The Coming Civil War

Ron Ewert
National Association of Rural Landowners

Dear Mr. Ewert,

People are always saying "Elections have consequences." Unfortunately, the consequences they list are usually things like Supreme Court appointments, passing legislation, etc. They never list two of the most important consequences--the ones you promote so often in your videos: civil war and revolution.

That's a shame, because it means that our fellow citizens don't understand that if they don't like the outcome of an election, they can always grab up their guns and go to war against their wrong-voting neighbors. Sure, the Obamunists might be in the majority, but, frankly, they're less likely to own guns and less inclined to kill than we are, so I'd say we have the advantage.

In your video, "The Coming Civil War," You issue an ultimatum ordering the Obamunists to cease and desist promoting or passing a number of policies and legislative initiatives. If they fail to do so, you warn them that we will go to war. The list includes:

No amnesty for illegal aliens.
No national health care.
No gun control or gun control treaties.
No food control legislation.
No cap and trade lunacy
No Clean Water Restoration Act
No environmental lunacy
No more stimulus and bailout legislation
No to any more Federal Reserve power
No Real ID and PASS Act
No closing Guantanamo Bay

I'm wondering if it's all or nothing or if it's negotiable. Do we start shooting our neighbors if they drop everything else but still close Gitmo? If not, is there any kind of ranking? Is the Clean Water Restoration Act more important than, say, gun control. Are there one or two things that are non-negotiable? Should I bomb Aunt Beulah's house if the Food Safety Modernization Act of 2009 becomes law.

I'd appreciate it if you could provide a little clarification.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC. Christian, patriot

p.s. I love your no trespassing signs. It's about time someone warned the state agriculture guys they'll be shot if they start nosing around the dairy barn.

Christianist and Islamist Militias Form Alliance

[I never dreamed I'd invite the leader of a fanatic Islamist militia to post here, but, as he explained to me, we believe pretty much in the same things. Read what Col. Nassar has to say, and I think you'll agree -- Gen. JC Christian, patriot]

Thank you, General for letting me post on your blog. As you will learn from reading the letters below, I'm experiencing a great deal of success reaching out to Teabagger-Americans like yourself.

I sent this letter to the Christian Militia Network Information. They replied with a short but very supportive email (see below). I think we've formed our first alliance.

Commander
Christian Militia Network Information

Dear Commander,

We share many things in common. There is more that binds us than separates us. As People of the Book, we worship the same one true God. We deplore the practice of abortion, the immodesty of the modern woman, the celebration of immorality in our popular culture, the acceptance of homosexuality, and the secularization of our society.

And like you, we have organized into a militia to stand against the forces of secular socialism that are poised to take control of our great nation. But it is very difficult for us. The jack-booted thugs in the federal government profile us because of our faith in Allah and the swarthiness of our skin. It will be very hard for us to operate once the revolution comes. That's why we are asking for your help. An alliance with you will help us fly under the radar and will give us the support of such great and powerful patriots as Michele Bachmann and Bill Posey.

Please give it your consideration.

Alluah Akbar,

Col. Walid Nassar
Dearborn Militia

Here is their response:

From: Christian Militia Network Information
To: "Col. Walid, Dearborn Militia"
Subject: Re: Please consider an alliance with us

Amen brother!

Another Teabagger-American Jailed

Another teabag patriot in the slammer:

Federal prosecutors were prepared to arraign Tuesday an alleged member of the "Patriot Movement" accused of helping to hide a fugitive at his Tenino home.

Todd Gehman Howard, 47, was arrested last week on suspicion of hiding federal fugitive Lewis Vincent Hughes at his home. Hughes is wanted in connection to a bank and mail fraud prosecution filed in North Carolina.

Earlier efforts to arraign Howard at the U.S. District Court in Tacoma were unsuccessful, a U.S. Attorney's Office spokeswoman said, because Howard continued to interrupt the magistrate judge handling the proceeding.

According to prosecutors, Howard told Thurston County sheriff's deputies that he was a member of the Patriot Movement, a catchall term for militants opposed to the federal government. They also allege that Howard has ties to the "Sovereign Citizen" movement.