Jesus' General

A Good Thing?

Up until now, I've avoided all of the debates surrounding la doyenne domestique Martha Stewart. Today, however, the news of her resignation as Director and Chief Creative Officer of her corporation turned the mess hall into complete bedlam. While I sat quietly in the corner with my bowl of coffee, the opposing sides faced off in a flurry of insults and nasty taunts. Finally pushed beyond his limit, François (our base's dessert chef), burst out of the kitchen and began randomly assaulting members of the anti-Martha camp with his pastry bag. Base security rushed in and separated the men, leaving the assaulted to pick the finely formed icing rosettes of defeat off their uniforms. What could make these manly men turn into hair-pulling schoolgirls? Have we lost all respect for law, order and the integrity of the justice system? Is this yet another sign that Western Civilization is on a toboggan ride straight to hell?

Madame Stewart is getting what she deserved. And don't give me the crocodile tears about her being picked on because she's a powerful woman, a celebrity and the source of 6.3 million unfinished craft projects. Some will argue that she created a multi-billion dollar industry through hard work, determination and a sharp intuition for marketing. Ha! We all know the only reason she could do it is because she's a rude bitch, plain and simple.

If she is allowed to get away with this kind of thing, what does it say to the rest of the corporate community? What does it say to the men, those bastions of ethical behaviour and defenders of our God-fearing, honest way of life? After wiping out half a work force with offshore outsourcing and an underhanded takeover, is a man now to be greeted at the health club with high-fives instead of the traditional pelting with dirty sweat socks and hissing? Is this the kind of world we envision for nos enfants?

If this kind of behaviour is condoned, what next? Entire corporations collapsing? Fudged books and plundered pension plans? A stock market that makes a Six Flags roller coaster ride look like Sunday in the Lazy Boy with Field & Stream? Only $45,000 my ass! That bitch is a boil on the butt of Wall Street and she can't be lanced soon enough. If she doesn't see a few months of Manolo Blahnik shower sandals and cement walls, who will?

I've ripped the decoupage from my foot locker and burned my copy of Handmade Christmas. Time to put our collective foot down. And I say if it's going to start, let it start at the top.

Yours in Manhood,
LCol. H.G. Spectre