Jesus' General

Dick's angel

The General felt tremendous shame when commenter Jaye alerted him to this story about the Virgin Mary's appearance on a countertop:

Some residents and employees at a Texas nursing home think they've gotten a gift from heaven.

Some people say they see the Virgin Mary in the kitchen counter.
At first, the stainless steel kitchen counter doesn't look like much, but after a closer look there appears to be some markings on it.

And some people say they see the Virgin Mary inside.

Nursing home officials say it's been there since last week.

This story caused me shame, because I, too, witnessed such a miracle and did not announce it to the world for fear that I would be ridiculed. I now understand that this was wrong. I had fallen asleep while guarding my soul, allowing Satan to tap dance in my psyche and do chug shuffles on my id.

I must make amends now by telling the world about my discovery.

I perform a ritual every night where I search for pictures of Deputy Leader Cheney, enlarge those I find, and take in their beauty pore by pore. It's a form of worship, really. It's a way I can feel closer to Jesus by immersing my self in the beauty of his work.

There's nothing wrong with it. It's not like I'm saying Dick is beautiful in the same way a lady is. It's a manly beauty--the kind of beauty real men can see in other manly men.

Anyway, I noticed a mole on Dick's forehead that I hadn't seen before. When I enlarged it, I saw the image of Gen. Curtis LeMay, the greatest warrior our country ever produced. He's an angel now, and he's on our Vice President's forehead.

It's the ultimate proof that our leaders were chosen by God.