Jesus' General

We may never learn the truth about the Plame Affair

It's been nearly two months since Pastor General John Ashcroft began his investigation of the Plame affair, the alleged exposure of a undercover CIA agent by a White House operative. Some may argue that it should be a cut and dried case. That it should have been cleared up by now. After all, the National Review only needed a couple of hours to review White House phone logs in an attempt to discredit Gen. Wesley Clark's 9/11 claim. "Look at the phone logs, and have the President compel his aides to undergo polygraph examinations," they might argue, "you'll find the culprits."

Sure, that would work if, indeed, the leak came from the White House. The fact that after two months, we don't have an arrest suggests that there is a more sinister element to the story. Perhaps the traitors are not in our government after all. Could it actually have been an Iraqi intelligence operation?

Think about it. The Iraqi intelligence services are very good. They've continued to keep weapons of mass destruction hidden up to now, nearly eight months after we won the war. What's more, even though we hold nearly every important former government official, they've been able to hide every piece of solid evidence tying them to terrorism.

Suppose an Iraqi intelligence agent called up Robert Novak and claimed to be Karl Rove.

Agent: "Hello Bobert Nobak, this is Karl Robe."

Novak: "Hi Karl, you sound kind of funny today"

Agent: "I am not feeling well, Bobert Nobak. I think I ate some bad hummus...ugh, I mean swine. I ate swine after prayer...Christian prayer last night. I think it was unclean."

Novak: "Sorry to hear that. Do you have instructions for me today?"

Agent: "I want you to discredit Joe Wiltson, Bobert Nobak. Write that his wife works for the CIA, and that the CIA wants to kill Boosh."

Novak: "Uhhh...Ok. Anything else?"

Agent: "No...ummm...wait, send picture of Nancy Grace. She's woman who is on Larry King. Send it to Mail Box 549, Tikrit, Iraq. Uhhhh...we need it for war on terrier, Bobert Nobak...uhh...and drilling oil in Alaska ice. This is important to country of America.

Novak: OK, I'll get right on it.

Agent: Goodbye Bobert Nobak (click).

Now, if that's what happened, we may never know the truth. Just like we may never find the weapons of mass destruction or the smoking gun tying Iraq to terrorism. The Iraqi intelligence services are that good.