Jesus' General

Eating Kareem

Dear Nestle Executives,

I applaud your Purina subsidiary's decision to contribute to the war against Islam by supporting WTKK talk show host Jay Severin through advertising. By aligning yourself with Severin, you have sent us the message that you share his belief that the forces of righteousness should band together to "kill all Muslims."

There is more that you can do to help us. Purina could place a picture of various animals attacking notable Muslims on it's labels. Imagine, if you will, a Purina One bag featuring a picture of a doberman ripping into Mohammed Ali's jugular or a Purina Monkey Chow label depicting a troop of capuchin monkeys feasting on Cat Stevens.

Your chocolate subsidiary could get into the act as well by creating a line of "Crusade Chocolates" shaped like famous Muslims. The television spots would write themselves. Picture this: a little girl giggles as she bites into a Kareem Abdul-Jabbar chocolate, its liquidy blood-red center dripping slowly from her chin. I can almost hear the cash registers ringing.

Thanks again for resisting the demands of the boycotters. Your support of Severin is appreciated by fans of genocide, everywhere. You'll definitely keep our business.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot