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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Men touching men

George Will
Washington Post

Dear Mr. Will,

A lot has been said about the question you posed after last night's Obama speech. Most of the commentary has been negative, but I thought it was a great question, "When did men start hugging?"

It seems to be a fairly recent phenomenon, and, like you, I'm not very happy with it. What ever happened to the days when men expressed respect for each other with a quick pat on the butt? You don't see that much anymore these days except in sports.

Even rarer is the custom of taking another man's testicles into your hand as you each swear an oath. It was big in biblical times. I rather like that custom, and wish it would come back. It adds gravity to oath taking; it bestows the act with deeper meaning. I think a lot of men would take voting more seriously if they had to swear the oath while some guy was holding their grenades. It just means more than checking a box next to some text on a form.

But now days, it seems that scrotal cradling has been replaced by hugging. And as I wrote above, I share your distaste for it. I felt very uncomfortable as I watched Obama and Coburn embrace. I just couldn't help but imagine them naked, and I wondered if the president might not swing the senator around right there and give him a righteous rogering. Thinking about that led to other thoughts and then to certain acts of which I'm too ashamed to admit here--lets just say I have some repenting and atoning to do, and I'll be making a trip to Seattle soon to see that guy who punishes men for money. You know what i mean. I'm sure you felt the same way.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot


  1. "Scrotal cradling" is an epic joining of two words that normally do not hang out with each other. My kiwis tend to go north when company comes over and cannot therefore be cradled--oh, but if they could, I bet George Will is the one to say something mildly pompous about it.

    p.s. You really do have your hand on America's pulse!



  2. Somehow, I just don't feel comfortable with George Will handling my scrotum. Maybe it's just me.

  3. Normally, I would take mine (handling) anywhere I could get it, but Boy George would render that policy unenforceable. The little guy just has a mind of his own and will balk when confronted with certain challenges. He is subject to disappearing completely and managing to avoid any and all contact.., even with my own beckoning hand when confronted with just such opportunities. I'm looking for some sort of rehabilitative, church based program that might offer a cure for the defiant little guy.

  4. Robert Sapolsky, in "A Primate's Memoir".

    "When male baboons who are getting along well wun into each other and want to say howdy, they yank on each other's penises. I think it is, in effect, their way of saying 'We're gettting along so well, I trust you som much for this one second, that I'm gonna let you yank on me.' Like dogs rolling on their backs to let each other sniff at their crotches. Among male primates, this means trust."

  5. Last time I testified in court, I told the judge I prefered to take the oath on his testicles, as I don't believe in swearing on a Bible. It's obscene before the eyes of God. He must have been an athiest because he threatened me with contempt. So I took the oath holding the baliff's testicles where the judge couldn't see. Me and the baliff are buds now. Whenever we meet, we yank each other's crank, purely as a greeting ritual, of course.

  6. Jeff, I'm a big fan of rituals, particularly religious, we should meet, heterosexually of course, with all the appropriate greeting rituals.

    Thanks for your explanation, I've always had troubles with courts and particularly judges. I swore on everything imaginable, except testicles, I had no idea why my name became seemingly synonymous with contempt, and I was always found to have been in "it"...I thought for along time it was a place name like probably my home but I never did find out how to avoid it, now I know. I look forward to my next opportunity to impress the judge, he has never appeared pleased to see me before. I feel indebted, another good reason to meet, don't you think. I have to meet most of my male friends on the QT my wife just doesn't seem to "get" man talk.

  7. It's always good for a man to have a few lunch buddies. Especially if one of them has a place near work where they can open a jar of peanut butter and watch wrestling.

  8. And when did men start crying on the floor of the House of Representatives? It's not just because of being drunk. Lots of men have been soused in the House. But when did they start thinking it was OK to be so creepy weepy?

  9. Next thing you know, they'll be sucking off other men in airport restrooms.

  10. Yo Gen,
    When did men start hugging?

    Probably after they saw this

  11. Bill from Dover:

    She's got legs all the way up to her sack.


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.