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Friday, February 16, 2007

Rogering Donohue's Army

Earlier today, one of my many operatives within the francosphere provided me with the actual emails Bill Donohue's crusaders sent to Amanda Marcotte. I think the authors of these sacred epistles deserve a little recognition. That's why I'm going to write them thank you letters over the next few days.

Let's start out by reviewing the email Andy Driggers, who is apparently a Jawa Report fan, sent to Ms. Marcotte. My response appears below.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Andy Driggers
Date: Feb 7, 2007 3:21 PM
To: [Amanda Marcotte]

Problem with women like you, you just need a good fucking from a real man! Living in Texas myself, I know you haven't found that real Texan yet. But once your liberal pro feminist ass gets a real good fucking,you might see the light. Until then, enjoy your battery operated toys b/c most real men wouldn't want to give you the fucking you deserve b/c the shit that would come out of you ears.

Andy Driggers
Patron Saint of the Sleeveless Tee-Shirt

Dear Mr. Driggers,

I read your email to Amanda Marcotte, and I have to say I like the cut of your jib. Like me, you're a man's man: the kind of guy who isn't afraid to wear his hair in a mullet even though it requires the creative use of a combover; the kind of guy who still wears your Gainsville High class of '89 letterman jacket even though you can't button it over your gut; the kind of guy who prefers the company of manly men rather than dainty ladies.

Along with all of those good qualities, I also sensed a bit of tenseness in your letter. I have the perfect remedy for that. What you need is a good old-fashioned rogering, and I'm just the big hairy manly guy to give it to you. Mr. Driggers, I promise to give you the longest, hardest rogering you've had in your life. What's more, I pledge to deliver it with the requisite measure of roughness needed to convince us both that it's just clean heterosexual roughhousing--no guilt, guaranteed, or you can punish me with a spatula.

So what do you think? Are you up for some good-natured heterosexual roughhousing?

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Elsewhere: I'm looking forward to seeing Mr. Donohue battle the IRS.

Else-elsewhere: Marcotte tells her story.

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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.