A breakfast burrito too far

Superintendent Rickey Hooker
School of Excellence in Education

Dear Superintendent Hooker,

Discipline! That's what this nation needs. Thank God there are men like you around to provide it. The work you're doing at your charter school is God's work. I pray that you'll continue to wield your terrible paddle of orderliness--"Ole Thunder" as you call it--for many years to come.

I've read about the lawsuit your school faces. I agree with your principal's decision to paddle an 18 year old female student for buying a breakfast burrito. It was the right thing to do. God knows what kind of chaos could have resulted had she actually consumed it.

I think your problem lies in the way the punishment was conducted. According to the Express-News, two school officials bent the young woman over while the principal beat her butt with Ole Thunder until it was raw and bloody. At one point the wicked little scofflaw took a blow to her hand when she tried to protect her backside. That's where the mistake was made. A professional would have handcuffed her hands to her ankles and avoided the tale-tale hand injury. You should think about hiring one. I'm sure that there are many former Abu Gharib and Guantanamo interrogators looking for that kind of work.

Heterosexually yours,

Gen. JC Christian, patriot