Terrorists in the "T"

Donald R. Totaro
Lancaster County District Attorney

Dear Mr. Totaro,

I'm glad that you have not heeded the calls to exercise your prosecutorial discretion and, instead, decided to prosecute the Smoketown Six, the Frenchmen who defiled the conservative purity of the Pennsylvania T by committing an act so vile, I dare not write it out from memory for fear that I would profane the name of our Lord. Instead, I offer a quote from the notices of violation issued to them by the noble defenders of justice in East Lampeter Township:

A person is guilty of disorderly conduct if with the intent to cause public inconvenience or alarm or recklessly creating a risk thereof, he creates a hazardous or physically offensive condition by any act which serves no legitimate purpose of the actor. To wit: defendant did strip down to his underwear and build a human pyramid in protest of President Bush.

There will be those who cry, "what's the crime," and citing the Abu Gharib declarations of Rush, a man with talent on loan from God, they'll ask, "was not their act a simple fraternity prank?"

Pay no attention to them, for they fail to understand the difference. The six wore underwear. Fratboys and prisoners do it naked. Their little soldiers touch the flesh, and perhaps even the buttocks, of another. It is a humiliating experience for them, but it is also an introduction into the ancient Spartan rite of soldiering.

Indeed, by introducing them to these ancient warrior ways, those who command the fratboys and prisoners to participate are welcoming them into their society. The six did it for fun, and by wearing underwear, failed to go all of the way. Theirs was not an act of brotherhood, rather, it was an insult hurled at Our Leader and by extension, those of us who love America.

Thank you again for your resolute prosecution of these vermin. I'm sure Our Leader and Pastor General Ashcroft are smiling upon you.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Thanks to my friend M., the Scourge of Lancaster County, for the tip.