Jesus' General

Closing the thingy gap

Dear Mr. Small,

The exhibition of Rasputin's "not-so-little monk," by a Russian museum is nothing less than an all out assault on America's museum superiority. As the president of the Smithsonian, it is your duty to acquire a competing specimen immediately so that America may answer this challenge. Only then, may we stand erect as a tower of learning in the civilized world.

In order to demonstrate our superiority, we must choose a specimen with a similar history. Rasputin was a religious leader who was very influential in the court of the Czar. Many believe that he was evil and insane.

Bob Jones III of Bob Jones University looks like a close match to me. He's a man of God who has been very influential in shaping policy in the Bush Administration, and like Rasputin, many people think he's criminally insane. His "little segregationist" should serve nicely, although I suspect that it will need a tremendous amount of stretching.

Of course, the fact that he's still living, might complicate things, but I think a sizable donation to BJU might convince him to part with it before he passes on. I doubt that he uses it much.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

Thanks to reader Bill for the heads up.