Help Me Reach 12 on the Manly Scale of Absolute Gender

If you like the patriotic work we're doing, please consider donating a few dollars. We could use it. (if asked for my email, use "")

Monday, September 20, 2004

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

It looks like Our Leader's warnings about a pre-election terrorist incident are having an effect. People are reporting possible terrorist threats at a rapid pace. That's good. It means that people are scared. A frightened electorate is an electorate that will put Our Leader back in the White House on election day.

Here's a short list of some of the suspected terrorist incidents that have occurred over the last few weeks.

Typewriters of the apocalypse:

Monday night several law enforcement agencies, including the FBI and Joint Terrorism Task Force, were brought in to investigate a "suspicious" package left outside the Prime Outlets Mall in the Town of Niagara.

As things turn out, the case was not filled with anything dangerous. Inside was an old, electronic typewriter.

White line fever

BOISE - It was meant to help a group of runners find their way through their course over the weekend, but the markings closed the front entrance of the Ada County Courthouse on Tuesday.

A hazardous materials team was called in to look at the suspicious powder after courthouse security notice the substance early in the morning.

After taping off and closing the area, it was determined the substance was flour.

Ada County Undersheriff Gary Raney said the powder was used by a running group to mark their trail through the area. He says there are no plans to charge the group.

You can spot a terrorist by his ninja outfit

Awhile back I reported on a Coast Guard's warning that people should report anyone they saw wearing ninja outfits around waterways. It appears that some American tourists took that message to heart. [Thanks to Tom Raworth for the tip]

A GROUP of teenagers dressed as ninjas sparked a security alert in the centre of Cambridge.

Ninja: Tourists in Al-Qaeda scare
Police were called in after an officer noticed the group dressed from head to toe in distinctive black Japanese warrior outfits.


Student Jon Whymark, who witnessed the drama unfold on Wednesday afternoon, said: "It was ridiculous to believe these kids were anything more than street performers.

"I was just dumfounded by the police response and the reaction of some American tourists who seemed to think Al-Qaeda were about to attack."

The personal items of death and destruction.

On Thursday, law enforcement agencies and the Idaho Transportation Department closed Interstate 84 east of Boise for several hours because it seemed they found a possible plot to deliver some kind of bomb to an East Coast city for the anniversary of 9/11.

It turned out there was no bomb and police are examining a box of personal items to see if there might be explosive residue.


The major four-lane highway connecting the east and west sides of the state was closed for six hours late Thursday when a truck driver reported suspicions about packages he was hauling. The driver was suspicious because the packages were picked up at an unusual time and location.

The lemons of wrath

Who would accuse innocent fruit of harboring weapons of mass destruction?


The Coast Guard interdicted the ship, carrying the $70,000 worth of lemons and millions of dollars worth of other goods as well, and held it 11 miles offshore for a week. The five containers holding the lemons were frozen to dampen the spread of any potential toxins, and examined to see whether they were leaking anything dangerous. The tests were negative, but once the ship was allowed to dock, U.S. officials ordered the lemons destroyed -- both as a final precaution and because the fruit at that point was ruined anyway.

Idle trucks are the devils workshop

WEST LAFAYETTE, Ind. -- Police evacuated three Purdue University buildings, including a day care center, on Friday as a bomb squad investigated a suspicious rental truck, which was later found to be harmless.


The truck was rented by a friend of a Purdue student, who parked it in the area, university spokesman Matt Holsapple said.

Osama flies coach

Passengers of a flight diverted to Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport last week are raising concerns about American Airlines' security procedures.

An unruly passenger prompted officials to divert American Flight 1773 from Fort Lauderdale, to Los Angeles was diverted to DFW on Friday.

Witnesses told Dallas-Fort Worth television station WFAA that the man was saying he was God and a friend of Osama bin Laden.

One passenger said the man took off his shirt, wrapped it around his head like a turban and shredded papers.

The retirees of revolution

Annette and Jim Baxter, both 64, are so angry at their treatment at the hands of American security officials they have vowed to never visit the US again.

On the final leg of a three-month world trip, they were stopped at Washington Dulles International Airport on July 16 for a search of their hand luggage and clothing.

Three days later at Eau Clair airport in Wisconsin, the pair were again stopped while catching a Northwest Airlines flight to Minneapolis. In front of fellow travellers, three security officials removed every item from their luggage and ran explosives tests while the anxious couple looked on.

Upset at the way precious keepsakes of their travels were being handled, the pair asked the officials to be more careful but received an angry response.

"I thought the man was going to hit me.

"They yelled at me, 'Step back and away, madam ? you don't touch anything'," Mrs Baxter said.

"We were treated like criminals."

But their ordeal didn't end and, after passing through the X-ray machines before boarding, the couple were again pulled aside for a body search which required Mrs Baxter to remove her shirt and shoes.

It was the final straw for the couple. On arrival at Minneapolis, the Baxters demanded an explanation and were told by an airline official their boarding passes had been stamped "SSSS".

"This meant we were to be treated as suspicious persons and to be fully searched at all airports," she said.

"I was dumbfounded. Two oldies from Brisbane, Australia, selected for a full search at all airports.

"We were on our retirement trip and had such a wonderful time, and then we were confronted by this in the US."

No comments:

Post a Comment

We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.