Debate prep

We have to be on our toes for tonight's debate. It's very probable that Our Furious Leader will go into a violent fit of rage, pull a piece from his waistband, and shoot Bob Schieffer. We can't prevent it from happening--killing is how Our Leader deals with frustration. We can, however, try to put a positive spin on it. I've created the following talking points to help you do just that.

• Our Leader suspected that Schieffer had a weapon of mass destruction in his pocket.
• Zell would have called Our Leader a pussy if he hadn't defended the family honor.
• Sure, Our Leader killed a respected journalist on national TV, but Kerry forgot Poland. The liberal media is showing its bias by not reporting that too.
• Did you see that perfect military style shooting stance?
• Hey, didn't the terrorist threat level just go to red?
• Yes, it's true that no one found WsMD in his pockets, but he had weapons of mass destruction program related activities stuffed in his sock.
• You may have noticed that the handgun he used was a .50 cal. Desert Eagle Mark XIX. It's the most powerful handgun in the world. You can tell a lot about a man by the caliber of his gun.
• Schieffer is a French name, isn't it?.
• Our Leader isn't afraid to exercise his God-given Second Amendment rights on the campaign trail.
• Klinton did it with the pipe wrench in the billiard room.
• Two words, "Kennebunkport Candidate." Arrest Barbara. She made him do it.
• He's going to lower your taxes!
• OK, so Schieffer didn't actually have weapons of mass destruction program related activities stuffed in his sock. He was thinking about getting them.