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Noticing the rise in the sales of lotion, Kleenex, laundry tokens, and Nerf footballs at the bookstore, University officials knew something was up. A short but thorough investigation yielded the culprit, an advertisement for "I can't...I'm Mormon" t-shirts. Acting quickly, BYU's Department of the Holy Inquisition commanded the paper to cease carrying the ads.
Things have now returned to normal in Zion. BYU students are again wildly dry-humping with the enthusiasm one expects from returned missionaries and aspiring baby machines. Some can even go for a full minute.
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We'll try dumping haloscan and see how it works.