A Rat is my Copilot

This electrical typing intertubes pamphlet machine is great. Thanks for letting me use it, again, General.

So Obama gave a speech to 90,000 people. I'm not impressed with big rallies. I spent five and a half years in Hanoi giving speeches to a crowd composed of a single rat, dammit.

I called her Sheila. She was a good audience. She gave me standing ovations.I keep her in my wallet now, and she still gives me standing ovations every time I speak. And sometimes, late at night, when I'm all alone, she speaks to me and commands me to kill.

That's my edge. That's why I'll be the greatest Commander in Chief in history.