And certainly, all the "no thank you, noodle boy," "get real, Mr. Limpy," and giggling I hear when I ask a not-man to dance doesn't help.

Your formals are different. Looking at the pictures, I can see they are very manly affairs. If I were allowed to go shirtless and wrestle guys at the formals I attend, I'd enjoy them a lot more. That said, I'm not too keen on guys dancing with each other. I think you might be playing with fire there unless it's nothing more than a little pre-wrestling foreplay.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Helmet tips to commenters Albatrossity and Paul for reminding me about the formal.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.