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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Amazon Review. "Be afraid ACLU. Be very afraid."

Last week, I received an email from Townhall touting a book that is guaranteed to scare the bodaggets off the ACLU. Here's a bit of what it said:
"The Book the ACLU Does NOT Want You to Read! I promise. I saw it happen."
— Gary DeMar, President of American Vision

The Christian Life & Character of the Civil Institutions of the United States

"I was debating an ACLU attorney at Christmas on an NPR station. I pulled out a photocopy of The Christian Life and Character of the Civil Institutions of the United States and said to her: "Until you answer this book, the ACLU can't make a case against America's Christian founding." She was shocked when she saw it. She asked where I had gotten it. The only thing that gave her relief was the fact that the book was not in print. But now it is.

"Be afraid ACLU. Be very afraid.
Well of course, I had to get it, and once I had it, I had to write an Amazon review. I've reprinted it below.

Please consider casting a "most helpful review" vote for it. I'm about 100 votes away from getting it listed as the most helpful review.

5.0 out of 5 stars "Be afraid ACLU. Be very afraid."March 24, 2009
By Gen. JC Christian, patriot (Tremonton, UT United States) - See all my reviews
I first learned about this book from a Townhall (Salem [Christian] Broadcasting) email offer. Usually, these missives tout opportunities to get rich quick via such methods as investing in abandoned mine claims in Nevada, but this time, they offered something just as precious, "The Christian Life and Character of the Civil Institutions of the United States." 

In the email, the publisher declared that the book terrified the ACLU. "Be afraid, ACLU," the publisher warned, "be very afraid." Simply showing it to an ACLU lawyer, he claimed, sent them into a full-blown panic. 

I decided to test this claim at the local ACLU office, and I'm happy to report that it is true. Holding the book as arm's length, I entered the office. The screaming began immediately. Emboldened, I thrust the book at the receptionist, and as it grazed her face, I noticed that it seared her soft, secular cheek. My visit quickly became an orgy burning flesh after that. I went from office to office, cackling loudly, as I punished the godless law-mongers by incinerating their faces with the words of our forefathers. Gosh, it felt good. 

That, alone, makes this book worthy of a five star rating, but it has so much more to offer. The author, Bejamin F. Morris, painstakingly researched the book, sorting through thousands upon thousands of founders' statements, winnowing the wheat from the chaf, plucking only the most desirable cherry from each tree, to find the quotes needed to support his arguments. 

Gone are the heresies of the nominally-Christian, or to be more accurate, "achristian." deists who comprised the largest faction in the Continental Congress. Instead, Morris provides us a kind of minority report written by the only founders who count, the believers. 

That said, I must admit that, unfortunately, I have yet to come upon a justification for slavery (I'm only partially through the book; it has bigger words than Joe the Plumber's, and I had to let it air out for a week before beginning--the stench of smoking law-monger face was strong). I'm sure there must be a slavery justification in there, somewhere. Many of the same founding fathers Morris quotes were just as strongly pro-slavery as they were pro-Christian. Certainly, biblically-based arguments supporting the peculiar institution were common in those days. My guess is Morris, having served as a Confederate soldier only a couple of years before writing the book, shared those views, so a justification may be there after all. I just have to have faith that I will find it. 

Your Tags: aclu, christian, face incinerating


  1. I recommended! Amazingly the So American River now lets me recommend after years of banning. Seems they don't take kindly to folks who try to steal text for book reports. I'm so glad all is forgiven after those incidents.

  2. General, Sir:

    I know if I was only a properly trained lawyer what prolly knows the constitution as well as most KKKristians think they know the Babble, then I would be scared shitless. Either that or laughing so hard I'd shit myself. Win-Win for Morris.

  3. Anonymous10:03 AM

    That settles it. I’m officially changing my letterhead to read, “Godless Law-Monger.”

    The royalty check is in the mail, Gen’rul.

  4. "...the stench of smoking law-monger face was strong"

    You have gone where others fear to tread, General. May the burning epidermis of sinners rise up into the air of America, to possibly be captured and studied, and eventually marketed in a BBQ sauce for discerning palates.


  5. Anonymous11:28 AM

    Good work, General! In support of your fine work, I believe we should all work to spread awareness of the lawmonger-smiting powers of this volume. As such, I strongly encourage all readers to help tag this book as "Face Incinerating" to help other Righteous Folk find this powerful weapon against the ACLU.

  6. Another top notch review, sir! In fact, I would venture to say that the reviews are always better than the books.

  7. The man under living under the bridge recommended this book, too. I really must pick up a copy at the next Gun and Knife Show.

  8. The carbon footprint left by this smiting activity must be a little heavy. Please use the book with judicious caution and smite only those who's souls have no hope of being salvaged.

    Purging sinners is one thing but show a little mercy to the glaciers if you would.

    Thank you.

  9. Gosh! I was about to purchase this obviously vital tome from the Amazonians when it was pointed out to me that the entire text of this valuable work is available free online at :
    Who knew? And it's NOT in French!
    Thank you


We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.