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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Amazon Review: Joe the Plumber's Crayon Manifesto

Here's my Amazon review for Joe the Plumber's new book, Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream.

Please give it a "Most Helpful" recommendation, so it gets featured as the top positive review.

5.0 out of 5 stars Joe ain't no average AmericanMarch 2, 2009

RINO spinmeisters, aided and abetted by the liberal media, have promoted Joe the Plumber as being an everyman, the archetypical "average American." This book shatters that image.

Joe the Plumber is not the "average American." He's the "average conservative," and I thank God for that.

Last year, the "average American" elected an Harvard educated constitutional law professor to the presidency. Average conservatives knew better. They rallied behind Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin, people like ourselves; people I proudly call "mediocre Americans."

And that's why Joe is still so immensely popular. He's angry, vicious, ignorant, and intellectually incurious. He's one of us, and like us, he didn't learn about public policy and international relations at a university or from books or journals; he learned everything he needed to know by tuning into Rush, Hannity, Savage, and Ingraham.

This is a great book, one every true conservative should buy, and more importantly, read. Yes, I know that sounds like a tall order, but it's an easy read. Joe uses one and two syllable words (many of them, written forms of various grunts) almost exclusively. If I have one complaint, it's that the publisher, Pearlgate, printed it in ink rather than crayon like the original manuscript. Other than that, I think it truly is the perfect book for the average conservative.


  1. I left a stupid reply to your review. :-P

  2. I'm expecting a flock of pigs to soar overhead anytime now...this turd wrote a book? The only thing worse than this dude bothering anyone with his wit and wisdom is his working on my plumbing......ya need to write play next Joe.

  3. Where is he signing books? I'll bring my blocked sink trap so he can sign one while he slides his snake around in the other. I don't care which he does what to, either way. What was the question? And I want one of those T-shirts that says, "I read all J the P's dispatches from Israel and all I got was this lousy migraine."

  4. Thank goodness he wrote it in crayon! Because there are other substances a plumber can use to write messages, like on your front door if you stiff them on the cheque. Not that I'd know anything about that. And not that Joe's even a plumber. Or that Joe's even his name...

  5. Bukko--send me a frikkin' e-mail!

    General, Sir:

    I look forward to Joe breaking into movies next. He could star in a remake of "Joe", the movie in which I first saw Peter Boyle in a role that defined, for me, the position of the hardhat knucklehead in american polity. The really cool thing is that the producers can really go "free market" on the remake. They can use Joe the Plumber to play "Joe". That way they won't have to hire a gifted, intelligent performer to ACT like a fucking moron.

  6. Great review, though too many spoilers. Do I really need to read this book now? I think I'll wait until it comes out in audio, or better yet, as a breakfast cereal - Joe the Plumber's Honey Crusted Ballcocks.

  7. Mission Accomplished, sir. I responded "yes" about 30 times; would you promote me to corporal in your patriotic army? Pleeeeese?

  8. Anonymous2:03 PM

    So, apparently, any douche-nozzle can get a book published. I mean, any douche-nozzle other than me. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

  9. Now, now... JOE didn't write a book... he just has his face on the cover.

  10. Does anyone, I mean anyone on Earth, believe this guy has ever even read a book? I am suppose to believe he wrote, yeah, how many pages does he just repeat "Obama wasn't born in the USA"? 200? 300? Sounds riveting...I'll just stay home and imagine how Thomas Jefferson is doing somersaults in his grave that this jackass is part of the American political landscape.

  11. Yo Gen,

    I understand he has a sequel coming out:

    Joe the plunger and so can you.

  12. Amazon wouldn't let me comment, because I haven't purchased any books from them! And this after I dutifully registered and created a password.

    Thank You, General, for this Enlightening Review. I find all your reviews vital to my literary growth.

  13. Aren't you worried that your review will end up selling more books for this load? Seems a little too subtle for the Plungerheads, what with big words like "archetypal" and "mediocre."

  14. I don't know, you've got some good competition.

  15. Well done, General, Sir.

  16. Anonymous9:26 AM

    Oh, LORD, that was perfect. It's only a pity you didn't think of doing it earlier - say, to some of Michelle Malkin's "literary offerings" - oops, I mean "literary offal."


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.